Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Arthur was in a terrible mood. 

He had woken up much earlier than he needed to, and found himself unable to go back to sleep. When he decided to walk around his rooms, he kicked a chair and spent five minutes on the ground screaming profanity. 

When he finally got up, he found that he had ripped his favorite sleep shirt. 

So obviously, when Merlin came in as his usual cheerful self, it would’ve helped, as it always did. Maybe Arthur would through a pillow or two, but in the end they’d both find it funny as Merlin would help dress Arthur for the day.

Except Merlin never came in. Arthur watched as the bells in the Citadel rang and people began to walk the streets, and still, Merlin did not burst through the doors. 

It was nearly nine when Merlin finally came running through the doors, more than two hours late. 

“Arthur I am so sorry I—“ Merlin cut himself off. “You’re already dressed.” He muttered quietly. Arthur made a face at Merlin, 

“Well I didn’t really have a choice, now did I Merlin? When your idiot manservant is two hours late for the job I pay him good money for, you sort of have to get dressed yourself.” Arthur snarked. Merlin rolled his eyes. 

“You have no concept of what good money is Arthur.” Merlin joked, which made Arthur straighten up. 

“What do you mean? I’m the King of Camelot! Are you calling me poor?” Arthur asked. Merlin laughed.

“No, actually. I’m calling you the exact opposite. You’re so rich you don’t know what it costs to live, you clotpole. Tell me, how much does it cost to buy bread from the baker in the Citadel?” Merlin asked. Arthur wanted to guess, but he knew he would get it wrong. “That’s what I thought.” Merlin chuckled, taking a roll from Arthur’s breakfast. If it were anyone else, Arthur might’ve let it go. But this was Merlin. 

“Oi! Put my food back you cabbage head! My breakfast is two hours late, I’m starving!” Arthur shouted, tossing a cup at the back of Merlin’s head. 

“Hmm, I don’t know. I don’t want to cut another hole in your belt, I think you can do without a roll today.” Merlin said, a stupid grin on his face. Arthur threw a book this time, but Merlin managed to dodge it. “Alright, alright, somebody’s being pushy today. Let’s get you ready for training with the knights.”

“Merls! You and the princess have finally arrived!” Gwaine exclaimed, jogging over to the pair. Arthur grumbled and walked over towards Leon, leaving Merlin alone with Gwaine. He wasn’t sure if Gwaine didn’t realize everyone could hear him blatantly flirting with Merlin or if he just didn’t care. 

“Come on Merls, it’s so boring here without you. Don’t leave me for your smart-people stuff. You’d do much better on my arm to the banquet tomorrow night.” Gwaine said. Arthur frowned at the pair. This was inappropriate, they should be training. 

Arthur tried to ignore the fact that his first thought was Merlin shouldn’t be smiling so wide at that. 

“I’ll never leave you idiots, without me you’d all be dead.” Merlin grinned and Gwaine clapped him on the back. 

“Sire? Are you alright?” Lancelot asked with a knowing look on his face. Arthur scowled, what was he talking about? Of course Arthur was fine! Why wouldn’t he be? Arthur didn’t respond, instead gesturing to Leon to come and spar with him. 

Even as he sparred with Leon, Arthur kept glancing over at Merlin. Lancelot and Gwaine were sparring right next to him, and they were clearly spending more time conversing with Merlin that actually getting work done. 

Arthur slowly moved his fight with Leon closer to them so he could hear their discussion. 

“What’s up with the Princess today? He seems more annoying than usual.” Gwaine grit out as he pushed Lancelot off of him. 

“Yes I noticed the same thing.” Lancelot added, nearly hitting Merlin with his sword as he jumped out of Gwaine’s reach. 

“I woke him up late. I was planning to stay up all night, but I fell asleep around five in the morning. I woke up around seven when Gaius realized I hadn’t left yet and came banging on my door.” Merlin shrugged while saying this as if two hours wasn’t a big deal. 

“God Merls, this apprenticeship is really giving you a beating.” Lancelot said. 

“It’ll be over soon if all that late night studying works out.” Merlin laughed. Honest to God laughed. He wasn’t supposed to smile like that with the knights, not even Lancelot. Certainly not Gwaine. 

They were clearly talking more about this, but Arthur was forced backwards by Leon in his distraction, out of hearing distance. Now Arthur could only hear the occasional peals of laughter than rang through the air.

What was Merlin even talking about? How come Lancelot and Gwaine seemed to know and not Arthur? 

Arthur was sure Merlin was talking about apprenticing under Gaius as physician, but why was he studying? He didn’t truly plan on becoming a physician, did he? Surely(though Merlin may insist it doesn’t) being the King’s manservant paid more than enough. 

Was Merlin planning on leaving him?

Why hadn’t Merlin told Arthur about all this? Did he not trust Arthur enough? Was he worried about a pay dock? No matter how much Arthur threatened it, he would never actually take away any of Merlin’s wage. He knew that the majority of it went back into Camelot or Ealdor, after all. 

Merlin was too good for this world, but God was it annoying how he didn’t realize his fashion choices reflected on Arthur. 

Any time Merlin walked out with those rags hanging off of him, there were whispers in the court about what Merlin is paid. Come on, what king doesn’t pay enough for his manservant to get nice clothes?

Arthur had actually tried to wrestle one of his old shirts onto Merlin once, and all he had succeeded in doing was annoying Merlin and nearly giving the both of them a concussion. 

Arthur ended training early. He couldn’t stand the dopey look on Gwaine’s face as he stared at Merlin, and he certainly couldn’t handle the affection pouring out of Lancelot’s body language. Didn’t they understand how inappropriate that was? They were all…men. 

He knew some people chose to keep the company of men, but that was something that needed to be hidden. Not out in the open like this, and certainly not as the King’s Guards. Definitely not in front of the King. 

And absolutely not directed at Merlin. 

“Merlin! With me! Frolic with Gwaine later.” Arthur hissed, beckoning for Merlin. Merlin rolled his eyes, but pranced over to Arthur in the way he did. Arthur could not understand how Merlin walked so…bouncily. That was the wrong word, but it was the only one Arthur could think of. To be more clear, it was the only word Arthur could think of because Merlin currently had his arm thrown around Arthur’s shoulder.

Arthur’s brain screamed at him to shrug it off, but Merlin’s hand remained on Arthur’s chest. Arthur cleared his throat. 

“Training is canceled for tomorrow. Use that time to make yourself presentable to the court. We are seeking to make an alliance with Cenred, despite their use of magic. The court expects us all to look proper, and yes that is including you Merlin. I am begging you, wear one of the nice shirts I’ve gotten you.” Arthur sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He could feel Merlin take a breath to argue, but Elyan cut in first. 

“Merlin! I gave your shirts to the seamstress by the workshop, she said she’ll have her apprentice drop off the money!” Elyan had just run over, realizing sparring was over, with Percy close behind. 

He really did have terrible timing sometimes. For Merlin, at least. Arthur assumed to feel Merlin’s hand drop off of his shoulder and prepared to chase Merlin down. Instead, Merlin just slumped against Arthur, using his weight to guide Arthur away from the knights. 

“He’s talking about different shirts.” Merlin hissed at Elyan, before smiling at Arthur. Arthur assumed the fast blinking Merlin was doing was an attempt to bat his eyes, but that didn’t work when they were the same height. If anything, Merlin was a bit taller, not that Arthur would ever say that. 

It didn’t really matter though, because there wasn’t a single strand of muscle on that body. 

Arthur heard the whispering and laughter from the knights behind them, but Arthur couldn’t be bothered to care. He was fairly certain that Merlin could walk him off a cliff right now, and Arthur wouldn’t care as long as Merlin kept his hand on Arthur’s chest. 

The light, barely-there pressure was not enough and too much. It made Arthur feel a little dizzy. Merlin was so touchy, Arthur was unsure of how to handle it. He knew this was inappropriate. Fixing a shirt collar was one thing, that was a part of Merlin’s job. But hanging off of Arthur’s shoulders like this? That would start some unfriendly rumors that wouldn’t look great on Arthur. 

Not that those rumors didn’t already exist. Arthur had gotten into a fight with someone at a bar with the knights after a patron insinuated that Merlin was the knight’s bedwarmer.

Much to Arthur’s surprise, Lancelot had thrown the first punch. Arthur was in too much shock as he processed what had been said and Lancelot had just appeared out of nowhere.

Arthur had always assumed Gwaine would be the one that always came to Merlin’s defense first, but Lancelot was a different man when it came to his friend. All of the knights were, in all honesty. Arthur liked to listen to the knights joke about how one day Merlin would unwillingly be forced onto the throne by them. He wasn’t sure how inaccurate it was. 

Anyways, Arthur had told to bartender the knights would be punished for causing such a ruckus. He just conveniently forgot about it and went on a hunt with the knights instead of training the next couple of days. Really, he was so busy, how could anyone expect him to remember something a menial as that?

It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Arthur had to be held back by Percival so the King didn’t cause a scandal by beating some random merchant to the ground. It was one thing if the highly controversial, non-noble knights that were Lancelot, Gwaine, Elyan, and Percy beat the shit out of some bar patron. Even Leon could get away with it, seeing as absolutely no one questioned him. 

But Arthur? It definitely would’ve only made the rumors worse. 

Arthur glanced at Merlin, who was still rambling on about the shirts. Arthur didn’t care all that much. What he did care about was the fact that Gwaine was happily trotting behind them. But Arthur held his head high, even as Merlin’s hand slipped off his shoulder to go frolic with Gwaine. Arthur didn’t care. Really. Merlin was a grown man. He didn’t need Arthur to protect him from any ally of Camelot, much less one of the Knights of the Round Table. 

But something burned deep inside of Arthur as he saw Merlin and Gwaine jump around in a way that might raise eyebrows, but would never get them banished from the kingdom. Gwaine may be a knight, but he was not of noble blood. No one would care if he was consorting with a servant, especially with how common those dalliances were in the Citadel. 

Arthur was not jealous. He didn’t want to be the person lifting Merlin up into the air and kicking rocks at each other. He didn’t want to be able to talk with Merlin in public the way he did in his chambers. He certainly didn’t want to drag Merlin away from Gwaine and hide the servant away for the rest of time. 

Arthur reasoned it as protectiveness for his friend. He didn’t need Merlin to be defiled by Gwaine. Especially not out in the open. 

But that reasoning didn’t quite stick as Arthur barked at Merlin to come back to his side and stop goofing off, because Arthur caught himself staring at Merlin’s lips, and then dropped his line of sight down to the servant’s hands. The hands he was twitching to hold onto and drag away from all of this. 

Arthur wasn’t sure what had changed when he woke up the next morning. Something had, but it was literally indescribable. It was an oxymoron, but indescribable was the only way to describe it. 

Surely everyone recognizes that large feeling in their chest, the one that could not be put into words no matter how hard one tries. 

Oddly enough, it felt almost painful. Moderately irritating, at least. 

But it wasn’t enough to bring him down. 

Despite the fact that Arthur was already awake, he decided to stay in bed. So when Merlin came in this morning(only a couple of minutes late, but on Merlin Standard Time, that was early), Arthur was unpleasantly surprised by the feeling that he had just been trampled by a horse. His chest felt tight as Merlin grinned at him. 

“Two days in a row you’ve been awake. You’re making my job much easier you big lug.” Merlin teased. Arthur outright stared at his manservant. Merlin’s grin didn’t falter. Arthur did notice Merlin’s eye bags seemed more significant this morning, however. He was smiling brighter than Arthur had ever seen him, despite the clear exhaustion in his features. For a moment Arthur was tempted to pull Merlin into the bed with him, just so his friend could get the rest he needed. 

And then Arthur stopped himself from reaching out. And then he fled. 

Behind him, Arthur heard Merlin call out. 

“You’re still in your sleep clothes, you dollophead! Get back here!” Arthur refused to turn around. He turned into the next room he found, closing the door behind him. If Arthur had any luck at all, Merlin would give up or run right by him. 

It was only then Arthur really processed where he was. By that he means he barely dodged the cup that was thrown at his head. Damn. Was that how Merlin felt everyday? 

“Morgana! You harpy, don’t throw things at me!” Arthur hissed. Morgana grabbed a book from her bedside table, brandishing it like a weapon. 

“Arthur, it is eight in the morning. You ran into my room like someone was trying to kill you. I am not out of my night gown, and clearly you did not change out of your night clothes either.” Morgana teased. Arthur flushed red. Morgana continued, “Honestly, how did Merlin let you out of your rooms like that? Your hair is a mess as well. I know he takes better care of you than that. What have you done to make Merlin angry now?” Arthur said nothing. 

Morgana scrutinized him, and it was as if she was seeing into his very soul. 

“No, that’s not right. Merlin would be oddly professional if you had made him angry. So there’s no way you get out of your chambers like that unless…you ran out.” Morgana’s smile turned sadistic. “So Arthur, tell us how dear Merlin has frightened you so much that you couldn’t bear to see his lovely face for another second?” 

Arthur choked on air. Of all of the rooms he could take shelter in, how had he been so oblivious to choose Morgana’s? 

“I am not frightened of Merlin of all people. He couldn’t hurt a fly. I’ve seen him try. It was pathetic.” Arthur spat, but Morgana’s analysis had been exactly right. He was frightened. Greatly. His chest felt like it had been hit with a battering ram. 

“Come off of it Arthur, we all know what this is. Be a big, strong King and tell your best friend that you’re worried he will leave you.” Morgana said. Arthur froze. 

“Why is everyone talking about Merlin leaving? Is he going back to Ealdor to visit his mother, or something?” Arthur asked. Why would Merlin have not cleared this with Arthur first? Why did everyone else seem to know more about Merlin’s life than Arthur did? Morgana gaped at Arthur from her bed. 

“Arthur, do you not remember what this entire banquet is for?” Morgana asked incredulously. Arthur made a face at her. 

“Of course, it’s a Guild Fair. We invited the other kingdoms to show off their greatest artisans, and hoped to forge new alliances.” Arthur stated. Morgana motioned as if she wanted more information. Arthur had no clue what she wanted. She sighed exasperatedly and rolled her eyes. 

“Arthur. What happens before the Guild Fair every year it is hosted?” Morgana asked. That was an easy question, but Arthur had no clue what this had to do with Merlin going to visit his mother. 

“All of the apprentices who are ready are tested, obviously. Then at the Guild Fair those who passed may find a place of work.” Arthur said. Morgana blinked at him, as if he was supposed to get something. 

“How have you survived this long, dear gods. What is Merlin?” Morgana asked. Arthur frowned at her. 

“A cabbagehead that can do absolutely nothing, including the job I pay him for.” Arthur said. Morgana looked extremely irritated. 

“No, you absolute idiot! He is an apprentice. Gaius’ apprentice. He has been the physician’s apprentice for longer than he has been your manservant. He came to Camelot to apprentice under Gaius. Honestly, I don’t know how Merlin puts up with you!” Morgana threw her hands up in the air. 

Arthur’s world felt like it was in slow motion. Logically, Arthur knew Merlin was Gaius’ apprentice. But it was Merlin. And Gaius. In Arthur’s mind, Gaius never needed a successor, and it certainly wouldn’t be Merlin. 

“So what? Do you expect me to believe Merlin passed any of the tests, even if he took them?” Arthur joked, but panic had gripped his heart. Morgana frowned at Arthur. 

“Poor Merlin, he must see your stupid face every day knowing he is the crown jewel of Camelot.” Morgana said solemnly. “I don’t understand how you insult him every day when all he does is cater to your needs.” 

It was Arthur’s turn to gape at Morgana. 

“That-I-you-treason! You cannot say that to me Morgana, I am the King.” Arthur exclaimed. This time Morgana actually threw the book at him. 

“I can say absolutely anything to you when you are acting stupid. Do you know why Cenred agreed to come so last minute? Because they need a new physician.” After that Morgana ushered Arthur out of her room. Arthur let her because, well honestly, he had no clue what to say. 

After the door was shut, Arthur heard Morgana call out to him. 

“Go tell Merlin how you feel before I do it for you!” And as anyone could guess, Arthur did the exact opposite. 

What did Morgana even mean “tell him how you feel?” Arthur felt the same way as he always did around Merlin. He thought his ears were too big, his temperament was inappropriate, he had zero manners, and he was the most amazing person Arthur had ever met. Arthur would rarely voice that last bit, though. 

Instead of telling Merlin that he was upset by the fact Arthur had never been made aware of the(apparently, many) offers Merlin had gotten from other towns and courts to be their physician, especially as his time as an apprentice ended. 

After Morgana had made him aware of these facts, Arthur had gone through every letter and record he could find that had been addressed to Merlin or Gaius. A disturbing amount of them were people trying to convince Merlin to leave Camelot. Others were queries asking for Merlin or Gaius to come aid smaller towns. From what Arthur could glean, Merlin was actually quite adept at healing. 

And yet Merlin stayed here, by Arthur’s side. So surely Arthur had nothing to worry about, even with the Guild Fair coming up. He needn’t open up. 

And Arthur continued to go about his day thinking like that, even though Merlin seemed to have disappeared after the practice banquet. 

It was around six at night when Arthur was walking the grounds when he saw them. 

A group of people sat out in the courtyard, near the entrance to the physician’s tower. From a distance, Arthur recognized Morgana(he could hear her cackling laughter, the witch), Percival(who couldn’t recognize Percival), Guinevere, and he assumed the other four people to be the remaining Knights of the Round Table. He could recognize the Pendragon crest on their capes from anywhere. 

And then he heard the door open. 

And out ran the easiest to recognize of all. It wasn’t the features, it was the run. The laughter. It was the way the group seemed to light up once he ran out. 

Arthur hadn’t realized he was walking closer, not until he was able to make out his friend’s faces. 

And that was when Lancelot ran out and caught Merlin in his arms, hugging him tightly. It enraged Arthur for some reason he did not know. 

He could hear Merlin laughing and he heard Lancelot’s congratulations. Next Gwaine came out to steal Merlin away from Lancelot. Elyan and Gwen followed soon after, with Percy hot on their tracks. Morgana alone stayed back, waiting for Merlin to come to her. When he did, they embraced quickly. Arthur heard them exchange some small conversation, but he was still not close enough to know what it was about. 

This whole situation bothered Arthur. Why was he not down there with them all, his closest and most trusted friends? Why did no one bother to tell him, the King of Camelot, anything? Were they worried about what he would do? 

He glared down at his friends, and he could see now that Merlin was hanging off of Lancelot while Gwaine danced around them. What was this?

When Merlin came to ready Arthur for bed just a little later, Arthur couldn’t look him in the face. Every time he tried he only saw betrayal. Arthur said he thought of Merlin as nothing more than a servant, but it was clearly untrue. Merlin was Arthur’s best friend. 

But as he thought back to the way Merlin had jumped into the air, trusting Lancelot to catch him, or how Merlin and Gwaine would flirt with each other and dance around, Arthur wondered if Merlin thought of him the same way. 

There had been a time when Merlin was bewitched to try and kill Arthur. He was completely blunt about it. Merlin had told Leon that he needed the castle’s strongest crossbow to kill Arthur. 

And Leon had given it to him! 

No questions asked. 

Elyan. Elyan and Merlin would spend hours talking in the armory about the craftsmanship of weapons and the best way to polish them. Arthur was fairly sure half of his armor was cleaned by Elyan every day, simply because it was how Merlin and Elyan spent all of their time together. 

Percival and Merlin on hunts were a force of chaos. Especially when Gwaine roped them into things. There had been hunting trip a couple of months ago where Arthur wanted absolute silence to catch one of the largest stags he had ever seen. What did Percival do? Put Merlin up on his shoulders with a cloak over their head, managing to scare not only the deer away, but scared the shit out of Arthur, as well. 

Gwaine was the worst of them all. He would genuinely do anything Merlin asked of him. He was a terrible influence on Merlin, dragging Arthur’s manservant into all sorts of unsafe places. They had once spent three days in the tavern together, and by that, Arthur was pretty sure Gwaine had gotten Merlin so drunk on the first night they couldn’t leave for two more. 

Lancelot was an honorable man. Always had been, and always would be. And yet his relationship with Merlin bothered Arthur the most. Logically, it should be Gwaine. But it was Lancelot. It was Lancelot because Arthur knew he couldn’t pretend Lancelot wasn’t good for Merlin. It was Lancelot because Arthur knew that Merlin deserved everything, and the only one close to giving him that was Lancelot. 

So Arthur ignored the stabbing feeling in his heart. He ignored the ache in his chest. He ignored the fact that he felt like he was being trampled by a horse every time he looked at Merlin. 

And when Arthur laid down, he had a new fact to ignore. 

He loved Merlin. 

Chapter Text

Arthur did not enjoy waking up with his new revelation. Especially because today, Merlin actually had to wake Arthur up. 

