Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The place between the falling action and the epilogue is a strange place to be. It's filled with pain and the long, grueling process that is healing. Though neither of these things are linear procedures and these things take time to achieve. New York took about three years to rebuild, and even then things were being renovated every day. The process of healing didn’t start with New York.

It started in Staten Island, surrounding a small group of turtles. The same turtles that had saved the world. Something worth celebrating, sure, but by the end they had received a lifetime of trauma and years of pain for their efforts. Healing for them started minutes after saving Leo. It started over the comms.

“April? Dad? Casey? Does anyone read?” Raph calls into his wrist communicator. Leo let out a sickening cough behind him, and he could hear Donnie looking through his side pouch. Mikey hadn’t let go of his arm yet.

“Raph! Raph we’re here, where’s Leo? We heard-” came April, frantic and desperate. Raph felt bad that he hadn’t even considered that Casey, nor April nor his dad knew Leo was okay before then. It had been hard to remember such things while trying to pull his younger brother out of a hellish-prison dimension. He hoped his family wouldn’t hold it against him.

He cuts her off , “We got him, he’s here. We’re in Staten Island,” Raph is in return cut off by a chorus of ‘eww!’s from his brothers. It made him smile, despite everything, “The Kraang are outta the picture, we just need a ride home.”

“Alright, you can count on us, Raph. Splints’ and I gotta grab the tank, then we’ll be there asap,” April yells, the sound of the two of them running echo through the comms.

“Good, we can hang on ‘til then. Case? Haven’t heard from ya bud, how’s it hangin?”

“Making my way to Commander O’Neil and Master Splinter now. We’ll meet you there,” There was a bit of static-y feedback, but Casey Jones’ voice had rang clear seconds later. He sounded relieved yet out of breath. He seemed to be running, and his grappling hook could be heart attaching and detaching.

“Sounds good, keep us all updated. Raph out” he confirms, turning back to face his brothers, Mikey turning with him.

Leo coughs again but starts speaking, voice shaky, “Donnie? Hey, you got the stuff right?”

“Naturally” Came the dry response. Donnie hadn’t been digging around in Leo’s glorified fanny pack for no reason.

“Cool, if I tell you what to do, we can patch everyone up, yeah? Sound good?” Leo offers, clearing his throat. He sounded like he was in incredible pain, and he was still trying to make sure his brothers were okay. They appreciated the efforts, even if Leo was the one with the giant spider-ing crack in the center of his plastron.

Raph could only watch with a sense of admiration. Seeing Leo take on a perfect balance of calm instruction and lighthearted banter was almost strange to see. For a turtle who had vehemently denied being leader for two years before begrudgingly accepting, he was really starting to act like one. A good one at that.

“ ‘course, Nardo,” Donnie answers, a few rolls of bandages and a box of gauze in each hand.

Leo turns his head to Mikey, who was still clinging to Raph but had been rubbing his hands together like he was cold. They watched as Leo looked each of them up and down, assessing the damage between them.

See, the reason Leo was the designated medic wasn’t because he was the new leader. No, he’d had that role long before then. He was the medic because he had by far the most medical knowledge, and the ability to think while using humor to diffuse any tension. Because he’d had this role for years already, Leo had gotten good at identifying problems on the fly with startling and uncanny accuracy. If anything, Raph had figured going from team medic to team leader wouldn’t be that big of a jump.

The skill had saved many of them many times. It’d save them now.

“Mike needs his hands and wrists wrapped up pronto, the pressure should help the aches. Make sure his.. wrists aren't moving much. Most of my stuff's in the tank, so that's all we can do for now. We can help everyone more when the rest get here,” He says with a sigh. He blinks hard to clear the blurriness from his eyes, “I’m sorry we can’t do more for you right now, Miguel”

“It’s okay, I’m just.. I’m glad you’re here” Mikey answers, smiling regardless of his pain. Leo smiles back at him and the glint of bravery was evident in his eyes. Mikey tries to mirror it, but it felt forced. Donnie followed Leo’s instructions, making quick but precise work of the task. He used nearby debris as makeshift splints, it had worked but not as well as Donnie would have liked.

He beckoned Raph over next, who had taken those few minutes to update the others over the comms. Donnie nudged Leo who opened his eyes and squinted at the two of them. Mikey settled next to Leo and stayed relatively quiet. Leo reached over and took his hand, feeling Mikey's fingers twitch in his own relaxed hand. Donnie muttered something about needing Leo to keep his eyes open, likely having a concussion.

“Hey big guy, how’s the eye? And your side?” Leo asks, his eyes flicked between the two injuries. Raph touched the torn fabric almost absentmindedly. It stung something awful and wouldn’t stop watering. Raph didn’t even want to think about the headache he would be feeling soon, he felt there were more pressing things at stake.

“It doesn’t matter, you’re-” Raph starts. He gasps at the state of his younger brother. There was so much blood it was hard to place where exactly it was even coming from. There was so much blood, too many open wounds between the four of them. Leo smiled at him and stuck out his tongue. Like they were arguing over the last slice of pizza.

“Alright, fine, have it your way. I’m gonna need some bandages for the bleeding... It looks bad but trying to mess with it’s gonna… gonna make it worse. I think my eye is swollen also. Wrap me up all good and we can do the rest at the lab,” He relented. His older brothers started trying to wrap around his torso but..

“Leo, I need you to lean forward,” Donnie said, voice soft but unwavering. He’d offered no room for argument, yet Leo still complained. He had groaned, acting comically annoyed.

The look he received had been absolutely withering, so he stopped not long after. He accepted Raph's help, letting the eldest sibling pull him up as Donnie scooted behind him. It had only taken a few minutes with Leo finally being cooperative, so they let him lay back down without much complaint. With all the adrenaline having left his body, the actual pain was starting to set in. Leo tried his best to ignore it. Everyone else was being strong, they needed it from him as well. The less freaked out he was, the better for his team.

“Okay, Raphie, it's your turn. Lookin’ at your eye is gonna have to wait.. like.. like with Mike. Don if you can take care of his wound then,” he's cut off by a wheeze-y cough, but continued on soon after, “Then we can take a look at you Donnie, so-”

The horn of the tank blared and the whole thing appeared in a half- second, screeching to a halt. The smell of burning rubber and gasoline near inescapable. Donnie tried not to think about how shot the engine would be but given what they'd been through, it was a miracle that thing was even running. Nearly half an hour had passed since April had said she would be on her way, not that any of them noticed.

April shot out of the truck like a rocket, Casey and Splinter only a few steps behind her. She made sure to hug anyone who was able to receive one. Her and Casey began working on getting everyone in the car. Of course that was after the gasps and sorrowful expressions. Donnie and Mikey had gone in first with Raph behind them. The three of them worked together to lay out the back seat. Donnie began the search for the medical supplies while Raph made sure Mikey got seated, near where Leo would be.

It had been hard to ignore how bad Leo looked. The way his breath stuttered and how he gasped at every step. When April, Casey and him all got to the first step, he quietly cursed the high suspension. Raph stood at the side, ready to help pull Leo in.

“Adrenaline, don’t fail me now!” Leo called, smiling and hopping up before any of them were ready. He would have hit the floor if Raph hadn’t been ready for his kind impulsivity. He let out a sickening wheeze and red bloomed through his bandages at the sudden movement. "Leo!" Now Leo wasn't actually positive who called his name then, but he'd bet money on it being Raph. It sounded mom-like enough to be him.

“Adrenaline has failed me” He whined, only earning a pressed-thin smile from Casey as well as a quiet apology from Raph. Raph and Donnie got him situated as the last of them piled in, Splinter behind the wheel.

The engine started and the ride was unsurprisingly quiet. The Kraang left them battered and beaten, drained of all energy. Leo could see them needing to recharge, for months even, depending on how bad their injuries turn out to be. At first glance, April, Casey and his dad didn't seem to have any major injuries, a relief. Him and his brothers had pulled the short straws it seemed.

Leo watched Mikey’s hands tremble as Donnie rubbed the heating pad between his hands. Guilt struck him, cold and fierce. He tried to ignore it.

“Can someone check the big guy’s eye? And his and Don-Tron's hands?” Leo huffed, tension bleeding from him as he laid his head back on April's lap. Accepting being the leader happened to also mean accepting you can’t always help. A fact Leo wasn't too fond of.

Casey hummed in response, and Leo could hear him rooting around and chatting quietly. He couldn't see much more than the roof, so he let himself rely on April poking him every few minutes to stay awake. Leo didn't think he had a concussion, but he didn't want to upset Donnie. Upsetting Donnie could wait for a better, less stressful time.

Chapter Text

As soon as they got home, Donnie called over some kind of fancy robot. From what Leo could see, it looked like a motorized stretcher? It was a bluish color, and looked pretty simple, but knowing Donnie it definitely had at least twelve hidden functions. Before Leo could even question the safety of a contraption like that, April and Casey (his designated walking crutches) were already ‘helping’ him onto it. As cool as it was, it was a little embarrassing to be scooted thirty feet down the hall. Leo knew it was a losing battle, but his pride wasn’t too happy about it. There was no way he could’ve walked it, but that was besides the point.

Donnie absentmindedly ran diagnostics on the equipment they’d left behind, trailing the closest behind Leo, “Dad, April, Casey? How are your injuries?” He asked, not taking his eyes off the screen as he recorded countless notes. Huh. Leo hadn’t even seen him put his little wrist-screen-thingy on.

April looked over the three of them. They’re exhausted and a little battered, sure, but it was nothing compared to the four turtles' injuries. It wasn’t anything a few days of rest and some band-aids wouldn’t fix. Casey and Splinter both nodded at her, a silent agreement.

“We’ll be alright, focus on them,” She answered. Donnie didn’t answer, barely looked at them, but they all knew better than to assume he didn’t care. They crossed the threshold of the medbay, and April found a spot in a plastic chair off to the side. Her medical knowledge was slim to none, and her injuries were nothing serious, so she resigned herself to being out of the way for now. Someone would call her if they needed her. April and Casey were just humans, yet unlike Casey she wasn’t quite used to battles that intense.

Splinter ushered Raph and Mikey to sit side by side one cot, hopping up onto a counter to rifle through the cabinets. Casey joined Donnie and Leo on the other side of the room. The room was quiet save for the humming of various machines as well as Donnie and Splinter gathering the supplies they each needed. Casey hooked up Leo to a heart-rate monitor and set up an IV drip for him, seeming to already know where the materials were kept. The IV bag he grabbed was from a small box in a fridge labelled “Leo” and seemed to have some kind of painkillers in them, as the turtle relaxed very quickly as the IV drip started doing its job.

Raph quietly urged Splinter to tend to his little brother before him. The type of mystic burns Mikey obtained were hard to figure out how to treat, but Splinter took care to cover the cracks in aloe cream and brand new bandages. It was the best they could do on such short notice, and the old bloodied bandages were put into the trash. The wrappings went all the way up to his shoulders but held firm, only allowing small movements of the turtle's elbows and wrists. The pressure was calming, in a strange way. Mikey couldn’t help but wonder if this was why Donnie wore his battle shell so much.

Raph put his good arm over Mikey’s shoulders, pulling the box turtle close while their dad looked over his burns. The process was more or less the same for him, but the damage seemed less severe. If anything, the whole thing had just reminded Raph of a time he and Mikey had burned themselves trying to make popcorn over the stove. Their dad was just as careful with them as he was back then, though this time involved less scolding. His dad cupped the side of his face, rubbing his thumb over the bandages Casey had applied on the way there. Something about an infection. Splinter pulled away after a moment, the look in his eye unreadable.

“How ya’ feeling, little brother?” Raph asked, giving Mikey a small squeeze.

The box turtle blinked hard, snapping out of a daze. He stared at his hands. They glowed softly. “My hands hurt. I think April fell asleep”

Raph sighed, rubbing his brother's shoulder. Their dad squeezed Mikey’s hands in his own.

“I know buddy. You’ll get better. Casey and Donnie are fixin’ up Leo right now. We’ll all be good as new in no time,” Raph said, and there was so much confidence in his voice that Mikey couldn’t do anything but believe him. Mikey tried his best to smile in response. He felt better, but even smiling was exhausting.

“Raphael, do not think I forgot about the wound on your side” Splinter said, leaving no room for argument. Raph knew better than to do anything other than let Splinter do what he needed. Raph knew the injury wasn’t as bad as it really could’ve been, still when he pulled his hand away, it was red with blood.

