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Sole tried to focus on the book in her hands, but she couldn’t stop wondering when Nick would come back. He hadn’t told her where he was going; he just walked out and said he would be back soon. But she had a notion of what drew him away.
Heavy rain struck the tin roof of the Valentine Detective Agency. Thunder rang out with a hollow reverberation. Sole narrowed her eyes at the page, but her mind wandered elsewhere.
Then the front door opened. Nick stepped in, shaking the water from his coat.
“Boy, it’s really coming down out there,” he said.
“You must be soaked,” Sole said. “You okay?”
He laughed and rolled his eyes.
“I’ve told you before, the rain doesn’t hurt me,” he said. “And to head off the next question, I don’t attract lightning, either.”
“All those sealants are still working, then?”
“Yes, yes. I appreciate the concern, but I’m fine.”
“You can’t blame me for worrying. Most people don’t have a gaping hole in their neck.”
“Makes me handsome.”
“Sure. Soon every guy in Diamond City will be sporting one.”
“God forbid.”
He smirked and took off his coat. Sole hung it up for him. She caught sight of an especially large drop of water rolling down his cheek.
“Nick—Nick, hang on, don’t move.”
“What is it?”
“You've got a little something there, let me get it.”
Sole reached up and brushed away the drop with her thumb. The patch of skin beneath was noticeably lighter than the rest. She glanced at her thumb to find a gray smudge covering the print.
“Good grief, when was the last time you washed?” She said.
“Well I—” he thought for a moment, “When was the last time it rained?”
“Oh Nick,” she scoffed. “You remember to smoke, but not to take care of yourself?”
“Listen, some habits stick around and others fall by the wayside.”
“Uh-huh.”
She went to Ellie’s desk and emptied out her bowl of paper clips, then refilled it with water from her canteen. She patted the desk.
“Have a seat, detective,” she said.
Nick considered her for a moment.
“Is this an interrogation?” He said.
“No, it’s maintenance.”
“I can do my own maintenance.”
“Will you just let me take care of you a little bit? It’s the least you can do after scaring me the other day. Now sit.”
"Oh, fine."
He did so. Sole snatched the hat from his head and put it on her own.
“For safekeeping,” she explained. “I’ll need it out of my way.”
She dipped a clean rag in the water and squeezed it out, then set to work cleaning away the haze on his temple. She could feel the heat radiating from his chest. They hadn’t been this close since his recovery in Dr. Amari’s office. She struggled to ignore the faster rhythm of her heart.
Tell him, she thought.
The idea made her want to run and hide. Of course she had to tell him of her feelings eventually, but she would wait for the right moment.
“So what were you doing out there, anyway?” She said.
“Looking for a 1860 copy of Ben Hur.”
“With duplications?”
“Naturally,”
“You were checking up on Ellie, weren’t you?”
“I just don’t trust that fella she’s with. He’s new to the city. I haven’t had a chance to find out anything about him yet. Tried to keep a low profile, but she spotted me.”
“It must be hard to hide when your eyes glow. But it serves you right for snooping. She can handle a guy like that.”
“Just making sure that young man behaves himself.”
“She’s been hanging around you too long to let anyone mess with her. Besides, she’s packing heat. I saw her slip a pistol in her bag before she left.”
“Maybe she has learned a thing or two,” he smirked.
“Not that she needs it with her guardian toaster around,” she said with a wry smile.
“Is that so? You think I didn’t notice that empty holster on your hip? If anything is guarding Ellie, it’s an ice cube.”
“Well aren’t we a pair, and ice cube and a toaster. Together we’ll electrocute anyone who crosses us.”
“You know, I’m not exactly comforted by the fact that you don’t trust the guy either.”
“A girl can't be too careful. Now hold still, I don’t want to splash you.”
She steadied him by holding his jaw with her free hand. His eyes flicked to hers, then to her hand, then away. She wondered if the touch made him uncomfortable. Why would it, she wondered, after what happened at the Memory Den? She resolved to ask him anyway, but the time it took to think it over was too long, and the right moment passed. She made a mental note to be more attentive in the future.
“What were you reading when I came in?” he said.
The question startled Sole from her thoughts. She struggled for a moment to remember.
“‘Ligeia,’” she said.
“On a night like tonight? That’s a sure way to get a nightmare.”
“I don’t really get those anymore.”
“Because being awake is worse, huh?”
