Archive of Our Own

Something was wrong with Leonardo.

He heard it in a muffled conversation. The door was shut and the voices were shushed; something not privy for him, but Leo still heard anyway. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but intention didn't erase the fact he did just that. All it took was hearing his name. He had no reason or want and yet a simple word kept his hand from knocking.

It scared him to know what they truly thought. To hear what they would say with him not around to filter their words, but what right did he have to be hurt by what would be said? Something was wrong with him. He nearly caused the end of the world just because he didn’t want to be the leader. How stupid and selfish did he have to be?

He’s accepted his role — if only to ease his family’s worries — but a part of him wished things could go back to the way they were.

He missed when his brothers didn’t think much of him. It was honestly not as bad as it sounds. When they were out on missions, he liked being on the sidelines as his brothers truly shined. He liked being the support that gave him fewer chances at messing up — at least not astronomically.

But now they expected him to be a leader.

One bad call could mean the end and he was all too acquainted with bad decisions. What part of him absolutely screamed leader potential?

He didn’t need a role haphazardly thrown on him to make him feel like he belonged. To tell the truth, he didn’t mind being the outsider. His showboaty actions from before may suggest otherwise, but he didn’t mind it per se. Yes, he was the problem child who only sought attention and he’s competitive as hell in everything he did to not feel left behind, but… well maybe he did mind it a little bit, but he would rather that than what it was now.

Now, it felt like his brothers were walking around eggshells when near him as if one wrong glance could shatter him. Maybe they were right to think that, but it felt so unwarranted.

He was used to them assuming every bad thing was linked to him and nine times out of ten they would be correct to believe so.

Food was missing in the fridge? Leo must have taken it.

Someone left toothpaste on the sink? Who else could it be besides Leo?

An evil villain was out to get them? Did he have to keep going?

That was the only way he should be seen because that’s who he was. He didn’t deserve their patience and understanding after everything he did. Especially after everything he did. If anything, his brothers had every right to leave him and he wouldn’t blame them.

But for some inexplicable reason, they didn't.

They were way too kind for their own good, but that was just part of what made them them. Even when his piece didn’t fit the puzzle, they always tried to make room for him. They’re that amazing. He truly questions how he could come from the same family.

Raph, he’s the true leader and he didn’t need the title to prove it. He just was in every way. Yes, he’s strong and could hold himself in a fight, but what Leo looked up to most about his big brother was his character. He’s hardworking, determined, compassionate, responsible, and most of all, he’s selfless. He would always put his family’s needs before his own and bring the best out of all of them. He’s the person people naturally looked up to. Who could be a better leader than that?

Donnie, what was there that hadn’t been said? He’s smart, witty, humorous: basically, everything his twin wasn’t. He was the smartest person in the world when he was just six and now, nothing could even come close. Whatever you ask of him — no matter how impossible — he will find a way to make it so. Leo had that much faith in him. Donnie always loved the challenge and was always eager to help his family. 

Mikey was the heart and soul. Their younger brother was so talented in so many ways. He’s prolific in mystics and creative amidst mundanity, able to turn stone into gold and trash into art. He always excelled at seeing the beauty in everything. Not only that, he could cheer you up with a home-cooked meal, by being a shoulder you could lean on, or just with a simple smile. Everywhere he went, the room seemed so much brighter. 

And Leo… 

Leo was a jack of all trades, but not in the good sense. It was the sort that was like a shoe that was one size fits all or an all-in-one shampoo. That was to say, he didn’t excel at anything.

Sure, his dad praised him as a strategist but it was all just luck. Anyone could have come up with his little bouts of foresight and his plans could certainly be better. Unlike Raph, he lacked his drive. He didn’t put his all into anything and he always settled with good enough. He could hardly imagine himself as clever.

Sure, his brothers dubbed him the team's medic, but if just patching bandaids made you one, then everyone was. He’s not knowledgeable on medicine or procedures — mostly having to rely on Donnie on that front — but there wasn’t much of a choice. If he wasn’t the only one who could keep a steady hand and clear mind at the sight of blood, then Donnie would have been the better option. 

Sure, he was the self-acclaimed jokester of the family but no one would laugh with him. Who could blame them? His quote-unquote ‘jokes’ were never good. They were all just inappropriately timed quips, unfunny pranks, and awfully annoying puns. He could barely cheer anyone up like Mikey who could do it so effortlessly.

This was who Leo was. Impulsive, incompetent, and infuriating. Those were the words that describe him best but never leader. He knew in his heart that this was the truth no matter what. Why couldn’t they see? Why couldn’t they see this fact that’s so clear to him? He was a loose screw who would inevitably fall and dismantle the entire machine. He couldn’t trust himself to keep them safe, but his brothers never lost hope for him.

How? What had he ever done other than cause problems?

What did his brothers see in him?

“It’s not just me right?” Leo stilled as he looked back up at the metallic door, Raph’s voice breaking through his thoughts.

Raph… What does he think of him? The thought scared him. Despite Raph’s reassurance and his kind words and gestures, a part of him doubted it would last. He loved his big brother. He loved him dearly like any brother should but that was what made it worse. He didn’t want to disappoint him… but what did that matter? He had been actively going against his wishes to prove once and for all he could never be the leader they needed.

He hated those expectations. Not because they were demeaning. No, it was the opposite. With every sliver of hope they had for him, he feared what awaited him when he failed.

Now they don’t talk to each other like they used to. No fault but his own. He couldn’t face him now, seeing what his actions had caused. That cracked shell, that scarred eye, all because of him. Raph only wanted what was best for them and what did he do? He became difficult, he lashed out, he fought with every word he exchanged just to prove he was the biggest nuisance the world had ever seen and boy did that work out.

Oh, great plan there, Leonardo. Really using that oh-so ‘strategic’ mind of his.

What a joke.

He just wanted them to see him as the troublemaker he always was before his actions could matter. He never intended for things to end up the way they did. But of course, intention didn't erase the fact he could have prevented all of this.

One whole year. One whole year, and he couldn’t stop and reconsider.

“I know I can worry too much,” Raph continued on, unaware of the prying ears behind the door. “But sometimes when I talk with him — I don’t know — it’s not his usual self. I feel like he’s getting worse.” Then what should Leo be? They don’t believe his cheer, at least not anymore, so what else could he do?

“This morning,” Mikey slowly added. “I heard Leo in the living room. When I got there, he was just sitting there, staring at a blank TV. I asked him how he was doing and he just kept going on these random tangents, none of them connecting. I know he tends to deflect, but he seemed so genuine when he was talking.” What’s wrong with that? All he wanted to do was talk. What made it different from any other time?

“I just don’t know what to do.” Raph sighed. “I wish he would just talk to us.”

It’s strange. Even when they saw him at his worst, they could still believe in him. A part of Leo was glad, but a part of him also wished they just rip the bandage clean off. 

“I’ve also noticed the symptoms you two addressed.” Leo knew that voice. It was Donnie’s detached analytical tone, but he knew he did that to avoid emotions he rather not feel. “I’ll talk with him, try and help him… anyway I can.”

Leo meant to leave, but his clumsy self stubbed his toe on some traitorous furniture. Such a rookie mistake and he called himself a ninja. This was what he got for not turning on the lights. 

He cursed under his breath, trying to keep his voice low as he shook out the pain, but it was already too late. “Leo?” Raph called out from the other room.

No point hiding now.

Leo took a breath, steeling his nerves and willing his best award-winning smile.

Was he showing too much teeth? It felt too forced. He doubted his brothers would believe it. Maybe an open smile was too much. What should he say? What cha’ up to? How ya doin’? A simple hello? 

…

Why was he even doing this?

This was what his brothers wanted, he reminded himself. Right, they wanted him to be happy. He couldn’t have them worrying about him.

You don’t deserve it.

Leo flung open the door. Light poured out into the dark corridor, hurting Leo’s eyes from the sudden light change. He didn’t show it though as he announced himself to the brothers before him. “Sorry to keep you waiting! I just sort of lost track of time. I told myself one more, but I couldn’t resist watching that cute cat video and it sort of got out of hand. The algorithm is a stalker, I tell you!”

They won’t believe you.

Shut up, brain. Sure he said it a bit too quickly and enthusiastically but maybe his brothers wouldn’t question it. As his vision settled, he looked around and noticed his brothers’ varying array of worried expressions which was not a good sign. 

