Work Text:
Dean resisted the urge to hold out a hand and steady his friend as they trudged up the grassy hill on the cusp of nightfall. He didn't care what Cas said; the guy was still struggling with the whole resurrection thing, and it definitely showed. There was a subtle limp to his walk now, a stiffness in his joints and a tightness in his expression that made Dean wince with every step.
He grinded his teeth to refrain from wrapping an arm around the ex-angel before his knees could buckle and send him tumbling backwards on his ass. Cas hated it when Dean smothered him too much - he'd made that abundantly clear - but that didn't stop Dean's breath from catching every time Cas so much as stumbled over a loose stone in the ground. It was just the protective older brother in him; that, and the fact that Cas had a habit of dying like it was going out of fashion. He was bound to worry, goddamit!
"Watch it there," he gently squeezed Cas' shoulder, steering him aside to avoid a raised lump of earth in front of them. He cursed himself for doing it again, for treating Cas like a baby in a grown man's body, but looking after the people he cared about was just instinctive to him. He couldn't help it.
"Sorry," he grumbled.
Cas huffed a laugh and shook his head, sliding a hand through Dean's looped arm with a shrug. "It's okay, Dean. I'm actually quite tired."
"You sure you're gonna make it? We could still take the Impala, ya know?"
"But then we'd miss out on the view," Cas pressed his lips together, a familiar shadow of guilt and frustration falling over his face, then heaved a heavy sigh. "I… I can do it. But I may need your assistance."
"Say no more," Dean bit back a smile as he tightened his grip around Cas' arm. "C'mon, old timer… Let's get you to the top before they start without us."
Dean tried not to notice how Cas leaned against his side as the path got steeper, or how his fingers curled around Dean's wrist for stability - or maybe just reassurance - when the ground beneath their feet turned bumpy with uneven rocks and dead plants. He used his other hand to press against the small of Cas' back, with just enough force to guide him in the right direction without being too pushy.
"You good?" he asked as they reached the top, slightly taken aback by the roughness of his voice. He cleared his throat and added: "We can sit down for a sec, catch a breather if ya want?"
Cas bent his head and swallowed thickly. "We're late as it is, Dean…"
"They're just fireworks," Dean rubbed soothing circles against Cas' back, breathing life back into his tired muscles. "And you ain't gonna see any from the grave if you keep pushing yourself too hard like this."
"I'm fine, Dean."
"You got stabbed by the frickin' devil, you idiot."
"I've recovered," Cas straightened his back with a crunch, as if to prove it. "And as I'm now human for the foreseeable future, I'd like to start acting like one."
Dean scratched his chin, glancing around at the inky black shadows snaking through the trees. "You've got nothing to prove, ya know?" he dropped his head to Cas' eye level. "If you wanna sit this one out, I won't mind. We can come back next year, try the whole 'traditional' thing some other time."
"It's the Fourth of July," Cas gave Dean a pointed look. "Sam's hunting with your mother, Jody's looking after the girls… All you have is me. I know I'm not much, but -"
"Hey," Dean couldn't stop himself from brushing his knuckles against Cas' cheek. "Don't say that."
Cas smiled softly, but the sharp lines and dark smudges beneath his eyes just made him look in pain. Dean wished he could wipe away the past few months and restore Cas to the badass angel he used to be; he hated seeing his friend like this, so tired and powerless… He'd been a human his whole life - he was used to constantly feeling mundane - but Cas was still adjusting to a graceless existence. What the hell could Dean possibly do to make that hurt any less? Dragging the poor guy through the woods and up a hill in the middle of the night wasn't what he'd had in mind, that's for sure.
"My apologies," Cas looked away, suddenly bashful. "I didn't mean to make you feel sorry for me, I just… I'm having a difficult time processing all of these… feelings."
Dean chuckled. "Being human kinda sucks, doesn't it?"
"Not at all," Cas' expression flooded with warmth, eyes turning soft as they settled on Dean's face. "Sometimes, feeling is quite incredible."