Their dad stared at the wound, it was an ugly gash that would likely scar. Raph hadn’t realized how much it actually hurt until he was staring at it. Even Mikey stared with wide eyes. Thankfully his plastron was strong enough to take a blow like this without cracking entirely.

“Doesn’t hurt that much,” He said to his little brother, patting his head. Mikey pursed his lips and scrunched up his brow but he didn’t argue.

Back on the other side of the room, Donnie wheeled over a little table and set the supplies he’d collected on it. He passed a pair of cloth and tweezers to Casey who stood anxiously on Leo’s other side.

“Casey, have you repaired a broken shell before?” Donnie asked. Casey nodded once at him, firm and confident. Something Donnie was incredibly glad to see. Donnie assumed Casey’s medical knowledge was better than average given the situation he lived and grew up in, but he just wanted to be sure.

“I learned from the best,” Casey smiled, looking down at Leo, who smiled back after throwing up a thumbs up. Donnie didn’t understand how either of them had the energy to smile at all.

“Good. it’s not safe to use any resin right now, so you and I will be clearing foreign bodies for now” Leo looked dangerously like he had some stupid quip to make, so Donnie hurried on with the next part, “This is antibacterial spray, there’s already antibiotics in the saline drip so we should be only marginally worried about infection,”

To his credit, Casey nodded along and got to work as soon as Donnie had finished with his instructions. Tweezers worked the best given the situation, though Casey also found himself using a damp washcloth to wipe away any blood. Leo’s breathing was slow and shallow, and Casey could only watch as each breath caused chips of his plastron to rub against each other in a way that could not have been pleasant.

“Good news, Leo,” Said turtle perked up at Donnie’s mention, “The cracks on your plastron aren’t deep enough to damage any of your organs. Not sure how you managed that, but good job so-”

Donnie suddenly reeled back, slamming his battle shell into the counter behind him and falling to the ground without so much as a gasp. Casey jumped and even Leo tried to sit up to see what happened. It only took one touch to have Leo laid back again, Leo was weaker than he looked, Casey noted.

“Donatello? Donatello!” Casey called, who rushed over and kneeled next to him in an instant. Splinter managed to appear not seconds later. It looked like Raph was starting to get up from where he sat but Mikey held him firm. So Raph just lifted him and moved them both just a few feet closer, still out of the way.

Donnie's hands were clasped behind his neck, elbows together and guarding his neck.

“Donnie? Donnie, buddy- please” Leo called from the cot, head turned to look down his cheek at the three of them. Casey could only spare him a glance, shocked and nearly seeing his own Leonardo in the concern they shared alone. Leo looked mortified and the beeping of the heart-rate monitor increased dramatically.

Donnie stared right through them, eyes wide but unseeing. He gasped and started to claw at the hinges of his battle shell. Splinter kept trying to ground Donnie while Casey moved between Donnie and the hard counter, pulling and pressing buttons until he managed to find the right one. The artificial shell popped off with a sickeningly wet noise.

It was an absolute bloody mess, small bits of the Kraang’s ship wriggled against the soft shell, as if they were still trying to find their way inside. The tiny bits of pink, stained so much with blood didn’t even stick out much at first glance, but the way they moved was absolutely revolting. Each tiny movement had Donatello shuddering.

“Master Splinter- I can. He needs-” Casey starts, tripping over his words, setting down the battleshell and shuddering at the blood on his hands. He doesn’t know how to explain in a way that wouldn't make Donnie panic more. There wouldn’t be any caring for this wound as long as Donnie was gasping for air like he was dying.

He did watch in awe as Splinter took Donnie’s shaking hand and pressed it flat against his chest, taking deep measured breaths. Casey didn’t grow up with Donatello like he did with Leonardo and Michelangelo, but even he knew touch wasn’t exactly Donnie’s forte. The technique seemed to work magic regardless.

“Breathe my son, you are safe. We are all safe. Casey Jones, if you would.” And Casey didn’t need any more instructions than that, standing on his feet fast enough to get light headed. He had absolute tunnel vision for more gauze and just something to remove the bits of dying flesh. He ended up sterilizing the tweezers he’d been using with Leo. It was the closest and easiest option.

Thankfully, the Kraang bits were easy to remove, though they left awful little holes that blood seeped from. The work didn’t exactly require precision, and it was straight forward enough but Casey’s hands were still shaking. He was so scared of breaking his focus he didn’t even dare to look at anyone or anything else. Casey couldn’t even tell if Donnie was making any noises or not, he flinched at the pain, but Casey could physically feel and see that.

There were twelve. Twelve little maggot-like creatures that were pulled from Donatello’s soft shell, twelve little holes he had to clean and patch with gauze and medical tape. Casey’s shoulders sagged in relief as he placed the last piece of tape, finally honing into the world around him.

All of them, except Donnie and of course April, stared at him.

“Is he.. Is he okay?” He found himself asking. Casey thought they were supposed to be the ones asking him that question.

“This hurts like a bitch” Donnie cursed, earning an exaggerated gasp. His head snapped to glare at Mikey, the offending gasp-er, “Mikey, if you say ‘language’ I will put a child-lock on your phone for the next month”

Leo snorted on the table above them. Casey watched the beeping monitor above him steady out once more.

If Donnie’s making his sarcastic quips, then he’d be fine. Splinter huffed and rolled his eyes. Casey suddenly remembered the stories of Donnie soft-locking their phones whenever they got too annoying. Interesting to know Donnie’s threats stay the same regardless if the world ends or not.

“Donatello, go rest with your brothers, I can clean up Master Leonardo. Please?” Casey says, tilting his head and lifting the corner of his mouth just slightly. A move his sensei had taught him years ago to get Michelangelo to let him do things he was uncertain of. He wasn’t sure it would work on Donatello, but when said turtle glared at him before the expression melted away, Casey knew he’d won.

“Sigh. Fine. I’ll see how April is doing.” The turtle conceded, and Casey had to fight the urge to fist pump at his victory.

He helped Donnie stand, and Master Splinter returned to Raphael and Michelangelo as Donatello went to shake Commander April awake. Casey made his way back to Leo, who quite honestly looked a few minutes from passing out. Even Casey’s own exhaustion was beginning to sneak up on him.

The two didn’t share any jabs or fun quips while Casey finished off, he gave a last layer of anti-bacterial spray before covering Leonardo’s chest in gauze and then a layer of bandages. It was hard to roll Leonardo over to view the damage to his carapace, but it didn’t seem that any of the cracks were bleeding. At least the IV was keeping Leonardo from feeling much pain.

“I have no idea how you managed this, but your carapace doesn’t require any bandaging from what I can see,” Casey said, rolling Leonardo on his back again.

“Sweet” Leo replied with a dope-y grin, “How’re the others doing?”

Casey sighed, gave a look around the room, “I believe everyone’s injuries have been treated, we all seem to be in stable condition. Chances of survival are high. How are you feeling, Sensei?”

Leo yawned, not even trying to hide the wince that came with it, “I’m not gonna lie to you, Case, I feel like garbage”

“Me too, Sensei”

There was a beat of silence between them, and Leo glanced at his family, making sure they weren’t actively listening.

“I’m sorry for what I put you through, Casey, current and future. It was a shit situation but I’m proud of how you did,” He said softly.

Casey stuttered for a second. Of everything, he wasn’t expecting that. For a moment, it could have even been his Leonardo speaking.

“I.. understand why you did, Sensei,” He conceded. It wasn’t forgiveness, but he could already tell that wasn’t what his master was looking for. Casey didn’t resent either of them of course, he’d seen so much and been through even worse. Just hearing someone he looked up to apologize to him was enough for him.

“You can call me Leo, if you want Casey,”

“I can try... I think we’re going to be okay.”

“That’s a relief. I’m exhausted down to my bones,”

Casey managed a laugh, “Of course you are. Get some rest, Leo”

“You too,”

A few hours passed, meeting them with exhausted dreamless sleep. Most of them. Donnie found himself awake of course. The cacophony of snores and the humming of his technology should’ve put him to sleep ages ago, like it had with the rest of his family. But his mind still spun.

Donnie couldn’t even fully comprehend what happened earlier that day. He could still feel the effects of controlling (or was he being controlled?) by the Kraang's ship. Casey and his father tried to tip-toe around it but he could feel it in his shell. Part of him could still feel it. Donnie didn’t think the feeling of being forcefully ripped from the controls would ever leave him.

Hours more had passed, with Donnie’s eyes wide and starting to red around the edges from exhaustion. His family were all safe, resting, and he knew logically the Kraang were gone for good but something inside screamed for him to not let his loved ones go unprotected. They were all vulnerable now, Donnie didn’t even think he could stand a fight against Meat Sweats, much less another Kraang. Still his body and mind stayed at war. All of the clocks seemed to lie to him, hours passed like seconds and minutes absolutely crawled. The only thing Donnie could do to stay grounded was run tests on equipment and restocking, as well as frequently checking on his twin.

Donnie didn’t even come out of his daze when Raph started to stir, sitting up slowly trying to not awaken Mikey as well. He doesn’t check his digital clock this time.

“Donnie? Donnie, have you even slept yet, buddy?” Raph asked, tapping his shoulder.

They stared at each other. A conversation they’ve had time and time again. Raph already knew the answer and Donnie wasn’t keen on repeating information they were both well aware of. It was a losing fight on Raph’s end. Donnie still made a small vocalization in response, blinking at him slowly.

The larger turtle sighed, giving in. He picked a place the floor and motioned for Donnie to come sit with him. They were close to the corner of the room, with perfect view of the entire area as well as any entries/exits.

“I’ll keep watch. Get some shut-eye” Raph said, sitting and leaning his shell against the wall.

And Donnie truly had no argument for that. He leaned against Raph’s uninjured side and let his older brother put his arm around his shoulders. The weight relaxes Donnie like it had when they were much smaller. It’s a few minutes before Mikey is curling up in Raph’s lap, legs thrown over Donnie’s. April joins them as well, leaning against Donnie, and Casey arrives not long after, leaning against April.

Donnie finds himself unable to do anything but fall asleep.

Chapter Text

When Leo opened his eyes, he was met with a dark room. His heart rate monitor beeped steadily and for just a moment, when he blinked he could only see the prison dimension, the cool tones of the medbay in its dim lighting were too similar. No Kraang, but still alone. Still cold.

“Oh, you’re awake. I expected you to sleep longer”

Oh, Donnie’s here. Not alone. That’s good.

“Morning to you too, Dee”

They met eyes for a second, and Donnie's face was unreadable. Leo could tell at the very least that he didn’t look.. pleased. A chilled feeling settled in his stomach and he felt the cracks in his plastron move as he tried to take a breath. Donnie turned back to one of the many monitors on the desk next to him. One screen had (presumably) Leo’s brain scans, which must’ve been taken while he was asleep. Part of him wanted to tease Donnie, who previously didn’t think putting a CT scanner in the medbay was necessary. It sucked having to use it, but it sucked so much less to be right.

“Stay there, 'Angelo and Raph are working on breakfast, I’m gonna check on them,” Donnie said, face pinched.

“I’m not sure where you think I’d be going, but alright” Leo did a little half hearted shrug, not thrilled at the idea of being alone. Not like this, at least. Donnie glanced at him and hummed, turning the lights up just a bit, enough to highlight the yellows and blues a little more. Being able to see everything a bit clearer eased Leo’s worry.

“Shelldon will be here, I’ll send someone else up as well. So you won’t be alone.” Donnie pressed a few buttons on his wrist-thingy and soon enough Shelldon was whirring by, chirping his own little greeting. The sight of him immediately had Leo relaxing. Donnie was surprisingly thoughtful. “And since I know you’re going to ask, Casey, April and dad are all asleep”

Leo nodded, took a deep breath, “Right. Is Raph-”

“Helping Mikey, let Shelldon know if you need anything” Donnie was quick to cut him off, already turning out the door. Leo didn’t remember Donnie getting to the other side of the room so fast.

“Okay”

It was all Leo could think to say. Donnie’s back was to him, and he left the door open as he walked through. The bandages on his back were spotted with blood, and Leo made a mental note to tell someone to change them. Shelldon whirred around him. Leo could only assume he was checking his vitals and reporting them back to Donnie.

The kitchen housed a different issue. Mikey was definitely a determined one, if the day before hadn’t proved that enough. He was determined to a fault, heart set on trying to make this morning as normal as physically possible. That meant breakfast.

Unfortunately, Mikey’s Magic Hands had a separate plan in mind. They shook incessantly, and the pain was easy to ignore but seemed never ending.

