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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    It was then that he saw them first, trapped behind a grainy screen, and, really, he should have known. Every previous compulsion would pale in comparison, as earthly pleasures tend to do when juxtaposed with the divine. Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov. They were going to be his big whoopsie, the heaven at the end of a road paved with the best intentions.

    So yes - had Captain Scott Hunter been dragged in front of a jury, that would have been his last line of defence: I tried. It could not be helped.

    *

    In a fortuitous turn of events, both Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander are traded to the New York's Admirals. Cue Scott having to handle their shared chaos and his own repressed desires. The more boundaries he draws, the more he ends up crossing, to the point of questioning his own morals, as well as his sanity. As it turns out, he might be the man he suspected all along. The same cannot be said for Shane and Ilya.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,443
    Chapters:
    18/?
    Comments:
    316
    Kudos:
    640
    Bookmarks:
    191
    Hits:
    18,501

    06 Apr 2026

  2. Public Bookmark 80

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    Summary

    A/U : A world where Hollanov breakup before they even get together

     

    There is no version of "them" that survives the real world. Shane has convinced himself of that. He’s traded the possibility of holding Ilya’s hand in a silent art gallery for the right to hoist a trophy in a screaming arena. He sees the end coming even if Ilya doesn't, so he steps up to be the villain the one to call timeout on their impossible fantasy. But looking at the wreckage in Ilya’s expression as he says the words, Shane realizes he hasn't saved them from anything. He’s just destroyed the only thing that mattered.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    101,842
    Chapters:
    34/?
    Comments:
    155
    Kudos:
    280
    Bookmarks:
    80
    Hits:
    10,368

    05 Apr 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Cliff Marleau has known about Ilya Rozanov’s relationship since Ilya was twenty-two. 

    It’s not like it was complicated to put the pieces together, is the thing. When it all comes out in public, the Raiders have various different meltdowns – Twitter explodes in a way that is sort of unprecedented, and breaks out of the hockey specific Twitter spaces the same way that the Scott Hunter thing did. There’s shitty headlines and queer space headlines, and it’s a whole thing. And Cliff is pretty sure he’s the person least surprised about it. 

    But here’s the thing. Cliff Marleau has known Ilya Rozanov since the kid was eighteen. 

    OR:
    Marly's not as oblivious as everyone thinks. Throughout his time knowing Ilya Rozanov, he picks up on some things nobody else seems to be seeing. He keeps his mouth shut about it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,366
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    81
    Kudos:
    645
    Bookmarks:
    164
    Hits:
    8,605

    04 Apr 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    It figures that even half-way across the world Ilya's dick manages to ruin Cliff's day. The real surprise is that it isn't the only dick involved in this mess.

    Featuring an ill-timed outing, a supportive but clueless team trying its best, panicking over Russia's LGBTQ laws, too many group chats, an unhinged 3am brainstorming session on how to get your captain a new citizenship (asking for a friend) and Roz' inability to answer his fucking phone.

    Or: Ilya disappears in Sochi. Half-way across the world his team does its best to help. Their best is more than anyone could have foreseen.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,581
    Chapters:
    3/4
    Comments:
    214
    Kudos:
    857
    Bookmarks:
    278
    Hits:
    7,459

    04 Apr 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Cliff Marleau gets assigned to keep the new Russian rookie out of trouble. Fifteen years later, he gives a speech at Ilya's wedding.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,275
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1,213
    Kudos:
    11,965
    Bookmarks:
    2,801
    Hits:
    77,035

    02 Apr 2026

  6. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    The week before the 2017 All-Stars Game, Ilya Rozanov is placed on IR. Ten days later, he disappears from the league entirely. Boston says nothing, and for once, a notoriously fickle league closes ranks.

    Every attempt Shane makes to find him hits a wall. In one last desperate, life-altering bid to reach him, Shane comes out to the world, only to be met with Ilya’s silence.

    By the time the 2020/21 season begins, Shane has nothing left but hockey and regret. He builds a dynasty, guts his life, and pins the last scraps of his hope on the Metros’ newest transfer, the dangerously hot-headed Cliff Marlow.

    Stepping back into the public eye after the worst three years of his life, all Ilya wants is to find some kind of purpose. Shane is done with him, he made that much clear. Ilya isn't about to try to convince himself otherwise. He just wants to prove he still has some use left in him.