“No, it’s fine Leo.” Raph tried to maintain a neutral tone. “You didn’t keep us waiting.”

Yep, they definitely didn’t believe him.

The room grew silent, none of them knowing what to say. He should respond. Transition the conversation to the game they had planned, but his mind kept blanking. 

What’s gotten into him? They’re going to start worrying, he thought. 

Pull yourself together.

“Are you alright Leo?” Donnie cut through the silence, drawing all their attention.

Leo reigned back his wits as he thought of a way to deflect. “What with the sudden interrogation? Is this about the dent in the turtle tank? If it is, I can assure you I have no part in-”

“Leo…” Mikey intervened before Donnie could even process the information. Of course, his perceptive little brother would see right through him. “You know we care about you right? You can talk to us if anything’s troubling you.” 

He knew. He knew it all too well.

He knew he shouldn’t hold onto his burdens. They’re a team, but most of all, they’re family. They help each other succeed and they couldn’t do it alone.

“I…” So why then couldn’t he form the words? He wanted to tell them. He wanted to tell them his struggles, his doubts, his fears, but none of it came out. Why? He didn’t want to be the person he was back then so why? Why did his mind go blank? Why did his mouth form mumbled nonsense? Why did his voice fail him?

Why couldn’t he be himself around them?

Because they’ll hate you.

It was such a simple answer, but it was all it took to keep Leo silent.

He hated how much it scared him because, in the end, it only hurt his brothers more. They deserved to know the truth more than anyone. So what if they hated him? He should stop dragging them down with him.

But he kept silent like he always did.

He didn’t want them to worry, he tried to reason. They did that too much already. He sat on it a bit or two but no matter how many lame excuses he could think up, it all sounded vapid. He chuckled to himself, void of any humor. He really was a coward. “I’m fine guys. You don’t have to worry.” 

Why did he always fall back on the same old script? 

He vowed to do better, to be better but he’s made no progress at all. He truly wanted to change. He really did. He hated who he was. He hated the act he played. He hated he wanted to be loved. He hated he wanted to be forgotten. He hated he wanted to be seen. He hated he wanted to hide.

He didn’t want his brothers suffering from his actions and he hated how he was too weak to push them away.

If he wasn’t like this… If he could be just like his brothers…

They would be better off without you.

The thought struck his head and it hurt how every bit of it rang true. Ever since that day, he thought he'd be able to open up, but it appeared he hadn’t learned a thing. Why couldn’t he learn anything? How long had it been since the incident? Leo tried to think but he couldn’t even remember for all the days seemed to blur into one.

Memories of that day resurfaced and all the ‘what ifs’ that came with it.

Maybe if he was just a bit faster, he could have saved Raph the torment he received. Better yet, if he had just listened to him the first time before the key was stolen, all of it could have been avoided. If only he wasn’t there in the first place, none of them would have-

Leo jumped as he felt a hand grasp his shoulder. He turned and realized it was Raph. “Oh sorry…” Raph apologized as he quickly let go and turned away.

Great job Leo, giving more reason for Raph to blame himself. Why couldn't he do anything right?

Leo wanted to explain how it wasn’t what he thought but Raph beat him to it. “We trust you, Leo, so please trust us too. We can take care of each other. You’re not taking anything away from that.” Leo looked up to him. No matter how much he had hurt him, Raph still cared for him.

Maybe just one more day, Leo thought. Maybe he could cling to them just for one more day. He would tell the truth by then.

He truly didn’t deserve them. “I know… But really I’m fine.”

They didn’t believe him.

————

The game ended as quickly as it started. The room erupted into protest and exhilaration as the victory screen appeared on the TV, its celebratory music only adding to the excitement.

It was a close game between him and Donnie, but Leo managed to pull through at the very last second. For all intents and purposes, Leo should be happy, but he wasn’t into it that day. Lately, that was all he could think. He just needed to get over himself.

Donnie sitting beside him glanced at him, but Leo quickly put on a smirk.

He should have said something by now, right? “What’s with the look? Jealous I won again?” Leo goaded his brother on. 

“Nothing.” Donnie quickly turned his attention back to the screen. Leo soon followed to watch his other brothers play.

They were laughing and yelling. For all intents and purposes, they should be having fun, but it all suddenly stopped like the breaking of a speaker. The silence drew out uncomfortably, but nobody seemed intent on breaking it. The only sound is now coming from the video game still going on in the background.

“You guys go ahead,” Donnie finally said beside him. “I’m going back to work.”

“But Donnie-”

“No Mikey. I- sorry. I just don't want your sympathy. I should have known better. He’s my twin for crying out loud! If I had noticed earlier-” Donnie got caught up in his words, messing up what he was going to say. He grumbled in frustration instead, grasping his mask as if he were pulling his nonexistent hair. “And now-”

“Take a breath, Donnie. We’re listening so take as much time as you need.” Leo reached out a hand but stopped when Donnie turned back to him. He had never seen him this distressed before. As quickly as the look appeared, it quickly faded to what Leo could only describe as pure disgust as he glared at Leo.

Leo cleared his throat as he tried to think of something to lighten the mood. “What? I knew my face looked fabulous but I didn’t know it was this fabulous.”

Donnie rolled his eyes. “It’s annoying when you get like this,” Donnie stated bluntly. “We get it. You accomplished something. I know it’s rare for you, but nobody cares.” Leo choked a bit on the air. He tried to regain his composure as he tried to come up with a retort, but it appeared he took too long as Donnie glared back at the screen, thinking the conversation was over. “I swear you can’t do anything right.” He gritted under his breath.

“Huh?” It was barely audible. It wasn’t meant as a question. It was merely a reflex but Donnie hadn’t cared.

“I mean, do I even have to say it? You can’t do anything right,” Donnie stated as if he were talking about the weather. “We all know you cheat or what have you just to feel special, but news flash, it just makes you more pathetic.”

“But I wasn’t-”

“I know you, Leonardo,” Donnie sighed. “I’ve known you for my entire life and I’ve seen all your screw-ups. You nearly killed everyone — scratch that — you did kill everyone. You caused all of that because what? You can’t handle responsibility? I could have told you that without you destroying the world. All you can ever do is cause trouble. Even beaten half dead, you don’t ever learn! I thought you might have changed but apparently, that’s too much to ask. Perhaps it would have been best if we had left you in the prison dimension. It is what you deserve after all the stuff you’ve pulled. Maybe that’s the only way you can get out of the way.”

Leo glanced at his other brothers, hoping to see some sort of disapproval or snicker indicating it was all some sort of joke, but nothing. Raph and Mikey didn’t react as they continued playing as if this wasn’t special. Wasn’t surprising.

What happened to all the kindness they spewed? What happened to them telling him it wasn’t his fault? Had they ever meant it?

Was it all a lie?

“You never did care, did you.” Leonardo just laughed, not knowing what else to do. How could he still be shocked? Leo expected this — had aimed for it — and yet it still hurt more than he could ever imagine. “Who knew you could trick yourself for such a long time? How funny, right? Why’d I expect anything else?” He’d been lying more times than he could dream and he couldn’t even handle the lies from others. How pathetic. 

“Leo?”

Leo’s face contorted to confusion at the sight of Donnie. His face could only be described as concerned. What reason could there be? Where was the disdain that was just there a second ago? It made no sense at all. Leo’s confusion soon morphed into rage. “Stop pretending you care. All you care about is logistics . We’re all just stats to you and I know all is better once I am gone so stop kidding yourself. I bet you’ll care more for your phone dying than for any of us.”

His brothers all stopped as they stared at him, forgetting what they were doing.

Leo didn’t pay them any heed as all he could do was watch Donnie’s face crumble. Maybe he should feel vindictive for getting back at his brother but all he felt was guilt.

Why did he say that? He never believed any of those words to be true. So how could he say those thoughtless things to his own brother? Donnie does care. He cared the most more than anyone else. 

It’s just you he hates.

Wasn't this what he wanted?

“You’re no brother of mine.” Donnie seethed as the shock wore off. “You’re not the Leo I know. You’re the one who caused all this.” Donnie approached him with a dangerous look in his eye. Leo winced as Donnie painfully grabbed his shoulder. “It’s all your fault he’s like this,” he cried.

