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1.
When Ronan had been young- maybe eight or nine- he and Declan had sat outside on the porch stairs and tried to count the stars. Declan had told him that he read somewhere that it’s impossible to count all the stars and they wanted to try and prove it wrong because they thought it was bullshit- they were idiot kids like that.
They had stayed there for almost an hour before they had grown too tired. Ronan had complained to Declan that it was so hard because the stars were too far; if they had been closer like the cows in the fields, they could have counted them. Declan had let him know how stupid he thought that was by pointing out that there hardly twenty or thirty cows while the stars were in billions. Ronan hadn't known how much that was so he hadn't replied.
Now, he sat a few seats behind Adam in Latin, watching the freckles on the back of his neck, and he wondered if they could be counted or if they were infinite too. This time, it wasn't childish naivety, but something else curdling deep in his gut that he wasn't going to name.
At first, Adam was just the new quiet student that became the one redeeming quality of school. Ronan would sneak glances at him in the classes they shared. He would see him pass by in the halls, with his eyes resolutely not catching anyone’s.
Then one fateful day, Gansey came to Monmouth with the glint in his eyes similar to when he would talk of Glendower and introduced him as Adam Parrish. Ronan already knew that, just like he knew that Adam fiddled with his hands sometimes, or that he bit his thumbnail during tests, or that before raising his hand to answer something, he would do this thing where he would keep his arm already on the table and tense his shoulders like some fucking cowboy shit where he had to attack with the answers- it definitely wasn't endearing.
However Ronan's inability to know what to do with his feelings added with the jealousy over Gansey making a new friend led to the disastrous combination of the Asshole Ronan Lynch ™.
But Adam wasn't just anyone. His response to Ronan's antagonism ranged from arguing back to cold remarks to outright ignoring him. And slowly, they fell into a begrudging friendship.
---
2.
“Bitch,” Ronan said as he hit his head against the light hanging over the table. The others laughed at him and he scowled at them before settling in the booth.
He stretched his arm to rest it on the back of the seat and only then did realise that Adam was on the same side of the booth as him. Usually it was him and Noah on one end and Adam and Gansey on the other, but Noah and Gansey seemed in a discussion about some documentary Gansey had watched.
Fuck.
Should Ronan move his arm now? But that would just look awkward and Adam’s didn't seem to notice, even as he shifted and his shoulders brushed against it.
Ronan let out his breath slowly, careful not to move his arm an inch.
Adam turned to look up at him, eyes reflecting the lights of the diner. “You’re quiet,” he commented. “Did your last brain cells fall out with that?”
“Fuck off,” Ronan said, rolling his eyes.
This close he could see the freckles on Adam’s nose and cheek clearly. There was a cluster under his right eyes of maybe five and around them they were a bit lighter. Six. Seven. Eight-
Adam’s face turned away as he looked towards the counter. Ronan followed his gaze towards the short waitress that was wearing bits and pieces of what looked like at least three shirts, and had too many pins still not enough to hold her unruly hair. Ronan watched as Adam turned back to Gansey and Noah and made a passable attempt at listening to them before he glanced towards her again.
Ronan’s stomach churned more with every glance. Was she his girlfriend? He had never mentioned her but he was private about a lot of things so who knew? But wouldn't they greet each other then or at least smile or nod or whatever shit it was that couples who were private about their relationship did?
Or she could be his crush too. Ronan couldn’t remember if he had seen her when they had came here last time but now that he thought about it, that time had been a bit of disaster due to Gansey offering to pay for the pizza and him and Adam getting into an argument about it; so it wasn’t like Adam had time to stare at her or Ronan had time to, well, stare at Adam staring at her.
Ronan held back a frustrated sigh when Adam turned his face yet again, making Ronan lose count. Couldn't he at least be more subtle and not turn his whole head? You could glance at someone without moving your head, Jesus fuck.
And because he was an asshole and also stupid, he said, “That your girlfriend, Parrish?” And without realizing, brought the entire table’s attention to that.
“Ooh who?” Noah asked, looking around with no subtlety whatsoever.
“She’s not,” Adam hissed at Ronan, cheeks turning red from probably embarrassment rather than anger for once. It was a nice look on him.