“Mikey, c’mon bro, let me help you” Raph pleaded for the umpteenth time, watching the younger turtle struggle to mix the batter evenly. Mikey just hugged the bowl closer to his plastron, the hand that held the whisk was curled awkwardly, harsh in his weak grasp. The sight had Raph feeling that much worse.

“It’s not that bad Raph, I’m just annoyed-” He dropped the whisk. It fell straight to the floor and Mikey could only watch, expression grim. It was very clearly a ’I’m incredibly close to sobbing uncontrollably’ kind of grim. His older brother was quickly in damage-control-mode.

“Mikey. I can help you” Raph picked up the whisk in a smooth motion, turning to the sink and washing it.

“I know, I know. But if I don’t make breakfast then.. Then I..”

“You can still make breakfast. It’s okay to need help” Donnie said, appearing in the doorway, looking an awful lot like a hypocrite. Raph and Mikey turned their attention to him. Raph smiled at him. Donnie couldn’t return it, not yet, but he nodded.

“Yeah! Pancakes shouldn't be too hard with a master chef tellin’ us what to do. We’ve got this, like a coupla bosses” And with that statement, Raph does a fist pump, thankfully with his good arm. Mikey didn’t know if he could handle seeing his matching glowing marks.

“Yeah, okay. Sure,” Mikey sighed, passing the mixing bowl off to Donnie and rooting through cabinets to look for his favorite pancake pan. He wanted to do it alone, like he always did, but he could accept this.

It takes about twenty minutes but they make more than enough for everyone, the three of them separate the pancakes onto different plates and start delegating who’s gonna take what where. Raph, being affectionately labeled‘The team garbage disposal’ happily takes any burned cakes.

“I’m gonna take Leo his pancakes, I’ll be right back. Y’all wanna get the others?” Raph offered, grabbing a plate and looking off to his brothers. Being alone probably wouldn’t be good for any of them. He just had to make sure none of them started isolating themselves. That’d be fine. They’d be fine.

Raph stepped into the dim room quietly, just in case Leo was still asleep. Donnie said he was stable, but Raph didn’t want to disturb him if possible. Thankfully Leo was awake, cheering Shelldon on as the little robot flew around doing tricks in the air. Shelldon must’ve given him the remote to his cot as well, because it was angled to have him leaned mostly upright.

“Raph! Hey buddy! How’s things going?” Leo said, sounding bone tired but still happy to see him.

“We made some food, here, I can-” And before Raph could protest, Leo held down a button on the remote. The cot hummed as it sat him upright.

“ ‘m still on painkillers, so we’re good. Thanks though” Leon took the plate offered to him and began eating like he’d never seen a meal in his life. Raph had to tell him to slow down. Something about internal bleeding, Leo didn’t know, he was too busy trying to fit as many pancakes into his mouth as possible.

Raph sighed. Leon knew that the crease in his brow meant he wanted to say something. They shared a serious look. Leo wanted to say something too. He swallowed thickly, starting before Raph could.

“How is everyone?” He asked quietly, setting his fork on his plate. Suddenly, his food didn’t look so appetizing.

“Mikey was struggling with breakfast. Donnie and I helped him” Raph said, tone matching.

“Is he.. Doing okay?”

“We’ll be okay, we’re Hamatos. Nothin’ if not resilient”

“I know. I just.. Raph I wanted to. I wanted to tell you..” Leo trails off, jaw clicking shut. Where does he even begin with this? There was so much he wanted to say. An apology, a thank you, an outraged indignation. Nothing came out. There was a mess of emotions he couldn’t quite untangle and Leon had to carefully set his plate aside because the smell had started making him nauseous.

“Wanted to tell me what?” His brother pressed.

It took Leon a moment. “Thank you for saving me. I know I was being a real pain in your shell”

Raph looked at him with this.. Sad kind of look. Peered right through him. Leo felt vulnerable under his gaze, but safe somehow. He wondered if that was a big brother thing, or a (former) leader thing.

“You deserve to be saved, pain in my shell or not,” Raph said slowly. Leon’s breath caught in his chest, “And shouldn’t I be telling you that anyway? I am still mad at how ya did it”

“I still think it was the best way to save everyone” Leo said, gritting his teeth in an attempt to keep his eyes from watering.

“Everyone but you, Leo. We were.. We were all so scared”

“I was scared too”

The silence stretches out longer than Leo would’ve liked. Raph let out a huge sigh.

“If you do that again, I’m bringin’ you back and kicking your shell” And when Raph says it, it's a threat and a promise.

“I’m counting on it, big bro,” Leon says, wheezing out a chuckle.

Raph takes a minute to check his IV bag. It’s 3/4ths empty, but thankfully they have more on standby. Leo again feels the need to tease his sibling, being right about how well stocked the medbay needed to be. They were going to need to roll Leo outta here if his ego got any bigger.

“Hey Raph?”

His brother hums in response.

“Are they.. mad at me?”

The question seems to catch them both off guard. Leon doesn’t know if he wants to hear the answer any more than Raph wants to give it.

“Probably,” Well, at least he could trust Raph to be honest, “Give ‘em time”

“I don’t regret it” Leo’s quick to defend himself. He felt open again.

“I think that’s the part that's upsettin’ them, Leo” Raph said, head tilted and mouth pressed into a thin line.

“You would’ve done the same” And Leo regrets saying it the second it leaves his mouth. Raph looks away and he can feel that cold feeling again in his stomach. Guilt.

“And you weren’t mad at me when I did?”

And the silence is more telling than anything else. Leon was angry the entire event happened in the first place. He was angry at himself most of all, and he knew for a fact he deserved that anger. The wounds were still fresh and Leo knew already that most would scar. He hated that he’d left his family in such a state. So, yeah, he was mad. Just not at Raph specifically.

“That’s what I thought, little bro. You saved the world. Saved all of us. But we still came back different” Raph said. And again Leo had to wonder if this was a big brother thing, or a leader thing. Leo thought he might’ve come back the most different of all. He had a lot of growing to do now. A lot of progress to make.

“Are Mikey’s hands okay? He uh.. Had a tremor. And Donnie- I couldn’t see his shell but..” Leo started, trailing off again. Maybe he did have a concussion.

“He’s having a hard time with his grip. Hands keep shaking. I think the heat packs ‘n bandages are helping but.. uh.. Donnie. He’s banned from wearing his ‘lil battle-shell. Not stoked about that one”

Raph could practically see the cogs spinning in Leo’s head. To be honest, Raph couldn’t believe how much of an overthinker this kid turned out to be. Had his little brother always been this way? He hated that suddenly he couldn’t tell. Just how much did Leon let slip by unnoticed?

“I didn’t mean to hurt anyone,” Leo said.

“You messed up, but you can’t blame yourself for the actions of.. Someone else,”

“How can you even say that when I gotta look through that massive hole in your shell every time I look at you? That was my fault, Raph,” Leon snapped.

Raph flinched, and reached up to touch the swollen flesh around his eye, almost on reflex. The action made Leo want to throw up. He honestly felt like he might.

“..Sorry”

In a flash, his older brother pulled him into a hug. It wasn’t their usual, tighter hugs. What Leon wouldn’t give for a famous Raph bearhug. The attempt still had him a near blubbering mess. For all its worth, Raph just held him like a little kid, letting him cry out as much as he needed to.

“How ‘bout we come back to this, Leo? You need to not be gettin’ too stressed or I’m pretty sure Donnie’ll have my head” Raph said, finally pulling away.

Leon didn't want to admit how much he hated letting go. Still he relented.

“Fine,” He muttered, and pretended like he wasn’t crushed by the warmth of the hug leaving him.

“Don’t worry, not leavin’ yet. Need me to grab anything for ya?” Raph asked, pulling up a chair.

Leo snorted and wiped his face with the back of his hand.

“Dude. I gotta piss so bad”

“Leo..”

Mikey and Donnie both made their way to the lab, the lights were off and April was sitting in Donnie’s chair with her jacket draped over her face. Casey was sitting off to the side, typing into some kind of small tablet. Presumably a Future-Donnie invention, given its purple coloring and the junkyard-esque look it had. Donnie and Mikey shared a look, and Donnie went to shake April awake. Mikey heard them talking quietly and went to join Casey.

“Evening, CJ. How’re you feelin’?” He asked, leaning over Casey’s shoulder to peer at his screen. Younger sibling habits die hard.

Casey pulled the device close to his chest, putting the screen to sleep quickly. Mikey just shrugged and backed up. Something private, then. That’s fine. He set the plate of pancakes on Donnie’s desk, careful to avoid the blueprints and schematics laid across the surface. He didn’t want to even pretend he understood any of the words and symbols.

“I’m not actively dying,” Casey said.

“Well, that’s good, but I mean like are you in pain?”

“A bit, but it’s fine”

Mikey tisked, scrunched his nose. He was used to needing to tell his brothers to take care of himself, he didn’t mind adding Casey to the list of people to care about. Casey had been through hell with them, surely he was family now, he had been family in his time.

Suddenly, for a split second, all Mikey could see was the portal closing. Half of the Kraang’s ship falling from the sky. Knowing his brother was trapped on the other side with a genocidal maniac in a void of absolutely nothing. Casey pulled the plug. Leo’s stuck on the other side. He has to get Leo back. He needs his brother. He needs Leo-

“Michelangelo?”

“What? Sorry I… got lost in thought… I guess,'' Mikey's still grounding himself. He’s in the lab. Donnie’s lab. Leo is quite literally in the room across the hall with Raph. Casey, April and Donnie were all in the same room. They’re all fine. He squeezed his palms together, welcoming the pressure overriding the pain because that was better than the alternative.

But Casey knew that look. He knew it rather well. He pursed his lips like he was trying to figure out what to say.

“You can call me Mikey, dude, it’s cool,” Mikey said, putting up a shaky smile, “and anyway, we’ve got tylenol ‘round here somewhere. Feel free to raid the medbay”

Casey stared at him, thinking and critical. Mikey didn’t even want to think about how weird it made him feel. It was the exact same look Leo got when he was looking over their injuries.

“It’s not that bad, thank you, though” Is what Casey settled on.

“No probbles, the pancakes are for you also, you’ve had ‘em before right?”

“Once or twice,” Casey answered with a shrug, accepting the plate carefully. Like it might try to bite him, “So.. how’s.. Leo?”

An understandable concern. “He’s stable, Raph’s with him, Donnie said he was awake earlier” Mikey responded, figuring Casey would be more comfortable with a clinical approach. ‘He’s fine’ just doesn't cut it sometimes. Casey nodded. Didn’t waste any more time before digging into his food. Mikey couldn’t help but wonder.. If he’s eating this quickly.. How often did they not have enough food in his time?

A concerning thought, for sure. Mikey wasn’t entirely sure he wanted the answer to that question.

“He is kind of an idiot, isn’t he?” And the question startled Mikey, but he could only agree anyway.

“Yeah… Thank you, Casey. For um.. Telling me about my powers”

And when they looked, the orange glow seemed to thrum along with Mikey’s heartbeat.

“It’s no problem. I’m.. honestly just glad you’re all okay. I don’t think I could’ve handled it if… if it happened again,” Normally Casey hated it when people were vague on purpose, but for once he could see the appeal. His master's passing was not something he liked to think about. Ever.

“Again?”

Casey gave a grim look, “Once a Leo, always a Leo, right? My master was just as self sacrificial,”

Mikey shuddered at the implication. He was absolutely not letting his brother form a martyr complex.

“We’re gonna snap him outta that quick, so help me I will bring out Dr. Delicate Touch if I need to,” Mikey promised, light hearted like a joke. Casey was nice enough to laugh and give an exaggerated fearful tremble. Hearing his laugh somehow made Mikey feel a bit lighter, and Mikey could understand Leo just a little bit more.

“Everyone knows to fear Dr. Delicate Touch in my time, and for good reason. He is a force of nature,” The comment had Mikey absolutely preening, “So.. How’d you even make these? Michelangelo- My.. Michelangelo. He said it was a secret recipe, for special days,”

“Probably ‘cause he didn’t want little-you trying to burn yourself on the stove”

“You’re probably right”

“It’s actually really easy to make pancakes. They're pretty much just flour, sugar, eggs ‘n milk,” Mikey supplied, “But you can add other stuff to make ‘em even better”

Casey nodded again, “Yeah, that explains it. Organic stuff was really hard to come by”

Again, horrifying implication. Just what had this kid been eating?

“So you’ve never even had pizza?”

Given Mikey’s tone, Casey could tell this was about to become a Big Deal.

“...What is pizza?”

