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Glitch: Call me 'Romulus' by MsBumbleBee22, Vukovich
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
23 May 2025
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Making eyes at older boys is a bad idea, but a very, very good time.
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“I wasn’t sure if you’d want to eat first.” For emphasis, he pinches the skin at my waist.
I want to cover myself in him. I want to roll in him like a dog. I want to devolve on top of him.
And he wants me to sit nicely and use a knife and fork first?
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I'm looking for a man in finance. 6'5". Grey eyes. by Vukovich
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
23 Jun 2024
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Harry's a part-time sex worker. Draco's a piece of shit.
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Malarky 101
A collection of fulfilled #peculiar prompts on Tumblr.
What is a Peculiar Prompt?
Why, it's a prompt.
And it's peculiar.
This will be a never-ending endeavor. Posts will be uploaded in batches, as to not annoy subscribers. -
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The Hogwarts Polaris only runs one route a year, and it's an annual tradition for wizards and their sons. Holiday father-son bonding at its finest.
Harry's never been. But this year, when everything in their family feels upside down, he figures it's the perfect time to start new traditions.
If only he knew what a train full of drunk dads and sugared-up tots would be like. One of his boys is hiding under his coat, and the other is licking the bloody railings.
And to top it off, departure was delayed because some wanker had his private coach connected.
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"You're Draco?"
"Oui. Au revoir, 'Arry, Ron." Draco says, winking and heading off in the direction Harry's reasonably sure is the ladies' dorm.
"Is he going the wrong way?" Ron asks blankly as he leaves.
Harry's attention is elsewhere.
"He wrote his name on my arm."(Chapters 1-4 by toxik_angel, chapters 5 and 6 by Vukovich)
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You're horrible (and I love it) by Vukovich for mono_chromia
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
28 Aug 2023
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Between you and me, my favourite thing about Harry might be that he ended before we even began. If you catch my drift.
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Before the Cold Sets In by orphan_account, Vukovich for InnerLilith
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
06 Jul 2023
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But if I measure the sugar
To satisfy your expectant tongue
Then that is love
Sitting untouched and growing cold
- Cold Tea Blues, by Cowboy JunkiesSometimes, the person you should be planning your life with is already in it.
Or, how Harry realised that true love is at the bottom of a tea cup. -
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The Wrong Sort: Expression meaning of a type, but an undesirable class or distinction.
Out of Sorts: Expression conveying an exhausted or unpredictable nature. Not of one's sound mind or judgement.
Draco is one. Harry is the other.
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“Potter,” Malfoy said with a slow smile. “You’re a trashy, new money slut.”
“Yeah? Maybe you like it.”
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The worst thing about being the Golden Boy is the freebies. Free drinks. Easy sex. It’s all too easy.
The worst thing about being a Malfoy is the expectations. Marriage. Kids. It’s all so scripted.
Harry wants his arse kicked. Draco decides to grab life by the balls.
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Average reading time: 3 hrs 50 min
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Most of this is true.
No betas or bettas were harmed in the making of this story.
*For Joy, who unwittingly trips story wires on a regular basis.
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For Sale by Owner: Rose Weasley-Granger's Virginity by Vukovich for LilithShade
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
20 Mar 2022
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Problem:
I'm a twenty-four year-old academic prodigy, but I'd trade my diplomas for a good, hard fuck. Since that's not a real thing I can do, I guess I'll pack up my dildo collection and go to the States for this doctoral program. If I can raise the money for tuition.Solution:
Virginity: the original NFT. Non-Fuckable Token.
Assuming someone will pay for it.Spoiler:
Someone does. Handsomely. And repeatedly. And then I stole his cat.--
“It was that good?” Albus is close to squealing with excitement.
I take a deep breath. “Promise you won’t tell?”
“Cross my heart.”
He settles in to wait for the story of how I, Rosalind Jean Weasley-Granger sold my virginity for a small kingdom.
I take a deep breath and prepare to weave a filthy tale.