Noah, somehow having seen who it was, said, “Oh she is really cute!”
And Adam, instead of disagreeing like he usually would have, rubbed the back of his neck and mumbled, “Well, I mean yeah...”
Under the table, Ronan’s fists clenched. Fuck he should have never opened his damn mouth.
“Oh do you like her?” Gansey said, joining Noah now. “You should talk to her!”
“I'm not gonna do that,” Adam said, shaking his head quickly.
“Oh I can do it for you!” At that moment, Gansey bizarrely reminded Ronan of how the Barns cats would perk up when they saw something. He was more of a golden retriever right now though.
“What, Gansey, no. That's not-” Adam’s eyes widened as Gansey got up. “Gansey,” he whispered furiously, but Gansey wasn't listening. “Fuck,” Adam said emphatically, burying his face in his hands. He should swear more often.
“Well shit,” Noah said as they watched the girl’s frown turn deeper with every passing second Gansey spent talking to her.
“Yeah shit,” Ronan said, grinning in anticipation. Only Gansey could turn this hilarious somehow.
He was proven right when seconds later she yelled, “I'm not a prostitute!”
---
3.
Ronan watched Adam push the shopping cart, staring at the bags inside like they had the answers to all his questions. He was doing this a lot lately; zoning out while the others were talking, eyes fixed on nothing in particular. The worst thing was that Ronan didn't know if this was because of everything that had happened- Adam losing the hearing in his one ear, having to take more shifts to pay the rent- or the other thing which they didn't talk about: him sacrificing himself to Cabeswater. That happening hardly a day after Adam left the trailer meant that sometimes it was hard to know if his zoning out or jolting at sudden things was because of his deafness or the result of Cabeswater doing something or the memories of years of abuse. It made Ronan feel helpless in the worst way.
He couldn't do anything about the sacrifice with Cabeswater because they didn’t know exactly what it entailed, he had done the bit with the rent which Adam reasonably thought was Gansey, and after a rare use of his phone to research on single sided deafness, he made sure to be conscious of things like sudden or loud sounds, standing on Adam’s right side, and noticing if his migraines were getting too bad. But none of that would be enough. Adam had fracture lines all over him.
But sometimes there were things Ronan could do; things that were just small subtle acts but ended up making Adam feel better.
So, nudging Adam, Ronan pointed at the cart. “Get in there.”
Adam looked between him and the cart with a frown. “What?”
Ronan just continued pointing.
Understanding dawned on Adam’s face. He didn't need to say anything, his narrowed eyes said: This is a public parking lot.
Ronan’s unimpressed look said: Yeah so?
Adam gave a heavy sigh to show how displeased he was with the idea, but climbed into the shopping cart, holding himself securely.
Ronan gripped the handle and with a loud whoop, shoved the cart. As they picked up speed, he heard Adam let out a breathless laugh that made his heart stutter. He jumped on the back of the cart and yelled a curse, making a lady at the edge of the lot give him a disapproving look.
They crashed against the BMW, falling down in a tangle of limbs and scattered items around them.
Still grinning, Ronan said, “I think I fucking squished the ice cream. My back feels wet.” They probably should have remembered to take out the bags before.
“God, why are you like this?” Adam groaned but there was a laugh in his voice. When Ronan turned his head to look at him, Adam's eyes were closed, his lips still spread in the memory of that laugh. His head was thrown back, exposing his neck. There were three freckles just under his right ear in a triangle. Like a ley line, Ronan thought. He wondered if his skin there was sensitive. What would he do if Ronan pressed his fingertips there? Would his breath hitch if Ronan touched his lips there? Would-
Adam sat up and Ronan quickly lifted his gaze to the sky.
“Come on, we should head back,” Adam said.
“Yeah.”
---
4.
Opening the door, Adam mumbled, “Oh good, I was just goin’ to bed. I wouldn't have gotten up again to let you in then.”
Walking in, Ronan was about to point out that it wasn't true at all because half the time, Adam got up from the bed to open the door for him, but before he could, Adam turned around and pulled off his shirt and whatever witty response Ronan was going to come up with died on his tongue.
