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Stede Bonnet's dream of moving his family to Bali has been quashed when Mary refuses to do it, and the holiday he's planned to try to convince her otherwise has just resulted in a plan to divorce when they get home.
Which is, of course, when a volcano on a different island erupts, sending plumes of ash into the air and cancelling all flights.
Trapped without accommodation in the worst week of their lives, Stede's stunned when cryptocurrency legend Edward Teach sees him on the news and offers a place for them to stay. He's about to get far, far more than he bargained for.
Series
- Part 1 of Claire's OFMD JanuAUry 2025 Fics
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,261
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 59
- Kudos:
- 298
- Bookmarks:
- 41
- Hits:
- 1,660
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
01 Jan 2025
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Come to karaoke, Lucius had said. It’s a good crew of regulars, he’d said. It’s not officially a queer bar but it’s definitely a queer bar, he’d said.
One of my friends is one of the most beautiful men on the planet was definitely not one of the phrases he’d used to try and convince Stede to come. Might have achieved his desired outcome a little faster if that had been part of his proposal.
or: eight times Ed and Stede don't have sex after Friday Night Karaoke at Jackie'z, and one time they absolutely, definitely do.
or: karaoke sex chicken: the not quite musical
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
09 Dec 2024
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So there Ed is, in this enormous room all decked out in ivory and gold, surrounded by one-percenters and inherited wealth and fucking caviar. And he sits under a canopy of twinkling crystals, and he plays his mood music, and the room slowly fills.
And the bride and groom are nowhere to be seen.
Ed’s starting to feel more and more like a member of the string quartet playing out the sinking of the fucking Titanic.
(Or: Ed's the harpist at a swanky wedding that's gone south. Stede's got his own problems. A one-night fastburn meet-cute: fluff, humour, eventual smut, and a truly obscene description of caviar)
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
29 Nov 2024
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The Bonnets go down the shore to Cape May, New Jersey during the same week every year. It’s tradition. But this year, everything about the Bonnet family has changed. The kids are off to summer camp, Mary is on a trip with her fiance, Doug, and Stede is newly single with no earthly idea what comes next. He books a room at The Queen Anne B&B — run by mysterious proprietor Blackbeard — and vows to make the best of his vacation alone. Stede’s life is about to change again in ways he could never have expected.
Series
- Part 1 of Exit Zero
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 36,963
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 292
- Kudos:
- 241
- Bookmarks:
- 54
- Hits:
- 3,177
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
18 Nov 2024
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Stede draws his attention back to the head massage, alternating pressure from the kind of bruising that’s enough to knead a migraine away, to gentle, delicate strokes through his hair. He grows almost meditative with it, forcing his eyes away from Ed’s face and simply enjoying the feeling of body heat and cool, damp-silk hair against his palms. Truthfully, he could do this for hours, rather than the usual three-to-five minutes that’s usually afforded to customers when they…
When…
It’s been longer than three-to-five minutes.
A quick glance at the clock reveals it’s been far, far longer than three-to-five minutes.
Stede doesn’t mind, obviously. And Ed doesn’t seem to be about to question it. But the snide little Lucius-like voice in the back of his mind points out that almost twenty fucking minutes is maybe a bit of an overkill.
Stede yanks his hands away from Ed’s hair like it’s covered in bleach.
“Okey-doke!” Stede manages, voice shrill and a little strangled.
From across the salon, the real Lucius snorts.
(OR: Stede's a hair stylist. Ed shows up for an appointment. And shows up. And shows up. And shows up...)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 106,256
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Comments:
- 2,165
- Kudos:
- 1,160
- Bookmarks:
- 343
- Hits:
- 22,251
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
11 Aug 2024
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In a Walmart at three am, between beef jerky and tortilla chips, with the lights flickering above them like it’s the fucking twilight zone, Bradley wants him more than he’s ever wanted anyone.
or: it's a hundred degrees in texas.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 66,414
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 355
- Kudos:
- 1,460
- Bookmarks:
- 554
- Hits:
- 25,652
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
14 Jul 2024
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Hard to Catch, and Even Harder to Hold Onto by caladria
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
23 Apr 2024
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Summary
“Are you here for the free walking tour?” Teal Umbrella Guy says. He’s around Ed’s age, obviously bundled up in multiple layers, and wearing a very nice coat that suggests that either he’s an exceptionally good tour guide, or that the money’s coming from somewhere else. (It must be that one, there’s no one else here.) His face lights up, hopeful - probably at the prospect that he might have one taker on what is, objectively, a really shitty day to be outside. A properly expressive face, Ed thinks, now he can see it close up.
