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"Martin! Blackwood. Was desperately obsessed with Jon, now he just creeps around being mysterious with Peter Lukas?"
Helen's eyes widen, and she nods with solemn understanding. "So Martin broke up with the Archivist... for Lukas..."
(Helen thinks Martin is dating Peter. She tells Jon. Jon is concerned. Misunderstandings abound. This fic is absurd and 100% intended to be.)
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and the blood will run like wine by iaminlovewiththesky
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
30 Jul 2023
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Statement of Jonathan Sims, regarding why he showed up late to work wearing some ridiculous steampunk getup and, oh yeah, all the blood he's covered in.
Bookmarked by g0ld3n__cupcake
31 Aug 2025
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WWWWW FICCC
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I wish I were anyone but me, David wished. I wish I had a different face that people would like.
Martin felt an odd pang of sympathy in his chest. Being anyone other than Martin Blackwood seemed pretty nice. Having a face that didn't come with a mum who refused your visits, or a career based on lies, or that gnawing emptiness that couldn’t quite be filled with tea and daydreams, sounded pretty nice. No. He wasn’t going to cry over some imaginary boy in a dusty old library book.
Or Martin makes a very big mistake on a late night in the Archives which may or may not involve a Leitner and a certain Head Archivist.
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“...Sure,” Martin replied glumly. He wondered if this is how all those french people felt, back in the days of guillotines. “Huh— How do you think I should introduce myself to this Archivist, anyway? They are going to be my boss, technically speaking, so I suppose I can at least try to make a good first impression…?”
The look Tim and Sasha shared was… Certainly something.
“I don’t think introductions will really be required,” she said, delicately.
“Right. Ok. Sure. Do you know what their name is? I ought to at least know that, right?” Martin pressed on, voice tinted by desperation. “Mr. Bouchard wouldn’t say—”
Again with the look. Martin was going to scream.
“Don’t you worry about that, bud,” Tim said with a very forced, nervous little grin. “The Archivist is just The Archivist. Just get in there and… Godspeed?”
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Moved by desperation, Martin accepts a job he's perfectly aware is bad news, but maybe... It won't be as such for long.
Series
- Part 1 of Paper Cranes
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 73,669
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Comments:
- 647
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- 966
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- 239
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Bookmarked by g0ld3n__cupcake
27 Aug 2025
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GOATED CONCEPT + executed well !! :D
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All roads lead to hell.
She just wants to have some fun on the way there
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,012
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 36
- Kudos:
- 297
- Bookmarks:
- 115
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- 2,231
Bookmarked by g0ld3n__cupcake
23 Aug 2025
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absolute banger
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It takes eight days of forced confinement for Jon to start hallucinating. He’d asked for this. Well, he’d suggested it as a counterproposal to being killed which is sort of a non-choice, but he’d gone along with it willingly. Handcuffed to the cot in document storage. Twice daily meals, twice daily written statements. Neither brings him much satisfaction. He thinks a lot about Elias in his prison cell, about the guards only keeping him alive for the potential of useful information. Two sides of the same coin, even now. Inextricable.
It’s Martin, though, that his exhausted brain conjures, because of course it’s Martin. After all this time, of course it’s Martin.
Bookmarked by g0ld3n__cupcake
20 Aug 2025
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OW OW OW WHAT THE FUCK
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i swear that i'll not lose you again by speyerals
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast), The Mechanisms (Band), The Bifrost Incident - The Mechanisms (Album)
07 Aug 2024
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“If… if we get separated somehow-”
“Jon-”
“I need you to look for me. Don't stop. I will wait as long as it takes.”
“I don't want to kill you!” Martin choked out through sobs.
“I know. I love you, Martin.”
Then, Jonathan Sims ended at the hand of the one he loved the most and at the fault of only himself.
The world stopped.or
Jon and Martin wake up Somewhere Else, which turns out to be the universe of Jon's college band, The Mechanisms.
Series
- Part 1 of Jon is Lyf TMA x Mechs au
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Tim was right.
Maybe he hadn’t really made it out of the museum whole.
Maybe there was no more Jonathan Sims left to save.
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Even though he survives the Unknowing, Tim can’t find it in himself to forgive his boss.
Lucky for him, Jon doesn’t forgive himself either.
When Jon makes amends in the only way he thinks will matter, Tim is left grappling with the shadow that remains.
Written for the Rusty Quill Big Bang 2022.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 29,741
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 150
- Kudos:
- 1,403
- Bookmarks:
- 382
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- 10,857
Bookmarked by g0ld3n__cupcake
30 Jul 2025
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SICK AND TWISTED 😭😭 FUCKK
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Ask an Exec: How to Navigate Cultish Colleagues, Soul-Stealing Bosses, and the End of the World at Work by shinyopals
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
02 May 2023
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I've recently been unexpectedly promoted to lead a department in my organisation, wrote the anonymous emailer.
As there was no one working here when I arrived, my manager, who is head of the organisation, had promised me the choice of my own assistants. However, without warning, he simply presented me with an additional assistant. This new assistant’s first act on his first day was to let a dog into the office. It took several hours to catch and clean up after this dog and it has only been downhill from there. I admit I'm not entirely sure what to do with this assistant now I'm stuck with him. I'm hoping you have some advice?