She let out a breath. She had never quite put it into words before.
“Yeah,” she said. Before the impending silence could set in, she added, “Living in the Wasteland… you might say that ‘it requireth courage stout.’”
She cast him an expectant look. He paused a moment in thought, then joined in the game.
“How does it go...‘Souls above doubt,’” he quoted.
“‘Valor unbending.’”
“‘It shall reward—’”
“‘They shall return.’”
He let his eyes fall shut as she washed his brow.
“‘More than they were, and ever ascending,’” he said, his voice soft.
She began brushing away the dust on his cheek, shifting her hand to support the back of his neck. She immediately wished she hadn’t. Her heart skipped a beat at the contact. Then she remembered herself.
“I forget the rest, but—Is this okay?” she added quickly.
"Is what okay?"
"Holding you like this."
“Sure, sure.” he said, his eyes still closed.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. His whole form seemed to sag with fatigue, as if he had just set down a heavy load and could finally rest.
“There it is,” she murmured.
“Hmm?”
“Finally got you to relax. You’re wound up too tight, Mr. Valentine.”
“A clock won’t work if it isn’t wound tight.”
“I refuse to believe there’s a single bit of clockwork in your body.”
“I might surprise you.”
“I’ll believe that when I see it.”
“At least buy me dinner first.”
Sole blushed.
“That’d be a waste of caps,” she quipped.
She dipped the rag in the water again. The sound of the droplets returning to the dish filled the room.
“This is nice, though,” Nick said.
“What, this?” she touched the cloth to his chin.
“Call me crazy, but yeah. A lot of folk won’t even so much as shake my hand, so you can imagine how—” he seemed to catch himself. “I don’t know. Not sure what I was getting at.”
Sole remembered how he reacted to their embrace in Dr. Amari’s office. He hadn’t pushed her away immediately—he had even held her to him. And she did not believe for a second that he did so just because he was cold. There was something more. There had to be.
“...That you miss being touched?” she said.
He started to speak, then hesitated. The silence gripped her with terror.
“Maybe,” he said at last. “Not that I can admit that while keeping up this tough-guy appearance.”
“I won’t tell,” she chuckled.
She had heard all she needed.
Before she could stop herself, she took a half-step closer. Her hand moved along his jaw, coming to rest on the side of his face. His eyes were still closed. Then he tilted his head slightly—not away from her, as she feared, but toward her touch. He reached a hand up and pressed hers to him. Her heart beat at an almost painful speed. He was so near to her now. She brushed the rag over his lips, then let it fall, continuing with just the tip of her thumb. He took a shuddering breath. She let the space between them fade almost to nothing.
At the last moment, he turned away. Then he took her wrist and gently removed her hand from his face.
“I need to talk to you about something,” he said.
She backed away, teetering on her feet as though the floor had been ripped out from under her. In an instant, Sole knew she had made a fool of herself.
“What is it?” she said.
“Listen, I—” he ran a hand over his scalp, “damn it, there’s no good way to say this.”
Sole felt herself begin to tremble.
“Don’t leave me hanging, Nick,” she said.
A soft look filled his eyes, but it was not affection. It was pity.
“Alright,” he said. “I don’t want to hurt you, I really don’t. But whatever almost happened just now—”
Sole held up her hand. She had tried to keep her voice steady, but it betrayed her.
“You don’t have to say it,” she said.
She turned to leave the room. She didn’t want him to see the tears forming in her eyes.
“Now wait a minute—hang on,” he took her arm, keeping her in place.
“Please, Nick.”
“I don’t want to leave things like this.”
“Let me go.”
“Try to understand—”
“I do understand. You take your scotch neat.”
He met her eyes.
“Please, just hear me out. It’s not about you,” he sighed and looked at the floor. “It’s about Jennifer. This—whatever this is—it feels like betrayal.”
Just hearing that name twisted her stomach. Defeat overwhelmed her. She nodded.
“I see,” she said.
He tried to catch her glance again, but she could not look at him.
“I hope everything will still be okay between us,” he said.
She took off his hat and placed it back on his head.
“Of course,” she said with as much of a smile as she could manage.
Before he could say anything else, she turned and left through the front door. She didn’t tell him where she was going or when she would be back. She didn’t know, herself. Sole tried to focus on the boardwalk beneath her feet, but she couldn’t stop wondering how long she would have to hide her tears in the rain.