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“So I guess,” he says finally after a period of silence, “I guess what I’m asking is whether you could do something - anything - to make me… to help…” He trails off, hoping the djinn will get the jist and he won’t have to say it out loud.
“Hm. That is a conundrum.” The djinn sighs and adjusts his glasses. “And you know that I can’t change feelings, Nandor, you know I can’t just make you more attracted to her?”
“I know, I know. I just hoped maybe there’d be, I don’t know, a way around it? Get creative?”***
In which Nandor tries to find a way to increase his libido around Marwa, resulting in a less than ideal predicament involving a magically induced painful hard-on that just won't go down and no Marwa around to speak of.
Thank god Guillermo's the helpful sort.
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The Fucking Human’s Fucking Pillow Princess by olly_octopus
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
04 Oct 2021
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“Do you think Guillermo has done something different with his hair recently?”
Nadja squints at him suspiciously. “How the fuck should I know? What are you getting at here?”
“I… I don’t know. Does he seem different to you?”
“Are you trying to fuck the human?”
“Nadja, don’t be so loud—“
“Are you trying to fuck the fucking human?!” Nadja slams the book shut and feverishly leans forwards in her seat. “After depriving poor Lazlo of his sweet sweet virgin flesh-“
“Please do not remind me,”
“-and then not laying a finger on him for ten years, you are now telling me you’re going to fuck his silly human brains out? Are you fucking kidding me?”
Nandor puts his head in his hands. “I… not fuck him, I…” Nadja stares at him.
“You are… wait a fucking fuck…you don’t mean?”***
Nandor’s thoughts on The Slap and its ensuing consequences.
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- 4,306
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Like Something Holy by softwinds for walkwithursus
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
18 Jul 2020
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“The hell are you talking about, little Caesar? The Palaiolo-something-guy had nothing on you!” Nandor frowns in disbelief. “He had the worst mustache I have ever seen! Don’t trust the drawings—painters lied, Guillermo, they were very dishonest people back then.”
“What I mean is,” Guillermo turns to him, face looking more serious than before, “I know what I have. I know how I look, and I’m at peace with it. I’ve passed the point where I need constant approval from other people. I’m happy that you want to compliment me, but I won’t pretend to actually believe in that sort of stuff.”
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Prompt: Guillermo fat positive body worship. Nandor ravishing Guillermo and enjoying every moment of it.-
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Let's Play (Master and Servant) by Dracothelizard
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
17 Nov 2021
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Guillermo is worried about Nandor's different behaviour after dealing with the Sire.
He's then even more worried when Laszlo informs him of a special subgenre of vampire erotica--one where the battles between vampire slayers and vampire end a little differently.
Worried, and maybe intrigued.
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can't live long on starvation rations by ghostoftonantzin
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
14 Jul 2021
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The temperature goes up, the air conditioner goes out, and Nandor is reminded what it's like to be driven near mad with lust.
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The Undefeated Truth or Dare Champion of Al Qolnidar by Spicy_Soldier
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
19 Jun 2022
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Guillermo needs to keep Nandor awake and alert in Atlantic City. He gets more than he bargains for, which also happens to be (almost) everything he ever wanted.
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- Part 1 of Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)
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- 6,178
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true love, one way or another by ghostoftonantzin
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
20 Jan 2025
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Guillermo de la Cruz, internationally famous pop star, is about to release his fourth album (fifth, if you include the Christian choirboy debut album on his first label). But Guillermo has become disillusioned with fame, and keeping the void of loneliness inside of him from spreading is becoming more and more difficult.
Nandor is a night shift security guard who stumbles across a televised Guillermo de la Cruz performance on his way home from work and is soon plunged into a dangerous spiral of love, obsession, and eventually, even murder.
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A Hole in the Family Portrait by vampireshmampire (thekumquat)
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
14 Feb 2022
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Guillermo is gone, and his absence is so palpable even the new familiar notices. Nandor's so busy moping he might miss his chance find a way to bring him back, and lose him forever.
But Guillermo's heard too many apologies already. It's going to take something really, really big.
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- English
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- 5/5
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5 times Nandor thought he was protecting Guillermo's virginity + 1 time he did not by Vhett
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
09 Jul 2020
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5 times Nandor thought he was protecting Guillermo's virginity
+ 1 time he did not-
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changes in time (forgetting the lines) by dayyydreaming
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
27 Nov 2022
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If the vampire asking him to dance seems to resemble Guillermo a little too closely, what's the harm in pretending, just for a night?