“Donnie, that's enough!” Raph cut in. “I know we’re all confused and hurt, but yelling at each other won’t solve this. He’s still Leo, Donnie. He’s still there.” Leo watched as Raph comforted Donnie. It felt uncomfortable just standing there as they talked about him as if he wasn’t even there. 

These feelings were so childish and he hated himself for it. This was what he wanted. They know who he truly was so he shouldn't complain if he himself was upset. Why couldn’t he be selfless for once? 

“Leo?” 

Leo felt a brush on his arm, snapping him out of his thoughts. He smacked the hand away out of reflex and whipped around to face whoever it was, but stopped when Mikey flinched away. It was just a brief second, but that one second confirmed all his fears.

It was unmistakable. In the brief moment, there was fear in his eyes.

Everyone was looking at him again and he wished to just disappear. “There’s no need for that, Raph. Donnie’s right. He’s always right,” Leo choked out.  “It’s all my fault.” Leo tore his eyes away as he grabbed out his sword. Would they stop him, he wondered. He hoped they would. He hoped they wouldn't. Would he ever just make up his damn mind. “I’ll get out of your way.”

Leo heard his brothers call out his name, or maybe it was just what the selfish part of his mind hoped for. He wasn’t sure, but he didn’t want to know the answer so as his heart ached and eyes stung, he portaled away.

————

A sharp and metallic noise pierced the air, bringing him out of his aimlessness. Awareness made itself known and now more than ever he wished he could just go to sleep. The type of one with no nightmares or dreams. The type without his thoughts to ruin it all. The type with none of his wishes and the guilt it brought with it.

He gasped for air as his heart continued to hammer in his chest. His whole body ached and when he finally decided to look down, it was no wonder why he felt the way he did. His limbs were littered with scratches and bruises he had no recollection of getting. He didn’t pay it any mind though. He probably should, but he just didn’t.

Leo looked up to the sky. Just barely peeking through the dark gray clouds was the full moon, shining brighter than ever. Has the moon always looked this bright? It looked beautiful.

It reminded him of every time he did the very same but younger. He remembered his wonder, his fascination. His imagination would run wild and take hold of his dreams. They used to be so wonderful, so dreamlike , so… different. What would it be like, he once dreamt? What would it be like to be on the moon? To jump or sore without being held down by gravity?

He wished he hadn’t found out the answer.

“Leo.” Raph stepped into his view, his silhouette backlit by the soft moonlight. A gentle hand landed on Leo’s shoulder, more impactful than any punch Leo endured. “This is not your fault,” Raph reassured him. “It was never your fault.”

“Raph?” Leo turned to him confused as Raph stepped forward to bring him in a hug. “But after what I did-”

“I’m the one who chose to get in the way. So don’t blame yourself for this.”

“What’s with the dramatics, brother? Do you always have to sound so heroic?” Leo felt Raph’s weight grow heavy as he slumped onto him. Leo nearly toppled over and had to set them both on the ground. “Is something wrong? Are you hurt?” Leo went to check over Raph for any injuries but a grasp on his shoulders drew his attention away.

“I wanted to return the favor, but I guess that’s not happening.” Raph laughed slightly, but it sounded more sad than cheerful. “I’m sorry Raph can’t help you more, but just know I can never hate you.  We may have argued before, but it’s because-”

You only get in the way.

You’ll put us in all danger.

You’re an inconvenience.

“You worry,” Leo cut him off, saying it more bitterly than he intended. 

“I worry because I care about you,” Raph emphasized. “I only want what’s best for you.” 

Leo pulled his knees close to his chest. He hated it when Raph said that. It was all he ever said. “I can never hate you either and that worries me. I don’t want to disappoint you, but it just seems inevitable at this point. I don’t know what to do without you guys.” Leo stopped as he nervously glanced over to Raph. “I mean, isn’t it pretty stupid? Why should I worry about something so trivial?” Leo laughed. “Besides, who would hate someone as awesome as-” Leo stopped as Raph pulled him close. The rain started to pick up as he felt raindrops drizzle on his head. 

“I’ll always be here for you. My only regret is I can’t do more.”

He turned up and fully faced Raph, for what felt like forever. There wasn’t any hint of animosity or hate or loathing. Leo worried when it might turn, but maybe he could hope a bit. “Don’t blame yourself either so ease your mind a bit. I’ll always be your brother.”

Raph’s face lit up as he heard those words as if it were magic. “I’m glad.” It was just a simple phrase, but how could it have this much of an effect on Leo? How long had it been since they were able to just be without all the stresses that came with their lives? He had missed that smile.  It was so sincere and genuine, it made him feel silly for doubting him before. Leo couldn’t help but smile too. It truly had been so long.

They sat there in silence, basking in each other’s presence as the rain began to pick up, forming puddles along the floor. Leo heard a splash, then another, and soon he realized they were footsteps heading their way.

Leo peered up, spotting Mikey and Donnie as they ran towards them. Leo waved them over with his rain-soaked hands but stopped when he noticed their faces.

Why do they-

————

A clatter echoed across the room as something fell on the floor. Leo opened his eyes but recoiled away when the white light seared overhead, amplifying the headache he was rudely awakened to. He went to rub his head but found his arms too heavy to move.

“Sorry.” Leo saw a spot of orange within his periphery and turned to face it. As his vision cleared, he saw it was Mikey. He had set the things he was carrying aside to pick up his spilled paint tubes.

Donnie went to help him out but stopped as he saw what Mikey was carrying. “That color… What’s it called?”

“Vermillion,” Mikey responded, without having to look at the label. He set it back in its container as he went to finish cleaning up the last remaining paint.

“It reminds me of Raph.”

Mikey smiled, thinking of the same thing. “Right, that’s what I thought too when I saw it on the aisles. It matched him perfectly. That warm and yet strong color you naturally look towards. Thinking about it, Dad really nailed it with the color. It’s as if red was named after him.”

“You’re right about that,” Donnie agreed. Mikey finished cleaning, but before he turned to leave, Donnie spoke up. “I never minded you painting in here, you know. I actually quite like it.”

Mikey sighed as if this wasn’t a first. “You know why I’m quitting,” Mikey muttered, sounding more and more defeated. “It’s pointless.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself.”

“Whenever I try to paint them, it’s just never them. It’s as if I’ve forgotten what they look like, who they were before all this, and I hate that…” Mikey fiddled with fingers glancing at every inch of the floor Donnie wasn’t on. “I’ve been thinking-”

Donnie laughed or at least, it could be. Leo wasn’t sure. It could just be a sound to fill the stilted air. “That’s not a good sign,” he deadpanned.

Mikey ignored Donnie’s attempt at humor and continued. “and although I don’t want to believe it, you should consider that what you’re doing could all be pointless too.”

Donnie stilled as he stared at Mikey. Leo glanced between the two of them and although he couldn’t see Mikey’s expression, his curled posture suggested what Mikey was expecting. “What do you mean?” Donnie slowly asked.

“We’ve done everything we can but all we’re doing is slowing down the inevitable.”

“So what? Are you just giving up? What happened to ‘never giving up on him?’ Don’t you remember or are you forgetting that too?” Donnie asserted, each word growing more venomous.

“You know I don’t want this either, but my feelings on this don't change the facts. Neither of us are going to get what we want no matter how much we hope it will.”

Donnie scoffed. “You don’t know that.”

“I can see it. I know it’s easier to deny it and I wish to do so too, but nothing’s improving. All you’re doing is shutting yourself in here and it’s hurting you. How can you expect to take care of him if you can’t even take care of yourself, Donnie.”

A flash of anger flashed through Donnie’s face as he glared at Mikey. “Don’t tell me what to do. I’m the one who’s going to fix this, so don’t lecture me on the thing I’m supposed to be good at.”

“I don’t want to see you like this. I think it’s best if we-”

“Stop saying we,” Donnie seethed. “ You haven’t done anything. You are the one who doesn’t care. If you don’t want to see me like this then get out.”

“Donnie-“

“I said get out!” Donnie yelled, slamming his fist against his desk. The room quickly went silent, making the sounds of toppled items hitting the ground deafening.

Mikey stared sadly at him before bowing his head. “Just think about it. That’s all I ask.” He didn’t say anything else as he left the room, leaving it in silence once again.

