81 - 100 of 3,245 Bookmarked Items in What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
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“You have better control than me, Guillermo,” Nandor continued evenly. “I rarely bathed as soon as I returned from a victory. I had more pressing needs. You should know that when the bloodlust fades, it is replaced by a different kind of hunger. And I was always ravenous after battle.”
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Post-theatre, Guillermo wants nothing more than to take a hot bath and relax. Nandor, of course, has other ideas. -
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Slayer Guillermo de la Cruz takes a job to kill a coven of vampires, but when it all goes bad, he finds himself caught up in Nandor, Nadja and Laszlo's hastily hatched plan to take advantage of their prisoner. What they have in store for him may be a fate worse than death.
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The man strode forward with a purpose, his cloak sweeping behind him. Wait, his cloak? Guillermo blinked, giving him a quick once over. Long dark hair (pulled back into some kind of partial top knot), beard, aforementioned cloak, and a complimentary outfit that made him look as if he’d stepped out of a 17th century painting.
Guillermo knew exactly what this man was.
“Out LARPing?” he asked in his best customer service voice.
AKA
How Guillermo and Nandor first met.
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Nandor unwittingly stumbles across Guillermo during an intimate moment.
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The Guide sighs and holds up an old leather tome. “Just as I suspected. I know what curse they hit you with.” She walks over to them and opens the book to a page Guillermo can’t read at all. “Freedom,” she says very solemnly, like she just told him they’ll have to sacrifice him to a pack of hungry wolves.
“Fr— huh?” Guillermo says, genuinely shocked. “I’m… already… free?”
Nadja cackles. “Sure, the familiar is free. Funny.”
“Okay look, I am your servant, not your slave, there is a difference—“
“Yeah yeah sure, familiar rights and all that,” the Guide says dismissively. “They didn’t give your Dobby a shoe here—“
“Sock.”
“—They freed you from societal conventions.”
Guillermo heaves out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I don’t know what that means.”
“Basically, until we lift the curse, if you want to do something, you’re just going to do it. Doesn’t matter what it is.”
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The man is still speaking, Guillermo thinks he catches something like sweet release from life, and that's...bad. Guillermo doesn't want that. But he's still not fighting, not doing anything to try and shake the iron grip on his upper arms. To be wanted, desired... to feel a real vampire's fangs pierce his skin and know at last how it really feels. That, he does want.
But it doesn't matter. Nandor gets there first.
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Guillermo's master establishes his authority
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Guillermo notices an abrupt change in Nandor's personality after the events of the theatre and it all comes into startling clarity for him one night as he sits in his room reading, unaware of the tendrils of mist that creep underneath his door.
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In the aftermath of his unturning, Guillermo returns home to the one who, astonishingly, turns out to know him better than he knows himself.
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[Podfic] my materials in pyre (it's the purest lick of fire) by peasina
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
18 Oct 2025
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Nandor is proud of his self-control, but Guillermo tests it nightly with his knack for hitting all of Nandor's most sensitive spots as he undresses him.
One of these days, he's going to snap, and it's anyone's guess what that will mean for Guillermo.
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Lies of Degree by WretchedArtifact for irregular
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
07 Aug 2023
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Guillermo can't tell Nandor the truth of what he's being doing with Laszlo, but he's never been good at lying, either.
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gaslight gatekeep girlboss by thepolysyndetonaddictsupportgroup
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV), The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
05 Dec 2021
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“Look, believe it or not, I had no intention of killing the Vampiric Council when I came here,” declares Nadja, sitting alone on the couch. “But Guillermo and I arrived at the first council meeting and did the whole, you know, the whole thing, the first day thing. Introductions and all that, yes hello wonderful to meet you, yes this is my bodyguard, yes he has slaughtered a tremendous number of our kind”--she flaps her hand absently--“normal first day things, you know? It was fine.” She pauses. “It got really fucking weird on the second day.”
Or:
Nadja and Guillermo seize control of vampiric politics, puppeteer world powers, and have the hottest of hot girl summers.
Unfortunately, they also really miss the stupid assholes they're in love with. With no way left to find them, they have no choice but to consult an Archivist.
Series
- Part 1 of it's not a whore HOUSE it's a whore HOME
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Nandor the Relentless has been suppressing his feelings for his familiar for so long that he has almost forgotten they are there. Nandor's ghost, on the other hand, has no such problem...
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After the massacre at the theater, it isn't safe to go back to the house. Nandor and Guillermo get a room.