Kind regards,
New ManagerAbigail Bailey runs a successful management advice blog. One frequent contributor is from a workplace with some... issues.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 43,626
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Comments:
- 1,152
- Kudos:
- 2,592
- Bookmarks:
- 856
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- 24,032
Bookmarked by g0ld3n__cupcake
29 Jul 2025
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FUCK THIS IS GOOD 😭😭
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It was easier to treat Jon like a monster when he wasn’t shivering against his back, brokenly humming—wait, was that…
“Are you trying to do ‘Hey, Jude’?” Tim demanded.
Jon stopped, stiffening. “Mm hrmh mm mmh hm,” he said defensively.
“You really can’t hold a tune, can you, boss?”
*
It was just an ordinary walk to a restaurant. Tim had insisted that if they were going to talk, there would be no tape recorders or weird Archives ghosts listening in. A bit of fresh air wouldn’t kill him, Tim had said. What could go wrong?
By the time Jon spots the white delivery van, it’s much too late.
The Stranger kidnaps Jon. Tim comes along for the ride.
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earth becomes sky in the most literal fashion by idiosyncraticprojection
Fandoms: Gravity Falls, The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
07 Oct 2025
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“So can we keep him?”
‘Grunkle Stan’ sighs heavily. “Kid, he’s literally a lump on the ground.”
“So? We’ve all been lumps on the ground at one point or another,” Mabel counters, which is a very good point in Jon’s opinion.
.Somewhere Else is Gravity Falls, season one or thereabouts. things escalate from there.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 40,423
- Chapters:
- 6/?
- Comments:
- 477
- Kudos:
- 2,214
- Bookmarks:
- 446
- Hits:
- 25,463
Bookmarked by g0ld3n__cupcake
15 Jul 2025
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Jon and Elias are sleeping together. Most people think this is magic reason why underqualified, notorious bastard Jon managed to score the Head Archivist position. Jon is just trying to not fall apart at the seams as his boss keeps making demands.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 38,760
- Chapters:
- 19/19
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 545
- Kudos:
- 1,914
- Bookmarks:
- 266
- Hits:
- 36,168
Bookmarked by g0ld3n__cupcake
14 Jul 2025
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AUGHHH NOOO 😭 FUCK ELIAS I HATE THAT SMUG BITCH 😭😭
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Summary
In which Martin finally decides to take the plunge on HRT, and then two awkward trans men trip and fall face-first into a relationship.
- Words:
- 5,551
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 175
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The Future's Calling, and It's not Pretty by StormStuff
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
19 Mar 2021
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"Oh, shut up," the doppelganger said, crying and laughing. He looked like Martin, but that couldn't be right because Martin was watching this all unfold. "Now, I'm sorry to just pop in, but I have no clue how long I was in the halls - yes, I know you know - so I'm probably about to pass out. Sorry."
True to his word, he slumped down against the wall. Somewhere, a tape recorder clicked off.
"Alright," Tim said when the silence got uncomfortable, "We're not going to try and pretend that wasn't supernatural, right?"
(or, a time travel au, but this time with monster!Jon)
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Martin makes Jon tea for the first time about a week into his transfer. It’s horrible. Gag-reflex inducing. Somehow sporting all the wrong flavors.
For some reason, he does not have the heart to break this to Martin.
Little does Jon know that Martin actually makes wonderful tea. Just not for him.
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The Disappearance Of Martin Blackwood by AeternusVotum, Starfleetrambo
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
11 Nov 2023
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With Jane Prentiss waiting at his door, Martin holes himself up in his apartment, waiting for help. But this time, he has a tape recorder on him.
Bookmarked by g0ld3n__cupcake
27 Jun 2025
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😧😧 yeah ok yeah ok cool 😨
made me cry 😭
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“It’s a preexisting condition,” Jon explains, sipping more bitter tea. “I sort of got—hm. You know Spiderman?”
Tim raises an eyebrow.
“Heard of him, yeah.”
Jon nods, studying his tea.
“It’s sort of like that,” he says. “A spider killed and ate me when I was a child, and now I can’t stay dead.”
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Resurrection isn't all it's cracked up to be.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 36,587
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 467
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- 4,573
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- 1,659
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- 46,356
Bookmarked by g0ld3n__cupcake
25 Jun 2025
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HO LY SHIT 😭
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Jon has had The Conversation with a grand total of five people so far. Four out of five times, it ended the relationship immediately. One time, it was only one out of many factors that ended the relationship further down the line.
It stands to reason then that the problem lies not with his – partners –, but with him.
That’s okay. Jon has made his peace with that. He doesn’t need to – he’s fine. He’s fine.
So what happens when Martin asks him out?
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Touch Me, Even if it Hurts by AuralQueer for rosenkranz_isnt_dead
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
19 Jul 2019
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People don't really touch Jonathan Sims unless they want to hurt him. That's mostly fine. Jon has never been a tactile person, and he doesn't need anyone but himself.
Except the world is falling down around him, and loneliness aches, and sometimes he'll take anything - even cruelty - just to feel human again.
*A story set between s1 and s4, looking at Jon's relationship with touch, friendship, and his own humanity.
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"Who the hell are you?" Jon could feel his hands shaking.
The man laughed, taking a step forward and raising a hand to point at him.
"I'm you, from the future!" he said, then swayed, eyes going unfocused, and collapsed to the floor in a dead faint.
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Post-season-four Jon and Martin time travel back to the season one Archives.