So Arthur, after discovering his love for his best friend like he had been run over by a horse, was woken up by the very man he had spent the night dreaming about. 

To make matters worse, he was woken up with Merlin’s stupid face right next to his, as Merlin sprawled across Arthur’s bed, laying on top of Arthur’s stomach. Merlin grinned at Arthur, clearly trying to conjure up some absolutely inane excuse for whatever he was doing. 

“I…dropped something?” Merlin asked, more than explained. 

“What could you have possibly dropped that required you to climb on top of me, you bag of bones? Your bony elbow is currently in my thigh.” Arthur said this knowing full well he was enjoying the physical touch greatly. 

“Oh look at that! The sun is up, time for you to get ready to greet the arriving kingdoms, my lord!” Merlin exclaimed, scrambling off of Arthur. Arthur rolled his eyes, but let Merlin change the topic. 

Arthur stood completely still as Merlin dressed him. He nearly choked every time Merlin’s hands would linger too long, or whenever Merlin would ask about a bruise affectionately. 

He felt terrible about it all. Merlin was his. Best. Friend. And here he was, pining over the poor man, who was none the wiser. And he still couldn’t stop himself from throwing out insults. 

Merlin was rambling, as usual. Arthur was using him as background noise as he planned out his day. 

“I can’t wait to see all of the artisans in the Citadel today. Last year I missed it to go see—“ 

He had to greet the kingdoms of Gawant and Gwynedd right now. Nemeth was supposed to arrive shortly after. Mercia was unconfirmed when they would arrive, but it was estimated by lunch. Escetir was the last kingdom that planned to arrive, despite the fact that their capital was rather close. Arthur couldn’t say he minded not having to see Cenred longer than necessary. He definitely didn’t mind that Merlin would be unable to see Cenred as much, especially after his conversation with Morgana. 

“Gaius even told me that he’d give me my wages early so I could spend it on things. Say, do you think there will be any good scribes—“

After and in between greeting the kingdoms, Arthur was supposed to walk around the Citadel and talk with the different stand owners. And by talk with the different stand owners, Arthur meant get bombarded with nobles while Merlin apologized to the different merchants and spends Arthur’s money. 

“I heard from Gwaine that there’s this baker from Escetir that makes honey buns that give you a glimpse of heaven. I’m so—“ 

At the end of the day was the banquet. It was the first day, so it would mainly be introductions. But the new journeymen and masters would be named. Arthur glanced over at Merlin, wondering if his name would be one of them. 

For the first time in however long they had been walking, Arthur tuned back into what Merlin was going on about. 

“—says that he’ll give me the entire week off. And I know you’ll be busy and need me, but I was hoping because you’ll need to go into the Citadel a lot, you’d let me look around.” Merlin was practically pleading, his eyes wide and hopeful. Arthur stumbled on nothing, and Merlin caught his arm, pulling Arthur back upright. 

“Careful there, Sire. We shouldn’t greet Queen Annis with you injured.” Merlin joked. Arthur swallowed down the feelings in his chest. To his surprise, one of them was guilt. 

Merlin was so…excited. Arthur hadn’t seen him like this in forever. Arthur’s mind wandered back to last night. Maybe this is why he hadn’t been out there waiting for Merlin with all of his friends. Maybe that was why Lancelot got the honor of a hug from Merlin. 

How often had Merlin talked about things that were important to him on these morning walks, just for Arthur to completely ignore them? 

Arthur pushed the guilt down with the rest of his feelings. He smiled at Merlin. 

“Yes of course, you can look.” Arthur said. Merlin beamed at him. Arthur’s dumb, shriveled heart managed to take that affection and spit it back out as an insult. “It’s the only chance you have to see real skill, after all. You’re unfortunately lacking.” 

Arthur desperately wanted to drop to his knees and apologize for what he had just said, but instead he picked up the pace of his walk. Behind him, Arthur heard Merlin mutter something mildly treasonous. That was okay, that meant Merlin wasn’t mad. Arthur didn’t know what he would do if Merlin was mad. 

Merlin was mad. Like red-in-the-face, steam coming out of your ears mad. Arthur turned a corner quickly, trying to avoid catching his manservant’s eye. Mainly because that made it easier to pretend that Merlin didn’t have horse dung all over his face. 

Going back into Arthur’s chambers was probably a bad idea. Merlin could easily corner Arthur in there, and the guards outside were so used to the screaming and clangs that came from Arthur’s rooms when Merlin was there, Arthur could be dead before they ran in. 

Arthur cleared his throat as Merlin walked in, but Merlin promptly ignored him. Instead, Merlin walked over to a pitcher of water, snatched it from the table, and then went to clean off his face. 

When Merlin came back out, he still looked furious, just…cleaner. Arthur grimaced as he took in the rest of his manservant, his clothes ruined. They had the banquet too soon for Merlin to go back to Gaius for a change of clothes without being bombarded with questions. 

“Would you, err, like to borrow some of my clothes? They might be a bit big, but it’s better than going to a banquet only hosted once every three years smelling of horse shit.” Arthur offered. Merlin scowled at him, and it was clear that he thought Arthur was teasing him. God, why did Arthur have to spend all of his time teasing Merlin? 

Arthur made his offer again, to no avail. His insistence had absolutely nothing to do with the idea of Merlin walking around in Arthur’s clothes, smelling like Arthur, and serving Arthur. 

Arthur began to stand up to try and get a word out of Merlin, but Merlin held his hand up, stopping Arthur in his tracks. 

“Just…give me a shirt. My king.” Merlin said it with such pure irritation and disdain that Arthur would’ve thought his title was an insult. In Merlin’s mind, it probably was. Arthur often wondered how a peasant that seemed to hate almost all nobles on account of them being noble worked in a castle for this long. 

No wonder most of Arthur’s most trusted friends were commoners. Merlin had rubbed off on him. 

Arthur scrambled to grab a shirt, despite the fact that Merlin could’ve easily done it himself. Hopefully Merlin took this to show Arthur’s desperation to be forgiven. 

Arthur eventually found a shirt that he thought would fit Merlin, at least better than his other ones. It was Pendragon red, but at some point Arthur had outgrown it. Arthur would say it was because of muscles. Merlin would say it was because the King ate too much. 

Merlin turned his back to Arthur as he took off his shirt. Arthur had surely seen Merlin without his shirt before, but he had never bothered to watch. 

Even though Merlin was clearly still angry and uncomfortable, Arthur couldn’t take his eyes off of his friend. Merlin had an unnecessary amount of muscle for someone so lean. Arthur was absolutely amazed as he watched the muscles on Merlin’s back move and flex. Apparently all of these years of carrying weapons and armor for the knights had done Merlin some good. Arthur thought he noticed silvery lines on Merlin’s back, reminiscent of scars, but the shirt covered Merlin too quickly to be sure.

Arthur was completely aware that he must’ve looked like an idiot when Merlin turned back around the face him. Arthur was staring in complete adoration while Merlin glared back at him in mild annoyance. Some of the anger that Arthur was worried might become an attempt on his life was gone now. 

“Do you have pants I can borrow as well?” Merlin asked after a moment of silence between the two of them. Arthur turned around to hunt through his drawers for a pair of pants that wouldn’t fall down Merlin’s legs in the middle of the banquet. 

In his haste, he threw a lot of clothing on the ground. He hadn’t noticed Merlin quietly pick it up until Merlin shoved the clothes into Arthur’s hands, holding an old, worn pair of trousers. 

Arthur made the conscious decision to look away this time. He could play off getting caught staring at Merlin’s back as something along to lines of “look at you! I can see your ribs, you need to eat more!” But Arthur knew that if he didn’t look away now, he would get caught staring at Merlin’s arse and, well, that wouldn’t be fun to try and explain. 

Arthur noticed Merlin staring longingly at his soiled clothes. Arthur felt terrible. He should’ve done something. Merlin had been so radiant this morning, and despite Merlin’s protests on wearing nice silk, Arthur was sure those had been the nicest clothes Merlin owned. 

Now he was wearing the shabbiest of Arthur’s wardrobe. They were still arguably better quality, but the color was worn from time in the sun, and they hung off Merlin’s broad shoulders, making him look skinnier than he was. 

As Arthur continued to scrutinize Merlin, he noticed Merlin wasn’t wearing one of his signature neckerchiefs. Arthur glanced over at the pile of Merlin’s discarded clothes to find it sitting on top of his shirt. 

Arthur glanced back up at Merlin’s neck. It was strange that Arthur rarely ever saw Merlin’s neck. It was as pale as the rest of him, but Arthur was absolutely positive there was a rather large scar on the back of Merlin’s neck, and thinner scars around it, as if he had been threatened at blade point often. 

Despite the fact Merlin was wearing old clothes, he looked positively majestic. Arthur glanced back at one of his closets where an old circlet sat. He had gotten it when he had been named Crown Prince. It was gold, but in the middle sat a bright blue sapphire. It had been a gift from a kingdom Arthur wasn’t even sure existed anymore. 

He wondered what Merlin would look like in it. The gold would contrast his hair beautifully, and the sapphire would bring out Merlin’s eyes. 

It took everything in Arthur to remember that it would be extremely inappropriate for Merlin to arrive to the court wearing a circlet belonging to royalty. If Arthur wasn’t king, Merlin would’ve been executed for it. 

So instead, Arthur did his best to fix Merlin up, allowing Merlin access to all sorts of things in his room that no commoner would know the name of. 

By the end, Merlin looked regal. Not in the same way a king did when they arrived with their court, it was effortless. Merlin looked like he deserved power and respect. He did deserve power and respect. 

And he was still angry with Arthur. 

“You ruined my favorite neckerchief.” Merlin grumbled as they walked into the court room. 

“I really am sorry for that, Merlin.” Arthur said. These were the first words Merlin had said to Arthur in a long time. 

“Are you? If you were sorry, maybe you would’ve helped me up when a visiting lord knocked me to the ground into fresh horse shit, Your Majesty. Or is kicking me and then berating me for being so clumsy the new way of apologizing to someone who risks their life for you every day?” Merlin hissed, turning away from Arthur. Arthur didn’t know what to say. He knew he had been in the wrong for that. There was no way of defending himself. 

“I’m sorry Merlin, really. That lord he just-he, he’s really important to a negotiation of land coming up. I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of visiting kingdoms.” Arthur tried to reason. It sounded bad even as it came out of his mouth. 

Their conversation came to a pause as Arthur entered the dining room and was introduced to the courts. 

The moment they had started to make their way, Merlin spoke again. 

“But you were fine embarrassing me, not only in front of visiting kingdoms, but in front of my friends as well?” Merlin asked. Arthur didn’t respond. He couldn’t respond. “I must go, Your Highness.” Merlin’s voice slipped into one of practiced obedience and lacked any form of emotion. Arthur whined in his mind. No. Fuck him, Merlin was really mad now. 

“George will tend to your needs until I return. Thank you, my king.” With that Merlin disappeared into the crowd in the way only a servant could. Arthur knew there was no point in trying to go after him. 

The night was long and boring without Merlin there. Arthur found himself waiting for Merlin’s commentary on other nobles, even though it never came. He would’ve given away half of Camelot just to hear Merlin call him a prat when Arthur laughed at an obnoxious joke. 

Arthur glanced nervously at the large doors across the hall. That’s where all of the newly appointed journeymen and masters would come through in about an hour. Merlin might be one of them. 

And after their argument, Arthur was much more concerned that Merlin might take one of the kingdom’s offers to be their new physician. 

About twenty minutes before the guild introduction, Lancelot cornered Arthur. 

“What did you do to Merlin?” Lance’s voice was stable, and to anyone passing by, it would seem calm. But Arthur could hear the simmering anger underneath.

Arthur explained what had happened. Lancelot looked like he was about to commit regicide. 

“Arthur, you are my king and I respect you greatly. I am a Knight of the Round Table, and I am proud of that. But I swear to you, if I hear that you do anything further to Merlin, I will release Gwaine on you.” Arthur swallowed. 

“Lancelot, please. You must understand—“ Arthur began in his own defense. 

“No. Do not try that with me Arthur. I grew up in poverty in a small town, just as Merlin did. I am an honorable man, and I do not care if you needed the respect of that lord. Merlin deserves it tenfold. I care about a person’s character more than their money, and right now? Your character is severely lacking. I suggest you man up and apologize before Gwaine escapes Percy’s grasp.” Lancelot hissed. 

Arthur was at a loss for words. He wouldn’t have been shocked if Gwaine came up. Gwaine would always favor Merlin, and he wouldn’t pretend that he didn’t. But for Lancelot to come up to Arthur like this meant he was furious. 

And it meant that all of the knights agreed. Sending Lancelot was clearly a thought out plan. Gwaine might be arrested for punching Arthur. Percy needed to stay back to hold back Gwaine. Elyan was most likely holding Gwen back from screaming at Arthur in front of the entire court. Leon was running damage control, as always. The obvious spokesperson was Lancelot. 

He cared for Merlin more than anything, but would maintain enough decorum so that there was no outrage when the king of Camelot was chewed out by one of his knights. 

Arthur glanced around nervously. Gwaine wouldn’t be let go anytime soon, but Arthur had no clue where Morgana was. If Morgana found out, especially after their talk yesterday, she would not hesitate to rip him to pieces in front of the entire court. And she had enough respect from Camelot and the surrounding kingdoms that they might let her. 

Arthur finally found Morgana, and luckily for him she was still where she had been most of the evening. 

Before Arthur could go hunt down the rest of his knights, the doors swang open. The fanfare began and so did Arthur’s panic. 

The guilds. 

He quickly scanned the room, but Merlin was nowhere to be found. Oh no. 

They began with the blacksmith’s guild. Arthur had tuned it out by the second person to be named. 

He stumbled back to his seat to watch the proceedings. 

Finally they got to the Physician’s Guild. Arthur held his breath. 

“To represent the Physician’s Guild is Master Gaius Leach, the Court Physician of Camelot.” The crier announced, and Gaius walked out. He seemed so happy, something that Arthur did not often associate with Gaius. Gaius was forced to be the bearer of bad news, more often than not. He also seemed proud. Gaius cleared his throat, quieting the room. 

“I am proud to present, as decided by the Physician’s Guild, the newest members of our ranks. 

This year, we are happy to welcome four new apprentices to the Guild. May I introduce: 

Richard Dresser of Nantgar, apprenticed to Master Edmund Alderman of Nemeth.” A young man stepped forward, followed by an older man that Arthur recognized as Master Edmund. He had been in Gaius’ place the last time the Guild Fair had taken place.

“Cassian Blecher of Alnwick, apprenticed to Master Archibald Dempster of Gawant.” Arthur didn’t recognize the pair that stepped forward this time, but he did recognize Alnwick.  It was a town on the border of Gawant and Camelot. He had passed through it once on a diplomatic trip. He didn’t remember it fondly. He had been younger and his father had caught a magic user, only a bit older than Arthur. The magic user lashed out and attacked Arthur in an attempt to escape. 

Obviously they didn’t. They were beheaded the moment they were caught. 

“Adelaide Beadle of Carmarthen, apprenticed to Master Alexander Cottar of Gwynedd.” Whispers were heard across the room. A female apprentice? Especially as a physician? It was practically unheard of! Arthur dared not say anything, though, for fear of Queen Annis’ wrath. 

It was good he chose not to, because moments later Queen Annis stood up. It was uncommon and could ever be considered rude to interrupt the introductions, but in this moment, everyone was too terrified to say anything. 

“You dare judge my court physician’s apprentice? She passed his tests, as all of these other apprentices did. I am a matriarch in a room where the only other queens are shunned into silence. I will take any further dispute over her capabilities as personal offense to the Queen of Gwynedd. Carry on, Master Gaius.” Queen Annis sat down, successfully silencing the room. He saw other queens and ladies nodding along with what she had said, and Morgana outright clapped. Arthur smiled at his sister and spoke up himself. 

“As Queen Annis said, all of the apprentices, journeymen, and masters are to be honored here, regardless of who they are. Miss Beadle earned her way to this position, as everyone else did. Now, Gaius, please continue.” Arthur’s statement quieted all other disagreements. He didn’t miss the nod of approval from Morgana and Guinevere. 

“Now I present Castellan Fowler of Stratham, apprenticed to Master Aengus Graves of Mercia.” 

The newest apprentices were applauded and guided down to their seats by their masters. Each one passed the table where the royalty sat to shake their hands. Adelaide muttered a quick thanks to Arthur and Queen Annis. 

Next up were the journeymen. Arthur wondered if everyone noticed how he tensed. Leon definitely did, because he shook his head disapprovingly at Arthur. Gwaine had been glaring at Arthur all night, but now he was focused on the doors. 

“I am proud to introduce the newest licensed physicians in our guild. The journeymen here today have gone through six years of apprenticeship to get the chance at their own name. 

Aimery Grover of Berkhamsted, formerly apprenticed in Nemeth. 

Aldred Kramer of Hirane, formerly apprenticed in Gawant.

Gareth Parson of Nancledræ, formerly apprenticed in Gwynedd. 

Ranulf Stiller of Kilead, formerly apprenticed in Mercia.” Gaius paused, letting everyone settle into their spots. The masters of the new journeymen stood in front of their former apprentices. 

“And my own apprentice, Merlin Ambrose of Ealdor, formerly apprenticed in Camelot.” Gaius circled around to face Merlin, who was now standing so everyone could see him. Unlike the other journeymen, Merlin had stood shrouded in shadows. Reflex from years of being recognized mostly as Arthur Pendragon’s manservant, Arthur assumes, and not Gaius’ apprentice. 

The room was filled with cheerful hoots and shouts, mainly from the knights. Lancelot and Gwaine were standing up and clapping, and Morgana was also congratulating Merlin. Arthur noticed some of the other servants clapping as well. Merlin looked indescribably beautiful. Arthur was sure he must’ve looked like a simpleton with the way he gaped at Merlin. 

Merlin looked authoritative and professional. His hands were clasped behind his back and he was smiling. He was wearing a nice jacket that he hadn’t been wearing before. Arthur frowned as he recognized it to be Lancelot’s. 

All of the journeymen were presented with a beautiful leather medicine bag. It was created by the different guilds of the kingdom they had been apprenticed in. Arthur recognized the work from some of the artisans in Camelot. 

He also noticed some threading on it that he recognized to be Gwen’s work. Arthur turned to see her where she was beaming behind Morgana. 

When the new physicians came around to shake their hands, Arthur tensed. Merlin’s face was blank, but he was staring directly at Arthur. Oh god. 

When it came time to shake Merlin’s hand, Arthur feigned a smile. Merlin did not return it. All of the guilt and worry Arthur felt turned to anger. 

How dare he? So what if Arthur hadn’t been some caring, compassionate person? Merlin was a clumsy oaf, so why should Arthur have lied about it, just so Merlin could look good in front of a couple of lords? That wasn’t Merlin’s job. It was to be a servant. Arthur didn’t need this. Merlin was his manservant, not his friend, why should he be expected to defend him. 

And because Merlin was Arthur’s servant—and nothing else—Arthur did not care when he transformed into a different person when he saw Morgana, and he definitely didn’t care when he ran up to Elyan for a hug. Not at all. Because why would Arthur care? There was no reason to care.

Arthur checked the time. He had officially been here for two hours. It was almost time for the third course. He had no clue why this had to be dragged out so long. 

He wanted to go back to his rooms. 

Not to grovel for Merlin’s forgiveness! Not at all! 

Arthur frowned as Cenred stood up. The frown only deepened as Cenred walked over to Merlin. Morgana looked over at Arthur and mouthed “Court physician.” Panic gripped at Arthur. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. 

Merlin was a bit shocked when the King of Escetir greeted him. Arthur was gripping the table so tightly his knuckles were white. Gwaine was making all sorts of faces at Merlin as Cenred led Merlin away and out of sight. 

Guinevere’s pitying look was Arthur’s last straw. He downed the rest of his wine and yelled at George to go get a new bottle. 

Cenred walked back in without Merlin with a stupid, smug smile on his face. It took every ounce of self respect and control Arthur had in him to not declare war on Escetir at this moment. 

Moments later, George returned with the wine. Merlin still hadn’t re-entered the room. Arthur somehow managed to crush his cup. George stared at him gobsmacked for a moment, before bowing and going to get Arthur a new cup. 

When George returned, he filled Arthur’s cup to the brim. Arthur was just about to take a large swig of it when Merlin barged into the room. 

“Arthur! Wait!” Merlin exclaimed, and at the odd look from the other nobility in the room, so he cleared his throat and said, “Um, King Arthur! The wine has been poisoned!” Arthur immediately set it down, but another lord spoke up. 

“That’s preposterous! Who would poison the King? Are we really going to believe a measly journeyman, who probably only passed his tests because his Master felt pitiful?” The lord joked. There were a couple of snickers from around the room. Arthur’s heart broke in two when he saw Merlin’s confident expression falter. 