“Ohmigosh”

“I mean.. Leonardo did tell me to ‘grab a slice’ whatever that meant?”

“Future-Leo wanted you to try pizza!” Mikey said, eyes absolutely sparkling, “See ‘cause, Pizza comes in triangle slices. It’s like.. Dough with tomato sauce and cheese, and you can add whatever toppings you want! It’s so good, Casey. We gotta get you some when- when…”

Casey’s heart plummeted, watching Mikey go from an excited ramble to.. This. The turtles face dropped, forgetting that there were no pizza places open. There wouldn’t be any for quite a while.

“I don’t mind waiting, Mikey, don’t worry” Casey offered, voice soft, trying to meet his eyes again. He was getting that far-away look again.

“Right.. Right… well. You’re gonna love it, promise”

“I’m excited to try it then!”

The exclamation was quickly cut off by April tossing her jacket at Casey, who caught it with ease. She glared at them, surely for the noise they were making. Migraines were no joke.

“Sorry, April,” They both whispered in unison, sharing a small smile.

Chapter Text

A full week passes with little fanfare. Nightmares and bruises fully take form, both dark and splotchy and all too familiar. They spend most nights in front of the TV, all battered looks and far-away stares. April finds her way home, connects with her family once more, and is told numerous times to keep them updated. Casey stays in the lair, trying his best to stay busy and help wherever he can. He's the best parts of Leo, determined and bright, and entirely himself in a way that threatens to blind.

It's rocky, everything is, but they're willing to try if Casey is.

It took convincing to get Leo off bed rest. 'Convincing' mainly consisted of making constant attempts to get out of bed despite the pain literally everywhere and with every breath. He tried to be strong, and brave. The others got sick of dragging him back each time.

Leo's giving himself an A for the effort. He won that battle and the war. He tells himself that's enough. Leo thinks he's lucky just to be able to make a shitty joke like that.

Technically he's allowed to do what he wishes, as long as he's not moving around much without supervision, but Leo chooses to stay in the TV room. It garners the most traffic no matter the time of day, so he can make sure everyone else is doing okay at least once as they pass through. If he's lucky, one of them will come and sit with him for a little while.

He relaxes on the couch, chest pushed out, and tries to breathe steadily. It feels too much like the bandages are the only thing keeping him together, if they come off he fears he may unravel with it. It's only been a week but it's obvious none of them know how to proceed. Leo's just trying to keep an eye on everyone's injuries. It's hard to focus on anything other than keeping his family alive.

Leo is, however, freed from his eternal-mind-prison by his younger brother flopping next to him on the couch. Mikey sighs loudly, playing up the dramatics like he learned it from Leo. Said turtle doesn't comment on the red rims around Mikey's eyes.

"Hey Miguel, what's up?" He asks, perking up as much as he can, shifting slowly until he's sitting upright. Mikey watches each movement. No doubt a second from springing into action to help him.

"I'm really.. annoyed," The youngest says carefully, "I wanted to paint again. But uh.." He trails off, looking at his hands, black and orange compress fitted over each. The fabric was thick but flexible. They did extend up his palms, further preventing a firm grip on anything. His hands still shook. Leo couldn't imagine how irritating it must be to use them.

Leo hums. Leans over and gestures for Mikey to give him his hands, murmuring a little, "come here, mi Hermano" as he does.

Mikey doesn't hesitate. Places his hands in Leo's like there'd be no safer place for them. Leo almost chokes at the gesture. He hides his surprise well. He doesn't even know why he's surprised. He grits his teeth just to keep his composure, blinking hard.

Leo carefully pulls off the compresses, Mikey's not made of glass of course, but seeing the wounds knowing he was the cause. Even inadvertently...

He just wanted to make sure his brother was comfortable, that's all.

He starts at the pinky and squeezes, massaging firmly from the very tip down to the knuckle. Mikey hisses quietly so he eases the pressure a little. The whole thing's not supposed to feel entirely pleasant, but Leo figured it may help after he's done.

The nature of the mystic burns was unknown to him but he read about this helping with hand tremors, at least somewhat. Leo's eyes still burned from the late nights staring at his phone pursuing every single medical article he could find. He couldn't find much for PTSD relating to alien invasions and the effects said PTSD may have on one's psyche, unfortunately.

Leo works silently, trying to hide how relieved he is when Mikey sighs, relaxes in front of him. The muscles in his palm were tight, and Leo tried to massage as much tension out as he could. He makes his way up Mikey's forearm. His hands still shake, albeit less, though the twitching of his fingers does lessen considerably. Handling things without help is still a future issue but at least for now, it's a bit more manageable.

" 'm sure we could figure something out for your paintings, right? tell me what's up" He offers quietly. Takes Mikey's other hand and begins the process anew.

"Can't hold my brushes" Is all Mikey tells him, shrugging. It's all he has to say. He leans against Leo's shoulder and makes a little questioning noise when Leo stretches the arm around his shoulder. Mikey doesn't move, though. The movement hurt, obviously, but Leo does a good job of hiding it.

Leo hums in thought, tapping his fingertips on Mikey's arm, putting his hand on his chin in an exaggerated 'thinking' pose, "Still got those cans of spray paint laying around? they might be a bit easier to hold, yeah?"

There's a bit of silence. It makes Leo's skin crawl but it helps to focus on Mikey. He can practically see the cogs whirring in his younger brother's brain, and when Mikey turns to look at him, his eyes are sparkling. Leo's breath catches and his brain stutters. He hadn't seen that face in well over a week. Though he supposed he knew Mikey is usually the first to bounce back. For a moment, Leo regrets doubting the younger turtle.

That is usually how he gets his shell kicked when they spar.

Seeing Mikey's eyes sparkle with inspiration breathes life through Leo. The effect is entirely too much, but Leo would do anything to keep it this way. To keep his brother happy.

"You're a genius Leo, I love you so much" Mikey smiles. A genuine, huge smile, teeth and all.

Leo scoffs, rolls his eyes well-meaningly, smug look ever present, "I mean, I've been trying to tell you all that for years but- hey!"

And just like that, Mikey landed a swift but light kick to his shin. Leo lets go of his hands after one last squeeze, more for himself than Mikey.

"Love you too, Mikey" This time when Leo smiles at him, he doesn't have to pull and tug at his muscles to get them to cooperate with his display. It's not followed with regret or some awful twinge of self-loathing. Mikey's face softens at the sight. Leo can't imagine why, he's had plenty of genuine smiles recently, hasn't he?

He knows he doesn't need to, but he helps his brother put his braces back on. How else is Mikey supposed to know he cares?

"I'm not a kid, y'know," Mikey says, though it's not argumentative, and he lets Leo do his thing regardless.

"I know" And Leo's voice is all cottony again. He stretches the velcro around his wrist, secure and tight. "You've been through too much for us to still be calling you a kid"

Mike sighs, fully melting against Leo and letting him support his weight. Of course, Leo lets him, shuffling a little so they're resting in a more comfortable position. He seems to mull over Leo's comment, so Leo lets him. He doesn't mind not getting a response.

Leo feels more than hears Mikey's breathing steady out. Eyes fluttered shut and muscles relaxed. Leo's not the comfiest turtle to lay on but he plays the role well, taking the time to appreciate that Mikey, that any of them, were still here at all. Trying to not think about the events that led them here was a little bit harder.

Casey wanders in not long after, quiet like a mouse even though by all means, he lives there now. His face lights up when he sees the two of them laying there but he seems to make a conscious effort to be quieter when he sees that Mikey is asleep. Casey is dressed almost entirely in borrowed clothing, and he looks tired. Beat up and tired seems to be the baseline for everyone though, so Leo didn't expect much. He's not one to judge after all.

"It's alright, he's a heavy sleeper," Leo says voice just above a whisper, patting Mikey's arm like it'd help prove his point.

Casey does relax just a little, eyes flicking between the two of them for a second. Leo wonders if he picked up this social awkwardness from Future Donnie. He wondered if Future-Donnie had still been socially awkward at all.

"How are you feeling... Leo?" And hey, the kid is putting in a conscious effort to differentiate between his own master and current Leo. That's definitely a step in the right direction. Sadly there weren't any medical articles that discussed healing from trauma that technically didn't happen. Specifically in relation to time travel. Leo checked. Multiple times. He didn't even know where to start with that kind of thing, not on his own.

"Just peachy, how 'bout you?" Leo responds, deflecting as always.

"My headache isn't letting up" Casey answers, pressing the heel of his palm into his temple and closing his eyes. Leo, ever calculating, just squints at him. He'd been running around all week with a headache? He really should've forced Casey to lay down, but between himself and everyone else, keeping tabs on everything was getting harder and harder with his likely concussed brain. He still doesn't regret telling Donnie that he's fine. He is fine. The dregs of confusion and nausea have been lessening considerably. He's fine.

"Want some medicine? We have some aspirin in the kitchen I think" He offers, deciding to save his scolding for later.

Without a doubt, Leo thinks of Casey as one of his own. And of course, Leo couldn't know exactly what Casey thought of him. He cared, that much was obvious, but even Leo could see that he misses his family. His original family. He misses a Leo that passed, but still stands before him. It's jarring in each imaginable way.

Leo wants to be that Leo.

The things Casey had said when the two had gotten separated still cut deep. It's what he needed to hear, Leo couldn't blame him for that much, but it's hard to not think of every time he looks Casey in the eye.

He loathes thinking of a timeline where Leo had caused the death of his brothers. Though that was exactly the timeline Casey originated from.

Leo was starting to feel sick again.

"I'm okay. At camp, we saved painkillers for more serious injuries, so 'm used to toughing it out" Casey explains, blinking his eyes open and shrugging nonchalantly. He was sweating and it looked like his eyes were glazed over. Leo blinked incredulously at him.

There's a beat of silence before Leo speaks again, "What were you using for like headaches and stuff?"

Casey hums, sounding exactly as Leo does, "Raphael had a garden, so he and Michelangelo made tea"

Leo's brows knit together and he pursed his lips. Raph and Mikey didn't even like tea. Was that a timeline difference, or just something his brothers had gotten used to? The idea of Donnie picking tea in any circumstance almost had him laughing.

No one particularly enjoyed tea other than himself and Splinter.

"If you look in the kitchen, the cabinet next to the stove has a bunch 'a boxes of tea. If you wanna take the green tea just don't tell dad, I can take the fall for it," Leo shrugs the best he can with Mikey under his arm.

Casey looks like he wants to say something but he breathes out softly. He nods, and mutters a quiet 'thank you' before he drifts off to the kitchen. Once again leaving him with just Mikey at his side.

"I know you're awake, by the way," Leo says, patting his arm again. Mikey just grumbles at him and keeps his head ducked down. Leo can't help but chuckle.

He takes a moment to sit and listen. The lair isn't quite as full of life as it normally is, but he can still hear movement. He can hear splinters snoring and Donnie tinkering on whatever he's got going on in his lab. If he listens closely, he can almost hear Raph's voice between bursts of.. what sounds like a power tool? April had sent the group chat a message recently too.

He breathes in, then out. Everyone is accounted for. Leo's not alone. Everyone is perfectly fine and safe, healing up since he last checked.

Leo has to fight the urge to round everyone up and check again.

"Hey, Mikey?"

Mikey grumbles at him again but it's lighter, more questioning.

The words Leo wants to say sit heavy on his tongue but refuse to come out the way he wants them to. He grits his teeth again and swallows thickly. There are a thousand things he needs to say, words that well up like a shaken can of soda but Leo's scared of getting his metaphorical soda everywhere. He's getting nowhere with this.

"I'll make it up to you" Is what fizzes out, awkward and not exactly what he wanted to get across.

Mikey moves away, enough to look Leo in the eyes but the distance is enough to have Leo's chest feeling tight. When did he get so clingy? Was that before or after trapping himself in an empty greyscape? His younger brother makes a face that snaps him out of his thoughts.

"I was super reckless. I mean I got like.. everyone hurt. I messed up and-"

Leo stops when he sees the concerned look Mikey gives him. He'd come up with a hundred different outcomes for this conversation but he didn't know this was the one they'd be going with.

It's a given that Mikey isn't a fan of the pensive, serious look on Leo's face. It's out of character but fits far too well for such a carefree turtle.

"Don't push yourself, Leo" Mikey says, "I forgive you"

Oh.

Guess Leo can't account for every scenario, huh?

"I'll.. I'll try not to. Just. Thanks" He stammers, heart pounding.