Donnie stared at the empty spot Mikey was on. He swore under his breath as all his fight from earlier seemed to have faded. He crumpled in on himself and ran a hand across his head. He glanced at him, finally noticing Leo was there. “You were listening? Sorry to wake you.” He turned away awkwardly not knowing what to say. “Why did I say those things? But, how can Mikey…”

He grumbled as he paced about the room for a bit before slumping down on his chair and rubbing his eyes. Donnie turned over to Leo expectantly, but Leo didn’t know what to say. Donnie dipped his head when he didn’t respond.

“I probably look like an idiot right now.” Donnie relented in the same detached tone. Leo wanted to do something but found he couldn't move. “I don’t know what to do.” 

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m an idiot 24/7.”

“You’re not-“ Donnie stopped as he stared back at Leo. He smiled then. He looked tired but he smiled, warmth enveloping his expression and light glistening in his eyes. “How’s that any accomplishment? It’s a low bar to jump over.”

“And yet you still managed to trip over it.” Donnie laughed and Leo continued. “You know, Mikey has a point. You would starve to death with food in your hands without us constantly reminding you to take care of yoursel. You should apologize to him. I don’t know the full context, but I know you‘ll regret what you said.”

Donnie pouted. “I agree I shouldn’t have said those things, but I’m still upset at him,” He grumbled as he hunched over and crossed his arms.

Leo inadvertently chuckled which he quickly stifled out. “Sorry, I laughed. You sounded like a kid again. Not in an insult sort of way,” Leo quickly corrected. “I just miss those days.”

Donnie’s expression softened. “Fine, you’re right. I’ll talk to him later.”

“Did my twin, the most stubborn person In the world, concede?” Leo teased. “Have you been getting enough sleep? You look terrible. It’s as if you’ve been up for an entire month.”

Donnie turned away.

Don’t tell him he was right. He was only joking! “Donnie, look at me. How much did you sleep in — I don’t know — the past week?”

A bead of sweat rolled down Donnie’s face. “... Three…”

“Three… Three hours? Seconds? Come on, Don. It doesn’t take a detective to deduce that’s false.”

“... fourths divided by one-fifth minus three and three-fourths.”

His twin could be the most hilarious person sometimes. “Just say zero.”

“You suck at fractions! How did you-”

“And you just confirmed it.”

Donnie turned away, flustered he fell for such an obvious ploy. “I’ll go to sleep. I just want to talk with you a bit.”

“Really?” Did Leo do something again? Leo tried to think back but he couldn’t remember anything that would upset Donnie. “What do you want to talk about?” He asked warily.

“Anything really.”

Leo didn’t know what Donnie was playing at. Did Donnie expect him to figure it out? Unsure of what to say, Leo brought up a basic conversation starter. “So what are you working on?”

It appeared he didn’t literally mean anything because the question immediately soured his expression. All Leo could seem to do was make mistakes. “It’s… complicated.”

Something was definitely wrong. If Donnie didn't want to talk about the things he was passionate about, it would be the equivalent of saying the world was ending. Even when Donnie wanted to keep things secret, he would accidentally let a few things slip. On occasion, Donnie couldn’t help but ramble on end about his ‘surprise’ gifts, too excited to share them. “Are you alright?”

Donnie turned to him as if that was the most ridiculous question ever. “Everything’s fine.” He said offhandedly, but Leo wasn’t fooled. Out of everyone, Donnie should know how bad plagiarism was. Leo went to pry, but a memory occurred to him.

You’re no brother of mine.

How could he forget? Donnie probably wanted nothing to do with him and yet maybe he felt obligated to. Leo didn’t want to push that on Donnie. “You don’t need to act this way around me.”

“What do you mean?”

He really wanted him to spell it out. “I want to apologize to you. I said some hurtful things to you and I would never mean them.”

Donnie’s brows knitted together as he thought. He finally looked back at him with a worried expression evident on his face. “What do you remember?”

Leo tried to think of what Donnie meant, but none of them made any sense. “Hope you didn’t alter my brain again.” Leo joked.

“No,” Donnie said somberly, almost as if he was regretful. “But I wish it was that simple.”

Leo didn’t want to dwell on the implications of that so he pushed on. “Look, all I’m saying is, I understand why you would hate me. Everything’s basically my fault.”

Donnie looked offended as his brain stuttered to keep up. “None of it was your fault!” He quickly rebutted. “Also I could never hate you. If my actions ever insinuated that, then punch me in the face, and don’t you dare think of holding back.”

All Leo could do was stare back at him. He couldn’t understand him. Not one bit. “It’s strange. I thought I knew you like the back of my hand, but now, sometimes I can’t tell what you think.”

Donnie’s expression took on a softer demeanor as a different thought took hold of his mind. “Did you really mean what you said back then?”

“Of course not!”

“Not that, do you believe everything was your fault?”

In every which way Leo thought about it, it always routed back to him. He wished to be proven wrong, but no matter what anyone would say, he didn’t think that wish would ever be. Even then, he still wished for it anyway. “Isn’t it?”

“No, you’re just like us all. I make stupid mistakes, you do too, but in this instance, you’re not to blame. You had no control over what happened, but there’s no need for you to worry. Everything’s going to be alright. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Who’s the smartest person you know?”

Leo pondered for a moment, humming as he thought just to mess with Donnie. “April?”

Donnie went to argue but stopped when he thought about it. “Fair play, but who’s second?”

“Mikey?”

“You put me at the bottom of the list, didn’t you.”

“Do you really want to spell it out? Didn’t think your head could be any bigger than it already is.”

“Okay, first off, my forehead is perfectly proportioned. Secondly, you’re ruining my entire pitch.”

Leo laughed wholeheartedly. “Sorry, it just goes without saying. When it comes to all the tech stuff and all that science mumbo jumbo, no one comes close to you. I don’t think anyone ever can. You’re that amazing.”

Donnie paused, a bit surprised Leo just stated it outright with much sincerity. “Right,” Donnie beamed. “While I’m here, I’ll make sure everything will go our way. I may mess up along the way, but I will fix it all. That’s a promise.”

“And if you make mistakes, I’ll be there for you too. We all will. I don’t know how much help I can be but thankfully, you have so many willing to help you with your struggles, someone like Mikey .”

It took Donnie a bit to figure it out as he examined Leo’s face, but he got it in the end. “I get it. I’ll apologize to Mikey.”

“Brilliant idea Donnie! This is why you’re the genius!”

Donnie grinned again as a thought came to mind. “You know, every time I look at you, I also see a bit of Raph.”

“Really?” Leo tried to think of something that would have prompted Donnie to say that. The difference between them is like night and day. “Am I getting a crevasse!?” Leo went to rub his brow, but his heavy arms prevented him.

“Now that you mentioned it, you are starting to get one, but I’m getting off topic.” He waved his hand as if he was batting those thoughts away. “That’s not why I said that. It’s just… you. The way you talk, the way you smile, they remind me so much of him.”

What part of him could ever live true to those words? It made no sense at all. “You truly haven’t slept in weeks.” And yet despite it all, Leo still managed to take it to heart.

After everything you did, you don’t deserve this. Don’t you remember what he said?

You’re no brother of mine.

Leo tried to shake the thought out of his head, but it refused to go away. Donnie just said it in the heat of the moment, Leo tried to reason. He didn’t truly mean it.

Do you remember what you’ve done? How can they not blame you? You’ve ruined everything.

“But Raph didn’t-“

Don’t be so naive. He wouldn’t blame you — not openly — but you know he hates you deep down. They all do.

“Leo?” Leo stopped and peered up at Donnie, blinking away the tears he didn’t know was there. “Are you alright?”

You would only make things worse.

Leo didn’t respond.

————

He sat silently as he watched Donnie work. Donnie sat beside him with his back hunched forward, hands diligently working on whatever thing Leo had no way of comprehending. Leo noticed the stress lines that marked his face and darkening eye bags as the hours wore on.

“At this rate, you would be able to carry bowling balls with those eye bags of yours. Come on, let’s go grab something to eat,” Leo suggested.

“In a sec,” Donnie said without looking his way.

It was only a second, Leo thought. He could at least give him that. Not wanting to disturb him further, he sat back and the room went silent once again.

He watched Donnie scribble on parchment, turning the white paper to black with ink. Messy as they were, they all looked detailed and thought out as they outlined notes and diagrams, but they all ended up crumpled on the ground.