Dean didn't know how to respond to that, so all he did was blink. It was the distant pop and crackle of fireworks that snapped him out of his stupor, a brief flash of red and blue igniting in Cas' eyes as the ex-angel gasped at something over Dean's shoulder. He only had to throw a quick glance behind him to see why Cas was so enthralled; a thousand neon sparkles were scribbling the night sky, showering down from the heavens and fading soundlessly into the darkness.
"Pretty cool, huh?" Dean turned back to grin at Cas, but the smile instantly fell from his face. Cas was staring, watery-eyed, at the fireworks playing in the distance, mouth slightly agape as he bunched his fist in the front of Dean's shirt. He looked caught between mesmerised and devastated, and Dean's heart thudded painfully at the sight. He'd wanted to introduce Cas to some human traditions, to make the hand he'd been dealt seem a little less crappy, but now he'd gone and made the guy cry instead.
"Cas…" his throat rippled as he cupped one side of his friend's face. "Hey, buddy… You okay?"
Cas tried to laugh, but the sound came out strangled and hoarse. "I'm fine, Dean. I'm more than fine, I'm… I'm so happy right now, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself."
Dean caught a stray tear with his thumb and pulled Cas against his chest. "Just watch the fireworks, Cas. That's all you've gotta do."
They spent over an hour doing just that, legs dangling over the edge of the hill as the world danced in shades of red and blue before them. The music rolled with the wind towards their spot, and Dean found himself tapping his foot to some godawful pop song as the American flag burst in the sky above them. Cas didn't say a word, just rested his head against Dean's shoulder and sighed happily as he watched the fireworks. Even with the stars in the sky, the summer air was still warm against his skin, but Dean pretended he was chilly in order to wrap his arms around Cas' body without rousing suspicion. He buried his nose in the thick tufts of Cas' hair, dragged his lips and teeth down his neck, and breathed in the smell of his best friend as best as he could. If some bastard were to snatch this all away from him tomorrow, he wanted to remember everything about this moment.
"Me and Sam set off our own fireworks once," Dean told him, for no particular reason. "I think I was seventeen or something, still just a kid. I took us somewhere quiet… Away from it all, ya know? I just wanted to give him something special to remember."
Cas lifted his head to look him in the eye. "You went there in your heaven."
"Yeah," he smiled now, fiddling with the stupid lapels of Cas' trenchcoat. "Yeah, I did. It was a good night."
"So is this," Cas rubbed his cheek against Dean's shoulder and hummed. "I think I'd like to live in this moment for all of eternity. This would be a nice heaven."
Dean could hardly breath as he ran a hand through Cas' hair, gently undoing all the knots as Cas started to play idly with Dean's fingers. He dared to press his lips against Cas' jawline, where the guy could clearly feel what it was - a kiss - then hooked his chin over Cas' shoulder and opened his mouth.
"I don't want you to go," he whispered. "Shit, Cas… When I thought you were dead, I… I've never felt so fucking empty before in my life."
Cas shushed him with a smile. "I'm okay, Dean. I'm alive."
"But for how long? Until the next big bad decides to rock up and take you away from me again?"
"I'm not going anywhere."
"We don't get to make those choices, Cas."
"This is my home," Cas reached up to touch Dean's face, smiling again when Dean didn't stop him or push him away. "I intend to stay here for as long as possible… For as long as you'll have me."
Dean grabbed Cas' hand and kissed his palm, keeping his eyes fixed on Cas' face the whole time; he wanted to make sure the guy understood what it meant, what he was trying to say here. The last thing he needed right now was another lack of communication. They'd suffered too many years of that crap already.
"You're not well," he breathed against the tips of Cas' fingers. "I wanna take care of you, Cas. I wanna make sure you're happy for once."
"I am happy, Dean."
"You live in a secret bunker with a couple of washed up hunters and their mommy… What the hell could you possibly be happy about?"
Cas shook his head. "You know I love you, Dean."
"Don't say that…"
"But you know it's true. I've loved you and your brother for many years now, but you're the one I think about constantly… You're the one I'm in love with."