Guillermo de la Cruz is dead, after all.
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Nandor was a generous lover. He was the kind of man to take his partners apart piece by piece until they were near at their breaking point. He was the kind of lover to relentlessly enjoy his lovers’ bodies until they were overstimulated and teetering between phenomenal pleasure and almost too much.
Alternative Title: Guillermo Gets his World Rocked
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- English
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- 4,817
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- 1/1
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- 12
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Guillermo and Nandor take their movie date, and it goes very well indeed. (At least until Nandor realizes that Guillermo has fudged his resume just a bit.)
The sequel to Two Hearts Met (Breathlessly).
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- Part 2 of Tenderly
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The vampire gang go out and shenanigans ensue with one sick vampire in particular.
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- English
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- 2,015
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- 1/1
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- 8
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- 1,806
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We've Been Trying to Reach You About Your Car's Extended Warranty by Spicy_Soldier
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
21 Aug 2022
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A couple of weeks after the events of The Undefeated Truth or Dare Champion of Al Qolnidar, Guillermo is still pretending nothing happened, and Nandor is... trying his best to play along.
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- Part 2 of Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)
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Nandor and Guillermo visit a cat café but, Nandor assures, the cats are not there for them to eat.
Art included!
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- English
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- 3,504
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- 1/1
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- 11
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- 124
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- 14
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- 840
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Five Times Guillermo Helped Nandor Collect Semen (And One Time He Didn't) by cookinguptales
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
18 Sep 2022
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Sometimes a vampire needs a helping hand while preparing a semen sample for the friendly neighborhood coven.
Or a mouth.
Or a familiar.
Series
- Part 1 of ten times (and then some)
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- English
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- 35,341
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- 7/7
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- 1
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- 254
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- 1,286
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you can run away with me anytime you want by partiallyobscure
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
20 Apr 2022
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Guillermo does Nandor the honor of accompanying him around the world, hoping that Nandor will see being a vampire in a new light.
Nandor hopes taking Guillermo on this journey will make him appreciate his humanity.
They both want what the other already has, not realizing that what they really need is each other.
aka Nandor and Guillermo’s Excellent Adventure
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- English
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- 47,129
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- 9/9
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SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2 FINALE 'NOUVEAU THÉÂTRE DES VAMPIRES’
“Don’t care what the fuck your name is. We had to pick up our own laundry!”
The words tumble out of Nandor’s mouth before he can stop them, and he immediately realises two things.
First, he definitely should not have said that. There were a myriad of phrases he could’ve and should’ve used, including - especially - ‘thank you’, but gratitude hasn’t been his overwhelming response to anything in almost 800 years of existence, so it wasn’t exactly easy to utilise now.
(Also, Nandor reasons that he should be cut some slack given that he just witnessed his familiar - his soft-spoken, submissive, puny human familiar - slaughter an entire theatre of vampires like it was nothing. Excuse him if his brain was having trouble.)
The second thing was that he was harder than he had ever been in his life, living or undead.
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set immediately after the season 2 finale. i wrote this in a frenzy over two days on my phone...and it's the first fic i've written in over 12 years...and the first Naughty thing i've ever written....i just love this dumb show so much lmao anyway enjoy!!
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- English
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- 6,440
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- 1/1
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- 68
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" Guillermo met his eyes across the courtyard, and for a moment the human was grave and resolute as a warrior in battle, resigned to his fate yet defiant to its circumstances. For a moment Nandor imagined this meeting as the start of a war rather than a courtship, and for that moment he felt as if he'd found his footing again.
But then the human had done something outrageous.
Then the human had smiled. "
In the end, when all was said and done, the marriage of Nandor the Relentless and Guillermo de la Cruz would be remembered as a pivotal and defining moment in the history of human and vampiric society alike.
In the beginning, however, it was mostly just a mess.
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- English
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- 162,489
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- 82/?
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Guillermo’s eyes twitch once, twice, and then he’s reaching for one of the many semi-decorative knives on Nandor’s mantel and slicing through his left palm in one swift move, blood blooming through his skin and trailing down to his forearms. “You want virgin blood?” He asks, voice low and shaky with surprise at his own action.
“Take it.”-
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