The bedside lamp washed Adam in a golden glow, the shadows darker, but still Ronan could see the freckles on his slim but strong shoulders.
He had freckles on his back too.
Adam didn't seem to realise that in this cramped room, there wasn't much space between them. If Ronan raised his arm he could brush his fingertips along the freckles on Adam's neck. If he took one step forward, he could press his palm to Adam's shoulder. But, though he was getting more courageous in watching lately, he was still too cowardly to touch. So, instead he brought up his wrist to chew the leather bands furiously.
Even though there was definitely not enough light to see all the freckles, let alone count, Ronan's brain didn’t seem to get the memo as it started to catalogue them.
But Adam put on another t-shirt - the threadbare green one he usually wore to bed which looked faded and lived in and like it would be impossibly soft to touch. Ronan may or may not have an accidentally dreamt copy shoved at the back of his drawer.
Forcing himself to act casual and like he hadn’t just tried to count Adam’s freckles like a fucking creep, he walked over to his usual place on the floor and settled down, laying his head on the dreamt pillow he had pulled out a few weeks ago after a neck strain. Adam threw one of the dreamt blankets at him- he had “accidentally” brought back five, none of them having equal sides.
“I'm seconds away from fallin' asleep,” Adam said as he turned off the lamp. “So no talkin' today.”
“Aw damn, in the two hours since I last saw you I found so many things I was dying to tell you about,” Ronan said, though he knew what Adam meant. They didn't talk every night Ronan spent here. Some nights, Adam would still be doing his homework when Ronan would fall asleep. Some nights, Ronan came here late enough and Adam would straight go back to sleep after letting him in- Ronan liked that casual intimacy of not having to fill the silence between them all the time. Some nights when neither of them could sleep, they would go on drives, the dark road a comfortable blanket around- sometimes they would talk, sometimes they would listen to the rare slow songs in the BMW that Ronan only allowed Adam to hear during those otherworldly hours.
But then there were the nights where they talked. It could be unpredictable; they were both stubborn and defensive creatures due to different reasons, and whenever they talked, there was a chance of it turning into anything from friendly bickering to a blown out argument.
But still they would gravitate back and they would talk. Sometimes Ronan would try to convince Adam that their English teacher was definitely hooking up with the school nurse for the sole reason to make him laugh that hiccupping sleepy laugh that he never got to hear during the day, and other times he would be telling him some old childhood memory that made his chest ache. Sometimes Adam would rant about every one of their classmates, even the ones Ronan didn't know the name of, and other times he would be sharing a future dream he hadn't even fully thought of yet.
Ronan wouldn't say those nights were his favorite- God knew he was biased so he couldn't really ever choose. But there was something special about them sharing those things with each other that no one else knew.
---
5.
“Is it done?” Ronan asked, dusting off the mud on his jeans from removing boulders from the track. He had started accompanying Adam to removing the blockages from the ley line since he was going alone after Persephone- something he didn't talk about but Ronan could see weight on him in the dark circles around his eyes and how when they did this, Adam would sometimes slip for a moment and look up as if expecting her to advice him.
Surprisingly it hadn't taken much to convince Adam. He was always logical, so when Ronan had said that understanding the trees would be easier with him around and he could carry stuff too and the BMW was less likely to leave them stranded and that it wasn't like he was too busy, turned out only the first two were enough for Adam to agree.
“I think so,” Adam said and crouched down, pressing his palms to the forest ground.
Ronan watched as vines slowly emerged from beneath the grass, their tendrils wrapping around Adam’s hands and wrists. The first time this had happened, Ronan had had a moment of immense panic thinking this was Cabeswater trying to hold him or something. But then Adam had explained that touching the forest helped him see the energy better and the vines were just the forest reaching out like it always did.
Now Ronan just took the opportunity to watch Adam’s hands as Adam closed his eyes in concentration. The pale part of his wrist where the watch he gave Opal used to be, the light scabs on his elbow from when they had fallen off the shopping cart, and the freckles on his arms. Ronan wanted to crouch down next to him so he could be nearer and see them clearly, see how the light peeking through the trees brightened some and dulled others. They weren’t as prominent as the ones on his cheeks, but they were still enticing.