    Fortunately for both of them, they're still fucking stupid for each other.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    41,746
    Chapters:
    8/33
    Comments:
    1,350
    Kudos:
    1,985
    Bookmarks:
    755
    Hits:
    35,939

    30 Mar 2026

  7. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Shane's eyes squeeze closed again. “We had reason to put rules in place. Protocol. If ever—if it got to a place where, if he was ever feeling like he might—"

    Hayden’s body understands before his mind catches up. His blood runs cold for a second, stuck on the scrunch of Shane’s face, the clench of his fist, how desperate he’d been to see Rozanov—Ilya—just now. To make sure that he was okay. Here, in person.

    Not hurt. Alive.

    “Oh,” Hayden hears himself say distantly. “Oh, fuck, Shane.”

    --

    or, Ilya needs a place to go, and Hayden's happens to be the closest. It turns out to be a good thing.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,340
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    7
    Comments:
    386
    Kudos:
    13,679
    Bookmarks:
    2,734
    Hits:
    92,032

    29 Mar 2026

  8. Public Bookmark 37

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    Summary

    If Scott were a better person, he would turn this down.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,383
    Chapters:
    1/2
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    32
    Kudos:
    168
    Bookmarks:
    37
    Hits:
    1,705

    23 Mar 2026

  9. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Russians do not blush. Russians do not get sick. Ilya gets concussions. He gets stitches. He skates on cracked ribs and calls it fine. He does not get sick. Which is why, when he wakes up at three in the morning in the middle of June, shaking so hard his teeth knock together, his first instinct is irritation.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    36,373
    Chapters:
    16/16
    Comments:
    1,593
    Kudos:
    9,756
    Bookmarks:
    3,851
    Hits:
    247,976

    17 Mar 2026

  10. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Ilya laughs. He finds that once he starts, he can't stop. He laughs at the fact that he's in France with Shane Hollander. He laughs at the fact he's Shane Hollander's boyfriend. He laughs at the fact that he gave up Moscow for a better life, only to end up in fucking Ottawa. 

    Ilya's dick stops working one month before he's supposed to leave for the South of France. 

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    32,053
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    618
    Kudos:
    6,969
    Bookmarks:
    2,474
    Hits:
    145,424

    05 Mar 2026

  11. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Ilya gets injured during the Centaurs hot streak and spirals. Shane takes care of him, and has to get creative about it (aka they both have to grapple with some role reversals + Ilya gets railed for a change)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    52,331
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    368
    Kudos:
    3,834
    Bookmarks:
    1,268
    Hits:
    62,243

    02 Mar 2026

  12. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    “You treat me like I’m made of glass, Shane. You act like I'm about to break; like I'm this close to ruining everything.” Ilya’s voice drops to a quiet whisper. “It makes me feel like loving me is work.”

    Shane’s composure fractures. “Because I’m scared!" He drags an anxious hand through his hair, breathing harder now. "And—and so are you! You don’t have to pretend you’re not; it’s fine to say it. I’m fucking scared, okay?”

    There it is. The soft underbelly. And Ilya sees it—the exposed place, the honesty, the fear—and instead of softening, something in him hardens. “Scared of me,” he says, already deciding that's what he heard.

    “No,” Shane says, immediately. “No, not of you. Just scared. Of this whole situation. Of not knowing what to do, or what to say. Of messing up." A beat. "Scared of losing you.”

    And it should be sweet, should land as devotion, but it just makes Ilya’s chest ache. His smile twists, bittersweet. “But maybe you’re already losing me. Have you thought of that?”

    Every day, there is less of me left, he wants to say.

    Loving Shane Hollander changes Ilya Rozanov's life, but it doesn't save it.

    It doesn’t have to.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,072
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    60
    Kudos:
    383
    Bookmarks:
    213
    Hits:
    16,998

    28 Feb 2026

  13. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Ilya Rozanov, get loved.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    145,224
    Chapters:
    25/25
    Comments:
    5,286
    Kudos:
    19,410
    Bookmarks:
    6,402
    Hits:
    555,022

    23 Feb 2026

  14. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    The boundaries between Scott Hunter and Ilya Rozanov begin to crack.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,125
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    138
    Kudos:
    1,206
    Bookmarks:
    144
    Hits:
    13,240

    18 Feb 2026

  15. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    “We sucked. Okay? I sucked. I’m distracted, and I played like shit, and it won’t happen again. Happy?” 