But Mikey isn't finished, "Life's a lot better with you than without. So please don't scare us like that again"

And that's not Dr. Feelings, that's Michelangelo, youngest of the four and the most empathic of them all. Always knowing the exact words to get you to sob.

Leo pretends he's imagining his eyes watering.

"We gotta cut this off here or I'm gonna start the waterworks," Leo snorts, rubbing each eye with the heel of his palm. Miraculously, the tears don't fall, it's still a scarily close call.

It manages to squeeze a huff out of Mikey, who quickly threatens to get Dr. Feelings.

Mikey is, of course, a big fan of the 'Cry if you need to, it'll probably help' idea.

Leo, on the other hand? less so.

He's half-tempted to bring back his soda metaphor.

"Um. The person you're trying to reach has been disconnected-"

"Leo, dude,"

"Please try again in two to three business days-"

"You're impossible. I'm letting you off easy this ONE time. Do not mistake my kindness for mercy. I'm gonna get you one of these days"

And god, why was Mikey so scary?

"You terrify me, my dear Michelangelo,"

Mikey nods, smug and proud, a perfect replica of the faces Leo would make. This little shit, he thinks fondly. Leo pulls his brother into a hug, and makes sure to squeeze the hell out of him, because what else are older brothers for?

Chapter Text

Leo got fidgety when he was left alone for too long. Nervous. At this point, the fact that Donnie had (apparently) put trackers on everyone didn’t seem like such a weird idea. It wasn’t even that he needed to know where they were, he just had to know they were there at all. A tracker could only partially do that for him. 

Which left him with an ultimatum. Strain his injuries hobbling around everywhere, cause there’s no way he’s asking for any more help than he physically has to. Or just... Being aware of his surroundings. It was weird to think of at first; their home, the converted subway system, wasn’t small and had pretty good acoustics. They were ninjas, but not in their own home. They made as much noise as they damn well pleased and for once Leo wasn’t annoyed by it. The practice reminded him a lot of meditation, something he would’ve sworn wasn’t possible for him. Crazy what a lifetime of trauma will do.

If he were to be completely honest, it was the only way he could stomach being in his room for so long. Or at all. Alone at least. He could read his comics in peace now. Leo couldn’t really place why they didn’t make him as happy as they used to.

He wasn’t left alone though, solitude ended with his older brother stepping through the threshold with a light knock.

“Leo?” Raph breathes, quiet and soft, “Leo, we need to talk.”

If Leo had hair, it’d be standing on end. He hated that phrase. Those kinds of things never end well. He pulled a little smile, with a face he knew would have a comical kind of denial, “If it’s about Donnie’s copy of Jupiter Jim’s Fourth Last Voyage to Venus, I swear I didn’t-”

“No, Leo. Seriously”

Ah, yeah. Sure, that’s cool. Leo could absolutely do this. He dropped the facial expression, shoulders drooping like he’d lost the fight in him. Raph was using his Serious Voice.

“Oh… Okay. What’s up, big guy?” He asked, fully sitting up despite the stinging. When Raph didn’t immediately continue Leo had to stop himself from picking at the bandage around his chest, folding his hands together instead.

“It’s about the Kraang” Raph finally says and he peers right into Leo’s soul.

The cold feel of dread drips slowly and steadily down Leo’s spine. He furrows his brows, “I’m not in love with where this is going”

The laugh his brother gives him is dry and more of a huff. He's humoring Leo, surely. The knowledge of it leaves a sour taste in the slider's mouth.

“I know, I know, just stick with me. I just… need to ask you something”

There’s another pause, and it takes a second for Leo to realize he was supposed to respond, “Alright, shoot”

“When you- after I got Mikey and Donnie- um” And at least Leo’s not the only one seeming to struggle. Raph opens and closes his mouth a few times, all half-finished thoughts and blurred-out sentences. Were his memories impacted by the Kraang? Leo hadn’t even thought of it. He could save the mental-self-kicking for later after he’d run some tests.

He waves Raph over, patting the space beside him on the bed. 

His brother obliges, and this time when Leo looks at him, he looks away. The hole in Raph’s shell wasn’t showing any signs of infection. By all means, it looked like any other chip save for its strange shape. Looking through it was like looking through a mirror back to the invasion. Cold and selfish. Leo was changing. He had to have changed. He wasn’t the same as when Raph had gotten that scar. Yet that circular chip seemed to try and prove him wrong every time.

“Did I… teach you to do that?” The question snaps Leon from his thoughts, “Am I teaching them that?”

The tone Raph says it in isn’t right. What he says isn’t right.

“You taught me lotta things, Raph, gotta be more specific than that,”

“Leo, not the time,”

“Sorry,”

When the snapper turns to him, Leo turns away. What an awful game of cat and mouse they played. 

“You didn’t” He answers, soft and quiet, palms facing out in defense, “I just... I realized it wasn’t about me. Casey was already at the key. When I saw the Kraang… When I realized I could protect you all. It would’ve just gone after you when it was done with me,”

“Leo you didn’t-”

“Don’t tell me I didn’t have to, Raph,” Leo chokes out, shaking his head. His eyes were watering again and he couldn’t stand how much he’d been crying recently. He clenches his fist and looks up to the ceiling in a blatant refusal to let himself cry. “I couldn’t let it hurt anyone else. I was… I was fine if it was me. You- It would’ve been fine if it was me-”

Raph cuts off the thought, “Leo, buddy, hey it’s okay, I’m here”

He gives up the fight against picking at his bandages, unraveling threads though it felt they were the only things keeping him together. Falling apart was looking more and more tempting as time went on. Leo didn’t know how to keep himself together on his own.

“I thought I died in there,”

It’s a harrowing thing to realize. The two of them are silent for a long moment. Leo still refuses to look at his brother. He nearly caused the end of the world as they know it and he would’ve been fine dying to keep that from happening. Mikey almost died just to save him. Raph almost died saving him. They all almost died just to save Leo.

Leo wanted to become someone deserving of it.

“It was dark, y’know?” Leo doesn’t know why he’s still talking, he should stop, it hurt too much to remember it all, “Quiet too. All I could hear was that thing yelling at me. It was really, really angry. So when I saw a bright glowy light well… I kinda thought that was it for me,”

And shell, Leo told himself he’d stop crying, and yet here he is. He’s supposed to be comforting Raph here, not reliving his trauma. He doesn’t fight the hug Raph pulls him into, just squeezes his eyes shut and tries to focus on Raph’s breathing. He can feel it now. Raph is here and breathing.

“You’re safe Leo, we’re all safe. Breathe, c’mon”

The first inhale hurts. The second is less painful. By the fifth Leo has stopped actively gasping for air. He squirms a little and Raph hesitates before letting him go. He takes Leo’s hands into his own partially for comfort and partially to keep the slider from picking at his bandages more.

“I’m here Leo, we’re in your room, see?”

Leo blinks hard, tears fall with the force but he doesn’t feel new ones welling. It’s blurry, but he can see his brother and the fuzzy shapes of his room, just like Raph said. The sight and feel of Raph squeezing his hands ground Leo just enough to discern that he really should be getting it together.

“In… In my room” He pants, dizzy and disorientated. More so Raph knew he was present than anything else.

Mostly present. Leo doesn’t pull his hands back and Raph lets him sit there. They breathe together and Leo sits to focus on what he can hear around him. His father’s TV isn’t loud enough to cover the sound of Mikey watching Donnie playing games. The little ambiance of the lair calms him more than he’d like to admit. 

The stall in their conversation is just long enough for Leon to get caught in his thoughts again.

He had to rely on Raph again. The snapper had come to be comforted and yet again he had to cast aside his needs, his fears, for Leo of all people. He’d relied on Raph enough. Leo is the leader now, and although he’s well aware mental fortitude couldn’t beat PTSD in a fight, he had people to look after. He’s better than this. He had to be better than this. He still felt like crying.

“My chest hurts,”

“I’m really, really sorry Leo. I didn’t mean to trigger ‘ya”

“You didn’t know, I’m not upset,”

“You good to grab new bandages? Yours are lookin’ a bit worse for wear,”

Leo shakes his head. The trip from his room to the medical bay is at least a thousand miles long and Leo just had to fight off a panic attack. Just the thought of hobbling the whole way was nauseating. No way was he asking Donnie to get him the stretcher thing either, that was too much work and would cause too much worry. Leon would be fine waiting.

“I’m tired, maybe later”

“I’ll just carry you,” Raph shrugs like it's nothing. Like his left arm isn’t lightly scarred with weird mystic burns.

Leon gives him a look, squints, and makes a gesture at Raph’s arm. For the sass Leo gives him, Raph returns it tenfold with an eye roll and a playful scoff.

“C’mon now, we both know I can pick you up with one arm”

Suppose that is correct. Leo can’t really argue with that. He forgets how light he must be to Raph, with how easily the snapper maneuvers them both until he’s carrying Leo out of the train car like he weighs nothing at all.

With the new angle, Leon can hide his face easier. He takes advantage of it, using it to muster just a little bit of courage, “Sorry. I wanted to make you feel better. I um… I’m sorry,”

“It’s okay, little brother”

Before Leo knows it he’s sitting on a cot with Raph looking through the cabinets. He folds his hands in his lap and picks at his nails. The silence is stifling to him, though Raph sees it more for what it truly is. Tense but not upsetting outright.

“Raph?”

“What’s up, Leo?”

“You didn’t teach me the sacrificing thing,” It starts strong and steady, just as Leo intended, he needs to keep it that way, “I’m sorry if you thought… if you thought you’d influenced me to do that. I just wanted to keep everyone safe is all,”

The cabinet clicks shut and Raph begins properly unraveling Leo’s old frayed wrappings. His expression is surprisingly unreadable, for a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. He looks calm, though Leo’s convinced it couldn’t truly be the case. There’s no way Raph isn’t at least a little upset with him.

The cracks in his plastron look better. Seeing them in better lighting made them look better than the last time Leo had seen them. A few chips were missing, and some places between the grooves revealed pale green skin. The cracks were deep and ugly, a sign of blunt trauma and an awful reminder. From a clinical standpoint, Leo can at least appreciate how cleanly it's healing. It definitely could be going much worse. 

“Thanks. That means a lot, Leo,” And from his tone, Leo knows there’s going to be a ‘but’, “But can you promise me you won’t do that again?”

Perhaps his crew doesn’t realize how often Leo is correct about things. It happens fairly often. More often than he’d like. Leon snorts and pulls a cheeky grin, not at all matching the context.

“Can you?”

Raph chuckles at him but its more of a huff.

“Yeah, I guess I walked into that”

“You really, really did" 

"Alright, fine, I promise I'll try not to"

"I promise, too"

Leo's pretty sure they both know they're lying. He had a new understanding of Raph's role. Whether they liked it or not, as the eldest siblings and leader(s), it was their job to protect their loved ones. Even if it meant getting hurt in the process. They'd come to a silent agreement about that much.

Chapter Text

When Leo has to remove his bandages, he puts in the extra effort to not think too much about how he feels about his injury. He focuses on the facts and logic, what he needs medically to keep his recovery going smoothly. Mikey referred to this as 'intellectualizing his feelings' or something like that. Apparently, Leo did it a lot. 

Leo just called it not going into a depressive and/or panicked spiral over the consequences of your actions. He'd have to process it one day, sure, but he's going to procrastinate until it bites him in the shell down the line. It's kinda how he does things. The risks he takes are calculated, more so now than before the invasion, at least.

He can't see his carapace very well even using a mirror, so he leaves all of that to the expertise of Donnie and Casey, the only other 'qualified' medics. Qualified meaning having more than just basic medical knowledge, like Mikey. The nature of Leo's injury wasn't exactly something he wanted Raph to handle, so he was kind of relieved when Donnie and Casey volunteered. 

He wishes he didn't have to. Rely on them, that is. They've already been through so much recently. Leo hated how much he's added to their stress. Once again, the consequences of his own stupid actions. He didn't regret doing it but he regretted how much he hurt his family in the process

Casey and Donnie still joke around with him, as he lays on his stomach while Donnie stirs the resin and Casey cuts out little fiberglass patches. It's kind of like he's about to receive the world's worst massage. The anticipation is cold in his stomach. He crosses his arms and uses them as a pillow in hopes of getting even the slightest bit more comfortable.

"We should be alright to get started, I believe I have enough resin," Donnie says, the chair creaking as he leans forward. The noise has Leo's skin prickling before he remembers it’s just his brother. He disguises it with a sigh. No one comments, if they notice. He can still hear the popsicle stick scraping along the bottom of the plastic measuring cup.