“Do you want to go skateboarding?” Leo asked. “Only for a little while to get some air.”

“In a bit,” Donnie repeated. “I’m almost done with this.”

Sure, Leo thought. He could wait a bit. It would only take a second.

He watched the clock with nothing much else to do, looking as the numbers flashed from one to another. He saw them change from 5 to 8 to 3 and back to 5. Since when was it November? Where had the time gone by?

Leo looked out and watched as the breeze slowly picked up, taking the last of the autumn leaves with it. Its fiery hues litter the ground, marking the start of winter. He saw his breath as it hit the cold air before being blown away by the wind. He wrapped his arms around himself as he felt a chill run down his spine.

He turned around, but nothing was there.

Now was not the time to worry.

He took a deep breath and stepped into the dining room, spotting his family at the table. The sounds of laughter echoed across the table as they ate and chatted.

See, everything’s alright, he told himself.

He continued walking but the uneasy feeling just won’t go away. He turned around again, but nothing changed.

He quickened his pace but he couldn’t shake the feeling as his ears made out sounds that weren’t there and as his eyes played tricks with him with the shadows that surrounded him.

He just needed to get back home.

“It’s getting late,” Leo commented. “Maybe you should have a break.”

“It’s not too late. I just need time.” It was always the same.

“Alright,” Leo relented. If it was what his brother wanted, he shouldn’t be disappointed.

He set aside his growing worries and walked over to the table, grabbing the chair always designated for him. He sat down quietly but couldn’t help but notice that the conversation had stopped as they watched him.

He felt cold eyes roam over him as if observing every minute flaw.

It was all just in his mind, he reminded himself. There’s nothing to worry about.

Leo tried to not let it bother him, at least tried to not let it show.

He sat quietly and watched, counting and recounting the tiles on the floor.

He picked at his food. He sipped a bit of water.

But they continued to stare at him

“Donnie?”

Clang.

His eyes widened as he watched Donnie stand, sending his tech clattering to the ground.

He froze.

They hate you or have you forgotten?

“I’ll fix everything. I know I can,” he exclaimed on the brink of tears.

Why won’t he ever learn?

He shouldn’t be here.

The same maniacal laugh that haunts him echoed like the howls of the wind.

Mikey had saved him. So why?

“Why can’t I get this right?”

whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy

Why won’t he stop believing he ever belonged?

Leo ran through the darkness, but no matter how fast he begged his legs to run,

It was only a couple of seconds, he thought.

the heavy footsteps only grew louder.

He turned around and heard Raph call out his name as he followed after him.

Leo watched as he stared at him motionlessly.

He didn’t know what to do.

He needed to hide. He needed to-

He caught up to him. He blocked his way

He tripped and skidded his knee. He twisted around and grabbed his katana.

It was his brother and yet-

He slashed down.

and then everything went quiet.

He felt the blade meet flesh as an anguished cry echoed in the air,

All he saw was red.

Leo shook him feebly, but he didn’t respond.

Rain dripped from his palms as he shook. It had to be

Alright,

but it wouldn’t stop.

raining. There was no other way.

everything’s fine.

He shuddered and caught his breath.

He just needed rest.

He turned and ran.

He picked him up and-

It reeked. Strong and pungent like-

Metal

he spotted Mikey at the door as-

rain…

scraped along the ground.

Has rain always smelled like this?

he stared back at him.

“Mikey!”

He didn’t say anything.

He didn’t want the answer but he knew, deep down.

He cried out.

“Mikey?”

Leo reached out to him, but-

Why does he look at him that way?

Mikey turned away. “ This is what you get .” He said.

This had to be a dream.

He heard the same laugh again.

No way…

He shook his head.

It couldn’t be.

This is what you deserve. This was the foreseeable consequence of your actions. There’s no one else to blame. Not even me.

“It’s me.”

Right, It was all you, Leo. It’s all your-

“STOP!!!”

:

:

:

.

.

.

.

Leo blinked as rain cascaded down, washing down his face. He could hear the rain jump and splatter as they collided so clearly it is as if he was brought back awareness he never knew he lost.

He blinked away the water from his eyes as he stared at the hazy visage before him. It slowly took form as the blurry shapes danced across his vision until little blots of orange broke through the fog. “Mikey?” Leo croaked.

What happened to his voice? It sounded like a dehydrated toad in the midst of puberty who had just performed a day's worth of death metal. Leo laughed to himself at the imagery even when no one would join him if he did say it out loud.

Leo swallowed and tried to speak again but nothing came out. He couldn’t think as confusion crept in. Mikey looked much older than the last he saw him and was that hair? Either way, he was still undeniably his dear younger brother.

What was going on? He started to worry and stepped forward to his brother but Mikey backed away. Leo shrinked back seeing the fear in his eyes. That was when it hit him.

Blood.

The undeniable stench of blood. Why was there blood? Where was it coming from?

A throbbing pain struck his head as he tried to remember what happened. They were… running? Running from what?

Leo didn’t have time to figure it out as Mikey kicked him to the ground. Taken by complete surprise, he landed flat on his shell. He peered up at Mikey who swayed and nearly fell with him. Mikey clutched his arm and Leo's eyes followed the motion. It was when realization dawned on him where the blood was coming from.

How hadn’t Leo noticed before? Leo hurriedly scrambled to his feet but by the time he got up, Mikey was gone. 

“Mikey?” He called out, but nobody responded.

He couldn’t have gone far, Leo reassured himself. He grabbed his katana from the ground and sliced a portal in the air. It didn’t take him long to find him, so happening to appear in front of him.

“Wait, Mikey! What’s wrong!? I just want to help you. What ha…” Leo stopped as he watched Mikey stare back at him.

“L- Leo?” Mikey shakily asked and of course it was him. Who else could Leo be? But Mikey looked as if he’d seen a ghost. 

Leo could worry about that later. Mikey was pale and looked like he could keel over any moment. “We need to go back home and to the infirmary.” Leo grabbed Mikey’s hand to guide him. Mikey didn’t back away, but he also didn’t budge as he stared wide-eyed at him. His eyes darted around as if desperately searching for something. Leo had never seen that face before. He looked as if he was conflicted, or terrified, or hopeful. Leo couldn’t tell.

It stopped short, when Mikey shoved him away again, ignoring the flares of pain in his arm. “No this can’t be. You’re dead.” 

He was dead? “But I’m here, Mikey! You don’t need to worry anymore. I’m here so everything is going to be okay.” Mikey tensed as Leo wrapped him in a hug. He didn't move as his arms remained frozen in the air.

“Is this a trick again?” Mikey stifled out. “I thought I was done falling for these lies, but the sad thing is I can’t tell anymore. You appear so much like him, but it's impossible. You shouldn’t- You shouldn’t be here.” 

“Well you know me, rules are just suggestions right?”

It was a moment. A moment of silence as Mikey took in those words. He tensed but soon hesitantly wrapped his arms around him in a suffocatingly tight embrace as if afraid to let go. Mikey buried his face in his shoulder as tears started melding in the rain. He chuckled, either in humor or uncertainty, it was a start. “You were always such a troublemaker.”

Leo smoothed Mikey’s shell, comforting him. Without breaking the hug, Leo reached around and grabbed the knot of his mask. He untied it and brought it around to Mikey’s arm but stopped when he saw the state of it. The ends are completely tattered and the once brilliant blue hue is now faded and muddied with what he hopes is not blood.

Mikey didn’t move as Leo finished tying it to temporarily stop the bleeding. Mikey peered at his arm again and looked like he would cry all over again.

They sat on the rain-soaked ground as Leo thought of what to say. “Mikey, what happened?” Mikey didn’t answer. “I don’t know what’s going on. I think something happened to me. We need to go to Donnie… or maybe even Barry. They might know something.”

He felt Mikey tense under him. “Leo, there’s-“

Leo heard a rustle behind him. He shot up and whipped around. Leo couldn’t make out anything in the dark alley no matter how much he strained his eyes.

A sharp pain attacked his head again, assaulting every one of his senses. 

They were running from something… but from what? Why couldn’t he remember?

He heard the noise again and he realized it was footsteps. His mind cleared at the sudden realization.

It’s still out there.

Leo hauled Mikey to his feet and retrieved his katana as they sprinted down the alley.