"You don't even know what that means, Cas. I don't even know what that means!"
Cas scooted closer, until he was practically sitting on Dean's lap, and drew a line with his nose down the side of Dean's face, stopping to plant a soft, feather light kiss against his chin. "It means that I've seen you at your worst, and you at mine, and we're still both here, regardless of it all."
"We're too screwed up for each other, Cas."
"Maybe that's why it works."
"I think if I let myself love you, I might just turn crazy with it…"
"I don't mind," Cas rested their foreheads together, eyes never leaving Dean's wavering gaze. "I'm human now, Dean. I have an expiration date just like you… It seems silly to waste the time we have, especially after everything we've gone through to get to this very moment."
Dean closed his eyes, shutting out the soft, gooey, and all too real look on Cas' face. "You don't wanna be with me, Cas. You might think you do, but you don't. Trust me."
"I love you, and you love me."
"I never -"
"Don't try and lie to me," Cas coaxed his eyes open with a fluttering breath. "You've never been able to do that to me, Dean."
"I'm trying to spare you, man!"
"I don't need to be spared," Cas ghosted his lips against Dean's throat, smiling at the slight hitch in his breath. "I chose this, Dean. If falling from heaven were a literal term, I would've jumped straight from the clouds to be with you like this… In any way possible."
Dean ducked his head until their lips were almost touching. "Then you're an idiot."
"Maybe so, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm in love with you… Neither will ignoring it."
"Cas, I -"
"We both deserve happiness, Dean. This is it."
"I don't wanna hurt you."
"I believe that's part of the process," Cas pressed their lips together, still smiling as he pulled away again. "We hurt each other, because we trust each other to stay." Another kiss. "Because love is painful." Another. "Because we lean on each other to share the brunt of this tiring life, to make every day a little less difficult."
Dean clung to Cas' coat and captured his lips again. "I might go off the rails sometimes… I might flirt with some girl, or say something stupid, or try to push you away..."
"I know," Cas ran a finger down the length of Dean's nose, letting it drop to the darkened flesh of his lower lip. "And I'll still be here."
"But… But I -"
"I'm not going anywhere, Dean. I'm here for good this time," Cas watched another firework rocket into the sky, and smiled. "The Fourth of July is all about independence, about making choices for yourself, and this is my choice. I choose you, Dean Winchester. I always have, and I always will."
Dean scoffed, if only to distract Cas from the blush now burning his cheeks. "Such a sap…"
"I assume you agree to this then."
"To what?"
"To finally be happy," Cas palmed the back of his neck and brought their faces closer together. "To be free."
Dean answered with a kiss, warm and soft like the summer months ahead. They laughed, and they talked, and they sat, watching the fireworks, and then the stars, and then each other. Cas was human, so he drifted off fast, cocooned in Dean's arms with his trenchcoat bunched around his waist; even in the summer, he insisted on carrying that old thing around like a souvenir, a reminder of the good old times… Or maybe these were the good times now. Lucifer was gone, so were the Brits, and business was back at a slow, comfortable pace. Things were the most peaceful they'd been since before the apocalypse, and Dean honestly didn't know how to deal with that. It was like this life he never knew he was entitled to had suddenly been dropped into his lap - quite literally, if you considered the ex-angel currently curled up against his chest with a lazy smile touching his lips.
"I'm gonna try real hard," he murmured softly, not wanting to wake Cas after all the sleepless nights he'd had recently. "I'm gonna do everything I can to make you happy."
Cas smacked his lips together, grumbled in his sleep, then wound his arms impatiently around Dean's waist, pulling him impossibly closer.
"I love you," Dean pressed a kiss against his forehead, closing his eyes to the distant sounds of late-night parties and fireworks still crackling in the sky a few miles away. He caught a whiff of cheeseburgers and grinned, reminding himself to snag Cas a few before the night was out. But for now, he was quite content to just sit here and listen, to be on the side-lines without feeling guilty for once in his life, to be free.
"Happy Fourth of July, Cas."