Percival and Gwaine surged up, but were pulled back down by Lancelot and Elyan. Arthur glanced over at the lord who had accused Merlin of lying. Oh no. It was the same man that had shoved Merlin down this morning. This was terrible. 

“Merlin.” Arthur interrupted before any of the knights could intervene. “Do you know who poisoned my drink?” The lord scoffed. Merlin looked like he was struggling between being angry at Arthur and being thankful that Arthur believed him. Eventually Merlin steeled his nerves and rid himself of whatever dilemma he was in. 

“It was Cassian Blecher.” Merlin stated, glancing over at the other physician nervously. Cassian looked shocked and terrified. His former Master and King Godwin stood up. Archibald looked outraged. 

“This is insane! My boy would never do anything of the sort!” Master Archibald exclaimed. “Mr. Ambrose is clearly just jealous of my apprentice’s skill! We all know that King Cenred is looking for a new physician and Cassian is best suited for it! He’s trying to take Cassian out of the running!” 

Cenred burst out laughing at this. “Please, Master Archibald. The only reason I attended this thing was to speak to Mr. Ambrose. Your apprentice was never in my mind.” This angered Godwin even further. 

“Are you calling my Court Physician a liar?” Godwin roared. Arthur wanted to bury himself into the floor. Luckily for Arthur, someone else spoke up. 

“That is enough! Let us be civilized.” Queen Annis shouted. Arthur nodded desperately. 

“Yes, yes. This is all—“

“If the boy believes the drink to be poisoned, why doesn’t he drink it? If it is, we arrest the other physician. If it’s not, King Arthur and King Godwin can discuss punishment.” Queen Annis announced. The majority of the room seemed to think this was a sound conclusion, but Camelot’s court did not. Gaius surged to his feet, as did about half of the room. Morgana was trying to offer an alternative. The knights were all arguing with the knights of Godwin’s and Annis’ courts. 

To Arthur’s surprise, Cenred stood up as well. 

“No! I can’t have him as my physician if he’s dead! Just take the time to test it, or whatever!” Cenred raged. While everyone was busy arguing, Merlin stormed forward and grabbed the cup. 

“I’ll do it.” Merlin stated. Before anyone could stop him, he downed the wine. 

Merlin’s eyes met Arthur’s, and for a moment, Arthur thought he had been forgiven. Then Merlin collapsed.

Chapter Text

Arthur’s world was frozen. He couldn’t move from his spot at the table. King Godwin and King Cenred were at each other’s necks. Percival and Gwaine had rushed after the physicians from Gawant, but Arthur watched in slow motion as Lancelot rushed forward.
Leon and Elyan were attempting to mediate the arguing courts before anyone could draw weapons, but Arthur was locked on Lancelot.
Lancelot was gently cradling Merlin, rocking him back and forth as if the world was collapsing around them.
Arthur realized with horror that if Lancelot felt the same about Merlin as Arthur did, it was very possible that was happening.
Arthur was stuck to his seat. Everything in his noble upbringing said that he should just watch as this happened, after all, it was only a servant, and an attempt had just been made of his life.
But it was also Merlin. The Merlin who had just gotten into a heated argument a few hours ago and refused to talk to Arthur. That one chose to save Arthur’s life.
Arthur abandoned all decorum and jumped down there with Lancelot, and Lancelot seemed to accept that Arthur had taken over now. Arthur didn’t miss the way Lancelot kept holding Merlin’s hand, gently caressing it. When Merlin woke up, they needed to have a serious talk about how he let Lancelot treat him.

Arthur didn’t notice it when Gaius was by his side, nor when the other visiting physicians joined him. All he realized was how cold and lonely the floor felt when they carried him away.

Arthur wasn’t sure who had guided him back to his rooms after that. It might’ve been Percival, because the person seemed to be supporting most of his weight with ease. But the swearing made Arthur think it might’ve been Gwaine. Arthur doubted Lancelot would leave Merlin’s side.

The next few days passed in a blur. Arthur had been banned from the physician’s tower after he had a slight psychotic episode and started throwing vials.
Ever since then, he slept curled at the foot of Morgana’s bed. She would talk to him in quiet, hushed tones until he fell asleep, where he would have dreams of Merlin waking up. It wasn’t a good image to have the King of the strongest nation in Albion absolutely psychotic with visiting courts because of a servant, so he trained himself into saving all of his grief until he got back to Morgana.
It didn’t stop the rumors. It never stopped the rumors.

On the third day of the Fair, Merlin woke up. The moment Arthur found out, he had taken off sprinting towards the physician’s tower, much to Gwaine’s chagrin. The knight hadn’t even gotten to finish what he was saying before the king took off, but Arthur couldn’t find himself caring all that much.
Arthur threw the door open with Gwaine shouting behind him. The moment Arthur did, he regretted it.
Gaius’ room was wrecked. Like someone had been running around the room, desperately trying to avoid capture. Gwaine finally caught up, slamming the door shut behind Arthur.
“Keep…the door…shut!” Gwaine panted out. Arthur was just about to ask why when the reason started screaming.
“Let me go! I want to go see him! I love him!” Merlin shrieked. Arthur heard Percival gently shushing him. Gwaine was in the process of closing an intricate lock, presumably to keep Merlin inside.
“You can’t keep me in here!” Merlin yelled again. Arthur and Gwaine winced.
“Arthur.” Gwaine leveled. “Under no circumstances can you go inside that room.” Arthur was already walking towards it. Was Merlin hurt? He needed Arthur’s help. He needed Arthur to go save him.
There was a strange pink haze around Arthur’s eyes, but he ignored it. He continued to stride towards the door, ignoring Gwaine’s attempts at pulling him back. Arthur threw the door open.
Merlin was sprawled out on the bed being fed something by Lancelot while Leon and Percival held Merlin down. Arthur growled, stomping forward to demand Merlin’s release.
“Arthur! My love!” Merlin exclaimed once he saw Arthur. The shock of having Merlin’s affection directed towards him stopped Arthur just long enough for Elyan to tackle him out the door. Gwaine scrambled to shut the door, and the moment after he closed it, Arthur heard a loud slam of a body being thrown against it.
Merlin was screaming and struggling as Lancelot, Leon, and Percival struggled to get him away. Now that the door was closed, the pink haze that had only seemed to become more intense disappeared. Arthur stumbled to his feet and away from the door. Elyan looked relieved, while Gwaine was fuming.
“How does Merlin deal with you? You say we’re the impulsive ones? You just nearly caused an international scandal and released Merlin into the world because you couldn’t wait for twenty seconds so I could explain!” Gwaine raged. Elyan gently patted his shoulder. Arthur was still too shocked to say anything, which Elyan seemed to pick up on.
“Well we can’t change anything now. Arthur, sit down and I will explain.” Elyan said, gently leading Arthur to a chair.

When Gaius returned and was able to explain it more in detail, Arthur was horrified.
“So…Merlin is under a love potion? Merlin?” Arthur asked, absolute flabbergasted. Gaius nodded solemnly.
“It’s a more complex potion than I’ve ever seen before. Cassian couldn’t have done it on his own, his master clearly took part in it.” Gaius mused.
“Not only does Merlin have his sights set on someone else, anyone within a certain distance is under the spell as well. They’ll do anything for him, including attacking other people.” Gaius said that as if Arthur was supposed to understand something. Then Arthur glanced up at Elyan, who had been clutching his stomach this entire time, and realized that he might’ve punched his knight.
“So how have the knights been avoiding…it?” Arthur asked, glancing nervously at the door. He was bombarded by images of the knights staring lovingly at Merlin.
Well. More lovingly than they already did.
“I can make a sort of vaccine to the spell using Merlin’s blood, but he’s not in favor to it. It’s certainly not widespread enough to protect Camelot if he did get outside. We need to find an antidote to the potion. I don’t know what would happen if Merlin in this state got near the visiting courts, and I don’t want to know.” Gaius finished and turned to go grab a vial, which Arthur assumed was the vaccine.
Thought Arthur knew it to be illogical and immoral, he was rather disappointed that Merlin’s feelings for him were not genuine, and he had only called Arthur his love because of the potion.
The potion that Merlin had drank for him. Arthur immediately straightened out.
“What happened to the sorcerers? Have they been caught for trying to use magic on the king of Camelot?” Arthur asked, suddenly enraged. Not only had they harmed his Merlin, but they had tried to harm Arthur!
“Err, well actually, sire. We think the potion was intended for Merlin all along. It’s common knowledge across Albion that Merlin would drink poison for you, and has done so before. Cassian clearly wanted the position that Cenred was offering and Merlin was in his way. According to Gaius, his master had been vying for Gaius’ position many years ago.” Elyan muttered. Arthur snarled.
“So what? This was all some misguided jealous revenge?” Arthur hissed. Gwaine spoke up this time.
“We believe that it was meant to ruin Camelot’s reputation as well. After all, no one could’ve imagined Gaius had been working on a vaccine for another disease that he could adapt. It was pure luck we managed to bring a slightly conscious version of Merlin back.” Gwaine said. They all seemed to be avoiding saying something. Arthur was tired of it. He stood up, grabbing onto Gwaine’s collar.
“What aren’t you telling me?” Arthur hissed. Gwaine held his hands up to defend himself. Gaius intervened this time.
“My King, we expect Merlin’s condition to only deteriorate. But he’ll only cause more harm to himself and Camelot if we let him go.” Gaius said. Arthur released Gwaine and turned to the physician.
“And what are we doing to prevent his condition for deteriorating?” Arthur asked. Gaius sighed.
“I am working on an antidote, but the physicians of Gawant refuse to provide information. I’m working off of very little, but we should have the antidote within the month.”
Arthur’s ears had to be steaming. He couldn’t. This wasn’t—it couldn’t be that long. He turned away from the people watching him, burying his face in his hands. He could feel their eyes boring into his soul.
“How long until Merlin’s condition becomes life threatening?” Arthur grumbled. He couldn’t believe this was happening. To Merlin.
“At most a week.” Gaius said. Arthur whipped back around.
“What.” The room was quiet. Before Arthur could flip out on anyone, Lancelot poked his head out the door.
“I-uh, we got Merlin asleep. I was wondering if I could switch out with anyone, to get a break.” Lancelot muttered. Gwaine and Elyan looked shocked for reasons Arthur did not understand. Gwaine muttered slowly in agreement, sneaking quietly into the room. Elyan leaned over to Arthur.
“Lancelot hasn’t left Merlin’s side since he was brought up here. Everyone else has been switching out every couple of hours, but the only time Lancelot left the room was when Percival dragged him out and forced him to take the vaccine. He stomped back in right after.

Lance sat down on a bench across from Arthur, completely silent. Both he and Elyan stared at the man in silent concern. Gaius shuffled to get Lancelot some water and food.
Arthur felt a pang of hurt knowing that Lancelot had been here for Merlin and he hadn’t. What had Arthur done in the last couple of days? Whine to his big sister about how his crush was dying while everyone else actually handled the situation?

Elyan was clearly trying to distract Arthur from the situation at hand. But Arthur was too busy watching Lancelot. They were talking about Merlin in hushed tones.
“How are you keeping him in there? We both know he could breeze past us Gaius.” Lancelot muttered. What were they even talking about? This made no sense. Maybe Arthur was still under Merlin’s spell. He hadn’t taken the vaccine yet.
“Inhibitors. That’s why his condition is deteriorating. Without them, he could destroy Camelot.” Gaius whispered back. Gaius set down the vaccine for Arthur and instructed Elyan to help him with it. After that, Gaius and Lancelot hurried out of the room to talk in private.
He hated this feeling. Of helplessness, like he didn’t know what was going on. Because he didn’t. How many times had Merlin saved his life? Merlin saw Arthur for Arthur, not as the King of Camelot.
He glanced longingly at the door that hid Merlin as Elyan injected the vaccine into his arm.
I’m so sorry.

Arthur couldn’t believe he was doing this. Leaving. But Gaius and Lancelot knew something that no one else did, and it was something that could kill Merlin. And Arthur was going to find out, even if it killed him.

Chapter Text

Lancelot was never one to deny his feelings. However, people seemed to mistake not denying your feelings with voicing them. He never felt the need to voice his emotions, only to act on them. 

So if Merlin was hurting, Lancelot would fix it. The unfortunate thing about this exact situation was Lancelot was pretty much on his own for it. 

“So.” Lancelot whispered to Gaius. “Tell me again how we’re keeping Merlin from blasting down that door to get to Arthur?” 

Gaius looked exhausted and Lancelot was sure he did as well. He had barely slept all this time. 

“Magic inhibitors. That’s the real reason that Merlin’s condition is deteriorating. Magic inhibitors were often used on naturally magical children before the Purge to keep their magic in check so they didn’t cause chaos.” Gaius explained. 

“If they were commonly used, why is it causing Merlin harm?” Lancelot asked. He glanced nervously at the door of the small room they were hiding in. He had so many questions, but he couldn’t ask any of those while the other knights were in the room. 

“Because it was used in much lower doses and never on someone capable of the power Merlin possesses. Lancelot, my boy, do you know of the different types of magic users?” Gaius asked. Lancelot thought for a moment before responding. 

“Yes. Warlocks, like Merlin. Druids who draw magic from the natural world. Err, sorcerers who learned the art and had no natural gift. Then witches and priestesses draw their magic from the gods of the Old Religion, I believe. And there are other creatures of magic, like the fae and dragon lords. They all have their own sources of magic.” Lancelot finished, fairly confident in his answer. He had sat in on Merlin and Morgana’s lessons in magic often, which meant he spent fifty percent of his time listening to Merlin parrot things he had heard from Gaius. 

Luckily, it looked like he had gotten it right, because Gaius looked mildly impressed. And if you know Gaius, that is a huge achievement. The only time it was outdone was whenever Merlin did something physician-y. Gaius had looked like he was watching his son be crowned King, in all honesty. For the pair of them, it probably wasn’t too far off. 

“Correct.” Gaius smiled. “But do you know where warlocks get their magic from?” Lancelot shook his head. 

“Warlocks are different from other magic users. They’re more similar to fae. They’re not exactly human. They look, think, and feel the same way a human would, but the composition of their body is different. 

However, they’re not a race, unlike the fae. Heritage has nothing to do with being born as a warlock. Warlocks have also been called claideb di Dêwoi. Sword of the gods. In the height of the Old Religion, the gods had their priests and priestesses. They used them to communicate their will. But the will of the gods was not always followed. That’s what the warlocks are for, to enforce it.” Gaius said. Lancelot wanted to say, he was terrified of whatever this meant for Merlin. “Sword of the gods” was not something Merlin needed on his plate. 

“Creatures of magic were chosen at random by the gods and imbued with powerful magic. Druids and witches are human, and therefore cannot be born warlocks. But dragon lords aren’t.” Gaius’ expression was grave, and Lancelot was beginning to understand why. There was a lot more to magic than what Merlin had shown him. It was hard to believe his friend, kind and protective Merlin, could be a weapon of mass destruction. 

And then he thought of what Merlin was willing to do for Arthur, and suddenly, it wasn’t that far-fetched anymore. 

“So Merlin is a weapon of the gods.” Lancelot deadpanned. 

“Sort of. The warlocks stopped being enforcers of the gods long ago. Instead, they became protectors of magic. They were once widely feared as avatars of the gods, but now, if you meet a warlock it is seen as a blessing, rather than an impending doom.” Gaius said. 

“Is that why the druids are always so weird around Merlin? Ignoring the prophecy for a bit?” Lancelot asked. Gaius nodded and continued. 

“We don’t know of many living warlocks, there are some who use the name, but actual warlocks are rare. One would be Anhora, keeper of the unicorns. Or the Fisher King, the ruler of the Perilous Lands. However, of all the magical creatures, the dragon lords were the most common race that the gods would pick. I’m sure you can guess why the gods liked their weapons and protectors to be able to control dragons.” Lancelot was pretty sure Gaius was joking about that last part, but it was hard to tell with how worried the old man looked about Merlin. 

“So if warlocks are now protectors of magic rather than weapons of it, what does Merlin protect?” Lancelot inquired. Gaius sighed. 

“Merlin, Son of the Dragon Lord Balinor, would be a protector of the dragons, logically. But Merlin Ambrose is the child of prophecy. Emrys is the protector of magic as a whole, born from the blood of magical creatures after the Purge. Our Merlin is the most powerful magic user there is, and there ever will be. The only beings more powerful than him are the gods themselves, seeing as he is essentially the god of mortal magic.” Gaius said that last bit quieter and Lancelot choked on air. God?? Merlin? 

There was a long pause in conversation after that as Gaius allowed Lancelot to soak in that information. 

“So if Merlin is so powerful and we have him on inhibitors…” Lancelot thought out loud. 

“He’s essentially a ticking time bomb. But I can’t take him off the inhibitors or he’ll raze Camelot to the ground to get to Arthur.” 

“And we can’t keep him healthy without taking him off the inhibitors, so how do we fix him?” Lancelot asked. 

“We have to find a cure. But Godwin says he had no clue his physicians were doing this, and they refuse to help.” Gaius answered. Lancelot grimaced as a thought came to his mind. 

“The spell Merlin is under, anyone within a certain distance without the vaccine or antidote will be in love with him, like I was, right? Where they’ll do anything for him?” Lancelot asked and Gaius confirmed. 

“I hate to say this, but could we use it to our advantage? If we bring Merlin down there and have him ask the questions? It would certainly fast track getting the cure to the potion.” Lancelot asked. Gaius looked enraged by the thought at first, but he began to consider it. 

“That might work if we could make Merlin ask, but he’s delirious when he’s awake. His only thought is that he wants Arthur.” Gaius said. Lancelot hoped the old physician couldn’t sense the pang of hurt in Lancelot’s heart when that was said. It wasn’t like it was much different than usual, just more obvious. 

“So what if we hand him over to Arthur and have Arthur tell Merlin what to do? If Arthur asked it of Merlin, there’s no way he would deny.” Lancelot offered. “And being with Arthur might even help stave off Merlin’s condition worsening for a little while, so the rest of us have more time to cure Merlin.” Lancelot’s confidence in his idea was wavering more and more by the second, but he was desperate. He needed Merlin back. The one that didn’t scream and cry for Arthur, the one that made conversation with Lancelot. The one that met Lancelot and five minutes later offered to commit multiple counts of treason for him like it was nothing. The one that jumped into Lancelot’s arms after passing his tests to become a journeyman. 

“But would Arthur be willing to do it? He seems desperate to cure Merlin, but we don’t know what Merlin wo—“ Gaius was cut off by a loud clang outside the door, which was then swung open. Arthur stumbled in, hectic and a complete mess. 

“Cure Merlin? How?” 

***

Arthur could’ve lied and said his entrance was befitting a royal, but he was too shocked to hear there was a way to help Merlin to do so. He knew his entrance was unbecoming, but Gaius and Lancelot looked horrified. 

“Sire! How long-how long have you been outside the door?” Lancelot choked out. Arthur narrowed his eyes at him, but decided to tell the truth. 

“I was walking by searching for you when I heard Gaius say something about a cure.” The two seemed to deflate in relief, which didn’t help the feeling that everyone was lying to Arthur about something. 

“Okay! We just, err, wanted to know what we had to catch you up on?” Lancelot’s voice raised a couple of steps at the end, and Gaius shook his head in the way that said: Idiot!

“I’d like to hear everything, then.” Arthur deadpanned, as if it wasn’t already obvious. Lancelot nodded frantically. 

“So there is absolutely nothing else you are keeping from me about the nature of Merlin’s affliction?” Arthur inquired, not completely sure how much he trusted their word. Lancelot was a noble, honorable man, but Arthur had no doubt he would not change his morals in a split second to keep Merlin safe. 

And well, as for Gaius. 

There was no point in trying to figure out what Gaius was thinking because you just got embarrassed. It wasn’t great to have someone who knew every embarrassing story of your childhood on the other side of an argument.

“Anything else is out of our realm of knowledge, sire.” Gaius bowed his head, but Lancelot looked at Arthur suspiciously. Of all people, why was Lancelot looking upon him in suspicion?

“So you have no problem with releasing Merlin onto you? Any actions or advances he makes are done while he is under the love potion, may I remind you Arthur. If he is imprisoned because you were uncomfortable you will have a riot on your hands, inside the kingdom and out.” Lancelot stated, almost casually talking about treason. How could Arthur be surprised? Lancelot and Gwaine were attached to Merlin’s hips, and they were almost always there for the manservant’s chaos. Which, subsequently, was treason quite often. 

“I am aware of this Lancelot. I will accept mild discomfort to save my friend. I’ve done it before, and I will do it again.” Arthur gestured for the trio to leave the small room. He was beginning to feel claustrophobic. Gaius exited, and Arthur waited for Lancelot to follow, but the knight stood still. 