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Harry's assignment was simple. Close out Draco Malfoy's missing persons case so he can be declared dead.
But who's making withdrawals from Malfoy's vaults? How is a death omen-turned-Unspeakable involved? Is an organization known as the Moirai to blame?
Harry brushes it off until he can't. Until The Prophet is flooded with sightings of dead people. Until Robards throws himself on his sword. Until Ron turns on his own family. Until Harry scarcely trusts his own reflection in the mirror and trusts the stranger in his bed even less.
Until all that stands between war and peace is Harry, a name plate, a stadium of murderers, and Draco Malfoy.
God save the Ministry.
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The Ugly Duckling and the Peacock (Now with art!) by Vukovich for floydig
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
28 Feb 2022
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“Aye,” Hagrid said, nodding somberly. “Yer a Veela, Draco. Well, a bit."
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By Thursday evening, I had managed to entirely avoid sitting near Longbottom at meals. I had only walked slowly past his classroom door three times. I’d only snuck up behind him and smelled him four times. He caught me twice. And I’d only stood outside his bedroom door at 3 AM and jerked off in my robes the one time.
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My fingers threaded through his soft hair, and he sighed into mine, and I would have stayed like that for days.
“Did you write a book on Veela-fucking?” I murmured.
He chuckled. “No, I just read it a few times.”
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Challenge Prompts:
Neville
Draco
McGonagall
Fleur
Accidental Bonding
1st Person POV
Dick in a Box -
How to Drain Your Dragon by Vukovich for wheezykat
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
13 Dec 2021
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Charlie Weasley's got a rattail braid with a dragon tooth bead, a healthy variety of fuck buddies, and a sexual failure of a dragon he named Ronald.
Luna Lovegood may or may not have overdosed on Horned Serpent pheromones by walking into a mating ball. She may or may not have developed a bit of a thing for it. But first, she has to work off those pheromones.
Ron is no fun and nobody likes him.
For Kat's Peculiar Prompt of Charlie/Luna and some kind of dragon pheromones. Enjoy, Kat!
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Harry should have come out and met someone when he was younger. He should have seen a doctor about the pain in his hip while youth was still on his side. Now, he's made his peace with dying young, but maybe not with dying alone.
Draco should have got the Kiss. He should have died in Azkaban decades ago. Instead, guards throw him in a Ministry lift with a dying man who could stand to live a little.
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If you already write smut, this guide is not for you.
And why yes, I do teach sex ed sometimes. You’re going to wonder.
So, you want to write smut. But you don’t feel smutty. Maybe you’ve never personally felt smutty. Maybe the smut words won’t happen. Maybe it’s performance anxiety. Maybe it’s meds. Maybe it’s stress. Maybe it’s WORDS about SEX on the INTERNET, and you CANNOT.
But your story needs smut, and that’s valid. Maybe your plot hinges on it. Maybe you just want to reward your characters with some nice, juicy orgasms. Maybe you want the explicit rating because you know people like explicit content, and you want to learn a new skill as a writer. All valid.
So, we like to outline our stories. Can we outline the sex scenes? Yeah, kinda!
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Potter's Got a Tiny Dick (that I can't stop thinking about swallowing whole) by Vukovich
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
27 Oct 2021
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Things I can fit in my mouth:
Eight large marshmallows
Two golden kiwi ((the fruit) not that kind of fruit)
Most of Pansy Parkinson's Fist
The end of a Coke canThings I'd like to fit in my mouth:
Harry Potter's dick
An entire chocolate and toffee muffin from that place on Upper St
Harry Potter's balls
A very nice glass of Merlot ((I'm not terribly fussy) but I lie)
Harry Potter's dick AND balls -
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In Draco and Harry's entryway, there's a very low, very thick hook mounted to the wall. And a rather sturdy bar above it.
*Theo knows what's up.
**Hermione absolutely does not. -
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Harry developed a taste for hiding in the Slytherin train car. And maybe for getting caught.