1 - 20 of 79 Works by schittyfic
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What starts as a very judgemental conversation about Patrick's lunch choices, turns into an unexpected development in Patrick's relationship with his new business partner.
Written for the prompt: "I can't believe we're friends sometimes."
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Several years into married life, Patrick encourages a budding passion of David's - with a healthy dose of teasing on the side.
For the prompt: "I can't believe you talked me into this."
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“Mkay, but —” David stops with a little laugh, pinching the bridge of his nose briefly. “You know your dick is bigger, right?”
Patrick outright snorts at him, like he’s being ridiculous. “Um, no it’s not.”
David has to sit up, flailing to extricate himself from Patrick’s arms so he can be incredulous with his entire body. “Yes, it is! Have you met your dick before?!”
“Once or twice, yeah.”
Or: a fic about dick-measuring, with an inordinate amount of Soft Feelings attached.
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“Did you, uh… walk here?”
David nods. “Mm-hm.”
“Can I give you a ride home?” Patrick asks, almost shyly. David feels just as silly, like a fucking schoolboy with a crush, glancing away from Patrick’s wide-open gaze and mumbling that he'd like that, very much.
“Great.” Patrick flashes a chipper smile. “I brought a spare helmet.”
Or: as David's birthday dinner draws to a close, Patrick has a little surprise up his sleeve.
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In the wake of the Jake fiasco and still stinging from the Blouse Barn, David finds himself with far too much free time and a creative itch that needs scratching. On a whim, he decides to take beginner's guitar lessons. Unfortunately, his tutor is extremely rude, and how dare he have such nice forearms, anyway?
An enemies-(idiots)-to-lovers fic set between 3x03 and 3x08.
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thompson farm's sweet 'n' spiced artisanal applesauce by schittyfic for fortheloveofSKZ
Fandoms: Schitt's Creek
20 Jul 2021
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David’s head tilts knowingly, and his lips twitch for the barest second, before he turns his attention back to his work.
“You like watching my hands.”
Patrick swallows. David shouldn’t be able to stop him in his tracks like this. They’ve been together long enough that 'boyfriend; rolls easily off the tongue, and his apartment feels foreign and dark without David’s illuminating presence. He shouldn’t render him speechless anymore, sending him right back to those early days where David would banter with him over a bottle of juice and momentarily cut off the power supply to his brain.
“Would you like to know what I’m planning on doing with them?”
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Five times Patrick Brewer cried during sex, and one time David Rose did the same.
A look at Patrick's developing understanding of his sexuality and how his journey led him to David, told through snippets of his sexual experiences.
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Patrick loves how methodical David can be when he channels his focus into a task. He loves that he can take something so complicated on the surface and smooth it out with capable hands until it’s simple. He loves that he can stand here and talk about cleaning products in that nonchalant tone and somehow, somehow have Patrick’s pulse picking up and his face warming with a steady blush.
*
In which David strips Patrick's baseball uniforms, and Patrick has a lot of feelings about it.
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(not quite) a random thought by schittyfic for blackandwhiteandrose
Fandoms: Schitt's Creek
01 Jun 2021
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Tonight, though, Patrick spits neatly into his sink, rinses his mouth and pats it dry with a monogrammed towel before turning to David and asking, “What if I got a piercing?”
David pauses with his ring finger midway through dabbing serum under his eye. “I’m sorry?”
Patrick folds his arms, a close second choice for those occasions where he doesn’t have pockets to bury his hands in. “What if I got a piercing?” The same question, but a little less sure of itself.
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For midnightstreet's prompt: Patrick loves David's body hair (and David has come to like it too), but when David decides to get a full-body wax just for the heck of it, Patrick loses his fucking mind.
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“I could go with you,” David offers tentatively. “Pretend to be your date?”
An almost fake dating fic.
[Podfic of "Save the Date," written by schittposting]
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"Y’know - I was thinking of something. Something we haven’t tried yet.”
David punctuates his words with a wicked spread of his fingers, sending a pulse of want through Patrick’s body. “Unh… uh-huh?” Patrick manages.
“I think it’d be really, really hot,” David murmurs conversationally, “if you rode my cock.”
Or: with a little guidance, Patrick tries something new.
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this is where i love you by schittyfic for yourbuttervoicedbeau (kiwiana)
Fandoms: Schitt's Creek
05 Apr 2021
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It shouldn't be surprising, really, that Patrick snaps this evening.
Or: a few years into their marriage, Patrick tries and fails to carry a burden on his own. Marriage is hard, sometimes, and that's okay.
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“Oooh, Twy, three o’clock.”
“Huh?” Twyla wrinkles her nose at Alexis in confusion, picking up her phone from the vaguely-sticky table and checking the screen. “It’s nine thirty-two.”
“No-no, babe, like, three o’clock.” Alexis enunciates each syllable, widening her eyes and jerking her head dramatically. It’s still, like, totally subtle, though. She closes her glossed lips around the straw of her daiquiri as Twyla finally turns to look across the bar.
“Oh,” Twyla breathes out, unknowingly mirroring Alexis’s pose, sucking her own straw into her mouth as they both stare.
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Or: two tipsy girlfriends thirst over the hot, bearded guy across the bar.
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Patrick fits two fingertips under David’s chin, tilting his head for another kiss, this one deeper, hotter. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Um.” David pauses, puzzled. “We need to bring a Swiss army knife to all future apartment viewings?”
“Well, yes, that.” Patrick laughs again. This time it’s low and conspiratorial, tickling David’s ear. “But mostly I was thinking we should fuck in here before Ray gets back.”
“I’m sorry, what - you wanna - what?!”
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Written for januarium's prompt: Patrick notices the first grey in David's eyebrows.
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Written for Lisamc21's prompt: Dan wearing his personal leather jacket for the first episode like a safety blanket for his anxiety.
He’s the new guy. He’s the kid who called his dad up with a crapshoot of an idea and magically had it turned into a show. The desperate ache to prove himself, to finally find his own light to step into is like a ball of lead he’s dragging with every step onto the set.
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“Sometimes I don’t wear, uh, boxers. Or briefs.”
David’s eyes flash. “Excuse me, are you telling me you’re going commando in our store?”
Our store. Patrick tamps down a giddy smile. “Not commando.”
“Well then, what - oh.” David shimmies with delight, stalking closer and dancing his fingertips up Patrick’s arms to his shoulders. “Patrick Brewer, what are you wearing?”
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This evening felt a little like stepping back in time. Perhaps because they’d been apart for so long, or maybe it was just really good weed, but it was easy to fall back into that silly, lax headspace where the generally-accepted rules just didn’t seem to matter. The air between them felt charged, reminding Dan of those heady days of maybe and possibly and I wish we could.
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Most of the time, Noah is… careful with Dan, in the most intense way, each touch calculated to painstakingly take him apart without ever getting rough. It's good sex, obviously. It’s great sex.
But Dan doesn’t break easily, and he's growing a little impatient for what he knows is lying just beneath the surface.
Or: Dan discloses a kink. Noah is unfamiliar, but very, very willing to learn.