“Arthur, I have sworn my loyalty to you, as have the other Knights of Camelot. You are a great king and a better man, but your judgement can be severely lacking when it comes to Merlin. Do not let any harm befall him.” It was said just like someone would pledge loyalty to their vassal, but it was clearly a threat. Arthur should’ve called Lancelot out on it, but he understood where the man was coming from. 

It was awkward to think about how many people cared for Merlin. It was hard to remember that Merlin had a life outside of Arthur, sometimes. As you could probably tell from the fact that Arthur had no clue Merlin planned to become a licensed physician. 

Lancelot’s warning gave Arthur some new awareness as he strides through the castle to Morgana’s rooms. Maids he would see come up to Merlin, guards that seemed to have inside jokes with Merlin, even some of the lords and ladies that would ask after Merlin if the castle had become particularly busy. 

Obviously at the top of the charts for “who else loves Merlin?” List was Gwaine and Lancelot. For the longest time, Arthur had been convinced Morgana was on that list as well. 

Arthur didn’t exactly like the knowledge that other people wanted Merlin in the same way the king did, but how could he blame them? Merlin was stunning and funny and kind and everything Arthur could ever wish for. 

He smiled to himself as he entered Morgana’s room. Arthur was so good at emotions. If this hadn’t been about his crush on Merlin, he was positive that he would’ve been telling it to Merlin at this moment, and might’ve even gotten a pat on the back. 

Arthur felt so proud of himself for taking the realization that he loved Merlin well. He had sometimes wondered what it would be like to love Merlin(it was a wonder it had taken him so long to figure it out, Arthur knows), and most of those had begun with a loud fight where Arthur’s feelings slipped out. 

Now, he felt confident that would never happen and these feelings would stay locked inside him deep in the pit where they belonged. 

Yes, so good at feelings.

Arthur lounged in his sister’s rooms until she returned. They were rather comfortable, though much smaller than his own. She had all sorts of boxes and bottles that Arthur didn’t dare touch for fear of breaking the fragile glass and dainty wood work. 

“Arthur! Is it true?” Morgana asked, swinging the door open. Arthur’s head snapped up towards her, and his hands were brought back to his lap. “Has Gaius found a cure?” 

The pure, unadulterated joy on her face made Arthur feel a slight bitterness. Why did Morgana care so much? Had he been too quick to wipe her off of the list of “Who Else Loves Merlin?” 

And then Arthur stopped, because that was a stupid thought. This was his sister who was close friends with Merlin. And besides, Arthur didn’t own Merlin. Not technically. And he didn’t own Merlin’s heart, nor did he have the right to shield Merlin from other people’s love. 

Even so, he tightly gripped the back of his hand to keep himself from saying anything stupid.

“Sort of. Lancelot and Gaius have come up with a plan to get one, at least. It is progress.” Arthur replied. Morgana’s smile only widened. 

“Is it true you’ll make him the King’s Consort so he won’t try and run away?” Morgana lowered her voice for this question, but it was too late. 

“WHAT?” Arthur bellowed, startling the birds perched on the window. “Who the hell came up with that idea? All that’s happening is Gaius will return Merlin to his position at my side to help us figure out the cure.” Arthur nodded regally, as if he was trying to convince himself as well that was what all of this was. 

Morgana deadpanned, “So what I said then? You could’ve just said yes.” 

Arthur knew she was joking, but a deep blush rose on his face. 

For the first time, Arthur thought of what it might be like to be in the proximity of a Merlin that was in love with him. 

And so, for the first time, Arthur realized he was completely and totally fucked.

Chapter Text

Of all of the knights, Gwaine kept his feelings to himself the least. He felt so much for everything, it was only fair to share that love to the world. 

And obviously, to share it to Merlin. 

It only helped that is pissed the Princess off. Oh, how Gwaine loved to cause chaos. Best thing in the world, other than making Merlin laugh. Not the “oh I’m definitely listening and not plotting some scheme with ungodly amounts of self sacrifice,” but the true laughter. The one that always came with a stunned expression because Merlin seemed to forget he was allowed to enjoy himself. To enjoy life. 

It was Gwaine’s solemn mission to teach Merlin to love it. 

Gwaine had priorities, you see. 

First was teach Merlin how to enjoy his life and not let Arthur suck him into a world of boredom and washing clothes. 

Then was to not let Gaius suck Merlin into a world of boredom and potion making, or whatever it was physicians do. Gwaine loved Merlin, but he wasn’t going to pretend he understood all that mumbo-jumbo like Lancelot did. 

After protecting Merlin from boredom came protecting Merlin from danger(they all were incredibly close, but dying was just outranked by living a fun life. What’s the point in staying alive if all you do is wash the King’s dirty underwear?). Obviously that was incredibly important to Gwaine, and to all of the other knights. Gwaine was completely sure one day Arthur would screw up enough they’d finally acquiesce Gwaine’s plan to force Merlin onto the throne. 

Then after about five more Merlin centric things was Gwaine’s priority to Camelot. It may be ranked in about ninth, but it was still very important to him. After all, Camelot is where Merlin lives! 

Kidding, kidding. But Merlin had taught Gwaine to love Camelot again and to remember that not all nobles were money-eating scum. Just most. Gwaine had befriended and/or bedded the ones that weren’t. He could never quite convince Merlin to fall into his bed, though, much to his chagrin. 

Everyone knew Merlin loved Arthur over all else. Gwaine had accepted it long ago. It would never stop him from trying, but he rarely expected anything to come from his advances. 

In all honesty, the knowing feeling of loving someone who could not love you back was what Gwaine needed. His loyalty would never waver, but he could live the life of freedom and utter-bachelor-ness he wanted without guilt. 

Plus, late night gossip sessions about Merlin with Lancelot, Gwen, Morgana, and occasionally the other knights were too fun to give up by doing something as silly as giving up on Merlin. 

One day Merlin would give in and give Gwaine a kiss, he knew it. Merlin was too sweet not to. 

So despite the fact Gwaine had accepted his love was unrequited, that didn’t mean it hurt any less when sweet, innocent(not really, he was rather filthy-minded if you got even a drop of alcohol in him. Apparently Merlin’s filter was rather good in comparison to all the things he could be saying. The Princess would probably spontaneously combust if Merlin insulted and flirted with him) Merlin was suddenly so obsessed with Arthur. More so than usual. 

When Merlin had been first released into Arthur’s waiting arms, the affect had been immediate. Arthur may act like his father, but it was impossible to ignore the softening of his face as Merlin embraced him. 

And then the immediate horror when Merlin tried to lift his shirt. 

Gwaine didn’t even try to contain his laughter as Arthur batted Merlin away, but the pained look on Merlin’s face stopped him. Lancelot still stood close behind Merlin, and patted the boy’s shoulder to comfort him. 

Gwaine tried to imagine this Merlin was just Drunk Merlin, but he wasn’t. Drunk Merlin was even more crass and would flirt with anything that had a pulse(hopefully not a habit that Merlin had picked up from Gwaine. Arthur would string Gwaine up by his eyelids if he had). This Merlin was just obsessive over Arthur. Gwaine could not call it love, for he knew what love was in the heart, soul, and body. 

It really was pure obsession. It was clear in Merlin’s actions and mannerisms that this was not their Merlin. For example, Merlin spent all of training mooning over Arthur and cooing when Arthur got hurt. According to Arthur and Morgana, Merlin had not spewed a single insult, not even behind Arthur’s back. It was horrible. Anytime Gwaine disrespected Arthur in the slightest, Merlin looked at Gwaine like he had just murdered a child in cold blood. 

As if Arthur hadn’t literally done that. 

For once in Merlin’s life(excluding times when he was absolutely furious with Arthur), Merlin was the perfect servant. He woke up earlier than ever to prepare Arthur’s breakfast, was apparently much gentler in his process of waking Arthur up(which Arthur refused to share and Gwaine found mildly suspicious), and refused to let Arthur out of his sight. 

If it wasn’t mildly irritating, it was discombobulating. What happened to Gwaine’s buddy who would snicker at Gwaine’s quips and defend Gwaine when the Big Bad Princess came looking for his lover? What happened to the man who would dance around with Gwaine just because he knew it pissed off the entire court? The one that would grumble whenever Gwaine got hurt, but would still bandage Gwaine up with a ease because he was more capable than anyone knew. 

So yeah, it fucking hurt to see Merlin clinging to Arthur like a lovesick puppy knowing that wasn’t Merlin. Gwaine could’ve coped if Merlin was truly loving Arthur right now, but he wasn’t. This was an empty shell that couldn’t walk for more than an hour without support, support he would only let the Princess provide. 

Gwaine remembered fondly when he had called Arthur “Princess” after his coronation as King. Arthur had been furious, and Gwaine recognized it as stress and worry about failing. Merlin had laughed until he needed to step in. That was the Merlin that Gwaine loved. The one who could easily mediate a fight, and if someone wouldn’t let him fix it, he’d sit their asses down until they did. 

The one who cared about everyone for no reason at all; the one that was everything a Knight of the Round Table should be. And the only one who never got recognition besides “maybe you’re not a total coward.” 

And as much as Gwaine wanted to blame Arthur, he couldn’t force all of it onto the King’s shoulders. It was just as much Gwaine’s for not defending his friend in the way Merlin would defend him. And when this was all over, Gwaine would tell Merlin that. 

***

Arthur didn’t miss the jealous stares from about half the castle as Merlin walked by, clinging to Arthur’s waist as if the King might float away. 

At first, Arthur had believed those stares had been directed at Merlin. People angry that a servant with terrible luck was getting all this attention from the King of Camelot. 

And then Arthur saw the lovestruck, pained look of Gwaine’s face as Merlin turned away from what would’ve been playful, slightly too flirty, banter. Now Arthur realized those jealous glares were directed at him. 

These people could give two fucks that Arthur cared for Merlin. What they really cared about was the fact that Merlin cared for Arthur. At least, appeared to. It was awkward having to avoid members of his staff out of worry that Merlin would snap at them for being rude to Arthur. 

Whoever this Merlin was, he was not the one Arthur loved. Everything was wrong when it came to this Merlin. For example, Arthur had been woken today by a gentle kiss to the forehead, instead of the usual blankets ripped out from under him and being beaten by his pillows. 

Arthur had made a joke about the council, and Merlin had just blinked at him slowly before laughing the fakest laugh Arthur had ever heard.

Arthur couldn’t stand it. 

But still, it was Merlin. Merlin. The one Arthur was horribly, painfully in love with. 

So forgive him if he couldn’t immediately shut down all of Merlin’s advances. 

Nothing morally questionable, of course! Arthur just wouldn’t slap Merlin’s hands away if they came to rest at the hem of his shirt, and he would hide the shudder when Merlin would gently brush his stomach with his calloused thumb. 

And occasionally Arthur would ignore a kiss to the forehead or hand while Merlin did his duties. 

Nothing heinous, clearly, even if Arthur did want Merlin to do some particularly heinous things to him. 

But that could wait. Ideally, forever. But at least until after the potion had been cured and Merlin was back to his idiotic self. 

So Arthur slowly taught Merlin what he needed to say to the prisoners, hoping this would all go by justa little faster. 

Arthur had been told that even if they got the ingredients needed for the antidote after the Gawant physicians, Arthur would not be allowed to join the quest in search for them. He was the stay back with Merlin and Gaius to help prevent Merlin’s condition from deteriorating any further. 

Speaking of Merlin’s condition, it wasn’t doing great. The man did a wonderful job of hiding it, even when he wasn’t himself. It made Arthur worry about how many injuries Merlin had hid from him over the years. 

Sometimes Arthur would look away for a second, and when he looked back, Merlin was clutching a chair or a table like it was the only thing keeping him upright. 

Occasionally in the hall, Merlin would slow to a stop, stumble a few steps, and then be back to his love-spelled self. 

With each incident, Arthur’s concern only grew. He pushed up the meeting with the prisoners even though Gaius had said Merlin might not be ready for confrontation with other people yet. What did that even mean? 

Arthur ignored it and dragged Merlin down to the dungeon, who happily followed. He was like a puppy. Arthur disliked it. The Merlin Arthur knew was nothing like this puppy. 

Merlin reminded Arthur of a black cat. Lean and long limbed, quiet and chaotic at the same time. He could be cold and shut off but also sweet and warm. He randomly had moments of mystic, ominous wisdom, and the next he’d be climbing all over random shit(namely:Arthur’s bed). 

But this Merlin didn’t do that. This Merlin stayed stuck to Arthur’s side and spent all of his time boosting Arthur’s already huge ego. 

And the reason Arthur knew his ego was huge was because of Merlin. 

It was terribly conflicting, as was waiting outside while Merlin worked his magic on the prisoners inside. Literally? He was technically willfully using magic. Arthur laughed to himself, Merlin really just had to hit every type of treason in the books. It was a good thing Merlin didn’t have magic, though. 

Sometimes Arthur worried he would take something too far and Merlin would get angry and betray him, and then Arthur remembered this was Merlin who had pretended to be illiterate for months just so he wouldn’t have to read Arthur’s daily agenda and speeches. 

Merlin would never do something that drastic when he could make Arthur’s life a living hell by unironically calling him “Your Highness” or something of that ilk. 

Still, Arthur felt uneasy as he waited outside for his closest friend. He couldn’t hear anything because Gaius had said it would work best if no one besides Merlin was present. Arthur wasn’t sure how true that was, but he would take Gaius’ word for it.

When Merlin walked back up the stairs, he opened the dungeon door for a moment. In that moment, Arthur thought he saw clarity in Merlin’s eyes. For a moment, Arthur believed he might’ve had his Merlin back. 

And then, just like that, it was gone. Arthur heard Cassian call out to Merlin, begging for Arthur’s manservant to return to him. Merlin stomped out and slammed the door shut behind him. Arthur scrambled to follow, and for a moment he wondered when Merlin had become so quick. 

Merlin had rather long legs, and Arthur was sure traipsing through the castle everyday added some muscle to them, but Merlin was walking with a purpose. 

And that gave Arthur hope, because before this, Merlin’s only purpose had been to convince Arthur to love him back. 

If only Merlin knew he didn’t have to convince Arthur and that he would just have to go back to being Merlin. 

Merlin stormed into Arthur’s room, almost slamming the door in the king’s face. 

“Merlin! What happened? Did it work?” Arthur asked. Merlin looked at him with utter indifference, a stark contrast to what he had been like moments earlier. 

Arthur let them stand in silence, definitely not just so he could stare at Merlin’s eyes. 

Merlin’s beautiful blue eyes that seemed to have specks of pure gold in him. Merlin’s beautiful blue eyes that seemed to now be covered in a pink-ish glaze. 

Merlin broke eye contact, turning his back to Arthur. When the man finally spoke, he sounded pained, 

“I am…under a love potion. I—I’m sorry for any inconveniences I have…caused you.” Merlin’s statement was punctuated with long pauses filled with coughs that wracked Merlin’s body. 

Arthur was in a perilous state. He had no clue what to do. Merlin knew he was under a love potion! He seemed like he was actively trying to fight it! That had to be good news. 

But then again, it was like his condition had dropped from ten to five in seconds. Merlin had gone from running through the castle to struggling to stand. Arthur went to help Merlin into a chair, but Merlin hissed in pain. Pain. From Arthur’s touch. 

“Don’t! Please, Arthur. Don’t touch me. It makes it harder. I just-I just need a moment.” That moment was filled with coughs and a noise that sounded oddly similar to a cough. Arthur stepped back like he had just been told Merlin had to plague(let’s be honest here, if someone told Arthur that Merlin had contracted the plague, Arthur would laugh and then demand the entire kingdom go on an impossible quest to save the boy). 

“They, er, explained. It was strange.” Merlin gritted out. “To know I wasn’t in control of my own body. Your, um, Lance’s plan worked.” Merlin paused and muttered under his breath, “Fuck me, my head,” before continuing. 

“They told me how to cure myself. And Cassian was…very eager to help. It was really a very strange situation.” Merlin said. He was talking as if he was being stabbed, and it pained Arthur to listen to. Then Merlin’s voice took on a slightly happier tone, 

“You know, everyone was pretty sure Cassian liked me. That way. It was a running joke for the newest journeymen. We all exchanged letters often. I think that’s why he was so on board with his master’s plan, even if they had different motivation. I don’t think Cassian realized the potion would set my sights on…you.” Merlin’s voice went oddly quiet at that last bit. Without thinking, Arthur placed his hand on Merlin’s shoulder. 

The man’s entire body relaxed, and Merlin sunk further into the chair. He made a weak little groan, letting his head full on Arthur’s hand. Arthur was frozen in place. He didn’t dare even breathe. 

This was Merlin. The real one. The one Arthur loved. And he was currently nuzzling Arthur’s hand. 

Then Merlin tensed, pulling himself away from Arthur in a fright. After what felt like years, Merlin made eye contact with Arthur. 

“I’m, uh, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Can you, er, please go get Gaius.” It took Arthur a moment to realize that Merlin looked horribly pale. “Please.” 

Merlin was all for the drama. It shouldn’t have shocked him when Merlin’s legs gave out from under him and the boy slipped to the floor. It should’ve shocked him how fast he responded, catching Merlin just before his head could hit the ground. 

For fuck’s sake.

Chapter Text

Leon would not pretend his did not know things. He thinks he knew more than many people who walked through the castle blithely, as if not a thing in the world concerned them. 

This included the King himself, though Leon would never say it. 

Of the Knights of the Round Table, Leon was the only one who had been raised into that position. He understood the intricacies of the court, and he understood how that set him apart from his peers. He didn’t miss the way conversations would dull when he walked in, as if his friends thought of him as a threat. 

He disliked it, but Leon knew it was something to be fixed in time, not by force. So he let it play out, and instead of letting the conversation die, he tried to join it. 

And it had worked. Conversations no longer stopped, shoulders no longer tensed, even Gwaine, the biggest noble-hater of them all, had warmed up to him. 

So Leon trusted that in time, Arthur would work out his chaotic mess of a life and beg for Merlin’s forgiveness for everything he had ever done.

And it had begun to happen. Leon was happy. He could see the immediate change in the way Arthur’s muscles tensed. 

Not that he wasn’t still stressed, no the man was horrible about that. 

But the stress was different now. Leon knew Arthur’s troubles were coming from a problem easier to solve than they were before. 

And, pardon his language, Arthur needed to get his head out of his ass and talk to Merlin by now. But instead, Merlin did his self-sacrificing thing and got himself poisoned. 

Oh but wait! It wasn’t poison, just thirty times worse. Now Leon had to watch from a distance as Arthur fumbled things with a man that literally had to love him. It was insane to Leon that Arthur could not accept what he felt. 

But Leon also did not feel those things, so how could he stand in a position of judgement? 

No, this was between Merlin and Arthur. Apart, Merlin and Arthur were forces of nature. A king that ran a kingdom with an iron fist but maintained the integrity and trust of his people. Merlin ran things in the shadows, from a distance he was a servant. The moment you stepped into the Citadel, you knew things were different. Merlin’s influence was everywhere, from the behavior of the people to the behavior of the king himself. 

But together? They were just completely useless. Merlin was convinced he had to throw himself at every threat that came Arthur’s way; Arthur was convinced that every minor inconvenience was a threat at an international level, which only fueled Merlin more. Their paranoia and management to trust each other more than anyone while distrusting the other to hold a pen was mind-boggling. 

Over dinner with the knights Percival had asked if Arthur was happy with the current arrangements being made. 

It was the first they’d truly talked about what was going on with Merlin. It was bad for Arthur, but it was even worse for Merlin, and they all knew it. Lancelot had said that Merlin had regained a semblance of consciousness, but could only stay awake for so long. 

Leon felt terrible he didn’t know this himself, but he had no time to visit his friend. Now that they knew what they needed to cure Merlin, Leon, Elyan, and Percival spent most of their time trying to figure out where and how to get the ingredients. 

Lancelot and Gwaine tended to Merlin—well it was really only supposed to be Lancelot but Gwaine’s demands were to be met after he broke the second window—so Gaius could handle Arthur. 

Arthur was a complete mess, even worse than before. He had gone from Merlin at his side for every shallow breath to being locked out of the physician’s tower again for causing too much trouble. 

The Guild Fair was almost over, but the energy had been left behind with Merlin’s soul when he had drank out of that goblet. The courts stayed quiet, not daring to gossip while the King of Camelot raged. The other royals, even staunch allies of Camelot, worried to talk to Arthur, fearing war might break out between the kingdoms. The guild’s goods sales had plummeted because everyone buried their sorrows in the taverns instead. Terrible for an event that only took place every three years. 

Leon wished he could say he had a plan, but he did not. Leon had been raised since birth to follow orders, not to give them. Not to make solutions. So as much as he tried, his gut said to wait it out. So he did. 

