SpockHasNoEmotions
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Summary
Now that Harry is back at Hogwarts with Hermione for eighth year, he realises that something’s missing from his life, and it either has to do with Ron, his boggart, Snape, or Malfoy. Furthermore, what, exactly, does it mean when one’s life is defined by the desire to simultaneously impress and annoy a portrait? Harry has no idea; he’s too busy trying not to be in love with Malfoy to care.
Series
- Part 1 of Azoth
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 88,722
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Collections:
- 66
- Comments:
- 3,542
- Kudos:
- 40,944
- Bookmarks:
- 12,916
- Hits:
- 918,551
Bookmarked by SpockHasNoEmotions
25 Feb 2026
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Summary
After picking up a groin injury just two weeks before the Quidditch World Cup Final, star Seeker Harry Potter reluctantly agrees to seek help from world-renowned Magi-Physiotherapist, Draco Malfoy.
Cue sexual tension, naked sports massages, inappropriate erections and a healthy dose of acid-green lycra.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 25,233
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 151
- Kudos:
- 4,399
- Bookmarks:
- 933
- Hits:
- 51,602
Bookmarked by SpockHasNoEmotions
24 Feb 2026
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Summary
Harry doesn't care if it's raining and it's "not a real game", he's not letting Draco catch the Snitch.
Series
- Part 5 of 50 Reasons to Have Sex
Bookmarked by SpockHasNoEmotions
24 Feb 2026
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Your Evil Pet Butt Plug: A Guide to Proper Care and Handling by Anonymous for BlueBeards_Wife
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
19 Feb 2026
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Summary
What Harry wanted: to spend a lazy Saturday morning in the garden, with his cup of coffee and nothing to do. What Harry got: a cursed butt plug, sent by a vicious owl and accompanied by a threatening note. A cursed, semi-animate pet butt plug that hovered at arse-level and veered wildly between ominous and adorable.
Or: Harry avoids the embarrassment of going to his crush (one Draco Malfoy, a curse-breaker, who could certainly help him) by developing a new hobby as a sex toy investigator.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 63,454
- Chapters:
- 23/23
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 12
- Kudos:
- 83
- Bookmarks:
- 18
- Hits:
- 1,603
Bookmarked by SpockHasNoEmotions
23 Feb 2026
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Summary
In which Malfoy calls Harry pet names to get him flustered and riled up, and Harry gets flustered and riled up because he secretly likes it. The problem is that Malfoy is only teasing…or is he?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,382
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 298
- Kudos:
- 6,183
- Bookmarks:
- 1,130
- Hits:
- 48,629
Bookmarked by SpockHasNoEmotions
22 Feb 2026