“Leo, what’s-”

Leo created a portal to the sewers and pushed Mikey through. He closed it and once he ensured Mikey’s safety he turned and faced his would-be attacker. He heard footsteps quickly approaching before stopping. 

A black cloak clung to their figure, concealing any features or whatever weapon they may possess. It was a bit basic, Leo couldn’t help but comment. “Halloween isn’t until a couple of months,” he teased. “Nice costume though. Where did you get it? At Party City?” With a half-hearted character description like that, why wouldn’t he be a bit confident? You could just tell they would be quickly written off because the author couldn’t be bothered, but Leo learned to never take anything lightly.

He hoped they wouldn't do the same.

The figure dashed forward but Leo slid past them, slicing the air as he went. Portals popped up from all around, launching nearby trash directly at them.

Assaulted at all sides, the figure ran forward, but they did not notice the portal on the ground. Their foot slid through, causing them to kick themselves in the face as Leo created a new portal right at their head.

Leo caught them with a portal as they fell back, sending them and the surrounding trash into a nearby dumpster. Leo teleported with them, landing above and slamming the metal lid upon their head.

“Don’t mind me, just taking out the trash!” Leo taunted.

Leo felt the container rumble and jumped away just in time to avoid the lid bursting back open. The figure staggered out, looking — for lack of a better word — mildly pissed off.

“What’s with the stink eye? I know my trash talk is garbage, but you make it seem like it’s litter -al trash.” Leo waited for a laugh even when he knew he wouldn’t get one. “Not even a smile? Is it an off day for you? Trust me, I’ve bin there, but it doesn’t mean you can waste our time by dumping all your frustration onto me, so no. I won’t can it with the puns because I’m on a roll!”

The figure lunged forward again. Leo swung the hilt down, aiming to knock out the assailant, but they were quick. They dodged to the side and snapped their body around. They managed to grab a hold of his wrist and threw him mercilessly to the cold hard ground.

He didn’t have time to recover as a fist came his way. He blocked the attack with his katana and kicked the attacker off of him.

Taking the opportunity, Leo dashed forward, slicing his katana straight towards them. The swing just missed as it grazed the black cloak, causing it to flutter to the ground. Leo caught breath as he stared at the thing.

His mind went blank as all he could do was stare. Stare at the thing that was once human. Its body was morphed and twisted against its will. Its pink sweltering and blistered skin made every movement look painful, but what was worse of all were those eyes that pierced right at him. They were almost glowing, emanating a sickly yellow shade. It was those of the Krang.

Leo lunged forward, lashing his katana barrage after barrage. The thing dodged them easily, twisting and contorting in inhuman ways, but Leo hadn’t deterred. Every strike was aimed to kill the thing that bore the Krang’s eyes, the thing no longer human, the thing of his own making.

Leo felt shame and guilt wash over him, but it was his responsibility to bear.

This thing was just an innocent civilian swept up in Leo’s mess. They didn’t deserve this so Leo will put an end to it.

Leo was thrown to the wall by its tendrils, displacing all his scrambled thoughts as he stared back up at it. Leo tightened his grip as he crouched down. He leaped forward towards it, too close for it to fully attack as he sent it to the adjacent wall.

The thing flew back and then crumbled to the ground. Not soon after, Leo was above it with a katana raised above his head. 

Before he could slash down, a feeling washed over him. It was an energy. All warm and all-encompassing. It had been there since the start of all this, but he was just beginning to recognize it. It was-

Leo felt nauseous as he stared at him. Warm eyes warped to terror and sorrow.

“Mikey?” 

Mikey didn’t respond but he reacted to the name. Leo stared down at Mikey. He was just fighting, but then it was Mikey, Leo tried to wrack his mind. He was fighting a krang-infected person, but his sword against Mikey’s head said otherwise. The mystic energy flowing around them was undeniably Mikey but-

Leo saw his reflection reflecting off his katana, and amber eyes peered back at him.

Leo dropped his weapons as he stumbled back. Mikey stood, reaching out a hand, but Leo backed away. “Stay away,” Leo gasped.

“Leo,” Mikey tried. “It’s not-”

“Please tell me what’s going on.” Leo cut him off. “It’s me right? I was the one who hurt you. What did I-”

“It’s not your fault,” Mikey stated with conviction. “The Krang are the ones that did this to you.”

“The Krang?”

“They’ve… yeah.” Mikey tried to clarify, but couldn’t finish his sentence, leaving the implication hanging heavy in the air. “It’s not your fault,” Mikey tried again but Leo didn’t need it. He could see what had happened.

The Krang, they’ve messed with his brain, making him unable to tell family from foe. It made him sick. What else had he done without him being aware? What did he do to make Mikey run and cower with those fearful eyes? What else had he ruined?

They stood at a distance from one another, neither one looking at the other. It just made it hurt more.

What memories had he forgotten? How about the memories he had now? How about these emotions? How about now? Were they his or were these another ploy? Maybe this all was just another one of his dreams, but it all felt too real.

He searched his memories for any crack in the facade, but all of them meant so much to him. Even those that others might deem mundane. “Hey Mikey, do you remember when we were younger and we would sneak out just so we could slide down the stairs?”

It took Mikey a second, but he soon laughed. “No, but if you meant to say hurl then yes. How can I forget? Who knew sending ourselves down staircases like sleds can be so much fun.”

“It was pretty dumb looking back on it. Dad always got mad at me for getting ourselves hurt… I don’t blame him. I was such a bad influence on you.”

“I don’t regret it. Besides, even on the rare occasion we got hurt, you always made it better.”

Leo looked back at his brother. He could see the pain Mikey was in whenever he looked at him. Even the slightest movement looked dreadful, despite Mikey’s efforts to hide it through gritted teeth and measured breathing. How could he easily say that after the injury he caused? “Speaking of, we need to get that checked up. Let’s head home.”

Leo sliced open a portal, straight to the infirmary. He instinctively tried to grab Mikey’s hand but stopped himself short. He instead waited for Mikey, but he didn’t budge. “Mikey?” Leo watched on worryingly, not knowing what to do with Mikey who, underling his stone mask, is torn with dread. “It’s fine if you don’t want to come. My mystic prowess may not be at their A game.”

“No, it’s not that… It’s nothing.” With that, all evidence of Mikey’s inner turmoil seemed to have vanished from his face as he stepped through.

Leo followed after him and luckily, they were right where they needed to be.

He tried to flick on the lights, but the room remained dim, the only light coming from his portal. The soft eerie blue glow settled across the space, making the already sterile-looking place look much colder than it was. Some dust shifted as he moved across the room, catching some faint light as they fluttered across the once-still air.

He got to a cabinet. Drawers were open, some tools and bottles lay scattered across countertops and tiles, and everything was covered with a fine layer of dust, not at all like how he left it. How long had it been? He turned to Mikey, but his gaze was downtrodden, avoiding everything present in the room.

Leo’s head throbbed and the scene changed before him.

“Leo!” Mikey cried desperately as he clung to his shoulders. “I can’t do this alone. We need you. So please, come back. You need to help him…” Mikey’s shaking grew weak along with his voice as tears coated his throat. “Please… respond…”

The memory quickly came and went as it abruptly flashed in his mind. He tried to recall what had happened but nothing popped up. Leo gritted his teeth.

What the hell happened?

Not wanting to dwell on it, Leo swiftly went through the cabinets but he couldn’t get that look of Mikey out of his mind. The state of disarray was not helping matters. How did it get this way? He couldn't dwell on it, he had to remind himself. Despite the mess, he found everything easily. He quickly got what he needed and turned to Mikey. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

“We’re not staying here?”

Leo created a new portal and gently took Mikey’s hand. “The lights aren’t working anyways.”

This time, Mikey followed him.

They landed on a rooftop near the shore. The building stood tall enough to get a good view of the skyline, but not too tall to be gaudy and out of place. “This is my favorite place in all of New York, you know. I would always come here whenever I needed a break from it all.”

Mikey joined him as he sat along the ledge, taking in the river breeze. Leo created a portal atop them to catch the falling rain and then he went to work cleaning the wound.

It was a clean cut. About the length of his hand and nearly reaching the bone. Leo gritted his teeth as he tried to focus on the task.

“The view here’s nice,” Mikey commented.

Leo nearly flinched as Mikey spoke. He glanced up to face him, but there was no disdain or fear behind those eyes.

