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BEEN TO HELL AND BACK, I CAN SHOW YOU VOUCHERS by WhatMurdah
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
22 Feb 2026
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Summary
Draco came to, naked, sprawled across the pentagram on the worn floorboards of the inn’s rented room. He lifted his head. His body had smeared the chalk and the salt on re-entry.
His tailbone hurt.
His head hurt.
He was thirsty.
Draco slowly pushed up to sitting. His wand was in his hand. His whole spine hurt. Something grazed his leg—his head whipped around, making the headache flare. A mouse? A rat? This room was disgusting.
No—
Hold on—
Draco twisted to look behind him.
F**K.
He had a tail.
Draco Malfoy—now an Unspeakable assigned to the Death Room—went to Hell and came back with a tail. Hermione Granger wants to help. Theo Nott doesn’t.
BEEN TO HELL AND BACK, I CAN SHOW YOU VOUCHERS is inspired by the bureaucratic implications of the titular Lil Wayne bar and me reading three books about Cardan Greenbriar because I thought there would be tail smut.
Series
- Part 1 of DRACO MALFOY HAS A SLUTTY LITTLE TAIL
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 32,758
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Comments:
- 1,104
- Kudos:
- 774
- Bookmarks:
- 154
- Hits:
- 20,023
Bookmarked by SportFucker
08 Jul 2026
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Summary
Pansy's family wants her to settle down and get married. She knows this year's holiday festivities will be filled with her mother and father trying to set her up with terrible men. So she decides to bring a date. Only...she's not seeing anyone. Enter Percy Weasley. Just the right man to appease her mother, wealthy, respected, and utterly boring. But he may just be her perfect match.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,998
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 23
- Kudos:
- 82
- Bookmarks:
- 7
- Hits:
- 603
Bookmarked by SportFucker
08 Jul 2026
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in a room full of people by orolin for So_scarlett_maroon
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
02 May 2026
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Summary
“Can I be so kind as to suggest you stay away from Gregor Collins, over there. Bone structure of an underwear model, I know, but word in the changing room is he will be talking your ear off about making things official by breakfast.”
Charlie raises an eyebrow. “Who said breakfast would be on the cards?”
“Ah, yes. You’re more of a kick-em-out-before-dawn kind of bloke.”
“Wouldn’t like to get anyone’s hopes up.”
“Mm,” Oliver nods. “A slice of toast in the morning. A bit of sustenance. Always said it screams, ‘I want a long-term relationship.’”
Charlie’s spent the last few weddings nursing a very inconvenient crush on Oliver Wood. It’s probably time to do something about it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,206
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 22
- Kudos:
- 83
- Bookmarks:
- 11
- Hits:
- 489
Bookmarked by SportFucker
08 Jul 2026
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Summary
It’s meant to be a quick welfare check—pop round to the Parkinson manor and make sure Pansy is doing okay with cursebreaking her ancestoral home.
What Harry doesn’t expect is the house taking great interest in that Potter magic, and not wanting to let him leave without encouraging him into the family line.
Or; Pansy’s sentient house really likes the look of Harry Potter.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,000
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 64
- Kudos:
- 272
- Bookmarks:
- 70
- Hits:
- 4,882
Bookmarked by SportFucker
08 Jul 2026
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Summary
It’s normal to have a little panic about your baby sister’s wedding, get shitfaced at the reception, and fall into bed with one of the guests. Even if the guest is Cormac McLaggen. Right?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,561
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 22
- Kudos:
- 68
- Bookmarks:
- 15
- Hits:
- 793
Bookmarked by SportFucker
08 Jul 2026
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Summary
No, Draco didn’t read the packaging properly.
No, he didn’t realise the pill would give him ten powerful orgasms.
Yes, he forgot to shut the Floo so Harry wouldn’t bother him.
Oops.
Bookmarked by SportFucker
08 Jul 2026
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Summary
Two years after the Battle of Hogwarts, Remus Lupin has chosen a solitary life in the Muggle world. Upon arriving in a new town, he’s shocked to encounter Regulus Black, who everyone believes to be dead, living as a Muggle with no memory of who he really is.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,030
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 29
- Kudos:
- 151
- Bookmarks:
- 26
- Hits:
- 2,736
Bookmarked by SportFucker
08 Jul 2026
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Summary
Torture, rebellion, war and Draco Malfoy. Seamus won't even know where to start telling this story if they all make it out the other side.
Bookmarked by SportFucker
30 May 2026
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Summary
Abraxas Malfoy must get married, and sire an heir. He is also in love with Tom Riddle, who does not like sharing.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 42,516
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 62
- Kudos:
- 144
- Bookmarks:
- 43
- Hits:
- 2,466
Bookmarked by SportFucker
30 May 2026
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Warmth To Go Around by unsightlypearl for wolfpants
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
27 Mar 2026
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Summary
The Minister for Magic sends Harry Potter, Auror; Ron Weasley, Healer; and Draco Malfoy, Magical Cartographer, to the Tian Shan mountains on a delicate assignment: map the leyline system beneath the Inylcheck Glacier.