Teal Umbrella Guy whips a phone out, goes to an app. “Did you sign up online? Through the Gentleman Tourguide?” The umbrella is doing some pretty precarious things now that the guy is focused on his screen, and Ed takes a half step back to prevent a stabbing.
He’s got no idea how the guy manages the hairstyle he’s got going on, golden hair curled to perfection, like no hand should touch it.
Ed immediately wants to touch it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,999
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 78
- Kudos:
- 302
- Bookmarks:
- 46
- Hits:
- 2,237
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
23 Apr 2024
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“You know I’d be perfectly glad to give you a crack at it, Ed. I’d…it’s always me. And of course, I thoroughly enjoy a…a good round of cards. But if you’d like a turn, I–I think I’d actually rather enjoy giving you the reins for once.”
And why the fuck does his voice sound so pitchy and anxious and tight?
It’s…it’s fucking solitaire.
“Just don’t think I’ll be as good at it as you, love,” Ed murmurs truthfully.
“I think–” Stede confesses quietly. “I think you’d be very good, if you were willing to give it a shot. Methodical. Careful. Gentle.”
Ed frowns. He tilts his head to try and catch Stede’s gaze, but Stede quickly looks away.
“Do you,” Ed begins, hesitant and feeling strangely wrongfooted, like there’s a conversation happening in Stede’s head that he isn’t a part of. “Do you need to be particularly gentle with playing cards?”
(OR: Stede is not talking about solitaire. A post-canon romp about quality time, communication, sex, and being brave enough to ask for the things you want.)
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
16 Apr 2024
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Ed has some very specific ideas about what the collar means. Stede hasn't quite caught up yet.
Series
- Part 1 of Chime
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
26 Oct 2023
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Ed watches. Feels the warmth of Stede’s touch and the warmth of the rum, feels the featherlight pass of Stede’s thumb over his pulse.
“Of course,” Stede says, and Ed looks up to see a flicker of a naughty schoolboy smirk sweep across his features, “there is one particular downside to taking it slow."
And the fucking dork waggles his eyebrows. Awful. Just appalling.
It doesn’t not work for Ed.
Ed and Stede fail at taking it slow, after Season 2 Episode 5.
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
26 Oct 2023
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Ed loves sex. Like, really fucking loves sex. Orgasms, specifically. He loves a few other things, too, but god, does he love sex.
With Stede, though, something's been holding him back, and he can't quite put his finger on it. And after all the stops and starts, all the simmering tension between them, Ed would never have imagined that this would be what finally pushes things over the edge.
(Or: Ed does a silly little roleplay, has some orgasms, and reflects on the things that make life worth living.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,510
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 187
- Kudos:
- 1,734
- Bookmarks:
- 475
- Hits:
- 15,344
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
24 Oct 2023
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Ed picks Stede up at a bar for what ought to be a one-night stand, but it turns out they're attending the same academic conference the next day.
“Yes, please, a – Loose Cannon, did you say? Really, how charmingly nautical.” There. Words. Sub-optimal words, but words nonetheless. He grins, aiming it toward the stranger while taking him in in smaller doses. Leather boots, faded, artfully ripped black jeans, a purple cropped shirt under a silky, billowy black – kimono? Overshirt? Facial scruff. Lots of hair, salt and pepper, pepper only just winning out, for now. Tattooed knuckles, forearms, collarbone. Earring, silver stacking rings on most fingers, a nose stud that somehow softens the whole, well, lewk and – okay, he’s staring. He stares some more as the man reaches to accept his own drink, revealing more tattoos up the arm and an inch more of skin below the crop top. The stranger makes some obscure gesture to the bartender, then meets Stede’s eyes, which he worries might actually be protruding from his skull, like a cartoon. AwOOga.
Series
- Part 1 of Pirates of the Care-i-Bae'n
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 56,524
- Chapters:
- 16/16
- Comments:
- 1,027
- Kudos:
- 1,029
- Bookmarks:
- 314
- Hits:
- 18,869
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
13 Sep 2023
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“Oh it’s really you!” Ed said after opening the door.