Leo nodded along. “You should see it during sunrise. The sun rises directly in front of us, over the water and when you turn around, all the buildings around you will reflect back the sky. They remind me of your paintings, Mikey. It’s comforting. I know it’s a simple thing to gush about, but it helps me think that maybe it is okay to just be.”

Leo grabbed out the bottle of numbing medicine he retrieved, but he stopped as he looked at the note taped across its surface. ‘bye no pain!’ it read. It was a stupid little thing he did for himself. He used to do it to remember the names of all the medical jargon — now just doing it out of habit — but what he hadn’t noticed before was the little smudges of the pen.

Donnie wrote this.

The handwriting was close to his own and even the punctuation had the same style, but he didn’t write this. Why would Donnie go through all this effort? He remembered Donnie being peeved at the phrase not making factual sense and he surely memorized all the medications to ever exist especially for something as simple as lidocaine so why try to emulate him? Grammar mistakes and all. He couldn’t understand.

Leo refocused on Mikey as he got the shot ready. Mikey turned forward, out into the water. His face looked neutral but Leo could see his clenched fists and the stiffness in his posture.

“So you have hair now,” Leo started.

“It was a shock for me too.”

“It looks good on you.”

Mikey stared at him as if he lost his mind. “It looks like a mix between a wet cat and a mop.”

Leo stared at his hair for a moment and then started wheezing from laughter. “That description fits perfectly, but it’s nothing a shower and blow dryer can’t fix!” Leo ruffled Mikey’s hair as he practically jumped on him. In the last second, Leo tugged a few strands of his hair.

“Hey, what was that for?” Mikey asked, clearing the hair from his face.

Leo lifted his hands in mock surrender. “Just wanted to see if it wasn’t fake… or evil,” He mumbled at the end.

“Why would I wear- Wait what?”

“Trust me, the prospect may seem too good to be true, but never get your hair done by shady characters, especially those who run shady businesses in a literal haunted mansion and have an evil laugh!”

Mikey chuckled. “I feel like I’m missing some context for that.”

“What? Nooo. What makes you think that?”

A beat passed as Mikey stared at him with the most amused smile on his face. “How can you lie as well as you breathe some days but lie like a toddler in others?”

“Oh yeah? How do you know I didn't want you to know? It could be just another part of my master plan.”

Mikey thought for a moment before a devious smirk spread across his face. “Despite how well you hid it, I knew you had a crush on-”

Leo quickly smothered Mikey’s mouth, but it did little to stop him from laughing. “Alright, I believe you,” Leo yelped. “Just don’t say it out loud. It’s embarrassing.”

Mikey pushed Leo’s hand out of his face, completely amused by the whole situation. “I’ve known you my entire life. You don’t think I’ve figured out some of your tells?”

In hindsight, it shouldn’t be all that surprising. His perceptive little brother could read people freakily accurately like a children’s book sometimes. “As much as I would love to continue chatting,” Mikey went on. “I can feel the blood draining from me as we speak and the suspense is killing me. Let’s just get it over with.” Mikey stammered as he clenched his eyes shut. He lifted his arm, indicating for Leo to just hurry it up and do the shot already but he stopped as he heard Leo’s laugh.

“You know, despite the hair I’m 100% not jealous over, you’re still the same Mikey I knew.” Mikey turned to him confused. “You’re still afraid of needles and you still fall for the same old tricks. It appears you're not as perceptive as you like to believe,” Leo teased.

Mikey’s eyes widened as he turned to face his shoulder. “You already- When did you!?” His head swiveled back and forth — quite comically to Leo’s enjoyment — from Leo to the tiny prick from where the needle went in.

“A magician never reveals his secrets, but just know, the power of misdirection is one of the most powerful tools. Useful not just for party tricks but also for fighting, stealing, writing, the whole shebang.”

“Don’t forget jumpscares.”

“Oh, especially jumpscares!”

“Ah, that reminds me!” Leo nearly fell off the building from Mikey’s sudden excitement. “Remember that one Halloween we all had that competition to see who could get the best jumpscares? Remember when I hid under Raph’s bed on the day of Halloween? I scared Raph so hard he did a full-on gymnastics routine.”

“I remember!” How could he forget when he was woken up and fell off his bed to a bloodcurdling scream? Also, it was just plain funny to look back on. “I never heard him scream like that! I didn’t even know his voice could go that high! But to be fair, you got him when he’s most vulnerable. I think my scare on you was better. I swear you had jumped back like twenty feet.”

“I scream at everything so it isn’t that impressive.”

“Whatever you say, runner-up.”

“Using childish name-calling are we? You’re not even using the correct term because I was the clear winner.”

Leo laughed. “We can never agree on anything, can we? Well, at least we both can agree on what’s far scarier than both of us combined.”

“And what’s that?” Mikey smiled, looking forward to disproving Leo’s assessment.

“Stitches,” Leo announced dramatically.

Mikey’s face fell, remembering why they even started talking about this in the first place. “Hooray…” Mikey enthused in the dryest tone ever. “Don’t jump scare me like that. I hate getting stitches.”

“I know, I’ll try to do it as quickly as I can.” Leo brought the needle and thread up to the skin but hesitated. “Are… are you sure?”

Leo hadn’t known what Mikey would say. They had already gotten to this point, it would be odd to start voicing grievances now, but he hadn’t expected what Mikey said. “I trust you.”

It truly was odd, but Leo couldn’t help but smile. How could Mikey say that so easily?

With that, Leo started, burying his head at the task at hand while Mikey looked off into the dark night sky. It was quiet between the two of them and yet it felt comforting and reassuring. He soon found a tempo but stopped in alarm when he heard Mikey cry. “Does it hurt!?” Leo exclaimed. “Did I not wait long enough?”

“No, it’s not that.” Mikey wiped the tears forming in his eyes. “It’s just… You’re really here.”

Leo offered a hand and Mikey took it. He squeezed it gently as he drew tiny circles with his thumb. “And I don’t plan on leaving again.”

Mikey hesitated, mouth forming the words he did not have. Leo gave him time, he could wait as long as he needed to and would be there when Mikey needed him. Mikey’s head soon dropped, expression grim. “You know how you saved Raph? Donnie had found that you were able to do it with our mystics. That’s… That’s the only way to rid the Krang.”

“Then what’s with the long face?”

“The Krang… They’ve replaced your mind. With them gone, there’ll be little left to keep you alive.”

Leo’s mind stuttered as he tried to process what was said. “They’ve… replaced my mind?” Leo repeated. Even then, he couldn’t fully grasp it. It all felt like a story in a book, one that’s not his own. It all didn’t feel real. “What are they even going to replace? My nonexistent mind? I’ll just be getting a free brain by that point!”

Mikey didn’t respond, which would be the appropriate response. In all honesty, he had no idea what to say.

“Sorry, terrible time to joke huh.” Leo continued along stitch by stitch, trying to keep his hands doing something. He looked back at Mikey to prompt him to do something more, but Mikey continued to look away. “Maybe there’s another way to solve all of this.”

“We’ve tried but failed. It’s too late for you. It’s a miracle you’re even here.”

“Then that means another miracle can happen again.”

“It will never happen,” Mikey snapped. “How can you do it, Leo? Nothing’s going your way and yet you can still look at the bright side.” Mikey paused for a moment, then continued. “You did this back then too. Back with the Krang. I admire that you fight no matter what, but you should fight for yourself too. Even when I’m going to… Even when-”

“You don’t have to say it.” Leo offered.

“This is what I’m saying. You always comfort us, ignoring your own needs. Think for yourself more often. You can cry. You can be upset. You can complain. I don’t mind! I just want you to be you, Leo.”

“But this is who I am. I lie, I cause trouble, what else do I have to offer?”

“That’s not the real you. You lie because you’re scared. You’re scared because you believe people will reject you for who you are. That’s why you’re so self-destructive. You rather us hate a fake version of you than the real you. Let me tell you that’s all nonsense.” Mikey asserted. “You’re the brother I cherish, the one I confide in, the one I look up to. That’s you, Leo. The real you. Maybe you can’t see it yourself, but I can see it clear as day.”

Leo bit his tongue and turned away. “But would it be better? Would it be better if I were me?”

“Maybe white lies will make this situation feel better, but that’s not what I want. I want it to be real . Sure it will be painful, but we can face it together. We need each other. That’s why you shouldn’t just give up and throw away your life as if it’s meaningless. You’re here worrying about me when I’m the one who’s going to kill you.”