"So what's the sitch? Give it to me straight, Doc," Leo breathes. It's half a joke, but he truly doesn't quite know how bad the damage is. Other than that it hurts like hell most days.

Donnie snorts, skillfully avoiding the question in favor of making fun of him, "That's ironic wording, coming from our resident fruit ninja,"

Leo whips his head around, glaring at his younger brother, "What the hell, Donnie?"

Confusion drips from the words more than any kind of threatening tone, and the look he gives Donnie's shoulder is pure incredulous. Casey chokes on a laugh off to his left but Leo keeps all his attention on Donnie. Because, no, what the hell?

"What? I'm not incorrect, am I?"

And he's not, but people aren't supposed to just know that stuff. Though if anyone could be credited with knowing things they're not supposed to, it would be Donnie. At least Leo wasn't hiding it and didn't care if or how people knew, but still.

"Shut up, though?" Leo answers, brow-ridges furrowed and shaking his head best as he can.

"Scoff, 'Nardo you were not being secretive," 

"Donnie I'm gonna fucking GET you" He threatens, and Casey cackles, sounding more surprised than amused. The blatant hostility even jokingly didn't seem familiar to him. Leo hated to acknowledge that fact.

"He said convincingly, from the hospital bed," Donnie's quick to retort.

And he has a point, Leo would love to say he's not a quitter, but how he behaved the second the Kraang's portal closed behind him. He knew he would be lying to himself. 

"I don't know if you've noticed this yet, but your life is in danger," Leo says cooly, returning to his normal position. Wordlessly, Donnie leans over his shell and the ooze of cold resin in the cracks returning is not pleasant. Is this how Raph felt when they were younger? He never needed this much resin.

"The odds are not in your favor, dear brother," Donnie mutters. He stiffens when the fiberglass patch is placed over the biggest crack. Leo hates how much he can feel what they're doing, "I imagine you won't need any resin for your plastron, as the damage isn't as severe,"

"Morality has a time limit, and your days are numbered," He tries to say, but his voice is strained and coming out more as a mumble. It's so cold, and it takes everything in him to not curl into his shell. It's necessary, he needs to get through this. It shouldn't be too much longer. He can hold out.

"I'll dump this resin down your shell if you don't keep still," Donnie mutters, placing his hand flat on Leo's carapace as if to stabilize him. Casey pats his shoulder. It and the banter do little to distract him.

"Isn't that where it's going anyway?" 

Casey's voice is small when he finally speaks up, "Are you two always like this?"

And it hurts that he even has to ask, that he doesn't know.

"Yes, always," Donnie and Leo both say in perfect sync, sharing a fist bump. The room goes quiet again as Casey seems to think it over. Leo figures Donnie must have... passed… when he was fairly young. He's able to pick up just from the context that Raph was the first to go, no doubt protecting someone. Casey seems to have only a few memories of Raph, given how awkward he gets around him and Donnie now that he's no longer forced to remain in fight-or-flight mode.

That reminds him to ask how he's doing later. Maybe he'll drag Mikey along. As much as he hates to admit it, Mikey knew so much more than him about mental health stuff. Leo tended to prefer medical knowledge over psychological. He'd have to try it in a way that isn't overwhelming for any of them. Plus, Casey seems the most comfortable with him and Mikey anyway.

"Casey?" He calls, getting a hum in response. The resin drips in the broader cracks in his shell, it feels like when Mikey pokes the back of his neck when he's not looking, but prolonged and at least twenty times worse. "Case, wanna tell me about the future?"

"What?"

He sounds shocked, unsurprisingly. Leo even notices Donnie hesitates, the liquid slowing its descent down his spine, it mimics his sanity. He thinks this resin is gonna drive him batty.

"Dude," Leo starts, quick to explain, "I've read like a thousand-"

"You can read?" And it comes from his right side, his brother sounding perfectly confused.

"Donnie-"

"bleh bleh bleh" And it’s the mimicking sound that all little siblings do when they're being annoying.

"I've read some stuff on trauma and grief n' all. So if you want, keep me distracted. This resin is super cold and awful and I think I may lose it,"

Casey stammers in response, not even knowing where to begin. Leo realizes the issue, he has it himself and with Donnie at times. Too vague, open-ended questions seem to not be the strong suit of anyone in the room.

"Tell me a good memory? One of your favorites," He offers. Leo doesn't know if any of them are prepared to handle any kind of kraang-related stories. Most of them seemed to end in loss and tragedy.

He's quiet for a minute, thinking and placing more patches where Donnie directs. Leo knows they're almost done. The damage wasn't severe enough to need that many, that Leo knew at least. 

"I was kinda young when it happened, so I don't... remember much but... One time, Donnie shorted out power to an entire city block to power one invention,"

And it’s perfect, it has Donnie flushing red and Leo laughing. Donnie seems to have an annual goal of causing a power outage to the entire lair at least three times a year, as much as he'd tell you otherwise. It’s not out of character. It's perfectly Donnie.

"That sounds reasonable," Is all the offending turtle has to say, voice tight because he knows he'll never hear the end of it.

"No it doesn't, shut up," Leo's giggling again, so Donnie leans back in the chair and Leo hears Casey do the same. The break was absolute heaven to Leo's overridden processors. Too much bad stimuli. To think he took a beating from a huge Kraang monster with a smile, but heaven forbid he needs a bit of resin for his shell. Maybe 'a bit' was an understatement. Maybe he needs to be stronger.

Casey smiles, Leo can hear it in his voice, "Everyone tore him a new one for that, the device ended up being an indoor garden thing?" He gestures with his hands in the corner of the sliders eye, approximating the size, "It was a birthday present, for Raphael, he wouldn't explain why it needed that much power"

There's a pause, the twins don't dare to speak.

"It was... really pretty actually," Casey takes a deep breath, "Y'know, I remember Donnie always arguing that you two were never twins but... He was always the first to give you a present on your birthday, even with everything else going on,"

And this is when Leo starts to feel a little bad for pushing him. The memories are fond, but that doesn't stop them from being just that. Memories.

"Dee's such a softie, dude, you wouldn't- Ow!" Surprise, surprise, Donnie has cut Leo off by punching him. It wasn't their normal roughhousing, it wouldn't be for a while, but the familiarity was nice. Even if he was still getting punched.

"Gasp!" His voice is still monotone, but spoken in a slightly higher pitch, "Don't reveal my weaknesses all willy-nilly!" 

It's so stupid, Leo can't help but laugh. Who even says that anymore? Thankfully Casey does join him in laughter. He's still smiling when he starts speaking again, "Leo, you don't have any room to talk. You were the one who talked... I don't remember... I think you called him Barry? Draxum. You talked Draxum into mutating plants to survive the conditions,"

"Aw, shucks," Leo says, thoroughly embarrassed.

"Shucks? What are you, eighty?" Donnie snorts back.

"Real rich, coming from the turtle who just said willy-nilly,"

"I'd be careful if I were you anyway, Donnie, you have a habit of picking up vocal stims from Leo,"

"Casey, you're supposed to be on my side, against a common enemy," The slider doesn't even need to look to know Donnie gestured at him, sass and utter betrayal coming off better than Leo would've ever given him credit for. He knows Don is playing it up for the theatrics. Fuckin' theater kids.

Leo mumbles something to that effect, which gets him punched again. Donnie nudges his shell and starts using the resin again. They've reached the outer, thinner cracks in his carapace. It's Leo's only solace, knowing they're almost done.

He thunks his head down, hitting his arms and blocking the rest of his view, "All's fair in war. I'm on the side of who's winning the argument," he hears from Casey. He sounds so smug, Leo wants to give him a noogie and poke his face.

"Finally, we have another morally gray character, it was so exhausting being just me," Donnie says, apparently letting the pain of his betrayal wash away like water. Oh, how easy it is to move on. And even then, Donnie was proud of being the most morally ambiguous of all of them. Where he even got that from was beyond Leo.

"Dontron's moral compass is a roulette wheel," He quips.

"Does 'lose a turn' become 'lose your life'?" Casey asks.

The soft shell completely ignores them, in favor of another idea, "Casey, how do you even know Wheel of Fortune? I cannot imagine game shows surviving the apocalypse for that long,"

"Michelangelo," Is all they're supplied with.

"That... That checks out," 

"Stay still for a few minutes. After that don't do anything too exciting for the next twenty-four hours, okay? It is imperative that the resin hardens correctly or you’re going to be unbelievably uncomfortable for the rest of your life and I am being dead serious, ‘Nardo,”

Leo didn’t even want to begin to imagine what that might be like. Maybe he’d listen to Donnie, just this once. He sits up slowly, swinging his legs over and scooting back until both of his brothers are within view.

“Alright alright! As if I’d go do somethin’ that stupid on purpose-'' Leo’s tone is joking as he says it, waving his hand flippantly, but the look Donnie gives him is scathing. Donnie grits his teeth in a physical effort to keep from saying something he wouldn’t regret nearly enough. His eyes set and even Donnie himself seems surprised at the sudden flare of anger, Leo winces at the sight, ducking his head.

The tension is absolutely suffocating. The way Donnie stares at him is worse than anger, it's turned to concern. Leo would’ve preferred Donnie to be outright angry any day of the week, and in other conditions, he’d go straight to being annoying in hopes of swaying his brothers' emotions towards what he’s able to process. He’s fine with Donnie being angry at him, that he’s used to.

Unsurprisingly, Leo is the first to back down, looking off to the side at nothing in particular, he speaks again, “Sorry, and… thank you, Donnie” 

Casey looks between them, confused and looking a second from jumping in and luckily, he doesn’t have to. Donnie lets out a sigh, verbalizing the word itself as he does. As the air leaves his body, so too does the tension between them. It lingers at the tip of Leo’s fingertips before it does finally leave.

“It’s no probbles, really,” 

Casey’s face scrunches as he zones out a little. The expression is uncannily similar to how Mikey does it that it has Leo reeling for half a second.

“You alright there, Case?” He asks. Donnie shrugs unhelpfully when he glances over, Leo makes sure to playfully roll his eyes at him.

“Yeah… I’m… sorry. I’m starting to remember how much you bickered when I was a kid. It’s just… weird to hear it again, after so long,” The boy answers, starting to mess with his fingers. That stim, Leo thinks, he must’ve gotten from Donnie, “I think I forgot how much I missed it,”

He doesn’t have to say anything else, Leo and Donnie understand. It brings a strange thought, that if Leo’s plan had gone through how he originally predicted, he still wouldn’t be constantly arguing with Donnie. He’d just be dead, a total role reverse and something that wouldn’t be recovered. How grim, knowing that in his last hurrah, he still wouldn’t have been able to fix everything. 

Leo holds out his arms and waves him over, Casey nearly leaps at him and fumbles for a second on where to put his arms before settling into the hug. Leo tries to mutter an apology, but Casey just squeezes him tighter, Leo pats his back.

Donnie looks at them awkwardly, lips pressed into a thin line and glancing around. Leo can’t help but roll his eyes again, he still holds out his arm extending the offer to his brother as well.

He’s not surprised when Don declines. He knows the offer’s appreciated in the way Donnie sends a metal arm to pat Casey’s head instead much like he does with Mikey. It seems Casey is familiar with that form of affection because he leans his head into the metal and looks alarming like he’s going to start crying again. Casey can recognize how different is, physically, emotionally, but he finds it hard to not think of the closest person he had to a father. He clings to Leo, a ghost of someone he loved so dearly. 

Casey couldn’t believe how much he missed them. How much he hated pulling away.

“Do you want to tell me another story?” Leo asks him softly, watching the boy wipe at his tearing eyes.

Needless to say; the three of them spent the next few hours in the medical bay, sharing and comparing stories, speaking of the future and Casey’s home. His old home, he’d clarify. Talking about them hurt so much and there were many tears shed but he’d take that over forgetting them any day. Knowing that Future-Leonardo would be proud of him, that Current-Leo was proud of him, it helped.

Chapter Text

Leo thought he was getting better. Well, he is, technically. Physically healing. There were some minor issues with the internal bleeding and all but thankfully, he was healing okay. Scars lined his plastron, little grooves shifting with each breath in a spider crack design. He felt better than he did most days, but 'better' doesn't go very far only two months after going through the most traumatic thing he's experienced. He's better, for what that's worth.

Donnie seemed to recover the fastest of all of them, surprisingly. His soft shell still had little pock-marks and lightning-like scars from the Kraang's ship integrating with his nervous system but he hadn't reported any issues. Leo had a feeling he was keeping some things under the rug if the seemingly uncontrollable spasming of limbs had anything to say about it. Leo's been helping him however he can manage even if it's just playing games until Donnie's too tired to do anything but sleep. Donnie will come to him when he’s ready.