The eyes of the cute curly blond man on his doorstep widened in surprise “Yes? Were you... were you waiting for someone else?”
Well done, Teach, way to start the evening on a totally normal note.
“Nono, I just thought your profile pic might have been fake. Or doctored a bit at least.”
“Really? Why?”
“The... the hair.”......
Stede meets Ed at his flat for a hook-up. Stede is weird and soft. Ed is into it and gets all emotional.Bookmarked by Andreadarling
17 Jun 2023
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A plumbing emergency forces Stede to source a screwdriver from the nearest man on Grindr.
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
28 Apr 2023
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Lucius turns toward Ed wearing a smirk that he wants to wipe off the boy's smug face. “Introductions!” he trills, the stranger still obscured by the bodies of Frenchie and Wee John. “Stede Bonnet, meet Captain Edward Teach, more colloquially known as Blackbeard. Captain, Mr. Stede Bonnet, also known as the Gentleman Smuggler.”
“Please, Lucius. No one calls me that!”
“That’s ‘cause no one knows you're the one responsible for supplying all the lonely wives of Bridgetown with their ‘romance novels’,” Wee John says.
“Not just the wives—and I’d prefer it to stay that way. Now, move! It’s terribly rude to greet someone without looking them in the eye.”
_______
Blackbeard and the crew of Queen Anne's Revenge have some fancy fabrics to offload. Thanks to the connections of a few savvy crew members, Ed meets the mad little magpie of his dreams.
Series
- Part 1 of Cut From the Same Cloth
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
26 Apr 2023
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Ed Teach's new neighbour is a cute stoner. When Ed's invited over for dinner, he also realises Stede is completely insane. Who the fuck grows weed in an apartment and why is it so good? Basically 7K+ of recreational drug use and filth and a confident Stede helping Ed relax.
“Too much?” Stede asks.
“Fuck no.”
“Good.”
Stede grabs him by the bare ankles and pulls Ed closer to him and the mattress edge. Stede all but manhandles Ed’s legs back up over his shoulders. Ed was wrong before.
This is where he dies.
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
20 Apr 2023
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Stede Bonnet is having a day of it. He's suddenly getting divorced, he's questioning everything he thought he knew about his sexuality, and while exploring he's accidentally subscribed to the live webcam feed of popular camboy Blackbeard.
In the process he's won a competition he didn't know he was entering, to get a little more up close and personal. Unhinged shenanigans ensue.
Series
- Part 1 of Make Your Own Luck
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,829
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 360
- Kudos:
- 1,491
- Bookmarks:
- 263
- Hits:
- 15,939
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
23 Mar 2023
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You Are Who You Are Until You’re Not Anymore by 515253545
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
24 Feb 2023
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Ed meets Stede at a gas station, struggling to get the gas cap off his shiny, blue motorcycle. Ed’s a good guy, he offers a hand.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,100
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 80
- Kudos:
- 330
- Bookmarks:
- 30
- Hits:
- 1,769
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
23 Mar 2023
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Ed laughs, of all things, and says, before Stede can rush into the wrong idea, “Is it a date?”
“Oh,” Stede says, and feels even worse than embarrassed. “This— That’s not what they call these things, is it? Is—”
“No, no,” Ed interrupts him. “No, we can call it a date.” He leaves the drink cart behind so he can join Stede at his side, perched on the edge of the sofa. Ed, though, leans into the cushions at the back, and Stede follows his lead, tilting in beside him. “Our first date. I like the sound of that, Stede. How about you?”
or: stede owns a bookstore down the street from the lounge where ed plays piano. an impulsive decision leads to an electric first meeting and the feeling that they both might have met their soulmate.
Series
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
18 Mar 2023
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the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce by veeagainst
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
17 Jan 2023
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Summary
Ed's a time travelling soldier from the 22nd century. Stede's a gay nightclub owner in 1934 Berlin. They're about to fall for each other like a ton of bricks.
Also Spanish Jackie invented time travel, and Izzy's up to something bad, as per usual.
As Wee John would say, ‘Does it even make sense?’
Written for JanuAUry, day 16, prompts - time travel, 20th century
PLEASE read the notes for some content warnings before you read the fic.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 25,265
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 422
- Kudos:
- 554
- Bookmarks:
- 175
- Hits:
- 5,904
Bookmarked by Andreadarling
28 Jan 2023