Now they’re trapped in a tent at the edge of a glacier with no magic, no shower, no central heating… and years of unspoken things between them. Not to mention the tension after an ill-advised kiss.
It would be a straightforward mission… if the mountain didn’t seem determined to test every fault line between them.
Featuring: a volatile landscape, oddly-named cats, close nights in a tent, and three men who are very bad at talking about their feelings.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 53,396
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 55
- Kudos:
- 220
- Bookmarks:
- 57
- Hits:
- 5,311
Bookmarked by SportFucker
29 May 2026
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Always Towards Better Things (Semper Ad Meliora) by papermacherainbow
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
01 Apr 2024
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Summary
It’s Neville, of all people, who tells them to go home. But, of course, it would be Neville if Harry thinks about it.
The aftermath of the battle (and dying) leaves Harry dealing with ghostly white panic attacks, shock, and grief. They say that time can heal all wounds, but can a single month really make a difference in the aftermath of his purpose?
A look into the month after the battle and how new (old?) love, letters from loved ones lost, a house elf, and a family motto can bring healing Harry never thought possible.
Fic is now complete!
Series
- Part 1 of Semper Ad Meliora Universe
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 80,545
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Comments:
- 251
- Kudos:
- 878
- Bookmarks:
- 237
- Hits:
- 20,039
Bookmarked by SportFucker
29 May 2026
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Support Women's Wrongs by LadyGlencora for DrPansyParkinson
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
03 Jan 2026
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Summary
After twenty-five years away from Britain, recently divorced Pansy Parkinson returns.
She has some shit to stir.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,330
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 11
- Kudos:
- 48
- Bookmarks:
- 12
- Hits:
- 512
Bookmarked by SportFucker
12 Mar 2026
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Summary
Pansy has a job to do, but no one told her exactly how it had to be done ... so she takes things into her own hands. Ask forgiveness, not permission and all that.
Series
- Part 3 of Vodka Cran Collection
Bookmarked by SportFucker
12 Mar 2026
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Mystery Work
Part of Reworking
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
Bookmarked by SportFucker
11 Feb 2026
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Summary
Draco Malfoy-Potter writes a post-war memoir about fate, poor decisions, and his relationships during his time at Hogwarts.
Or, a bisexual coming-of-age Drarry told with hindsight and hard-earned character growth.
Bookmarked by SportFucker
04 Feb 2026
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Summary
The war wasn’t won at Hogwarts ten years ago, and the Order and Voldemort have been in a power struggle ever since. Pansy, now a proprietor of a Death Eater club called The Sphinx, is exhausted and enraged by the cruelty and hypocrisy shown under The Dark Lord’s regime.
For the last five years, she has been working for The Order, but for reasons all her own. Her mysterious contact — whom she has dubbed David — presents a paradox that leaves Pansy aroused and uneasy: is what she and David have something tangible that she can salvage, or is it really all just a game?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 72,198
- Chapters:
- 13/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 64
- Kudos:
- 46
- Bookmarks:
- 18
- Hits:
- 1,787
Bookmarked by SportFucker
21 Jan 2026
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Summary
1977: In a smoky Cokeworth pub where the Sex Pistols scream Anarchy through crackling speakers, Hermione's serving chips while young Severus Snape pours pints and practices his sneer. She wasn't supposed to be here, but a cursed Time-Turner had other plans the night Dumbledore fell. Their summer burns wild and free, all vinyl records, heated nights, and a love affair that tastes like rebellion. But September's reality crashes in: they're both heading to Hogwarts, where choosing sides means more than picking records.
Two decades, two wars, and one hell of a temporal mess later; the future's about to get a new soundtrack.
Never mind prophecies, History's about to get loud.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 167,841
- Chapters:
- 34/?
- Collections:
- 9
- Comments:
- 1,962
- Kudos:
- 1,000
- Bookmarks:
- 280
- Hits:
- 35,078
Bookmarked by SportFucker
20 Jan 2026
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Summary
TIL wizards in Britain can avoid ward duty on the grounds of homosexuality. To avoid any false applications, wizards applying for this exemption must provide multiple pictures of themselves receiving anal intercourse with a clearly visible face.
Bookmarked by SportFucker
20 Jan 2026
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Summary
A couple of years after the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry and Ron are sharing a flat while attending Auror Academy. Harry starts acting...peculiar. It's up to Ron to figure out what is happening to Harry, before it's too late.
Bookmarked by SportFucker
13 Jan 2026
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Love on the Pitch Or How to Nott Accidentally Kidnap Two Professional Athletes by LyraMBlack
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
09 Oct 2025
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Summary
Citizens of the Wizarding World,
Once again, I have used my formidable intellect (and questionable ethics) in the noble pursuit of love.
This time: Ginny Weasley. Viktor Krum. A Quidditch pitch. A lock-in. A dream.
And, naturally, a flawless performance of Can You Feel the Love Tonight by yours truly.
Dedicated to my creative partner in crime, @chaosbarbie, without whom the glitter would never settle.— Theodore Nott,
Professional Matchmaker ExtraordinaireSeries
- Part 2 of Theodore Nott Matchmaker Extraordinaire