And when Gaius figured out exactly what they needed to cure Merlin, Leon would go get it. Because that was Leon’s job. His life was meant to follow the Knight’s Code, not his heart. And yet wasn’t compassion the highest duty a knight needed?

Leon would never commit treason. He loved his kingdom and all the people in it. But he would not lie and say he found it cruel that they were expected to kill children and women for being a part of a nomadic, peaceful tribe all because some of them might practice a bit of healing magic. The laws were unfair and Leon could recognize that, but it was his duty to abide by them until they could be changed. 

He knew his friends would disagree, especially Merlin. Merlin would tell him that he needed to be an active part in creating that change instead of waiting for it, and Leon would do his best to change his ways. 

So for once in his life, Leon would be proactive instead of reactive. It disregarded everything his father and master had taught him, everything Leon had come to believe. But while he could keep his opinions quiet, he would not let his friends be harmed because of it. 

He would not wait for orders of for the fight to come to him, instead he would take it to his opponents. 

And that, friends, is how Leon came to rule Camelot for the week it would take Merlin to be healed. Not officially, but he led the courts, the meetings, everything he could while Arthur was incapacitated. And while he did so, he let Merlin’s voice guide him. 

If you asked any of the knights they would agree Merlin was their moral compass. Not a great thing, seeing as his advice was often “let this one die” “why?” “I can’t tell you.” But he almost always ended up right, so they let Merlin guide them. 

Leon couldn’t believe that such a lithe, fragile man had become the string that held Camelot together. 

That wasn’t true, because Leon absolutely could. Merlin was precious to all of Camelot, far and wide. It was “uncommonly” known knowledge that Merlin was the reason Arthur had lowered the taxes on the outlying towns and raised them on the lords with five centers for guilds in their land. 

It had enraged the lords, obviously, but Arthur heard nothing of it. Merlin had been so proud that day, he walked around like a child who had gotten an A+ on a quiz they’d spent their whole life studying. 

Everyone knew why Merlin had wanted it, but Leon was a bit on the outside. He had not grown up dependent on his parents’ crops so they could eat that winter. He had grown up having a Yule Feast at Arthur’s side while they laughed and their people starved. 

Leon had genuinely had no clue that people in Camelot starved in his lifetime. He had thought that was something of the old kings before the Pendragons came into power. Talking to Lancelot and Merlin had changed that perspective, two men with not a noble ounce of blood in their veins and yet they acted more honorably than most knights. 

Percival and Gwaine, men that had grown up watching everyone else succeed while knowing they had to do it on their own, without the support of their family.

Even Elyan, a boy that had grown up in the Citadel struggled. It was hard to comprehend for Leon that as they suffered, he was in the castle having a jolly good time with all of his little friends as they played knight.

Leon just hoped he could help them this one time, that one day his actions would be enough. Because now Leon knew it was not enough to react to cruelty; he had to act with kindness first. 

***

Arthur was a mess and it was clear to everyone. The only reason Cenred hadn’t taken advantage of this was because he still wanted something from Arthur.

Merlin. 

Just today, Cenred had asked him about Merlin’s condition and if there was any way he could help. It took every year of etiquette classes for Arthur to not declare war on the spot. It was a good natured offer, Arthur told himself. 

But he couldn’t believe it. Not when Cenred leered at him like that. Not when Arthur had seen the way Cenred looked at Merlin, as if he was a painting to be collected and not a human being. It enraged Arthur so much that he excused himself from his duties for the rest of the days. It was wrong, he knew that, to leave everything on Leon’s shoulders in a situation like this, but he just couldn’t. 

Arthur liked to sit places where he had memories of Merlin—fond or not—whenever he felt lonely. Training grounds, stairwells, different rooms across the castle. 

Arthur tried to imagine a world where Merlin was really gone, whether it be dead or taking up Cenred’s offer. 

He couldn’t. 

Arthur hadn’t realized what a big part of his life Merlin took up until Merlin was gone. That seemed to be something fairly common in Arthur’s life when it came to loved ones and close friends. 

Arthur scavenged his rooms to find anything of Merlin’s, little notes, scribbles, if he was lucky maybe even a neckerchief. 

Arthur did this everyday for hours, as if things would magically appear if he looked hard enough. Arthur was incredibly embarrassed to say he snuck into the physician’s tower that night to say hello to Merlin and steal a neckerchief of his. 

When Arthur returned to his room(after nearly being caught by Elyan and Percival while wandering the halls), he held the small cloth close to his chest. It would smell exactly like Merlin, Arthur was sure of that. He rarely saw Merlin without one of his neckerchiefs around his neck. 

With it in his hands, Arthur managed to get some real sleep in his own bed for the first time in a long time. It made Arthur wonder what if might’ve been like if Merlin was there with him. 

Percy, Elyan, and Gwaine were off on their quest to save Merlin. Arthur was stuck in his room gripping a tiny piece of fabric like it was the only thing keeping him alive until he needed to say his farewells to the courts. 

Leon had stayed to make sure Arthur stayed upright and the kingdom didn’t fall apart. 

Gwaine had been forced out of Merlin Doctor Duty by Gaius because Leon was staying back now. 

And Lancelot was in that damn room with Merlin while Arthur wasn’t allowed into the physician’s room. 

Every night, Arthur would pace outside the door after Gaius had fallen asleep, contemplating whether or not to knock the door down and demand Lancelot let Arthur see Merlin on order of the king. 

On the third night after Gwaine, Elyan, and Percival left, Arthur got lucky. Lucky as in Lancelot got fed up with his antics and let him in. 

“You have ten minutes to talk with him. If he’s uncomfortable, leave immediately. He’s struggling more than you can imagine, Arthur. I’m doing this for both of your sakes.” Lancelot whispered as he brought Arthur to Merlin’s room. Arthur nodded, too entranced by the thought of seeing Merlin again to really process it. 

“And Gaius hears absolutely nothing, understand?” Lancelot hissed, poking Arthur in the side to get a response. Arthur nodded frantically before letting himself in. 

Lancelot gave him a stupid, knowing, caring look as the door slammed shut in the knight’s face. It wasn’t quite loud enough to wake Gaius, but it did wake Merlin. 

Arthur studied his face and realized that maybe Merlin hadn’t been asleep at all. The man looked awful, like he hadn’t gotten sleep in days. But that contradicted what Gaius had said. 

Arthur dropped to his knees beside Merlin, taking the risk of reaching out to him. Either Merlin didn’t care or was too weak to respond. He merely turned his head, painfully slow, towards Arthur, a look in his eyes that Arthur couldn’t quite decipher. 

But no pink glaze. 

Which is why what happened next shocked Arthur so much. 

Arthur assumed Merlin was trying to move closer to him, so Arthur reached out to help his friend. When he wrapped his arms around Merlin’s waist, Merlin leaned in to kiss Arthur. 

On the lips. 

Like a real kiss. 

A real one. 

And Merlin didn’t have the pink eyes which meant—! But that couldn’t be! 

Arthur responded enthusiastically, possibly too much so. He banged his forehead on Merlin’s, but Arthur couldn’t be bother which such inane details. All he cared about was the fact that he was kissing Merlin and Merlin was kissing him. 

Arthur wasn’t very experienced in this…type…of kissing. He was familiar with chase, polite kisses he was expected to give to his future wife in public, but this was completely different. 

Arthur wanted this, and clearly Merlin did as well. Arthur relaxed into Merlin, who was now sitting upright, legs caging Arthur in place. 

Merlin. 

Merlin that was still under a love potion, whether or not Arthur could see visible signs of it. 

Arthur froze, leaning back from Merlin. Merlin didn’t catch on immediately, swooping forward to continue the kiss and almost falling off the bed. 

And then it seemed to dawn on Merlin what had happened. 

“Oh my gods.” Merlin whispered in a quiet voice. He scooted away from Arthur, putting as much distance between the two of them as physically possible. If Merlin could, Arthur thought he would’ve melted into the wall. 

“I’m so sorry, Arthur. I-we-I-you should go. Before I do something again.” Before Arthur could say anything, Merlin let his head fall back against the wall, making a loud sound. 

A loud sound that alerted Lancelot to trouble. The knight swung the door open in concern. 

“Merlin! What’s going on? Are you hurt?” Lancelot asked in a panic. Arthur snuck out while Lance fawned over Merlin, unable to look at the man’s face for a second longer. This was a bad idea. Of course it was. 

Merlin just needed the cure. And then everything would go back to normal. He would make sure it did.

Chapter Text

Elyan valued connections. He valued compassion, integrity, loyalty, and passion. Merlin embodied all of those things. 

That was why Elyan had no problem fighting through the thickest vines he had ever seen to go get a tiny plant surrounded by venomous beetles to save the man. 

Gwaine hadn’t stopped worrying since they left. Percival had managed to keep him quiet for an hour by putting Gwaine in a headlock and walking with his hand over Gwaine’s mouth, but at a certain point Gwaine wanted to start whining again, so he licked Percy’s hand. That had been a fun argument. 

They had almost finished their quest, all of the ingredients collected and on their way home, when the trio ran into their first sign of actual trouble. 

Bandits. Some group from Nemeth’s lands, so Elyan couldn’t fathom why they would be so far into the center of Camelot. They were dispatched easily, of course. It was three of the best knights in Albion against a handful of untrained barbarians. Percival could’ve just stepped on them, but Gwaine in typical Gwaine fashion wanted a show. 

“Merlin’s not here for you to show off too!” Percival yelled at Gwaine when the man barely blocked an attack because he was too busy doing a flourishing move. Gwaine shrugged. 

“Not all of my fancy stuff is done for Merlin! Can’t a man just want to impress himself?” Gwaine asked, feigning pain as he kicked a bandit in the gut. 

Percival nor Elyan believed Gwaine, but let it be. 

When they made it back to Camelot, Elyan was honesty worried for what had become of the kingdom. Arthur hadn’t been in the best condition when they had left, and Merlin had been even worse. Leon was relying on Morgana for diplomatic matters and support, but Morgana wasn’t exactly the most well-mannered woman in the court. 

Elyan could already see the cup sailing in slow motion at a lord’s head if they dared insinuate she didn’t deserve a position of power because she was a woman. Gwen may be polite, but Elyan had been apprenticed in a smithy at the age of twelve. He had never needed to hold in his laughter until recently. He would’ve been dragged out of the court rolling on the ground and tearing up from laughter. 

Probably a good thing Leon and Lancelot were the ones to stay back, because if Elyan reacted badly, Gwaine was a whole other story. 

The moment they had stepped foot in the Citadel, Gwaine had been off his horse with the ingredients for the cure. He was through the door before Elyan and Percival had even gotten off their mounts. 

After putting away an additional horse, Elyan sprinted through the castle, close on Percival’s heels. They ran into Gaius’ room, nearly trampling Guinevere where she sat with Morgana. 

Gwaine was pacing outside of the door locking Merlin away from them. 

Leon stood dutifully as ever, updating Percy and Elyan on what happened. 

And Arthur was apparently outside for the first time in forever because one of the squires had convinced Arthur that he wanted help with some techniques. Of course the one thing that drew Arthur away from Merlin was mentoring someone else. 

Elyan stood behind Gwen, placing his hands on her shoulders. His older sister seemed so worried, and he wished he could’ve done something more to calm her. He hated seeing her like this. He remembered as a child when she would get this expression. 

The crease in her brows, the weak smile that faltered into a frown if she looked at anyone too long. He could see hers shoulders tensed, so he focused on massaging the knots out of her shoulders. 

She slumped against Elyan’s stomach, but her eyes didn’t leave the door. Morgana glanced over at her maid, concern written clearly all over her face. Elyan couldn’t tell if it was directed towards his sister or towards Merlin.

After what felt like years, Gaius opened the door. Elyan saw Lancelot kneeling beside Merlin.

“I have given him the antidote. We won’t know if it worked until he wakes up.” Gaius said gravely. Gwaine’s head perked up. 

“When will he wake up?” Gwaine asked, trying to push past Gaius to get into the room. Leon pulled the man back, gripping his shoulder tightly. Gwaine snarled but did not try to fight it. 

“Anything between an hour and a day. I will alert you all immediately once he wakes up, and we will see if the potion is gone.” This time, Guinevere reacted out of turn. She shook herself out Elyan’s hands, slamming her own down on the table in front of her. Vials shook and one nearly fell off, but Morgana caught them. 

“You mean to say they all risked their lives and we watched Merlin on the brink of death, and we don’t even know if Merlin will make it through this?” Gwen was fuming. This was the angriest Elyan had ever seen her. She didn’t usually explode at people, but after years of that and now knowing that her best friend was on the edge of life and death, Elyan didn’t blame her. 

“I did all I could, Guinevere. We will know in the morning. You should all get some rest.” Gaius said, ushering them out. Elyan watched as Lancelot closed the door to Merlin’s room before Gaius called out, 

“That includes you, Sir Lancelot. Go with your friends willingly before I ban you from the room like I did with the King. Do not test me.” Gaius announced, not even bothering to look back at Lance. The knight’s shoulders slumped in disappointment, but he walked out of the door, and Elyan followed him.

They walked back in silence, everyone’s feet heavier than before. Merlin had the cure, but no one had any clue what was going to happen next. Before Lancelot stepped inside the barracks, Elyan pulled him aside. 

“How are you doing? Watching Merlin like that…” Elyan shook his head, refusing to even imagine it. Lancelot sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. 

       “It wasn’t fun, I can tell you that much. But he’ll get better. He has to. I can’t—“ Lancelot cut himself off before his voice cracked. Elyan didn’t have to think hard to figure out what Lancelot was thinking. 

Elyan didn’t think he could live without Merlin either. 

“He’s strong, he’ll make it through this.” Elyan was trying to convince himself as well. He glanced back at Lancelot, trying to ignore the look of conflict on his friend’s face. 

Lancelot was hiding something from him. It wasn’t exactly a new thing, in fact it was pretty clear that Lancelot was hiding things. Same with Merlin. Lancelot was a much better liar, but he had a lot less to lie about. 

Merlin on the other hand was lying about a lot. Sometimes Elyan thinks that Merlin just lied to lie. Elyan had been with Merlin before when he started getting interrogated about what he was doing, and it would’ve been something completely innocent, yet Merlin would still make up excuse upon excuse. Merlin was a terrible liar, like the lies were genuinely just cringe worthy, but he had so many things he could possibly be lying about that no one could really tell. 

Elyan walked Lancelot into the barracks with a hand on the other man’s shoulder and didn’t fall asleep until he heard the quiet sniffles and panicked breathing subside and everyone else was fast asleep. 

***

Arthur had gotten no updates on how Merlin was doing. He had been up all night, waiting for someone to run into his room with news. He had seen Elyan, Percival, and Gwaine return. He had heard Gwaine hollering through the castle as he ran past Arthur’s room about saving Merlin. And yet it was almost three in the morning now, and still no one had come to tell him anything. 

He had been wide awake all night, but the moment he sat down and odd sense of exhaustion filled his limbs. He credited it to the fact he hadn’t gotten more than four hours of sleep in the last…two(? Three?) days. 

Arthur squinted at his door, trying desperately keep himself awake. Every second that passed the temptation to close his eyes got stronger. 

He kept them open just long enough to see a mop of black hair peek through his door. 

When Arthur woke up, he was thoroughly shocked that he had managed to fall asleep at all. You know that feeling when you were thinking about something really important before falling asleep, but now you can’t think of anything from around that time because it’s shrouded in sleep? 

Well that feeling was really pissing Arthur off right now. 

He had fallen asleep in an uncomfortable chair, his neck hurt, Merlin still wasn’t here, and apparently his guards were under physician’s orders to not let him out until “someone”
 came by. And he wasn’t allowed to know who “someone” was. 

Arthur was so bored he began to do his own chores. Honestly, how did Merlin and George do this everyday? Making your own bed was possibly the most tedious thing Arthur had done in years. He made fun of Merlin for taking so long to do it, but now Arthur genuinely couldn’t get it the same way Merlin could and it enraged him. 

It felt like decades before he heard new voices outside of his room. 

“Leon, you tell him. You’re the only one he won’t snap like a twig.” Percival hissed. Arthur stood up immediately, running to the door to eavesdrop. Was it really eavesdropping if it was a conversation about him that he wasn’t supposed to hear purposefully out of ear shot if Percival wasn’t so bad at whispering?

“Why should I tell him? All of us should go in! Besides he literally can’t snap you like a twig!” Leon whispered. Percival groaned, quite loudly in Arthur’s opinion. 

“You are all pathetic! Let’s go tell him before Gwaine starts breaking things again and Lancelot’s mind snaps!” Morgana snapped, slamming the door open. Arthur scrambled back, barely avoiding getting hit. 

“Arthur Pendragon! Were you eavesdropping?” Morgana snarled, pointing her finger at him like an angry mother. Arthur wanted to cower before remembering that he was the King of Camelot and this was outrageous! 

He didn’t exactly state that though, because Morgana still looked mad. 

“What were you all talking about?” Arthur asked. His knights all stood, almost single file, behind Morgana, as if she would protect them from Arthur’s wrath. Well he had news for them, if he didn’t find out in the next thirty seconds, all of them were gonna learn how Gwaine and Lancelot’s banishment felt. 

Morgana’s mask of cold, aloofness faltered. 

“Merlin’s gone.” For a moment, Arthur could hear the pain in her voice. 

And then he processed what had been said. 

“No.” Arthur stated, collapsing into his chair. His hands cradled his face and he felt Leon kneel beside him. 

“He died?” Arthur choked out. He couldn’t believe this. After everything? Merlin was…gone?

“Wait, shit no! Arthur, he’s not dead!” Morgana exclaimed. Arthur slumped in relief, before realizing that meant something else was going on. 

“Then what did you mean Merlin is gone?” Arthur snapped. His emotions felt really all over the place right now. Leon sighed this time, about to explain, but Percival interrupted. 

“I told you we should’ve just sent Leon in.” Percy whispered to Elyan, elbowing the man. Elyan snickered, but stopped under Morgana’s glare. 

“Arthur. We’ve searched the entire Citadel. He left while we were all sleeping.” Leon admitted. Arthur’s entire body was shaking with rage. 

“How do you know he left? What if someone took him? He’d never leave without saying goodbye!” The words were out of Arthur’s mouth before he could stop himself, but no one batted an eye. He just hoped everyone would forget about it by the time they rescued Merlin. 

“We know he left because he left a note, sire.” Leon said regretfully. Elyan spoke up from behind Arthur. Arthur hadn’t even noticed he’d moved. 

“And he’s left one here as well.” Elyan handed it over to Arthur, who opened it with shaking hands. 

I’m sorry Arthur

One day, I hope you’ll be able to forgive me. Until then, I wish you and Camelot the best

It was not signed, the handwriting was unremarkable, but it was Merlin. Anyone could’ve written that, and Arthur wanted to say it was anyone but Merlin who had. But he couldn’t. 

Morgana handed him a handful of other papers. One to Gaius, to Elyan, to Percival, to Leon. 

“He wrote one for everybody. Lancelot and Gwaine are currently having mental breakdowns in Merlin’s room. Gwen’s making sure they don’t break any more of Gaius’ things.” Morgana said. Arthur rifled through the notes, all of them said something similar. 

But only in the beginning. They carried on after begging for forgiveness that Merlin didn’t mean, talking about how much their friendships meant. Inside jokes, fond memories, they got the note fucking signed. And Arthur didn’t. 

“This note isn’t completed.” Arthur said, waving his own note around in the air. “Why?” It was a stupid question, but Arthur didn’t know what else to do. What else could he do? The only man he had ever truly loved had left him with only once fond, now sad memories and an impersonal note. 

“Merlin left in a rush, Sire. I imagine he was nervous to deliver your note. There were drafts that Lancelot found that Merlin must’ve forgotten to throw away. Many of them were addressed to you.” Percival said. 

“Has my ban on leaving my room finally been lifted or am I not allowed to see those drafts?” Arthur asked bitterly. Morgana rolled her eyes and dragged Arthur by his ear out the door until he regained his decorum and pushed her off of him. 

When Arthur arrived in the Physician’s Tower, Gaius was working on different tinctures in silence. He didn’t even acknowledge Arthur’s arrival. He heard Gwen’s voice in the other room and the sound of quiet sobbing. 

His anger dissipated in that second, realizing that maybe, just maybe, Merlin’s disappearance hadn’t hurt just him. 

Gwaine was sitting absolutely comatose on Merlin’s bed while Guinevere tried to get him to drink some water. Her eyes were red rimmed, but neither of them were anything compared to Lancelot. 

Lancelot was pacing around the room, holding a crumpled up, tear stained piece of paper. Tears were actively falling down his face and he was muttering to himself. 