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After Nandor catches a vampire feeling up his familiar, he decides to show Guillermo what he really means by the term “master”.
(CWs: read the tags first)
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Guillermo narrows his eyes. "Do you think I'm above giving a handjob to get what I want?" Setting down the jar, he pulls one leather glove off, wiggling his fingers.
Nandor regards him suspiciously. "Yes."
"Well I'm not."
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SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2 FINALE 'NOUVEAU THÉÂTRE DES VAMPIRES’
“Don’t care what the fuck your name is. We had to pick up our own laundry!”
The words tumble out of Nandor’s mouth before he can stop them, and he immediately realises two things.
First, he definitely should not have said that. There were a myriad of phrases he could’ve and should’ve used, including - especially - ‘thank you’, but gratitude hasn’t been his overwhelming response to anything in almost 800 years of existence, so it wasn’t exactly easy to utilise now.
(Also, Nandor reasons that he should be cut some slack given that he just witnessed his familiar - his soft-spoken, submissive, puny human familiar - slaughter an entire theatre of vampires like it was nothing. Excuse him if his brain was having trouble.)
The second thing was that he was harder than he had ever been in his life, living or undead.
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set immediately after the season 2 finale. i wrote this in a frenzy over two days on my phone...and it's the first fic i've written in over 12 years...and the first Naughty thing i've ever written....i just love this dumb show so much lmao anyway enjoy!!
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Guillermo is exhausted, and confused, and why, exactly is Nandor trying to take him to bed all the sudden?
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theme from up
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Lubricious by TheOceanIsMyInkwell for ghostoftonantzin
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
10 May 2021
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“Riiight,” Colin Robinson says slowly. “And this was before the tie-dye concert incident or after?”
“Oh, hush. You’re giving me a headache,” Nandor says moodily.
“Social mediums,” Nadja says with an impatient snap of her bejeweled fingers to get them back on topic. “We were speaking of investigating his social life and what the mediums have to say about it.”
“Media,” says Colin. “Social media. Y’know, Twitter, Reddit, LinkedIn…”
“I don’t give a devil’s testacle who’s read it or who’s linked in,” says Laszlo. “Open up your typing machine and show us what you can find, old chap.”
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Colin Robinson enables the vampires in stalking Guillermo's social media and thus discovers Guillermo's MetroPCS advertisement reels. Nandor's reaction and ensuing confrontation of his audacious familiar are nothing short of sexually frustrated. (And everyone knows it.)
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“Your scars made you into something that you liked to be,” says Nandor.
Guillermo looks down. At his lap, at the interlocking of their fingers where both their hands are still pressed against his bare chest.
“Well,” Guillermo says slowly around an audible swallow, “at the very least, your scars make you look badass, master.”
Nandor stares at him.
He could close the distance between them right now. He really could. They’re sitting impossibly close to each other, knees against each other in little pads of pressure, warm against cool, human against vampire. Neither of them is moving. Guillermo’s breath puffs against his skin, close enough for Nandor to feel it and suppress a shiver.
He could just dip down his head and press his lips against Guillermo’s right now, and close his eyes and drink in his taste and savor him slowly, and he could finally, finally know what it feels like.
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Nandor asks Guillermo to give him a modern makeover in preparation for a date. Little does Guillermo know the date is with him.Series
- Part 2 of Tender Is the Night
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“Then there’s dry cleaning, which happens multiple times a week, because Laszlo insists on wearing white whenever he’s drinking, and there’s handwashing all the stuff that can be handwashed, and dusting and fertilizing and gardening and taxes--”
“Taxes?”
“Yes, master, taxes.”
“I was not aware of these taxes! We have dominion over our street!” Nandor waves his hands around. “And over Ashley Street. But that is not the point. Why do we pay taxes?”
“...Because we live in a house, master.”
Nandor growls. “But I ate the guy who owns this house. Now I own it. I don’t owe anything to anybody.”
Guillermo glances around for the non-existent cameras, helpless. “America doesn’t work that way, master.”
“Yeesh.” Nandor grimaces. “I miss the days when you could pillage a village and declare no taxes because you were the new people living in it.”
Guillermo...is pretty sure that’s not how the Ottoman Empire worked, either, but he lets it slide.
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Nandor asks Guillermo to braid his hair one night, inspired by the Pin-ter-est, and it somehow ends with Guillermo coming out as trans.Series
- Part 1 of Tender Is the Night