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"Do you want to fuck me?" Jamie asks Roy in the middle of the fruit and veg section at Tesco.
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
08 Sep 2026
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"So you get off on beating me up, do you?" Jamie's nose is starting to bleed again. He licks it off his lip. "Is that why you've been bullying me all this time? Getting your rocks off?"
He tilts his cheek up, daring Roy to slap it again, and gets what he's asked for. Roy keeps to the same cheek, wanting to see the difference between the two as it pinks up. It's fucking sublime, it's fucking art, like a torn-up rose, like that painting that shredded itself right after being sold, like Roy's fucking knee. Nothing's perfect until it's not anymore.
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
08 Sep 2026
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Of course Roy's not the only person ever to have a thing for Jamie's arse. Obviously. Jamie's arse is fucking legendary. It has three fan clubs and at least two stalkers creepy enough for the letters to be on file with the police. Roy's not the only person ever to fuck it, either—Jamie was everybody's gay experiment back at the academy, and his dating history has featured several women with impressive toy collections. He's well-acquainted with the wonders of the prostate.
But Roy is different. Everyone else Jamie has banged was interested in his arse as part of a larger appreciation for his whole body—like a side dish, or one option in a buffet. For Roy, it turns out, Jamie's arse is emphatically the main course.
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
08 Sep 2026
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"Just realised the gaffer don't pat me bum, like, ever. Pep did it all the time."
Roy shrugs. "Americans. They think it's fucking sexual harassment or some shit."
Jamie makes a face like what the fuck. "It's nice, though," he says. "Like a little 'good lad' without having to speak, y'know? I like it." He takes a swig of water and bounces on the balls of his feet, awaiting further instructions.
"Then I'll stop fucking doing it," Roy grumps, but they both know he doesn't mean it.
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
08 Sep 2026
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It's almost—almost—a relief. It's been exhausting, all the ducking and dodging and repressing. That's over, now that Jamie knows how soft the inside of Roy's bottom lip feels against his tongue. There's no repressing anymore, there's no denial. He's in fucking love, can't be helped. In a way, it feels nice to let go of his hangups and just accept it.
In another way, a much more immediate way, it feels like hot shit.
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
08 Sep 2026
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"Hi, someone left a key for—oh, thanks." Jamie takes the little envelope and turns around, pulling up Grindr to message that he's arrived.
Roy is standing behind him.
Jamie slaps his phone screen against his chest to hide the app and tries not to panic. "The fuck are you doing here?" he asks, to give himself time to come up with his own answer to that question.
"Getting laid," says Roy, because of course he fucking does.
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
08 Sep 2026
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"You never speak when you're gagging for my dick," Roy notices.
Jamie shrugs as he unzips Roy's trousers. "What's there to fucking say?"
"You could ask for it," suggests Roy. "Beg me for it. Tell me how much you want it."
"I hate your fucking guts so fucking much," Jamie says, and swallows his cock.
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
08 Sep 2026
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Roy isn't supposed to know that Jamie likes wearing lacy knickers.
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
08 Sep 2026
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He does recognise that if he were a different kind of person, there's an opportunity here to just pretend that IKEA entertainment centers are his kink. However, Roy Kent is not that person. "I hired you by mistake."
Jamie blinks. "What?"
"Needed a hand with a furniture thing, didn't notice what the site was really for."
"Didn't notice..." Jamie stares at him. "But you paid... and there's a picture of a guy licking—"
"All right," Roy snaps.
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
08 Sep 2026
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Jamie knows the exact date of the last time he got off thinking about Roy Kent spanking him red. It was the night before he met Roy Kent. He knows this because before they met, he'd been getting off to that fantasy every night he'd spent by himself since age fourteen.
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
07 Sep 2026
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Roy loads the stupid pink leopard thing into Keeley's car, carefully wrapping a stray hoodie around its head to keep its stupid little porcelain ears from getting chipped on its journey to her new life. He takes the plane tickets out of his jacket pocket and stares at them for a moment. Then he stomps back inside, plants his feet in the middle of the lobby, and bellows, "TARTT!"