    Hayden looks at him like he’s grown a second head. “No? I don’t—Shane, what the hell is going on?” 

    Shane clenches his jaw. 

    “Is this about Rozanov?” Hayden asks, face rearranging into something puzzled. “He’s been gone for two weeks now. You can’t let that shit cloud your judgement.” 

    Chest constricting, Shane exhales sharply. “He’s been gone two weeks, and no one knows where he is.”

    OR: right before summer rolls around, Ilya Rozanov disappears. 

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,482
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    89
    Kudos:
    2,660
    Bookmarks:
    349
    Hits:
    17,067

    14 Feb 2026

  16. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    “Ilya–” Shane breathed, high and wheezy. “You can’t– You can’t leave me! Please, God, please, don’t take him. Please, please, I can’t lose– I can’t–”

    A blaring alarm yanked him out of his panic like a fish out of water. He shot upright, flailing his limbs that were caught in something soft. Blurred splashes of colour steadily painted a picture of a bedroom he’d recognise anywhere. It was brighter now, light pouring in through partially shut curtains. His breath was heavy and he struggled making sense of how the hell he’d ended up in bed when just a moment ago, Ilya had–

    “Hollander.” Ilya slurred, narrowing his eyes at him. “Turn that thing off.”

     

    Or, Shane is stuck in a time loop that resets whenever his fiancé dies.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    64,866
    Chapters:
    12/14
    Comments:
    733
    Kudos:
    1,333
    Bookmarks:
    424
    Hits:
    31,730

    14 Feb 2026

  17. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    After their engagement, Ilya and Shane return to Russia under the cover of the Irina Foundation, knowing it may be the last time Ilya ever sets foot there. What waits for him is not closure, but grief, memory, and a past he learned to survive by becoming quiet and hard.

    It isn’t about going back to the life he escaped.
    It’s about one final goodbye—to the place that shaped him, and to the mother he never stopped missing.

    With Shane beside him—steady, patient, and fiercely careful—Ilya faces grief he’s spent years surviving, old fear that still lives in his bones, and the quiet truth he’s been avoiding:
    some doors don’t close cleanly… but you can still choose how to leave them.

    This is a story about grief, survival, and choosing a future where home is no longer a place, but a person.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    45,716
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    148
    Kudos:
    1,321
    Bookmarks:
    674
    Hits:
    38,290

    06 Feb 2026

  18. Public Bookmark 7

    Tags
    Summary

    Futile. It is a war that does nothing but progress in the heart of its only victim. Ilya feels a fuzz of blank, colorless blackness where the future is; the past is voices, flashes and particles of his mother's hair, his father's heavy hands on his head, his brother's drunken leer and loose mouth. The cold of the ice flecks in his face, weight of a puck, length of a rush of life in his stomach, the adrenaline, the speed, the sweat, from the sex or his heart giving out or his knuckles thumping with life, all throughout what was once his life, instead of this catatonia. All the money, all the love and all the cruelty in the world, and it is not enough to make Ilya above this.

    All the patience of his lover, and he has let the unstable scale of neurotransmitters defeat him until he is nothing but chewed up pulp. Knowing nothing. Being known for not much at all. The past is where Ilya belongs. Will belong.

    Or;
    Ilya's depression comes in waves. When it comes over his head so he cannot breathe, there is still light there. In the form of Shane, the future, and what joy the past holds.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,361
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    44
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    844

    05 Feb 2026

  19. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Ilya is recovering after the brain surgery but recovery rerely is a straight line. And Ilya, done with hospitals, is up to mischief. Fortunately, Shane is there to make sure Ilya stays alive.

    ***

    This is set between "Hold On (I Still Want You)" and "Come Back (I Still Need You)" and focuses on Ilya's recovery after the brain surgery he underwent. It can be read as stand-alone but I think it's probably best to read at least first part of my series to get some context!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,867
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    66
    Kudos:
    2,177
    Bookmarks:
    279
    Hits:
    30,253

    05 Feb 2026

  20. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Once is a mistake, twice is terrible judgment, three times is enemy action. After four times, it might just be something worse.

    OR

    What if Scott hooked up with Ilya during the summer of 2010 entirely by accident, then kept doing it on purpose.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    116,915
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Comments:
    2,709
    Kudos:
    3,195
    Bookmarks:
    1,145
    Hits:
    80,594

    04 Feb 2026

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