Leo tensed hearing it stated outright. He didn't want to think about it, but it sounded especially awful coming from his baby brother. Mikey shouldn’t have to deal with something like this. Leo should be the one protecting him and yet he was the source of all Mikey’s anguish. “You shouldn’t say it like that. You’re not doing it to hurt me. You’re doing it for me right?”

“But I can’t save you, Leo. Unlike you, I can’t-”

“Don’t undermine yourself, Mikey. You broke the laws of space and time to drag me out of hell with just your very hands. I bet the reason I’m here now is because of you and I’m so glad about that. Being with you and talking with you is enough for me. Your aura, your light, your smile. You are like the very essence of hope!”

“You’re exaggerating.” 

“It’s true! This is one of the only things I can’t lie about… About before, I haven’t given up, but when given the choice, I would always choose to protect those I love. If anything, the thought of you guys motivated me to keep fighting. And hey, if anyone were to be able to save me, it would be my family. I know it’s impulsive. I know it’s wishful thinking but it’s a gamble I’m willing to make if it means you guys lived on and I guess I was right to be hopeful. Remember, ‘hope is a ninja’s greatest weapon.’”

“What good is hope when all it does is hurt us more?” Mikey asked quietly. It reminded him of when they were younger. When Mikey after a bad nightmare would run to his room and ask to be with him, too scared to be alone. Leo always welcomed him in with a smile on his face. Truth be told, he needed it as much as Mikey did but unlike him, he was too scared to ask.

“Not everything will go our way, no matter how much we fight for it, but it doesn’t mean we can’t hope or dream. In my eyes, hope helps us go through the tough times. It gives us the determination to keep going and strive for more. You may not see it — I understand that all too well — but fake it until you make it. It may not help you, but it can surely help others and maybe someday they can help you see it too.”

Leo did the final tie and cut the excess thread.

“You guys never gave up hope for me. Despite all my faults, you guys still believed in me. That fact made me happier than you can ever imagine, but it also made me scared because it made me realize how much I would be losing if I failed. I’ve given up on myself before and I’ve regretted what I’ve done, but despite that, you guys prove every time and again that you want the best for me. I still have my doubts and I don’t see myself ever getting rid of them anytime soon but I’m not giving up, not anymore. I’m not Master Leonardo who Casey looked up to, but I’m still your brother and I’ll do whatever I can to cherish that. So let's hope for a bit, even if it’s only a little.”

He stepped back and rubbed his head.

“Sorry, I’ve been talking for too long. It started to borderline Donnie’s level of rambling. Did I at least sound cool? Hero speeches are usually Raph’s thing.”

“It’s just like you, Leo,” Mikey confessed sincerely as if it was the best compliment out there.

“So I take that as a no.”

Mikey shook his head. “Sometimes you can be annoying.”

“Hey!”

“But more often than not, you never fail to brighten my day. You can be a bit cheesy at times, but that’s just a part of your charm and I can’t be any happier. You’re not like Donnie or Raph, but you don’t have to be. I’ve always looked up to you Leo so you’ve always been cool in my eyes.”

Did Mikey have to one-up him with the compliments? He had to be winning too. “I don’t know how much you’ve struggled so I can’t say everything will be alright, but I hope things will get better for you, even if it doesn’t work out.” Leo finally wrapped the wound in gauze, tying it off with a bow. “To be honest, my chances don’t look so great. I can see that but I’m not scared like I was with the Krang. You just make me wish for more.”

Leo stood up, helping Mikey up with him as he stared at the distant somber waves. 

“The city’s been doing better since last I remembered. It was a mess but look at it now. It’s as if nothing happened. How many years have passed for that to happen? Bet I’ve missed a lot of Jupiter Jim movies. Were they any good? Nothing can compete with Jupiter Jim: Episode LVI Part III - Pluto’s Revenge Against the Cheddar Army , but is it just as good? Or is it the it’s so bad it’s good kind? Oh but save the reviews for later. I want to watch it with you guys.” Leo choked up a bit at the thought.

He shook his head and continued.

“So what have you guys been up to? Surely you had some crazy fights while I was gone. I wish I could have been there to see it. I miss going on those goofy adventures and seeing what wacky stuff would follow us this time. I enjoyed making those stupid jokes on the off chance that they make you guys smile. I want to keep doing pointless competitions just because they’re fun. I- I don’t want to die,” Leo finally confessed.

Leo hadn’t realized Mikey had stepped closer, not until he was pulled into a tight embrace. All Leo’s attempts to hold in his tears vanished as he wrapped his arms around him. It seemed like neither one of them would let go, but Mikey backed up a little to face him, braving a smile for him. “I never thought I'd say this again, but if you make it out of this… let’s have a movie marathon like old times. It doesn’t have to be now. It doesn’t have to be never. But just, anytime in the future, whenever we want.”

“I would love that,” Leo beamed as he wiped away his tears. “Let’s laugh at all those B-rated movies. Let’s try out the restaurant we haven’t had the chance to visit. Let’s sneak out and sled down those stairs again.” Mikey laughed and it was the best thing Leo ever heard. “Let’s just be brothers. That would be more than enough for me.”

They both smiled as Mikey hugged him closer. “I’ve missed you, Leo. I… I don’t want it to end.”

“Mikey, it doesn’t have to be the end. No matter what, I’ll always be with you.”

Mikey hesitantly let go, looking at him unsure what to do. Leo grabbed his hands and guided them to either side of his head. He could feel his and his own hands shake, but they soon stilled as they held onto each other.

“It’s alright,” Leo said.

Mikey looked at him in concern but not too long after, he trusted his lead. Leo felt a sudden jab of energy surge through his mind. He staggered forward but caught himself not before Mikey looked on with concern. “Sorry, I should have warned you.”

“It’s fine. Just surprised me, that’s all.” He cut in before Mikey could seep into his panic. He tightened his grip as he smiled. “I’m fine.”

Mikey stared at him hesitantly, searching Leo’s eyes for any falsehood. Leo doubted Mikey even believed him. Mikey could probably feel the quickening pulse from his hands, hear the roughness in his voice, and see the evident strain in his expression. Mikey probably noticed all of that, but despite it, he most definitely wants to believe it to be true. Mikey blinked away a few stray tears before he gritted his teeth and hardened his resolve. His face took on a new look. He looked older, not the one he had remembered but still undeniably Mikey. It was the same as when he first gained back sentience, but something was different about those eyes.

They were the same as he remembered.

That was the last thing he saw before his world turned white.

His mind continued to scream at him. To run. To hide. To fight. But he remained still. Strangely enough, he felt calm. Now thinking about it, the pain was gone along with everything else. He couldn’t feel the blowing wind. He couldn’t feel the rain graze against his skin. He couldn’t feel his feet on the cold concrete floor.

Why didn’t he feel anything? It all felt surreal.

No wait. He did feel something.

As warm as the embrace of the rising sun. Like a fire that brings life in the coldest of winters. The one that pulled him out of the dark.

It was an aura he can recognize anywhere. He knows it as sure as the rise of dawn.

It was his brother, he smiled.

————

Leo blinked as the rain stopped. He looked up and everything was so much brighter. The sun rose just ahead, casting the sky in brilliant warm hues. The morning birds chirped their lovely tunes. Every blade of grass was kissed with morning dew.

When did it become day? Was he daydreaming?

He turned back to Mikey who stood, staring back at him. “Aren’t you coming Leo?” Leo scratched his head, recalling what had happened.

Ah right. How could he forget?

Leo took a step forward but stopped. He didn’t know why, but a part of him screamed to stay. “In a minute, I just… need some fresh air.”

Mikey nodded along understandingly even when Leo didn’t understand it himself. Mikey waved him goodbye and Leo stood by as he watched Mikey walk off but not before catching Mikey’s distraught expression. As for why, he didn’t know, but Leo hadn’t needed it.

Before Mikey faded off into the distance, Leo said what came to mind. “I’m glad it was you.” He didn’t know why he said those specific words, but they seemed to be the right ones as Mikey turned back to him with his toothy grin.

“I’m glad it’s you too.”

A smile always suited him, Leo amused to himself. He should do it more often. “I’ll see you again soon.”

“Wherever that may be.”