Jamie's naked top half pops out of the doorway to the gym. "Yeah, Coach?"
Roy tucks the tickets back into his jacket and says, "Let's fucking go."
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
07 Sep 2026
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A collection of vignettes covering Jamie and Roy's first season at Richmond, assuming they'd both signed in 2016 instead of when they actually did within canon, assuming Mannion had been too cheap to sort Jamie's housing properly and had him live with Roy instead, and assuming they'd both eventually realized they were horrifically gay for each other.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 54,246
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 14
- Kudos:
- 59
- Bookmarks:
- 13
- Hits:
- 945
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
05 Sep 2026
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Roy doesn’t want to shag Jamie.
Sure, maybe Roy sometimes catches himself admiring more than just Jamie’s form as they train in the mornings, or standing closer than he needs to after Jamie’s sweat through his scent blocker and his sweet omega scent bleeds through. And, fine, maybe Roy nearly lost his mind at the cloying scent of pre-heat clinging to Jamie during the week he took his annual break from his suppressants, and spent the three days of Jamie’s heat having to remind himself that it would be extremely inappropriate to jog by Jamie’s house just to make sure there were no unsavoury alphas skulking about.
Okay, so maybe Roy does want to shag Jamie a bit.
OR: in which alpha!Roy and omega!Jamie court, fall in love, and fuck. Just not necessarily in that order.
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
02 Sep 2026
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Roy Kent does not acquire a prison bitch on purpose.
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
01 Sep 2026
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Roy Kent agrees to one final match, one short speech and absolutely no emotional bullshit.
Then Jamie Tartt arrives at Stamford Bridge carrying the Chelsea shirt Roy thought he had lost twenty years ago, along with rather too much knowledge about the man Roy used to be.
Roy can handle fifteen minutes of football, forty thousand people chanting his name and an entire stadium discussing his legacy. Jamie looking at him like he still matters is a different fucking problem.
or Roy Kent has spent years teaching Jamie Tartt how to become a better footballer. Unfortunately, Jamie has spent even longer being in love with him.
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Roy Kent transferred out of Chelsea without so much as a warning, preferring to slink away to third-rate Richmond with his tail between his legs than confront the sundowning of his career. Embittered and disillusioned turned out to be just the frame of mind for encountering a young hustler trying to scam his way into Roy's bank account. Pre-series AU.
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"It's a perfectly valid erotic identity, Shawn!"
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
23 Aug 2026
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Daeron unconsciously mimics his mother and Aerion is all on that.
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how to lose a targaryen in a hundred days or less by Anonymous
Fandoms: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms (TV), A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms
30 Mar 2026
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Duncan the Tall had been pardoned in the eyes of Gods and men. He had expected to return back to the roads, to leave the violet eyes of Targaryens behind, and to live the rest of his ignoble life in search of coin and service.
Instead, a bloodied and beaten Aerion Targaryen stood in his way and refused to be moved.
“Marry me,” he said, and Duncan could see that the pearly whites of his teeth had turned red. “Marry me, Ser Duncan, or risk insulting a dragon twice.”
Duncan had turned pale with shock then red with rage. It hadn’t mattered in the end because one did not insult a dragon twice.
“If it pleases you, my Prince,” Duncan had said smiling. It was hardly pleasant.
I’m going to make you wish you were dead.
Series
- Part 1 of elm and dragon fire
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jus primae noctis by Anonymous
Fandoms: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms (TV), A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms
13 Apr 2026
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It is a rare honor for a king to attend a commoner's wedding, so when the beloved King Baelor Targaryen arrives at Dunk's wedding feast, all the attendees are delighted. That is until the dragon king exerts his right to the bride's first night.
Or AU where the right of the first night was never abolished and Baelor claims Dunk's wedding night.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,212
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 29
- Kudos:
- 484
- Bookmarks:
- 102
- Hits:
- 5,145
Bookmarked by felonywaffles
05 Aug 2026