Mikey still had his tremor and some difficulty with grasping things, but that also seemed to be improving, albeit slowly. Donnie made him a little brace that doubled with grip support, little dull pieces of plastic that followed the curl of his hand. He, Raph, and Mikey all matched with the new addition to their gear. The youngest of them had taken up spray painting just as Leo suggested. It wasn't a perfect solution or creative outlet but it covered their home in beautiful murals and swirls of red, blue, purple, and orange.

Raph's right eye had all but fully healed. Unfortunately, he lost a significant portion of his vision with the infection, stuck rubbing his eye to clear blurriness that would never fully leave. His new bandana covered most of the scar. At the very least, the gash on his side had healed to a thin line. The channel in his plastron matched some of Leo's now. Faded orange scars on his left hand had stopped their eerie glow long ago. From what Leo could tell, Raph was already beginning to have full usage of it again. He had expected the same result for Donnie, but Donnie couldn't stop using his hands for the life of him.

The thought of duct-taping his twin to a chair was becoming more and more tempting with each passing day.

Casey has troubles still, despite being the least physically harmed. He still had old, old injuries that couldn't be properly cared for. It's obvious that they did what they could, and cared even more, but it's still going to be something to deal with. He's been adjusting rather well to the past all things considered. The kid is fascinated by the surface, so he and Leo have taken to 'sneaking out' to sit up on the rooftops and watch the city, and more often than not, they'll visit April on their way back. Casey finally ends up meeting the past version of his mother. Unsurprisingly, they took to each other like a forest fire. Cassandra must not have changed much in the future.

One day, Cassandra paints Casey's eyes with red makeup. Red eyeliner to match Future-Leo, in the same style as current-Cass. Current-Leo tries to not cry when he sees it. Cassandra sends Casey home with three bottles of eyeliner and a few helpful tips on how to apply it.

So, they're trying. The nights when sleepovers are necessary lessen, and Leo can't decide whether this is something he’s grateful for. He never thought he'd be happy about his dad's snoring… and he didn't imagine he'd go back to being scared of the dark so soon. It was a very blissful ten years while it lasted, at least.

He keeps an eye on his family, as the medic and leader, of course. He helps Mikey cook sometimes, helps Raph come up with a modified exercise routine. Even makes sure Donnie is getting to sleep and staying asleep, nightmares and impossibly high-tech projects be damned. Leo tries to cover all his bases, tries to be there as much as he can. He doesn't know how else to say he cares about them. How thankful he is to still have them.

Leo thinks he should do better, but what he's able to do isn't so bad either. It's hard to remember his body isn't what it used to be. It's only been two months, he's still hurt.

He tends to forget to take care of himself. To the extent that he cares for the others, that is. They help him as much as they can. They're still scarred, scared. Leo can't blame them for it. He doesn't like looking at himself much either, though he doesn’t really think they dislike him.

Which leads him to noon. The rest of his family is asleep and would be for another few hours, until proper nightfall. He'd meant to go to sleep hours ago, but something buzzed inside his bones that kept him moving. He'd already lapped the base twice now.

He’d made the mistake of looking in the bathroom mirror.

An easy mistake.

Bathroom mirrors tend to be put in places where they're impossible to ignore.

Leo recognized the turtle that stared back at him, sure. His eye bags were hidden by his mask and even then he looked so, so tired. He had the face of someone who was strong but because they had to be. Because he didn't have any other choice. He smiled at his reflection, the contortion of muscles looked familiar.

Leo knew him, but he didn't like him very much.

He traced one of the broader cracks in his plastron with his finger, one of the big ones that reached the very edge and ended in a chip. The resin dried clear and revealed pale green underneath, a sight that still made him feel a little sick. Brain desperately yelling that he's not supposed to see that part. Leo kind of understood Donnie's squirminess when it came to blood now. Maybe he has some apologizing to do.

The sink ran endlessly, just for the noise if nothing else, but Leo still found himself letting the water run over his hands. He didn't know if it was an autism thing or a turtle thing, but the action was so weirdly calming, always had been. Zoned out and alone with nothing but the bathroom sink and the mirror in front of him. He’s long since memorized the spider-webbed pattern his plastron makes now, but the shape of it still morphs and twists in his dreams until it’s pulling him apart.

Why was he still in here? What was he doing before he came in?

Has he always been alone?

Leo shuts the water off. Shakes droplets from his hands rather than properly drying them. He still feels in a daze, as though his body isn't truly his. He knew the person in the mirror. Though he still couldn't help but feel out of place regardless.

Opening the door and entering the lair again was harder than Leon thought it would be.

"Oh. Hey, Leo"

The slider blinks owlishly at the speaker before he remembers he's supposed to be Leo.

He points at Donnie, and Donnie points back at him. They mirror exaggerated surprised faces. That spiderman meme never gets old, they're both diehard insomniacs and it had become a routine to mimic it whenever they crossed paths when they should've been sleeping.

Leos was the first to break the ritual, as usual.

"Donnieeee," he groans, knowing his brother was awake not of his own volition, "Dontron, my man, what happened to sleeping?"

"Well, I heard the water running for the last-” He checks his wrist-screen-thing-y for a brief moment, “ -twelve minutes, give or take, so I thought I'd investigate."

Wow, that was. Actually an incredibly caring gesture.

"Oh,"

The silence stretches out, they both avoid eye contact and Leo taps his thigh. He absolutely was not going to be the first to break and say something weird, no he was the first last time. It's Donnie’s turn to be gross and mushy.

"Are you... Okay?"

There it is. His twin's face twisted in concern and Leo would revel in the fact that he was right once again were it not for that aspect. He shrugs to feign casualty.

"Eh, you know how it is,"

"Right,"

They're quiet again, and Donnie steps forward, drawing Leo’s eyes and meeting them. It’s uncomfortable, how intensely Donnie looks at him while he decides what to say. Eye contact between the two is rare so it's no wonder why it catches Leo off guard like this.

"It's 'cause of the scar, isn't it? Or did you have a nightmare?"

Leo’s eyes widen, but he quickly looks off to the side, breath catching in his chest. The fact that Donnie asked at all was surprising, and the fact that he was spot on too? Even more so. How do you even respond to something like that? At least Donnie’s already done him the favor of narrowing it down. Picking the nightmare would be the easiest option of course but, well…

It’s a conscious effort, to be honest with his twin. Leo doesn’t expect any kind of negative reaction aside from maybe an ‘ew, feelings’ expression but it doesn’t make him any less anxious. It's new for them both.

"Well... it wasn't the nightmare,"

"Is it… feeling uncomfortable?"

“Only to look at,”

“I see,”

Leo can’t help but huff, pulling a little smile.

"Dude, we are so awkward,"

"We? I didn’t even do anything,"

"Moving on, I’m bored. Are you going to sleep soon?"

"No. I’m working on something,"

"Dude, when are you not?"

"Shut up, are you coming with me or not?"

"Yeah, sure,"

- 

Leo is very much minding his business, rereading one of his comics in the living room when Donnie barges in with Mikey and Raph in tow. They have matching expressions of… determination? Why are they looking at him like that? The three of them stop just in front of Leo, and the way Donnie crosses his arms makes Leo think this might be a ‘put the comic away’ kind of conversation. That’s fine, it’s not like he wanted to read it or anything.

Is… Is Leo supposed to have any idea what’s happening? Because he doesn’t. If he had to guess, this whole thing probably regarded the conversation he had with Donnie the night before. He was hoping Donnie would just let it slide but no, hopes were quickly dashed ‘cause the bastard even brought reinforcement.

“Hey, guys… everything alright?” Leo asks them carefully.

Donnie looks at Mikey and makes a gesture at Leo, urging their youngest brother forward.

What kind of psychological warfare were they about to subject Leo to?

“Sooo,” Mikey starts, clasping his hands together and rocking from his toes to his heels and back, the epitome of innocence, “Donnie said you were having issues last night,”

Yeah, that’ll do it.

“Sure, I usually have issues sleeping, that’s not news Miguel,” Leo says, his last chance at deflecting. Mikey doesn’t have eyebrows, but the ridges still furrow together as if he does.

“Not what we’re here to talk about, but you and I will be talking about it later,” Mikey says with such a no-bullshit tone that Leo just deflates, knowing there’s no getting out of it, “Why didn’t you tell anyone how you felt about your scars?”

His lips press together into a thin, nervous line. This conversation was quickly becoming more about damage control than Leo would have originally liked.

The urge to push them away was strong. To laugh it off and pretend it was fine, he’s fine. He is, really.

“I think I feel rather normal about my scars, thank you,” He snorts, keeping his tone lighthearted as best as he can.

“Well, yeah obviously, I mean like… why didn’t you tell anyone you were losing sleep about it?”

“Miguel, I’ve been losing sleep about a lot of things,”

“I know, but-”

“Mikey, the point?”

“Right, right. Not what we’re here to talk about, I'm still not letting you off the hook though,” Mikey says with such a no-bullshit tone that Leo just deflates, knowing there’s no getting out of it, “This is going to sound weird, so just hear me out, okay?”

“...Okay?”

“I thought maybe if we painted over the cracks, it would help you associate the injury with something more positive. So when Donnie told me I thought that it might be cool if we all did it? Only if you’re okay with it, I mean, it’ll be washable and stuff so if you don’t like it-"

"Mikey?"

"Yeah?"

The idea of it isn't... incredibly appealing. Sure he's got the resin and stuff now, so the planes of his chest plate are flat yet again so theoretically it would be fine. He didn’t know how he felt about the prospect of flaking, drying paint on what’s more or less bare bone.

He didn't know if he was ready to be so vulnerable.

"I think that's a great idea, Mike"

Donnie lets out a visible sigh of relief, shoulders sagging and arms coming uncrossed. Raph has a very similar reaction though with a light chuckle. Mikey’s whole face lights up and he flaps his hands excitedly, nearly containing the vocalization that comes with it.

He hasn’t stimmed like that in… since…

It’s been a minute since Leo last saw him so happy. The soft looks he gets from Donnie and Raph lead Leo to believe they’re the same way. Mikey the beloved youngest sibling has struck the three of them with optimism as he usually does. Leo may be the one for team morale, but the youngest of the Hamatos was truly the glue keeping them all sane.

“Can we start now?” He asks, highly animated like any second he’s going to burst.

Leo smiles, “I mean, I don’t have any plans for tonight,”

He never did, he couldn’t walk up the stairs without getting mildly winded. Major chest injuries will do that to a guy.

Getting effectively colored on turned out to not be too bad. The brushes tickled, and he had to breathe incredibly slowly, but overall it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. It was better than when he got the resin and Leo could be grateful for that much. At some point, Leo had just closed his eyes, preferring it over just staring at the ceiling.

The whole ordeal took much less time than Leo had expected, though that very well could have been attributed to him mentally checking out five minutes in. Raph, Mikey, and Donnie didn’t talk to him, needing him to be still. How’s Leo supposed to stay awake in these conditions?

“Oh, hey dad,” Raph greets, and Leo still doesn’t open his eyes.

“Please, boys, tell me you are not drawing on Leonardo while he sleeps again, I thought we had grown out of this,” It sounds exasperated, the way he speaks.

“I’m awake,” Leo speaks softly, feeling the brushes leave his plastron he takes a deep breath.

There’s shuffling, and then, “If we were, we would be using permanent marker instead of paint,”

“What the heck, Donnie?”

“We’d also be drawing on his face,”

“Mikey, how could you, my own flesh and blood,”

Their dad sighs deeply, “I suppose that would be correct, yes,”

“Great! let's just pretend Leon’s not here, that’s cool too,”

Raph snorts and pats his shoulder. Something inside Leo softens when he does. Splinter pads over and Leo feels all of their eyes on him, observing their work. He doesn’t even think to open his own, not yet.

“Dad, you should put something too, I think we’re just about done,” Raph offers. Splinter hums in response.

A brush meets his plastron again, on his right side near his stomach. Leo sucks in a breath. The strokes are light and precise and it takes a minute to realize his dad is writing. The patterns of drying paint were made with too much purpose to be anything else. Leo can’t see it of course, but the characters make their way down in a neat column from what he can tell.

A hand, one of his brothers, brushes against his arm, “You can look, Leo,” Mikey says.

Slowly, slowly, Leo sits upright. The lighting in the living room is dim and helps when Leo blinks away the bleary spots in his vision.