There were more papers on Merlin’s dresser. They had been rifled through, some addressed to Lancelot and Gwaine sitting on the ground. Shoved in a neat pile was a stack addressed to Arthur. They mostly started out the same. 

But then the rest of it was crossed out. Most of the letter was unintelligible, scribbled over until the paper ripped. 

But in one of the letters, Arthur could make out a single word. He thinks. It was just as scribbled over as the others, but Arthur was sure. 

Love. 

Arthur had to be imagining it. It was out of context. He was probably talking about the love potion. He had no clue was other words had been in that sentence! Merlin could’ve been talking about anything. 

And yet, Arthur found himself hopeful. 

He sat down beside Gwen, placing a hand on her shoulder. For a moment, she let herself stop taking care of everyone else. Arthur heard her gently cry into his shoulder. Arthur felt terrible. He had ran through the castle as if no one else cared about Merlin, as if he was the only one who would suffer from this. Gwen and Merlin were best friends. 

He still clutched the note in his hand. He would find Merlin. For everybody. 

Chapter Text

Percival loved Camelot. He loved his kingdom with all of his soul, and he loved its people even more. 

Merlin, obviously, fell under that category. Merlin was an odd little bird and Percival quite enjoyed spending time with the man. During intense battles and missions, Merlin was better at lightening the mood than anyone. Gwaine was a funny and chivalrous man, but Merlin had a different feel to him. 

Merlin’s kindness came to him like breathing, and yet he seemed thoroughly convinced he deserved none of this. 

At least that’s what Merlin’s note had said.

Percival had been shocked that his note had been so personal, especially compared to Arthur’s. Obviously he assumed heart-touching ones to Lancelot, Gwaine, Guinevere, and maybe even Elyan by proxy, but Merlin had put his heart into these.

Merlin recounted their adventures together, he told stories with details Percival hadn’t even known had happened. Merlin was much more observant than the knights gave him credit for, and certainly much more intelligent. 

And while they fought, Merlin watched. He healed. He solved. Merlin was at the heart of everything. He was the essence of the Knights of Camelot, whether Arthur wanted to admit it to himself or not.

Percival was not the most observant person, unlike Merlin. In a small peasant town, you didn’t need to be observant. You needed to be big and strong and able to help with labor. Percy certainly met those criterion. 

However, Percy was observant enough to know Arthur had changed. As a person, and in his relationship with Merlin. It was gossip amongst the knights, as in Leon was proud of his old friend for processing his feelings for once and Gwaine was pissed off that Arthur was gonna steal Merlin away from him. 

Lancelot was a quiet third party as always and Elyan was just preventing fights. Percy was the muscle. Percy was always just the muscle. He was valued for his brawn, not his brains, not his heart. 

Merlin hadn’t seen him that way. In his letter, Merlin had told Percival he had a large, golden heart and to never let it go. Merlin hadn’t mentioned his strength once, but he had told Percival over and over what an amazing person he was. It felt…nice, yes nice, to be seen in that way. In the way Percy wanted to portray himself, not in the way everyone else viewed him. 

And yet in all of the kindness Merlin included in that letter, none of it was directed towards himself. In fact, throughout the entire thing, there was a hint of self-loathing. Like Percival could pick up the disdain through the ink.

Off comments, here and there. Comparisons that didn’t quite agree with how Percy viewed his friends. 

And at the very end, Percival could piece it all together. Merlin thought he was a monster. Merlin!

The idea was preposterous! Merlin had stood by their side for so long, fighting against the real monsters, sorcerers! Hell, Merlin had just been cursed by a couple of them! 

Percival had come to the conclusion that Merlin thought he was a monster because of the side effects of the curse. Poor thing. It wasn’t his fault that he was willing to give up his life for Arthur! 

Percival had to find him and explain to Merlin that none of this was his fault.

And yet as they all desperately searched Camelot, it seemed like the chance of finding Merlin only got slimmer. Every day, the barracks were a little less hopeful. Arthur’s spirit was a little more diminished. Camelot’s glow started to crack. 

Because of Merlin. 

All Percival wanted to do was scoop the small, lanky man into his arms and tell him it wasn’t his fault. None of it was. 

Merlin, despite his lithe build, was rather tall. He was incredibly underweight, his bones stuck out, he was really all angles. And yet it was wrapped with sinewy, toned muscle and broad shoulders from doing all of Arthur’s chores. Percival had been pleasantly surprised the first time he realize how—for lack of better words—buff his friend was. 

It was over the summer after the Knights of the Round Table had been established when it became an extreme. Merlin had gone to visit his mother, and Gwaine vocalized his sadness quite often. Incredibly often. Lancelot was quieter about it, but it was clear Lance missed his friend. Guinevere would look over her shoulder as if looking for Merlin where he would hover behind her. 

He was such a helicopter mom, sometimes. If Percival didn’t know any better, Merlin would’ve been intimidating. His footsteps were terrifyingly quiet and he rarely found the need to make his presence known. 

That became a lot harder after Merlin came back. He had grown at least three inches, now only a couple of inches shorter than Percival. And he was definitely a lot more muscular, it was obvious even through his baggy clothes. Merlin’s pale skin was sun-kissed and freckles dotted his face. And that glow of light in his eyes was there, as always. When he got back, Gwaine and Lancelot rushed out to the courtyard, completely ignoring Arthur. It wasn’t like the King would punish them, after all, Arthur was third out the door. When Percy got out there, Merlin was dancing around with Gwaine and being twirled around by Lancelot. 

Gwen rushed by Percy in a flurry of skirts and jumped into Merlin’s arms. She hooked her arms around his neck and he spun them both around. It was a heartwarming display, and the best part of all was Merlin saw him. 

Even through the distraction of his closest friends, Merlin found the time to meet Percy’s eyes and beckon him over. His smile was warm and Percival could help rushing over to meet his friend. 

Arthur wouldn’t admit it, but that was the first time Arthur had been noticeably flustered over Merlin’s touch. It was hilarious and Arthur would banish Percy if he ever spoke of it, but clearly having Merlin absolutely tower over him had thrown off the strict rules in Arthur’s mind. 

Percy was sure the fact that Merlin was almost strong to man handle Arthur now wasn’t helping either. Arthur’s single saving grace was Merlin’s long limbs were just as clumsy s ever and he had no clue how to use any of this to his advantage. 

It was one of Percy’s favorite memories. It was when he felt like he had been initiated into Merlin’s little group. Another one that was closely followed was when Merlin passed his tests to become a journeyman. He shouldn’t have known so early, but when you’re as adored as Merlin is, Gaius pulled some strings. 

Hopefully one that would outrank both of those was finding Merlin again and saving him from whatever had possessed him to leave in the first place.

***

Arthur was growing impatient. Each day, the knights returned with nothing. Merlin was not in Camelot. He wasn’t in any of the Allied Kingdoms either. They had scoured most of Albion with promises from each court that Merlin was nowhere to be seen. Even Cenred’s. That had been the first place Arthur checked. Ealdor was within their borders and Cenred had made Merlin that offer. 

But Cenred assured him Merlin wasn’t there. So where else could he be? 

It was past midnight, Camelot quiet, vulnerable. Arthur couldn’t stand it. Under regular circumstances, Merlin would bumble around outside with a plate of food and a book until Arthur invited him in, as if Merlin wasn’t welcome at any time. 

Er, Arthur had never explicitly stated that, though. 

It was a Saturday, their night. Sunday was a day free of work, so Saturday was the perfect night to stay up late laughing about things that shouldn’t be laughed about. One knight, months ago now, Merlin had convinced Arthur to go to some random tavern on the outskirts of Camelot. Best mead Arthur had ever tasted, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact Arthur had forgotten to bring money so they were drinking out of the same cup, so close that Arthur could smell Merlin’s breath. 

Instead, Merlin was missing and Arthur was alone. And cold. So, so cold. If Morgana had cared when she woke up with her younger brother tucked into her arms, she did not say anything the next morning. And she did not say anything the following Saturday when he huffed and puffed his way into her room and let his sister cradle him. 

Merlin had been gone nearly a month now. Arthur was near hysterics. Gwaine was in hysterics. This was so much worse than when Merlin had been enchanted. Because at least then, Merlin was still here. Arthur could gaze lovingly at his face when he didn’t think anyone was looking, and he could pretend the neckerchief he had stolen was still around Merlin’s neck as they lounged together. 

Instead, Arthur had to crush in it the palm of his hand and pretend it still smelled like Merlin. He had to let everyone take care of him because he had been reduced to a fool when one man left. 

Merlin had really left. There were so signs anywhere that he had been taken captive or coerced into leaving. Merlin’s things had been neatly packed away into bags which had been taken to the furnaces. Lancelot tracked them down just before they were about to burn. Books, clothes, sheets, everything that had made Merlin’s room his. Now it was just an empty room with stale air because no one would ever go in. 

Some of Merlin’s things were missing. Some boots Arthur had bought him for hunts, a cloak Arthur had given him, and a couple sets of clothes. As well as water and food from Gaius’ storage, enough to last him at a month. 

The food would be running out by now if Merlin had never found anywhere to go. Arthur still couldn’t believe Ealdor knew nothing of his whereabouts. Merlin had not reached out to his mother once, though she found a mysterious note signed by her son delivered by bird the second day after Merlin had left. 

He didn’t want to be found. At least, not by Arthur. But Arthur couldn’t begin to imagine that. Life without Merlin was so horrible. How had Arthur ever lived without his Merlin by his side? 

Didn’t Merlin realized Arthur belonged wholeheartedly to him? Didn’t Merlin know he had taken Arthur’s heart with him when Merlin made the decision to leave?

Two months now. No progress. Arthur called off active searches. Merlin didn’t want to be found. He still slept in Morgana’s room more often than not. 

By the three month mark, Arthur only ventured into his sister’s room on Saturdays. He imagined in just another couple of weeks, he’d be capable of sleeping in his cavernous room every night with his new manservant at his beck and call. 

But not yet. Arthur still heard the whispers Merlin had left behind. Arthur saw every chip in the wall the two of them had caused, and he was tempted to take down the whole castle and reassemble it by hand. Just so those hints of Merlin would finally go away. 

But the aching, empty void in his chest would never leave. Despite his friend’s efforts and many potions from Gaius, Arthur remained stuck living out his days lethargically with little effort to give and less will to use it. 

But then the news came. Lancelot stumbled into the courtroom, clearly exhausted. He looked like he had just rode his horse for three days straight. 

“Your…heh, Majesty! There is news!” Lancelot panted out. The knight was pale and weak, Arthur beckoned for him to sit down. Lance happily collapsed to the ground, even if the stone floors were hard and cold. Arthur couldn’t imagine Lancelot’s legs could’ve taken standing much longer. 

“Well?” Arthur could barely recognize his voice. Tight. Angry. Authoritative. Uther’s. Merlin had once told Arthur that he hated it when he acted like his father. He had said Arthur was nothing like that tyrant and should cease all mannerisms he had learned. Arthur had obeyed, pathetically. After insisting Merlin not speak ill of the dead of course. 

If only Merlin was here to remind me, Arthur thought bitterly. 

“In Cenred’s kingdom, whispers of a new Court Physician. One with dark black hair and eyes that sparkle with a kindness and mirth never seen in Escetir.” In other words, Merlin. Arthur tried to pretend he didn’t care. Like his empty chest didn’t race as the thought of finding Merlin once more. 

Quickly, the feeling froze over into anger. Merlin had chosen to leave. Why should Arthur care if he took up a position in a new court? Arthur had no need for a Court Physician anyway. Gaius was vastly superior to Merlin. So why did Arthur feel jealousy? 

“Why were you anywhere that you heard the whispers of Escetir?” Arthur hissed. Lancelot frowned in the way only he could. The way that projected a strong disappointment that made you want to be better.

“They are our allies, Milord.” Lancelot said, his voice tinging on suspicion. Arthur snapped. 

“If you wish to snark at me, you can join Sir Gwaine in the stocks!” Arthur growled. Lancelot glanced nervously out the window, not in concern for himself, no. In concern for Gwaine. This was, what? The third—no fourth time Gwaine had been put in the stocks in the past two months, all sentences lasting a week. 

If the knight had managed to shut up about Merlin for five seconds, maybe those punishments would have only lasted a day. 

“I was visiting Ealdor, Your Highness. I promised Hunith to help whenever I could. While we were there, whispers of an extraordinary healer came to us. The techniques they described, the way he seemed happy no matter what curse or disease there was, no matter who was infected, it was Merlin. It had to be. And Arthur would have none of it. 

“Merlin made his choice. Now you must make yours. I’m sure once Sir Gwaine finds out about Merlin, he’ll be gone before I my hands on him. Will you stay with the Knights of Camelot, or will you become a traitor to Camelot and try to aid a banished man.” At the confused look on Lancelot’s face, Arthur Pendragon boomed. “Merlin Ambrose is no longer welcome in Camelot.” 

Chapter Text

Morgana was not happy with her little brother. Every day that passed was like he was regressing to the person he was before Merlin. It infuriated her to no end. He had come into her room one night complaining as if he was the only one who had lost a friend. 

Morgana had lost her mentor, the man who had guided her through discovering her magic. It had been terrifying and lonely at first, and then Merlin came into the picture. He had showed her that Uther really was wrong. He had been a lot more hopeful that one day they wouldn’t have to meet in secret and live in fear. 

But apparently it had finally gotten to him. Merlin was tired of living like this. He’d been so sure that Arthur would come around one day on his own, he had a whole plan about how they’d tell Arthur. Merlin would come to her so happy some days, absolutely convinced Arthur was finally going to overturn the laws. Morgana couldn’t bear to crush his hopes. 

Morgana knew more than everyone else did. Merlin had trusted her to keep his plans a secret, and keep it she would. He was going to Escetir. He knew Arthur would check there, but he needed a new life.

He’d reach out to Cenred, make him promise not to let Arthur know. Merlin had probably done it because he didn’t want to get caught, but it was honestly keeping a war from taking place. 

Morgana and Merlin were close in a different way than he was with his friends. They could relate. Lancelot knew about Merlin’s magic, but Lance could never truly understand the fear of being persecuted for something you couldn’t control. It was terrifying. 

And in comparison, Merlin’s experience was still different than hers. Morgana found out later in life but in Witch Hunt Capital. There had been years where she had seen someone burned almost every week. So not very fun when you learn that you have magic, and your father would claim you had been corrupted and use it as an excuse to execute innocent people before accepting you. 

But for Merlin? He had grown up on the very outskirts of Escetir. Close enough to Camelot to have to be worried about being caught and burned, but if discovered could become a war mage or servant to Cenred. The whispers of what they did to powerful magic users were nightmare fuel. If you were willing to bow to Cenred’s every whim, he might spare you some mercy and give you a position of power. But if you showed a single ounce of defiance? Your best hope was being sent out on the front lines as a sacrifice. 

Morgana had been furious when she heard Arthur was allowing Cenred anywhere near Camelot. Anywhere near Merlin. 

Arthur had been angry that Cenred was talking to Merlin for a very different reason than Morgana. Morgana’s rage was not filled with petty jealousy but worry that Merlin would be found out. 

And now Merlin was most likely sitting in Cenred’s court, and technically there was no issue with it, nothing that Camelot could contest to, because Merlin was a citizen of Escetir. He could hold court positions with little backlash as long as no one found out he had grown up a peasant. It wouldn’t be difficult to get Merlin acclimated. 

He liked telling stories of Ealdor and the neighboring towns late at night when they were supposed to be practicing magic, but it had devolved to sitting on Morgana’s bed and gossiping. 

On the very outskirts of Escetir, even so close to Camelot patrols, small bits of magic were common. The occasional spell to heat up your bathwater or a quick healing potion to mend a broken arm in a town dependent on farm work and labor, common things. The problem came when someone was powerful. It was a lot harder to hide your magic when Cenred’s men came through every couple of years looking for new magic users when you were a five year old that had the ability to make things float. 

Apparently Merlin had almost gotten caught once because his mother hadn’t realized he had snuck out the back to see his friend. He was much too old to be doing something so stupid, but they were teenage boys stuck in a small town. Morgana pitied to poor woman who had to raise Merlin, the force of nature that he was. 

Morgana was sure the rural area of Escetir was much different than the capital where Merlin would now reside, but it was still his home. For however long Merlin had been with them, he’d never gotten rid of that odd tone that came from growing up in a different land. It was an odd mix between a Camelot countryman’s accent and the very strong accent that Cenred himself spoke with. 

It made understanding Merlin’s rants the first couple of years a bit difficult, because apparently when he gets angry his accent really starts to come out. It always made Morgana wonder if it just happened naturally, or if he was suppressing it during the day. She really hoped it wasn’t the latter, Merlin hid enough of his real self already without the inclusion of an accent. 

Arthur came in once a week at night now. He held his head high and kept that stupid snooty look on his face until he collapsed right next to her. It took every bit of self restraint Morgana had to not go off on him sometimes. He had banished Merlin. For what? For taking a job offer? Merlin probably didn’t even know he had banished! Morgana was absolutely sure this was a disgusting overreach of power, but Arthur was irrational right now. 

Morgana wished she could explain to him exactly what had happened. It would’ve made all of this so much easier to stomach. Maybe if someone else could share her sorrow it would hurt a little less that Merlin had left her behind. 

It wasn’t true, Morgana knew it wasn’t. Lancelot knew as well. Gwaine knew everything except the magic part. Merlin had apparently contemplated telling everyone he had magic, but had admitted that he didn’t want to ruin anyone’s image of him in Lancelot’s letter. 

Morgana still couldn’t believe what had happened to Merlin. That love potion was just…it was everything that Uther had warned her about. It was exactly the thing that got druids murdered for mixing some herbs together for tea. A love potion like that was cruel. 

It took away any self control you had. It enhanced your strength, diminished your logical thinking, all while slowly sapping away at the rest of you until all that was left was an undying love for the potion’s target. And to make it all worse, the stupid aura part? Making other people fall in love with you? Morgana didn’t understand how anyone could think something like that up. 

It essentially stole your soul. 

And the only reason Merlin had made it through was because of his magic, and maybe he would’ve been able to fight off the potion more if he didn’t have to take that inhibitor, but if he hadn’t taken that Camelot would most likely be a burning pile of ash, right now. 

The idea of having your magic locked away made Morgana sick. Her magic was a part of her. When Merlin had begun to recover from the potion but before the inhibitors had hit, he had told her about it. Magic was just like the blood rushing through your veins. Merlin said it felt like his heart had stopped and so had the blood flow. His body felt empty, his steps too light and too heavy at the same time. 

All of that because, what? Another apprentice with a crush realized his feelings were unrequited? A jealous mentor that thought Merlin was undeserving, that he had cheated his way through? 

Gwaine and Lancelot knew their feelings were unrequited every day and they would have never attempted something like that. 

Merlin had left because his memories of Camelot had gone sour, now. He said that knowing what life felt like without having his magic made him realize that he couldn’t keep hiding it. 

Morgana didn’t think that was it, though. Something had happened during the actual duration of the love potion. One night Arthur had barged into her room, face red and flushed, and refused to speak until the next morning. 

Merlin was so stupid, sometimes. Morgana could clearly envision what had happened. Merlin blamed himself for everything because no one else could ever shoulder the blame. Arthur had given in because he was completely and utterly in love with Merlin and kissed Merlin. When Merlin’s mind had cleared up, he blamed himself, assuming that he had coerced Arthur into something he didn’t want to do(as if that was possible, stubborn ass). Arthur then felt guilty about taking advantage of someone under a love spell and refused to talk to Merlin, which caused Merlin to spiral, which made Arthur spiral. They were one big homosexual pile of shit when it came to expressing emotions. 

And it would quite literally all be solved if one of the two bravest men she had ever met would man up already and talk about their feelings. Morgana didn’t think they’d admit it under torture, god damn it. 

Arthur was being a total dick to everyone else, as well. He had snapped at Guinevere, which Morgana immediately made him regret. He had essentially banned the mention of Merlin unless you wanted to spend the week in the stocks, which made it really difficult for anyone to do any scheming about how to fix this. He had yelled at Lancelot, implying that one of his most loyal and honorable knights was a traitor. He had almost banished Gwaine for demanding Merlin at least be able to say a goodbye in person. Gwaine hadn’t come out of the tavern for days after that, because apparently he wasn’t allowed out of the Citadel. 

Arthur was genuinely batshit insane. He had become a tyrant, which seemed to be what happens when Pendragons get their heart broken. 

Any hope Morgana had was destroyed when Arthur didn’t come in one Saturday. He had gotten through denial and was officially in the penchant Arthur Pendragon “If I Pretend It Never Existed, I Have No Reason To Be Upset” phase of grief. 

She wanted her brother back. She wanted her friend back. But she wouldn’t get that until one of them decided to step up, and that clearly wasn’t happening. 

Morgana really did have to do everything. 