“Yeah it did,” Adam said, pulling Ronan out of his thoughts. He took a step back as Adam stood up, the vines still reaching out for him.
“Great. Let's go then, I'm fucking hungry.”
---
+1
Even after countless nights spent on the roof of the barns, Ronan hadn't ever succeeded in counting the stars. But, he had memorized the constellations. It was often his mother or Declan that had told him their names and over years, he would know just where to look up to see them. The one he had memorized first was the Big Dipper; it was just over the roof he and Declan would lay on and for a ten years old, it was the simplest to remember.
The sky in Henrietta was never clear enough to see it properly, but when he would drive as close as he could to the barns on nights when its absence was a physical ache, the constellation would be there, bright and real, reckoning him home.
There were three freckles on Adam’s spine just like the line in the constellation; Ronan’s fingers knew how to settle on them without having to look now. Right now though, on this warm lazy morning, he could look how much he wanted.
It was still a novelty and always gave him a thrill that he could do these things now; touch Adam when he wanted, tell him how much he loved him, have him here at the Barns with him, living such a domestic life that it made Ronan feel all sappy and shit.
Like now, they had a full weekend together as Adam didn’t have any shifts. He was working less now that he had graduated and summer would end in a few months, and fall would bring college and hours of distance between them. So they were trying to make the most of the time they had together.
Ronan turned on his side as Adam sat up and stretched his arms over his head, the muscles of his bare shoulders straining. Ronan took a moment to just watch him and then he brought up his hand to touch those three freckles.
“Oh you’re up,” Adam said, shifting a bit under his touch. “Good mornin’.”
“Morning,” Ronan mumbled absently, trailing his fingers up now. Four. Five. Six-
“What are you doing?” Adam asked, a curious tilt to his words.
Counting stars.
“Nothing,” Ronan grumbled. Seven. Eight-
“Were you- are you counting my freckles?” Adam looked over his shoulder, voice amused, but the small furrow in his brows indicated he was confused.
“...No?” Ronan said, cringing at how he even made the single syllable sound so uncertain.
Adam turned to him completely and Ronan let out a groan as he lost the count.
“You were,” Adam said, teasing now. His eyes were alight with mischief.
“So what if I was?” Ronan replied.
“Well I'd ask why were you?”
Ronan gave a shrug. “I don't know, I just want to. Happy?”
“I didn't know you liked them that much.” His voice wasn't teasing now. It was similar to when he had found out that Ronan liked his accent that he tried to hide, or his loud laugh that he didn't let most people hear, or his long knobbly hands- he was more smug at that one though.
Ronan shrugged again instead of replying and brought up Adam's hand to kiss the freckles on his knuckles.
“Are you counting like this now?” Adam asked, the mischievous smile back on his face even if there was unmistakable weight in his voice.
Ronan hummed against his skin and trailed kisses up his arm, scraping his teeth slightly when he reached Adam's shoulder. He felt more than he heard Adam's breath hitch. With a smirk, he moved up to kiss those three freckles below his ear, where he had now found out that Adam was ticklish.
As expected, Adam squirmed away, a wheezing laugh escaping him.
“Ronan, stop,” he managed between breathless giggles.
“What? You told me to count like this,” Ronan retorted.
“I did not.” Adam swatted at Ronan's chest uselessly. “And you're not even counting.”
“Of course I am.” To prove, he pressed three quick kisses to the freckles, making Adam laugh deliriously again. “One, two, three. See?” Then he kissed the top of Adam’s cheekbone where a flush had spread now. “Four-” And those five freckles under his eye, “-Nine.”
Adam's eyes had fluttered closed, but now he opened them to give Ronan a questioning look.
“You have five freckles here,” Ronan answered, brushing his thumb over them.
Adam raised an eyebrow. “Have you already counted them before?”
Licking his lips, Ronan admitted, “Tried.”
“You’re...” Adam swallowed hard. He looked oddly affected by this; Ronan would have thought he would only be teasing like he had at first. “Fuck, get on with it then,” Adam said.
“Of course.”