The first thing he sees when he looks down is an explosion of color, overtaking his entire chest and branching down toward his stomach. The scars weren’t painted over, strangely enough. Their lines and hairline cracks contributed to and guided swirls and shapes of varying sizes. Red, blue, purple, and orange. Patterns almost appear to shift as he breathes and moves, tracing over a splatter of bright orange. There’s a bright patch of light blue right at the center of it all, branching out and fading to a tye-dye of other colors.

Broad strokes of red, all-too-precise sequences of purple shapes, and fluctuating oranges. The writing on his side turns out to be Kanji, written in Japanese, it read;

あなたは一人じゃない

Leo’s eyes grew bleary again.

“Dad… please tell me it doesn’t just say ‘blue’ or something,” Despite his father's upbringing and general life, he hadn’t dedicated much time to teaching them how to read any Japanese. There were a few words Leo could remember clearly but he was also fairly certain they translated into curses.

Splinter just chuckles, having the gall to not even look the slightest bit embarrassed. He takes Leo’s hand in his, “No, my son, it does not mean blue,”

“You’re not alone,”

All eyes snap to look at Raph, who chokes like he was going to start crying. Leo figured he might be joining him. Of course, Raph would be the one to know.

“In case you needed a reminder,” Their dad pats his hand and lets go, stepping away with a soft smile.

Tears make their way down with little hindrance, curving around Leo’s smiling face to drip down his chin. Mikey makes a noise that sounds an awful lot like a squeak, eye-ridge-things shooting up in concern with Raph looking similarly. Even Donnie looks dangerously close to experiencing an emotion.

“This is good, right?!” He questions, looking at Raph like he’d have an answer.

Leo can’t help but laugh, looking down and rubbing at his eyes. If he got their masterpiece wet, that was sure to ruin it, “Obviously! Look- look how big I’m smiling, Mikey!”

His voice shakes, but the next thing comes clear, “I love you guys, thank you,”

Chapter Text

Things always got weird when Leo wasn't the turtle in charge of the medical bay. It's a given, really. Because that usually means Donnie is the one in control and they oscillate wildly between mildly okay and complete disaster. The whole Classic-Donnie-Overthink thing has been the cause of more than one issue in the last four months and also the last sixteen years, give or take.

Though this time it was beginning to grate at Leo's nerves. He was promised that his younger twin would think about clearing him for more intense exercise weeks ago. Leo is the antsiest of all of them when (for lack of a better term) hospitalized. Said slider tends to blame the ADHD. No matter the occasion, it seems Leo is incapable of sitting still.

And though training was not particularly his favorite activity, Leo was itching to get back some form of normalcy. Even if it meant Mikey or Raph kicking his shell every time the two stepped into their makeshift arena. He’d take that over the months of nothing any day of the week. It wasn’t fair anyway, Mikey and Raph were cleared long before him.

It takes a full week of poking, prodding, and general annoying before Donnie gave.

"Fine! I suppose," he started, already incredibly hesitant but sounding extremely annoyed at the same time. He spoke slowly like he was picking each individual word before he said it, "If you're careful, and start with a heavily modified routine. I could clear you to start training again, sparring at the very least."

The grin Leo got must have been blinding because Donnie immediately looked away, Leo had to ask, "You're not kidding? Not just sayin’ that to get me to leave?"

"Well. Given you don't do anything strenuous. And that you stop immediately if your injuries start giving you issues. Then I suppose."

"Donnie, Dondon, my man. We gotta spar then! right now!" Leo said already at one hundred percent energy. Donnie couldn’t tell if the little flash of lightning he sees is just the culmination of how excited Leo was, or if it was a trick of the light. Though, his lighting system is near perfect. Which only left that one other option. Heavy sigh.

Leo was a lot more excited than Donnie thought he’d be. Still, the soft shell rolled his eyes. His lips press to a thin line and fidgeting with his elbow pad becomes the most interesting thing in the world. Anything to avoid looking his brother in the eye.

"Absolutely not. I still have stuff to do." He saved himself from watching Leo's expression crumple by pretending to check something on his wrist screen instead. Thankfully Leo was able to smooth it out with something more light-hearted.

"C'mon, really? Stuff you can't put off? We both know you’ve been wanting to sock me for a few weeks, so might as well-"

"Sigh. Listen, I would if I could but... I'm running some tests that frankly need my attention more than you currently do."

Leo paused, giving him room to continue. And Donnie would never normally hesitate for even a second to infodump about his latest hyper fixation to the nearest willing audience. The fact that he didn't leap at the opportunity tells Leo everything he needs to know, unfortunately.

"What kinda tests?"

Donnie took a long time to answer. Leo knew an internal battle when he saw one. The quiet lasted long enough that Leo's almost caught off guard when he did finally answer. He still talks slowly and the slider thought for a moment that, maybe Donnie thinks he’ll poke fun at him.

"The site of the portal and its relation to the key. With drones. If I can find out how they're linked then I can find a way to sever the connection permanently. I know it's- I know I don't need to, but- what?"

Leo stops waving his hand, having been flapping up and down to get his brother's attention without verbally interrupting him, "Donnie?"

"What?"

"It's okay. Just don't get too wrapped up, alright?"

"No, stop. Shut up. I don't need comfort right now, please." Donnie says, face already scrunching up, like when he has to touch something gross. His hands were palms out in the implication of a barrier. Leo smiled a little at it, knowing if it were anyone that didn't know Donnie as well, it would've come off as rude.

Rude, sure. But not mean . Leo knew what he meant.

"Sounds good, lemme know when you do?"

"Yeah yeah, go ask Raph to fight you," Don waved his hand dismissively, turned fully to one of his many screens, and flicked through the camera feed of his multitude of drones. Leo had to turn away from it, away from the wreckage. He could grant himself that small kindness, "I'll be down for dinner tonight, I promise."

Oh, a Donatello Promise. Those were rare and for good reason. The (surely evil) genius would likely sever a limb if it meant keeping a promise, though Leo was also sure he’d sever a limb just to get a chance to build a bionic replacement for it. Leo thinks of Donnie fondly, of course, but he still thinks of his twin as a maniac.

Leo remembered being young and asking Donnie if he wants to play a game with him with what he asked next, like he was already expecting rejection but hopeful nonetheless, "Without the shell?"

"We'll see," Was what Donnie replied. It wasn’t an outright no. That was enough. He was considering it. And that’s enough. As if on cue, two metal arms came out of the sides of the purple shell to begin typing on a different keyboard. The fact that Donnie could even do something like that was both impressive and terrifying. What a weirdo.

"I'll pry it off with a crowbar if I find out you haven't been taking care of yourself, fair warning. All your servos will be crunched,"

"Duly noted, now shoo,"

-

Leo didn't eavesdrop. As a general rule, he doesn't. Something he learned the hard way at a young age was that if you're eavesdropping sometimes you hear things you didn't want to. Being nosy with loved ones has consequences and since he's been on the straight (ha) and narrow. Perfectly good at minding his own business.

So why did he stand outside the lab, listening to Raph and Donnie talk? Well. He came to get the two for dinner and heard his name. That combined with the hushed tones and Leo's general insecurity (yes, he's been paying attention in "Dr. Feelings" lessons.) made the slider insatiably curious. He wasn’t meant to hear whatever they were talking about and that's gotten him in plenty of nasty situations but he couldn't bring himself to knock, to announce his presence.

"Y'know how I cleared him for training two days ago?" Donnie said. Leo watched what he assumed was Donnie’s shadow from under the door. It didn’t give much information but Leo could see the repetitive movements. The nervousness.

Raph's voice came a bit clearer, the depth helping the sound travel better, "Yeah? He's getting back in his groove way fast. He'll be back in no time,"

He sounded so sure. So certain. He really, really believed Leo was doing well. That's two reallys. Leo expected to hear the worst, ready to jump in and try to save face. Raph speaking so highly of him wasn’t unusual and yet it was still unexpected.

"That's exactly what I'm worried about, actually."

Oh?

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I don't know. His wound was incredibly severe. I'm well aware our mutated DNA helps us heal faster, but I can't help but feel... yknow," It was unfamiliar, hearing Donnie speak so weakly. Where was his self-assured nature? Why did he sound so small?

"You don't want him gettin' hurt again,"

Leo’s hands curled into fists, every nerve ending on fire.

"Obviously. I'm scared he's- or any of you- are going to wind up right back in that medical cot and. And I won’t be able to do anything."

It was weird, how Leo could hear Raph smiling kindly so clearly, but there was an undeniable hurt there too. Raph knew that feeling all too well. They all did. They all do. "That feeling isn’t gonna go away, Donnie,"

"That's... very comforting, Raphael, thank you. And in case you can't tell this time I am being sarcastic."

"Hey now, don't give me that. Hear me out, 'right?"

"Hearing."

"So welcome to being a protective older brother, there’s a lot of hard stuff that comes with it. I won't pretend to know how your big ol’ brain works but... Helps me to remember it's not just me watchin' over y'all. We've got pops, April, even Casey now," Raph paused for a moment, "Plus, you've got me and Mike watchin' that bozo too, so it’s not just you,"

Oh how wonderful it is to be affectionately called a bozo , Leo thought dryly. The annoyance was soothed by the sound of Donnie laughing. The short, amused, burst of sound nearly had Leo bolting like he'd been caught. Annoyingly enough, Leo didn’t mind being called a bozo as much if it meant his brothers were getting along.

"Thanks, Raph."

"Anytime man. D’ya wanna hug or somethin'?"

"Would you settle for a crisp high-three?"

The light under the door shifted and that seemed to be the end of their conversation, so Leo took that opportunity to retrace his steps from before. He walked more loudly up to the door and knocked. He schooled his expression and was almost prepared to face his brothers again, used to drawing the attention of a room.

"Yo! Mike's got dinner, Donnie if I don't see you I'm draggin' you out by your bandana!" Leo shouted before someone could get the door for him. He greets his brothers with a smile. Not pinched or forced. They smile back at him tiredly. Not pinched, not forced.

-

Donnie kept his promise. He joined his brothers for dinner, greeting April and Baron Draxum as they enter. As happy as Donnie was to see April, it was overshadowed just a tad by Draxum’s very presence. Draxum was an incredibly talented and intelligent individual, of course. One would think the two would get along well, however, he did toss Leo off of a building that one time.

Forgive Donnie for being a little more protective than usual, thankfully he wasn’t the only one who had felt that way. No one commented on the fact that Leo’s seat was the absolute farthest it could get away from the yōkai without being suspicious. The brief moment of eye contact he shared with Raph and Mikey let him know that was no accident. Leo had taken one look at the setup and sighed, rolling his eyes. Luckily for them, dinner went off without a hitch.

Afterward, Draxum asked to speak with Donnie privately.

So the soft shell brought him to his lab, managing to keep his cool and absolutely not preen under the amazed looks he received as the yōkai surveyed the room. Draxum doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself, no doubt unfamiliar with how Donnie’s tech differs from his own mysticism. “Your brother informed me that you are experimenting with Kraang technology, is this true?”

Well, no point in asking for any clarification. No point in even asking which brother because he already knows Leo is a snitch who told Mikey, who then obviously told Draxum, “It is. I’m aware of how dangerous this is. If you’re planning on lecturing me, know that I already have several disposal and/or contingency plans in case of emergencies. Truly I am only doing this for our safety.”

The yōkai dared to laugh, to smile. For whatever reason, Donnie couldn’t find what he said very funny.

“That is not what I came here for. I believe I may be able to aid in your research, the hidden city is a resource widely untapped by you five,” Draxum paused, and placed a dusty old book on Donnie’s desk, “This is the only one I could find in my collection. It’s merely a legend passed by word of mouth and thusly recorded, but you may find some use for it,”

The smell of it alone was enough to tell its story, how long the book itself lived. When Donnie opened it and flipped to the first page he was met with real handwriting in ink. Not printed or even pressed . Age had fully yellowed the pages and the outside cover had surely seen better days. Sure enough, even at a glance, the legend was of the Kraang. He stiffens at the imagery of it, some cold feeling dripped down his shell.

“I will provide more as I come across them. The hidden city did not go unscathed by the invasion so it will take time. You know how to contact me,” Draxum said. Without another word and certainly without giving Donnie any time to respond, he left. The sound of his hooves echoed down the hall and Donnie was alone yet again.

He had a lot to think about. He ground his teeth and shot his brothers a message. Regardless of how he felt prior, he knew getting their thoughts and opinions will help tremendously. Even if it meant swallowing down his ego with it. He flips open the book to the first page.