***

Arthur nearly had a heart attack when Morgana burst into his room, eyes fiery and her hair creating a dark halo around her hair. In the torch light from the hall, she looked like a madwoman intent on killing him. 

And when she stalked into his room in the middle of the night, Arthur thought he might not have been too far off. 

“What the fuck Morgana? Get out!” Arthur commanded, but his harpy of a sister didn’t listen to him. “Didn’t you hear me? Get out! I may be your brother, but I am also your king!” 

“What are you gonna do? Banish me, too?” Morgana snarked. Arthur’s body froze up. Suddenly his joints took a lot more effort to move and his brain told them to do that a lot slower. 

“I told you to stop talking about him.” Arthur spat through gritted teeth. Morgana feigned innocence. 

“Talk about who?” She pouted, tapping her chin mockingly. “Oh! Could it be Merlin you don’t want me to talk about?” Hearing his name sent rage through Arthur’s veins. “The Merlin that you want to pretend doesn’t exist? Because you can’t get your big boy feelings together? That Merlin?” 

“Get. Out.” Arthur growled, moving away from his sister. She snarled at him. Arthur felt exposed and vulnerable. If she killed him right here would she have enough time to get away? 

“Merlin by no means handled this well, but I’d say running away because of a failed situationship is better than turning into our tyrant of a father. Did you really raise the taxes on the outlying towns? Arthur. Come on. You’re just following Uther’s game plan. I thought we had put a stop to that, but apparently all it took was getting kissed by a pretty boy to make you regress a decade.” Morgana spat. Arthur was at a loss for words. He was angry! Of course he was angry! Merlin had left him. If Morgana cared so much about Merlin, why didn’t she join him in whatever ditch he had went and died in? 

But Arthur couldn’t banish her or he’d prove her point. So what did she want him to do? Send a letter? Arthur had no clue where the fuck Merlin was, nor did he care. 

He kept the maps of all the places the search parties had checked for record-keeping purposes, not sentimental. He needed maps of Albion like that. And it was easier to just use those ones than make Geoffrey get him new ones. Yeah. 

“You need to shut up, Morgana. You couldn’t understand.” Arthur hissed. He heard the tone his voice took a second too late. Morgana recoiled, her face shrouded in darkness for a second as she stepped out of the candle light. Arthur could imagine what face she was making though. 

“Why? Because I’m a woman? Don’t you dare say that misogynistic shit to me, Arthur Pendragon. I hear enough in your own court. You need to get your shit together. Merlin was going through a lot of shit other than you. Hell, before the whole potion debacle happened you were being an asshole.” Morgana yelled. Arthur flinched back. 

“What? Do you think I didn’t notice how angry you were that Merlin dared spend time with other people? Or that you apparently hadn’t listened to him talk about all of his dreams for the past month? Because he certainly did. You know, the night before he took that test to get his license, he came to me and Gwen. He told us that you had shouted at him for ‘talking too much.’” Arthur winced. He remembered that. It wasn’t right, he knew it wasn’t right, but he just couldn’t deal with Merlin’s endless chatter. 

“Maybe if you had listened to any of the chatter you would’ve known he had invited you to come with him after he took the test to see if he passed.” Arthur tensed, again. Morgana’s words were floating around in his head. He had been invited? 

Oh God. 

“Not so high and mighty now, are you?” Morgana hissed. Arthur couldn’t-he-this wasn’t-no! 

“I-I didn’t know.” He admitted weakly. Morgana scoffed. 

“Clearly or you would’ve been out there in the freezing cold with the rest of us. You don’t get to act possessive and jealous if you won’t even listen to what your so-called best friend is saying to you. Merlin talks a lot, I’ll give you that. But it’s not inane chatter. It’s never inane chatter. It’s his way of telling you important things after having it impressed on him all his life he’d amount to nothing.” Morgana’s anger for Merlin had now combined with anger for herself. 

Arthur really had ignored a lot of people just because he didn’t want to hear it, hadn’t he? How many times had someone come up to him with good ideas that could help his people? And how many of those people had he sent away before they could get a word out because he “wasn’t in the mood?” 

How many times had it been Merlin? 

“I wasn’t kind to him.” Arthur whispered in horror. It was all he could manage to say. 

“Understatement of the century, little brother.” Morgana replied. 

He had been so angry. He had embarrassed Merlin in front of so many people. And then he got angry when Merlin didn’t want to put up with it?

And even when Merlin was furious with Arthur, he had still burst in to save Arthur. And he had willingly tried to sacrifice his life for Arthur’s. 

Did Merlin think he was expendable? 

How could Arthur do that to anyone? He had promised himself he wouldn’t rule like his father. For Merlin. For Morgana. For all the innocent people that had been killed during The Purge. 

And how else could you describe what Arthur was doing? 

“I need to apologize.” Arthur said gravely. 

“A bit late now, don’t you think?” Morgana snorted. Arthur looked her in the eye, trying to show her his desperation. After a moment, Morgana’s expression softened. “Well we’re gonna need to find him then, won’t we?”

Chapter Text

Gwen was tired. So tired. She was angry as well, but when you were this exhausted there was no room for fury.

She had to be strong. She had to pretend Merlin’s departure hadn’t hurt her for everyone else. She had to keep Arthur from becoming a tyrant, hold back Morgana if he did, and support the knights. Her poor little brother. Her poor friends. 

But never poor her. There wasn’t time for that right now. 

The majority of the servants in the castle were scared of interacting with the Pendragons right now. Arthur because of his behavior recently, and Morgana just in general seemed to terrify even the brave-hearted. 

So Gwen had taken over most of the duties for the both of them. And all of the other shit Merlin was apparently doing, pardon her language. 

Gwen had been taught to be proper from a young age. Her father could care less about the social constructs put on her gender, teaching her how to forge swords and how to fight. But the moment she had stepped foot in the castle that had changed. She learned how to be quiet, to be timid. To support from the background. 

She longed to be the crass little girl she had been in her youth. She thinks that’s why Merlin had drawn her in so much so early on. He had been able to keep that scathing wit into adulthood. Gwen had no doubt it was because he was a man from a small town rather than the daughter of a respected blacksmith in the Citadel, but it was still nice to see. 

And now he was gone. 

Guinevere wiped her tears from her face before entering Morgana’s chambers. She didn’t need Morgana fretting over her. Morgana had become one of the only voices of reason in the court, that list only including herself, Leon, and Gaius. 

Arthur was a mess. Gwen knew this, and yet there was nothing she could do about it. As you could imagine, it annoyed her to no end. 

If Merlin were here he’d know what to do. He’d come jumping over to her and explain what he needed from Gwen, and then they’d fix the problems. 

But Merlin wasn’t here, so Guinevere really needed to stop thinking in “if” and more in “how am I going to handle all of these duties?” 

She knew how much Merlin had done, because obviously he had taken more responsibilities than he could handle. He claimed to be lazy but Gwen knew for a fact most nights he got only a couple of hours of sleep. 

He and Gwen were similar in that way. 

But now she had taken over the majority of Merlin’s duties, only passing off a couple to George. And with her own on top of it, her relaxing time was being severely impacted. Not that she had much of it to begin with. 

Gwen began to set out Morgana’s outfit for the day while the lady slept. She was always so peaceful when she slept now, no more of those wretched nightmares. Merlin had certainly helped with that a lot. 

Gwen wasn’t sure if they knew that she knew, but Gwen had made it as obvious as she could. It’s not like Morgana and Merlin were particularly conspicuous. They were both incredibly loud with friends and incapable of focusing for more than a minute unless the situation was dire. And weekly meetings between a servant and a Lady with a firm hold on the court? They could’ve written it off as a torrid affair, but no one in Camelot would’ve believed it. 

Merlin had been caught once by a visiting servant sneaking off to Lady Morgana’s rooms. It was a fun story to hear, even if Morgana refused to tell Gwen the reason why Merlin had been sneaking off. 

Honestly, did they really think she didn’t know?

Gwen had watched Morgana come into her magic with her own eyes and Merlin made very little effort to hide his magic in a place where he would be killed for it. Gwen had permanent worry lines from the stress those two had put her under. 

One less person to worry about, right?

Gwen winced, regretting the thought the moment it entered her lie. It was such a blatant lie she couldn’t even begin to stomach it. 

It didn’t matter though, because Gwen had a lot of work to do and not enough time to do it. 

She didn’t realize Morgana was awake until the woman blearily spoke. 

“Do you miss him, Guinevere?” Morgana asked through her sleep. Gwen could deflect the question, but even in this state Morgana would catch on immediately. She would also know if Gwen was lying. 

“More than I thought was possible. I keep trying to imagine this is Elyan, but it’s not. Elyan left me with more than a note.” Gwen muttered to herself. She didn’t know what reaction she had expected, but Morgana climbing up from her bed to give her a hug wasn’t one of them. 

“We’re going to get him, Gwen. We’ll bring him back.” Morgana whispered into Guinevere’s hair. For just a moment, Gwen let herself. She let herself feel. And there was a lot to feel.

Her eyes were red rimmed and wet when she walked out of Morgana’s chamber, and yet she felt lighter than she had in months. 

Sure enough, Morgana did it. Gwen wasn’t sure how, but she had. Arthur was back, albeit quiet and sad. But it was better than nothing.

Gwen wasn’t sure what she had been thinking when she burst into Morgana’s chambers after finding out. In fact, she didn’t think she had thought about it at all. She had just run in, wrapped her arms around Morgana and kissed her. 

Gwen had stumbled out later, deliriously happy. She had Morgana, she had her brother, she had Arthur, and she was going to get Merlin back. She had to. 

The trip to Escetir was long and arduous. They stopped in Ealdor for provisions and rest, where Hunith assured everyone she had had no idea where Merlin had gone. In his letter to his mother, he said that it would be safer for her if she didn’t know. 

Gwen couldn’t imagine how Hunith must’ve felt knowing that she didn’t know where her boy was, but people who were mostly strangers to her did. 

Gwen herself was a bit hurt by the fact Merlin didn’t tell her of his plans. She understood, though. If she had known, she wouldn't have been able to stop herself from hunting him down herself. Unfortunately for Merlin, he hadn’t anticipated how much his departure had wrecked everyone. Of course he hadn’t, he never seemed to understand how much he meant to everyone. 

That was no fault as his own, how were you supposed to know if someone cared if they refused to voice it? If they continued to hunt down your kind? If you had to keep an entire part of yourself hidden from them indefinitely? 

He had told Morgana, Lancelot, and Gwaine. It made sense. 

Morgana was his mentee and one of the only people who understood what he went through, truly understood. She would understand his desperation to go to a kingdom where he didn’t have to hide who he was. And she wouldn’t tell if he asked her not to. 

Lancelot was one of his closest friends, and no matter what the man said, was loyal first to Merlin, then the crown. Lancelot was honorable and terribly trusting and would never betray Merlin. And he would live a life without his friend if that meant Merlin could live in peace.

Gwaine was honestly the most confusing. Yes, he was loyal to Merlin and would do anything Merlin asked of him. But that was the problem. Gwaine was a risk, one Gwen couldn’t believe that Merlin would take. He was a flight risk. Gwen was surprised he hadn’t scrambled to Escetir the moment he read that letter. Merlin must’ve said something to convince him. 

Of course, Arthur only knew about Morgana’s knowledge of Merlin’s escape. If he had found out Gwaine knew there was no telling what Gwaine would be subjected to, and he had already threatened to banish Lance. So jealous for a man that could be so kind and selfless. Gwen guesses that’s what happens when a Pendragon finds love. 

She spared a glance to Morgana, finding her lady already staring. Gwen snapped her eyes back in front of them, hoping the dark night concealed the blush rapidly rising on her face. 

They rode quickly after Ealdor, only taking breaks when they began to fall asleep on their horses. 

They cut a trip that usually took five days down to three, and on that third, the towns surrounding the capital of Escetir emerged. They were well developed with large schools and training grounds. 

But not for knights, no. For mages. Any child with an ounce of magic would be sent to these schools. Gwen didn’t know much beyond that, though. It was scary how easily all information on magic had been destroyed in a couple of decades. 

The moment they stepped into the view of the wall that separated Escetir’s Citadel from the outlying cities, a guard set out. 

Everyone set down their weapons and Arthur spoke for what felt like the first time in days. 

…it actually might have been. 

“We come here in peace. We just wish to meet with your Court Physician.” Arthur said, hopping off of his horse. 

The guards stared at him with a thinly veiled animosity. The lead guard stepped up. 

“Please follow us, King Arthur. We will discuss whether or not you may meet with our Court Physician in front of the King. He will…happy to see you, your highness.” The guard didn’t seem too sure in his words, but Arthur didn’t seem to care. 

“Thank you.”

With that, they walked inside, bracing themselves for a world completely different from their own. 

***

Arthur wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he entered their inner-city. Chaos and crime at every corner? Evil sorcerers torturing the innocent? Vicious men with weapons snarling at them?

Instead, it reminded Arthur eerily of Camelot. People just…living their lives. 

Maybe Cenred didn’t allow his mages to interact with his citizens? Except Arthur could see people using small spells here and there. 

Moving a heavy box, setting up carts, polishing weapons, all menial tasks. And they looked…happy. 

This had to be wrong. It was all an illusion. This went against…everything that Arthur had ever been taught. It took every ounce of decorum he had to keep his mouth shut. 

This was all to save Merlin. The longer Arthur stayed here the more Arthur realized that he needed to get Merlin out. Merlin was in danger. Even if the magic users here didn’t seem…volatile…how could Merlin compete with this? There were definitely magical healers here, so why recruit Merlin? 

This all seemed like a plot to get at Arthur and Camelot. The faster they got out of here the better. 

The members of the Round Table were thrown into the courtroom as politely as possible.

“King Arthur and his posse! Why I had heard you had entered my lands, but I dismissed it as a hoax. Next time simply send me a letter so we don’t have to go through all of this.” Cenred’s tone was sickly sweet and Arthur felt his stomach recoil. There was no way Merlin had gone to this. Maybe Morgana had been wrong. Maybe Merlin had lied, knowing she would break eventually. 

Cenred’s words were also clearly a threat. Arthur puffed out his chest in the way his father had always taught him to. It was supposed to be intimidating, but if he looked the way he felt, it probably looked like a dying fish’s attempt to get back to the water. 

“We wish to meet with your Court Physician.” Arthur choked out. He felt Gwen’s hand on his shoulder, steadying him. His knights and Morgana stood behind him. They were going to get Merlin back. 

But in Cenred’s eyes flickered concern. It made rage roar in Arthur’s ears. What was he worried about? Arthur finding out that he had done something to Merlin? He’d rip Cenred’s head off his shoulders. 

Except, that wasn’t quite it. Cenred didn’t look concerned for himself, because Arthur knew what self righteous assholes looked like when they were nervous for themselves(he’d seen himself in the mirror before). Before Arthur could attempt to decipher it any further, the look was gone. 

“Is a member of your party injured?” Cenred asked tentatively. Why couldn’t he just admit already that Merlin was their Court Physician? What was Cenred getting out of all of this? Before Arthur spoke up, Morgana interrupted. 

“We wish to see our friend, Your Highness.” Morgana said “your highness” with the same inflection Merlin used to say it to Arthur with. His heart panged annoyingly and Arthur automatically shoved it down with the rest of his feelings. 

Cenred did not do anything for a moment. He seemed to be analyzing every one of them, and Arthur could not imagine why the King of Escetir would put so much effort into protecting Merlin. 

Not that Merlin didn’t deserve it, no. This was a judgement on Cenred’s character, not Merlin’s. Never Merlin’s. 

“I will take you to him, but please be respectful. Physician Ambrose is very busy after we went so long without a physician for the people.” Cenred stood from his throne, dismissing his guards when they went to follow. It was a stupid move, with a party the size of Arthur’s including this many trained knights, it was practically a death wish. But it was a show of trust. So Arthur respected it, and handed his weapon over to some of Cenred’s men, directing his knights to do the same. 

Morgana attempted to leave without handing over her weapons, so Arthur stopped her and forced her to hand them over. Arthur was sure the knight that took her knives never wished to see the Lady Morgana angry after she spent what felt like an eternity handing over hidden knives. It was almost comical how long it took her. 

Cenred’s castle was setup very differently than Camelot’s. It had an odd, empty feeling, despite all of the people moving around. There was also a strange tension in the air, not bad, but it was like the air pressure was just slightly higher. 

It took a long time of walking before arriving to their version of the Physician’s tower, which was now a tower at all.. It was low to the ground, with large windows letting in sunlight. Outside, Arthur could see a large garden of herbs and other medicinal plants. Arthur was sure the moment Merlin had seen that the man had immediately started jumping for joy. He could hear Merlin in his head, gushing over all of the different plants and joking that now he wouldn’t have to go on day long voyages to fetch those herbs. 

There were two doors to their right, and Cenred led them to the first one. Arthur assumed to second was Merlin’s room or an exit to the garden outside. 

There were people seated on the ground in the sun filled area. Some were clearly members of the court while others looked like peasants from outlying towns. 

Cenred smiled at some them before opening the door. Merlin sat beside a little boy, no older than eight. He was tenderly wrapping the boy’s leg while talking to him. The boy’s mother smiled at them, seated further back. Merlin’s back was turned to the group, but the mother’s wasn’t. An odd, confused look covered her face when the King of Escetir peeked his head in, follow by a group of people wearing Camelot’s seal. She said nothing, but Arthur saw her glance back at them a couple of times. 

Merlin was too wrapped up in talking to the boy to notice their entrance. Arthur saw the little boy’s eyes were filled with tears, even if he was currently laughing. And he seemed tense, as if worried something would happen again. The boy was clearly in a lot of pain while Merlin did his best to stave it off. 

“There are butterflies in my mother’s garden. Are there butterflies in your garden?” The boy asked, glancing out the window. Arthur couldn’t see Merlin’s face, but he was sure the man was absolutely beaming. 

“I heard butterflies were how you broke your leg in the first place.” Merlin teased, reaching out to tickle the boy’s sides. The boy squealed, bringing his arms down to protect himself. “But I don’t blame you. They’re so beautiful, so elegant, aren't they?” Merlin asked gently. The boy nodded, his eyes locked in on Merlin’s face.

“You know, I don’t think I have any butterflies right now, but they’d make a lovely addition to my garden, wouldn’t they? I’ll add a new section and name it after you, Benjamin. That way all the butterflies know you’re the one who came up with the idea. You’ll have to come back and visit it sometime.” Merlin said, glancing up at the mother for approval. The boy’s head whipped backwards, clearly pleading. His mother sighed and smiled. She began to walk over to her son, glancing nervously at Arthur and his knights as she did. She then looked over at Cenred, a question in her eyes. Before she could voice it, Cenred shook his head as if providing an answer. But no matter, the woman nodded, as if she understood. 

This place was so much less…barbaric than Arthur had grown up to believe. In fact, people here seemed just as happy as the people in Camelot. But there was magic here! How could that be possible?

Merlin spoke again, dragging Arthur from his thoughts. 

“Well, until then. I’ll just have to leave you with a little parting gift.” Merlin helped the little boy off of the bench, then handed the boy a crutch. Merlin kneeled before the boy, who was now gazing at the man in wonder. Arthur wondered what was happening to leave the boy so awestruck. 

There was a small ball of light that seemed to shine from Merlin’s hands, but Arthur was sure he was imagining it. He heard Morgana and Lancelot gasp from behind him and felt Gwen stumble backwards towards them. Arthur didn’t understand what was happening until a large blue and gold butterfly flew out of Merlin’s outstretched hands onto the boys face. The boy giggled, but Arthur was too in shock to really notice. 

Merlin stood and turned towards the door—towards them—finally. His smile lasted just long enough for the gold to completely fade from his eyes. 

No. 

Merlin seemed to be having the same thought. He looked panicked, looking back and forth between everyone. He looked at Cenred with a discernible look of annoyance, before looking back over at Arthur. No, that wasn’t right. He wouldn’t look at Arthur, instead skipping straight to Percival, who stood behind Arthur. There was now fear in his eyes, as if Percy could surge forward at any moment. Arthur realized with a start that Merlin was right to be scared. Magic may be legal here, so Arthur couldn’t do anything without declaring war on Escetir, but Percival’s family had been killed by magic. So had Arthur’s. And Merlin had sat here, what? Conjuring butterflies? 

His face kept contorting between different emotions, as if he couldn’t make up his mind on how to feel. Finally it settled on dejected disappointment. 

Merlin forced a smile back onto his face to turn to the boy, who was still giggling about the butterfly that rested on his nose. The boy’s mother helped him out of the room, clearly sensing the tension. 

The moment they left, Merlin raised his hand, flicking the door shut. His eyes glowed gold and his face was stony, but the tear falling down his cheek gave him away. 

“Lancelot, Morgana, Gwaine, please go stand over there with King Cenred.” Merlin all but ordered. Lance and Gwaine scrambled to listen, but Morgana made eye contact with Merlin before slowly making her way over there. 

“Leon, Percival, Elyan, er, and Arthur. Please go stand in the other corner.” Arthur was stuck to that spot and Percival’s features were twisted with anger and betrayal, clearly not wanting to listen to a sorcerer. But Leon grabbed both of them by the elbows and dragged them over. Elyan had already trudged over.

Guinevere was left awkwardly standing in the middle, all alone. Merlin leveled his gaze with her before sighing. 

“How long had you known?” Merlin asked. A weak smile appeared on Gwen’s face. 

“Years. You weren’t exactly amazing at hiding it.” Gwen replied, a tear falling down her face as well. Merlin’s eyes flared gold, and for a second a cold panic filled Arthur. Oh god, the magic had corrupted him. This place had broken him. He was going to kill Gwen. 

Except…had Guinevere just said she had known for years? But that meant that Merlin had been practicing magic in Camelot. Arthur and Percival seemed to come to this conclusion at the same time, but Leon grabbed their arms tightly. 

“No. Wait.” He hissed. Percival could have easily fought Leon off and gone after Merlin anyways, but chose not to. Arthur didn’t think he was capable of doing anything right now. 

Arthur shut his eyes tight as Merlin walked forward, bracing himself for Gwen’s screams. But they never came. Instead, Arthur heard laughter. He opened his eyes again to see Merlin and Guinevere in a tight embrace. Merlin’s head was buried in her hair, but Arthur could hear a muffled, 

“I’m sorry for not telling you. I didn’t want your opinion to change of me. I wasn’t sure how you would react.” 

Gwen just squeezed him tighter. Merlin was as tall as ever, and his hair was still a mess. Apparently not even gaining a position in court could tame Merlin’s hair. 

Guinevere whispered something to Merlin and he whispered back. She retreated back to a bench, sitting down quietly. 

She had to be under some sort of spell! Why would he listen to a sorcerer? How did she know this was even Merlin? Maybe it was some weird spell, made to make all of them hate him. 

Arthur knew how stupid that sounded, he just needed to come up with some other possibility. 

Now Merlin turned to Lancelot, Gwaine, Morgana, and Cenred. Arthur could hear the anger and disappointment in the man’s voice. 

“I told you three where I went so you could throw off the search parties and not worry that I had died in a ditch somewhere. Not to crack after a couple of months and tell Arthur everything. Which one of you told him?” Morgana stood tall, looking Merlin in the eyes. She was braver than Lancelot and Gwaine who couldn’t even make eye contact with Merlin. 

“You didn’t see him Merlin. I had to do it.” Morgana said, voice barely louder than a whisper. 

“No. You didn’t. You knew better than anyone why I had to leave. I could’ve started a life here, made a name for myself. In a couple of years, you three could’ve joined me.”  Merlin said, voice wavering. 

“You expect us to wait that long?” Gwaine cried out. “Merlin this has been torture. You left us—me!” Gwaine’s voice was broken. Lancelot still couldn’t look at Merlin. “And you never told me that you had magic? Did you not trust me enough?” Gwaine’s voice cracked on the word trust. Merlin hesitated for a moment. 

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you Gwaine, I knew you would’ve helped me. But that was my concern. You would’ve run into the courtroom and demanded Arthur legalize magic and gotten yourself killed. Lance figured it out on his own and I had to tell Morgana.” Gwaine nodded, but there was still pain in his eyes. Merlin glanced at Lancelot now. 

“Are you happy?” Lance asked before Merlin could speak up. Merlin paused before nodding. A weak smile crossed Lancelot’s face. “Okay, then.” 

Now Merlin set his sights on Cenred. 

“What did I tell you to do if anyone ever came here looking for me from Camelot?” Merlin asked, his voice taking on the tone of someone chastising a child. Cenred winced. 

“To turn them away, to say that I had found a new physician from another country after you had rejected my offer.” Cenred muttered. Arthur was in shock. Did Merlin just walk everybody like dogs? Cenred was a feared warlord and king, and he just nodded dumbly to what Merlin was saying. 

“And what did you do?” Merlin asked. 

“Merlin, come on. They would’ve run me through! They knew you were here, already. There was no point in it. And your boyfriend was already ready to explode after seeing people using magic. I didn’t need him forgetting the laws are different here and killing my people. So I played along! I didn’t know you were going to use magic today, it was just wrapping a little boy’s leg properly!” Cenred argued. Merlin stayed silent for what probably felt like an eternity before turning away. 

Now Merlin was looking at the other side of the room. The people who hadn’t known. 

“Leon I—“ Merlin began, but the knight cut him off. 

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me, I understand. I only wish I could’ve made you feel more comfortable in Camelot so you could’ve told me.” Leon said. Merlin grimaced, but thanked the man. 

“Elyan?” Merlin asked. Elyan smiled. 

“It explains a whole lot, especially how Arthur survived this long.”

Merlin looked scared to broach the topic with Percival. 

“Percival I know—“ 

“You don’t know anything Merlin. How could you learn such a dark craft? Have you been lying about being my friend as well? Is the Merlin I know real, or just another lie?” Percival asked. Merlin’s face—which had been hopeful after the first two interactions with this group—fell. 

“Your family was killed by magic users. You’ve seen so much evil done with magic. But that does not mean magic is evil, Percy. You just haven’t seen the good. That butterfly had no bad intentions, I just wished to see a little boy happy. Magic doesn’t need to be bad.” Merlin said. Percival didn’t seem convinced. 

“It probably doesn’t help that you think I studied magic. I’m assuming you think I started practicing magic in Camelot where the only magic you get to see is magic used for cruelty and bad.” Merlin sighed. Percy hesitated now. 

“What do you mean by that?” Percival asked. 

“I was born with magic. Most people like me who are born with it aren’t able to use it until they’re a bit older, but I was casting spells the second I was born. Scared the living shit out of my mother.” Merlin meant the last part as a joke, but no one was really able to laugh at it. The only people that weren’t turning the words over in their heads were Morgana and Lancelot, and Arthur assumed they already knew. Even Cenred seemed slightly shocked. 

“And Arthur.” Merlin muttered, turning to him. 

Chapter Text

Merlin swallowed as he turned to Arthur. This was all so wrong. He couldn’t believe it had gone down like this. He wasn’t ever supposed to confess to Arthur. He would’ve been content living his life in Arthur’s shadow hiding his magic. And if he ever did get caught, he was sure he would’ve convinced Arthur to lift the ban by then. Then he could say he had learned after the ban had been lifted. 

But people had to go and fuck it all up. Cassian was a sweet boy, he really was, but he took rejection in an absolutely insane way. Of all the love potions he could’ve made, he decided to experiment? 

Merlin was half convinced this was the Old Gods punishing him for taking too long to remember why they had put him on this Earth. 

Arthur leveled his gaze with Merlin’s, and neither of them spoke. 

The love potion itself hadn’t been that bad. But it was more so the desperation. And it got worse as time went on. The idea of being under a love potion was something Merlin dreaded, that type of manipulative magic seemed worse than magic made to torture and kill. 

But another part of it was he didn’t know what he would do if he was under one. If Arthur was willing to give away his kingdom, the thing he valued more than his own life, what would Merlin—the most powerful magic user to ever walk to Earth—do? 

“I want to hear what you think.” Merlin stated, trying to keep his voice as level as he could. 

Merlin had been the one to suggest magic suppressors. Because the potion was an experiment, it was faulty. There would be times when it would fade enough for Merlin to be clear minded, and that was long enough for him to realize that he might hurt or kill his friends to get to Arthur. 

Gaius had been staunchly against it, until the fading of the potion wore off and Merlin nearly killed Lancelot. The only reason he had stayed down was because he was too delirious to stop Morgana’s magic, something he could’ve easily done if it hadn’t been right after his head smacked across the ground. 

“I don’t know who you are, but you’re not Merlin.” Arthur spat. Literally. Merlin flicked his hand and the saliva disappeared, along with any hope Merlin had contained. 

The magic suppressors had been pure agony. Merlin felt so…empty. It was like all of his nerves had been ripped off and replaced with searing pain. He didn’t tell anyone about that part though, or they might’ve taken him off of them. It was too dangerous. 

Merlin frowned, “If you don’t believe me, just humor me for a moment. If I am Merlin, as I say, what would you think of me after finding out I have magic?” Arthur didn’t respond. 

Merlin still didn’t feel completely at home in his body. It was like his magic was turning against him for trying to separate them. He had spent more time praying to the Old Gods for atonement in the past few months than the rest of his life. 

“You’re a monster.” Arthur hissed, baring his teeth at Merlin. But still, he did not move from the spot Merlin had told him to go to. Merlin couldn’t believe he had any delusion that Arthur would’ve lifted the ban. 

“That’s what I thought you were going to say. That really puts a damper on my plans. I’m assuming you don’t want to hear your options, seeing as I know what you’ll choose?” Merlin inquired. Arthur’s head perked up. 

“I-what does that mean?” Arthur asked. Merlin smiled at him weakly. 

“Well the option I was hoping you would go for was ending the persecution of magic users and lifting the ban, but if you think of one of your closest friends as a monster after seeing him magic a butterfly for a little boy, I think we know that option isn’t being chosen.” Merlin said. Arthur scowled at him, an expression that Merlin wasn’t entirely unused to, but never with this amount of animosity and hostility. 

“What was the other option?” Arthur asked, he voice weaker than Merlin thought it would be. All the pride of the King of Camelot seemed to have stalled. Merlin frowned when he realized this was how Arthur treated all of his adversaries when he thought Camelot was at risk. 

“The second option—which you probably won’t like—is I forcefully take control of Camelot and rebuild it however the Old Gods tell me to.” Merlin said it casually, listening carefully to the outrage around the room. Almost everyone had begun talking, and Merlin tried to take note of what each of them had said. He’d keep it in mind while he was rebuilding Camelot. 

Arthur was the only person that was absolutely silent. He raised his hand, quieting the room. Merlin smiled to himself, enjoying this final stand. He’d make sure to build a statue in Arthur’s honor. While he may have refused to lift the ban, Arthur was still, for the most part, a kind, noble king. Merlin could respect that.

“So my options are let evil into my kingdom or evil takes my kingdom over?” His voice wavered and Merlin could hear fear, rage, and confusion all mixing together at once. Merlin groaned, throwing his head back in annoyance. 

“What is so difficult to understand about magic? It is not evil, the people who wield it just have bad intentions. It’s like a sword.” Merlin explained it as if he was talking to a child. In terms of the reality of magic, Arthur was on about the same level as a child, after all. 

Another long silence stretched over them. 

“Magic corrupts even the kindest soul. I no longer recognize you, Merlin.” Arthur said it all noble, as if Merlin was the one at the chopping block. Merlin shivered. He had imagined almost those exact words if Arthur ever discovered him, right before Merlin was burnt on the stake. 

Merlin rolled his eyes. 

“You don’t recognize me because I won’t play servant any long, Arthur. I decided to make a start at my own life. It’s not anyone’s fault that it took a love potion to show me that. It just—“ Merlin paused, noticing the way Arthur tensed at the mention of the love potion. Merlin glanced around at everybody else. They were all listening intently to Merlin and Arthur’s conversation. 

“I think we need to speak in private.” Merlin hissed, nodding his head at the door. Guinevere and Lancelot took the hint, ushering everybody out into the waiting room. Percival fought it a lot, not wanting to leave his king with an “evil sorcerer.” It was really just rude seeing as Merlin wasn’t even a sorcerer. Eventually Leon and Elyan convinced him, and Arthur and Merlin were left alone. 

“How are you feeling? About the whole…dilemma.” Merlin asked, not really sure what to call it. Arthur refused to answer and Merlin sighed, flicking him on the forehead. “Come on. Speak. I don’t remember most of it, so I’m going to need you to brief me on it.” 

Arthur looked taken aback for a moment, whether by Merlin’s words or being flicked, Merlin didn’t know, nor did he care. Once Arthur processed what Merlin had said, he seemed to have deflated. 

“You don’t remember anything?” The way Arthur said that worried Merlin. What exactly had he done under the influence of that potion?

“Arthur, I am deeply sorry about anything and everything I did that harmed you in any way, but I need to know. Because right now a lot of less savory things are going through my head, and I want to be able to apologize when I know what it is I’m apologizing about.” Merlin said, reaching out to grab Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur jerked away from Merlin’s touch, so Merlin yanked his hand back. Briefly, Merlin wondered if Arthur had done the same thing while Merlin was under that spell. 

“You were so different under the potion. I woke up in the morning to gentle hands and whispers rather than being pulled out of bed onto my arse. You had no shame, as well. I had to slap your hand out from my under my shirt too many times to count. In the middle of crowds.” Arthur said it almost wistfully, but Merlin still grimaced. He had really hoped he had been able to control himself enough to keep his hands off Arthur, but clearly that wasn’t true. 

“It was nice having a servant that wasn’t whispering treason into my ears at all times of the day.” Arthur said with such sincerity that it made Merlin’s head hurt. Well, then it’s a good thing Merlin isn’t Arthur’s manservant anymore. 

“But it wasn’t you. I missed you more than I thought was possible. And I had a lapse in judgement. You kissed me. And I let you. And I—“ Merlin cut Arthur off with a sound of disgust. How could he have done something like that? 

“When did I do that?” Merlin asked. Shit, shit, shit. No wonder Arthur hadn’t wanted to trust Merlin about magic, Merlin had fucking kissed him. Most powerful magic user ever and Merlin couldn’t disperse of one little potion?

“At night after you had talked to Cassian and his master. Lancelot let me in to talk and…” Arthur trailed off. Merlin couldn’t look him in the eyes. He had known something had happened, but Merlin was really, really hoping that it had just been loudly declaring his love in front of a bunch of people. Something embarrassing, but something that could be explained. 

Merlin thinks that he kind of remembers it, even. Especially the after when he felt increasingly lonely despite the fact that Lance was there. 

“I am so sorry. Truly. I understand why you would be hesitant about magic now, especially when I’m the one asking you to trust me. But I beg you Arthur, don’t let a potion made by someone immature that we put a stop to influence your decision. It will be so much easier and safer if you just repeal the ban on magic.” Merlin pleaded. 

Arthur wouldn’t look at Merlin. Merlin was imagining all sorts of repulse and disgust that Arthur could be feeling about him right now. Then Arthur spoke, his voice was meek and quiet, but Merlin could hear him clearly. 

“I kissed you back. And I liked it.”

***

Arthur’s world felt so upside down. He wanted to trust Merlin so badly. He wanted to fall back into Merlin’s arms and pretend none of this had ever happened, to go back to how things had been. 

But that was never happening. Not after finding out Merlin had magic. Especially not after Arthur had just made a confession like that. 

Merlin looked so shocked, so Arthur assumed that he hadn’t fully processed things enough for the disgust to hit. Arthur didn’t think it would be because Arthur was a man in love with another man, but rather because it was Arthur in love with Merlin. 

“I-what?” Merlin spluttered, his hands automatically drawing behind his back. Arthur knew from experience that Merlin was fidgeting and thinking really hard. It was an old habit that he apparently hadn’t broken yet. 

“I love you.” Arthur muttered, unsure if this was the right time. But anytime after this, Merlin probably would be the new leader of Camelot, so he wasn’t sure how much it mattered. 

“You can’t!” Merlin blurted, running his fingers through his hair. “I have magic. You called me a monster. I am a monster. I can’t—you don’t—this isn’t right!” Merlin exclaimed. Arthur didn’t understand what was happening. Merlin seemed to be arguing more with himself than with Arthur. Was he not…angry? 

Merlin never stayed angry at Arthur. 

And if Merlin was telling the truth about how long he had used magic, he could’ve been angry at Arthur his entire life. Merlin had been closer to Arthur than anyone ever for years, and Arthur stood completely unscathed. Even when Merlin had gotten fed up, he had just left. And even now, he threatened to take over Camelot, but he kept pleading with Arthur to choose the other way. 

If Merlin had magic, was magic, or whatever he had said, how could magic be evil? If someone could be born with magic, how was it a corrupting force? Uther had always said magic had to be studied and learned, so anyone who possessed it had chosen evil and the ability to cause irreparable harm. 

But if that wasn’t the case, how many innocent people had died?

Now was really not the time, but Arthur needed to clarify. He needed to be sure. 

“You said magic was like a sword and it was the user’s choice whether to use it for good or evil. Then why does it seem like almost everybody chooses to use it for evil? I can’t repeal a ban just because one man wasn’t corrupted.” Arthur said. Merlin’s shock soon became a beaming smile. Arthur was considering it, it went against everything he was ever taught, but he was considering repealing the ban.

“Well to be fair Arthur, you’re the son of a tyrant and a genocidal maniac that killed innocent children because their parents used magic. And you went on hunts for him. People aren’t exactly going to use the happy, innocent side of magic on someone who would kill them in a heartbeat. But you’ve been in Escetir now, surely you’ve seen people using magic to make their lives and everyone else’s lives easier. You can make laws outlawing the dangerous things without persecuting every one who has ever used magic.” Merlin looked like he wanted to ramble, and Arthur honestly was shocked the man stopped himself. 

But Arthur thought about what Merlin had said. And he tried to imagine himself in Merlin’s shoes. 

If he had the power to take down someone who would kill him and his friends in an instant, wouldn’t he use it? Wouldn’t he want revenge? 

“Merlin. Could I ask you to do something for me?” Arthur didn’t know what he was doing. 

“Anything.” Merlin said it almost immediately, as if it was more reflex than conscious thought. 

“Could you show me some magic?” Arthur asked, his voice feeling weak and pathetic. Once again, Merlin’s face shifted to shock. 

“Are you-are you sure, Arthur? You already know I use magic and I’ve confessed, you don’t need me to do it again if you plan on making me a fugitive, or something.” Merlin stuttered. Arthur nodded, steeling himself enough to look Merlin in the eyes. Merlin smiled at him, as if thinking about what he wanted to do. 

Eventually Merlin settled, because his eyes flared gold. And then in front of Arthur sat a small ball of fire. Not a ball, a dragon. 

It uncurled itself and took off into the air. It spun through the air sending small blasts of fire everywhere. It landed on Arthur’s shoulder and he jumped back, expecting it to burn. But it never did. Merlin coaxed the dragon off of Arthur and back to him, now more focused on his magic, Arthur got the chance to see Merlin’s face. 

There was this child-like joy on all of his features, and he played with the dragon as if it was completely harmless. Even though it was made of fire, it seemed to be. 

Eventually, Merlin extinguished the dragon. Arthur watched it disappear in a whiff of smoke. Arthur unabashedly stared at Merlin as the gold faded from his eyes, and Arthur noticed the dusty blush on his pale skin. Arthur was sure that he was blushing as well. His heart was still loudly thumping in his chest, and Arthur wasn’t sure whether it was Merlin or the magic that had done it. 

“You’re really not gonna do anything?” Merlin asked, fear starting to worm its way into his voice. 

“Well I am going to do something. The magic ban’s repeal will be brought to the court’s attention the moment I get back.” Merlin looked like he was going to explode. His face kept switching between joy and shock so quickly that Arthur could hardly keep up. And in that moment, something possessed Arthur to lean forward and kiss Merlin again. 

He didn’t know why. Merlin probably didn’t even like Arthur back, but something in Arthur told him the opposite. 

Merlin positively melted, and the kiss became a sort of hug that was really just Merlin hanging off of Arthur. But for a moment, Merlin had kissed Arthur back. And now he was smiling like an idiot at Arthur. Arthur was probably doing the same thing right back at Merlin. 

“I really liked seeing you do magic. You look so happy.” Arthur mumbled. “And your eyes glow so brightly it almost hurts to look, but I can’t stop myself.”

Merlin laughed. “You’re a sap, Arthur Pendragon.” Arthur paused in shock. 

“Excuse me?” Arthur asked, pulling away from Merlin enough to allow the man to spin around and jump and do whatever else Merlin Ambrose does when he’s happy. 

“You are a sap. The sappiest lover I’ve ever had. You love me and you like my magic, huh? What a clotpole.” Merlin teased, pressing a kiss to Arthur’s forehead. Arthur straightened up and said the only thing he could say. 

“Clotpole is not a word. You made it up.” Arthur accused, poking Merlin in the chest. Merlin feigned outrage. 

“How dare you, sire. Of course it is. How could a lowly servant like me make up an entire word? I don’t even know how to read.” Arthur smiled to himself. They used to have this exact conversation once a week and Arthur knew his lines by heart. 

“I taught you how to read, and fine. If clotpole is a word, then what does it mean?” Arthur’s smile was so wide it hurt. 

“In two words?” Merlin asked. 

“Yes.”

“Arthur Pendragon.”