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Scorn and the Saint-Maker by beardo
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
27 Feb 2026
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Summary
Doctor Crowley has turned truancy into an art form, lecturing only under sufferance. Doctor Fell has signed up for his undergraduate course and has no plans to let him slack off.
When a faculty member is found dead, our heroes start forming uneasy suspicions. What was the occult symbol drawn next to the body? Why does it feel like they’ve known each other forever? How is Crowley supposed to tell police that he thinks the murderer is a demon he summoned 35 years ago? And what about that statue that’s the spitting image of the victim?
It’s a murder mystery/romance/who-turned-them-human not-AU, set at a university in Scotland, with lots of (as-yet skippable) smut, ✨sexy maths✨ (reportedly), and one trans angel.
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A man-shaped Crowley in lace knickers. That is all. yw
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You look ravishing like this, my dove [ART] by beardo for depraveddame
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV)
22 Dec 2025
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What if Father Fell got Crowley some nice, silky ropes for Christmas?
Just smutty art. You make up the story.
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[Multivoice Podfic] TIC6 Podfic Bloopers by AlwaysBeMyBaby, anatomicgirl, beardo, Chrisran, IneffableRainstorm, Literarion, Obliquity, purplesalad, soup_bo
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV)
30 Nov 2025
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Bloopers from the cast of the TIC6 podfic project.
Series
- Part 9 of [Podfic] TIC 6 Multivoice-Podfics
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[Multivoice Podfic] Single by alonepear, AlwaysBeMyBaby, beardo, Literarion, SuzWhyNotNow
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV)
08 Nov 2025
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All Crowley wanted to do was buy a theatre ticket... That really shouldn't be this hard, but the young man at the box office seems to have a rather antagonistic relationship with technology. Thankfully, the most gorgeous man Crowley has ever met is there to save the day.
Series
- Part 2 of [Podfic] TIC 6 Multivoice-Podfics
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Pounded In The Butt By My OnlyFans Porn Star Flatmate by beardo for HazelSage
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV)
01 Nov 2025
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Making ends meet is hard for anyone in this economy, and Aziraphale doesn’t judge his (objectively attractive) flatmates for doing so on OnlyFans. Not even when they… do… so… in the room right next to his.
But now Eric is moving away, leaving Crowley with no-one to film with. Whatever are they to do?
In which Aziraphale lets slip too much, Eric has some bright ideas, and Crowley offers to seduce his best mate on camera, as you do.
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Trying out a new shower, the ineffable horndogs way.
My art for Shadowfang's chapter of ModernDayKlutz's birthday fic, House Hunters: Shower Shenanigans.
No words; just straight-up – er – nothing straight about this – smut. -
House Hunters: Shower Shenanigans by Afraid_Industry8409, beardo, CountryMare, dbacklot99, ireallyneedmoretea, Mx_leMaerin, Rose_85501, Shadowfang44, SpectrallyDistracted, WiblyWobly_TimeyWimey, xmusiclover for ModernDayKlutz
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
07 Oct 2025
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Aziraphale and Crowley are selling their London bookshop and retiring to the countryside. Can the couple, who are the epitome of opposites attract, put their differences aside and find the home of their dreams?
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No words, just a horny drawing. You're welcome <3
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Broadhill, 10 pm. by beardo
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
14 Jul 2025
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Summary
He adjusted himself, with a bit of extra flourish for demonstration purposes. “Pretty dark up here,” he said, “and I’m in black. To someone taking an amble down there” – he inclined his head towards the Esplanade, where he’d seen all of one entirely disinterested person since he’d arrived – “I am basically invisible. Can do whatever I like. My head though…” He turned his eyes upwards. “Bit’ve a beacon.”
He gave it another second for optimum effect. “What say I hide it under your kilt?”
A needless fight, a ‘spite drive’, and ninety minutes of radio silence.
A bag of snacks, a verbal apology, and a rather delicious proposal…This was the end of a longfic chapter which didn’t quite fit the vibe. So I turned it into a one-shot instead. Readers of Scorn and the Saint-Maker might find some familiar elements. Everyone else: please enjoy some irresponsible ineffable sex ✨
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The Gentleman Beast of Goat Willow Lane by Augenblickgotter, beardo
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Vampire: The Masquerade, Ars Magica (Roleplaying Game)
09 Jun 2025
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Night-time pizza delivery driver, Crowley reckons, is a pretty strategic job choice for a vampire. He may have given rise to the entire pizza delivery boy porn trope, but what of it? It’s a great way to
eatmeet people, and if you give someone a good enough seeing-to, they won’t notice they just paid for their dinner by becoming yours. So when he first gets a delivery for the mysterious regular at 37F Goat Willow Lane, he figures the man should be an easy mark. He certainly doesn’t expect him to be an eight-foot-tall mythical creature with a magic boner that never goes soft and a thirst (no, not like that – yes, like that) to give Crowley a run for his money.It’s the story of when neighbourhood slut!Crowley meets obligate horndog!Aziraphale and they end up doing exactly what you expect. Just with the caveat that the former is a vampire and the latter isn’t a dog, exactly.
Words by beardo; art by Augenblickgotter/InKibus
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The Great Bestiary Bonanza by beardo, CirusTheDivider, CountryMare, EybeFioro, ModernDayKlutz, Mx_leMaerin, Plurplewitchy_vikxen, WiblyWobly_TimeyWimey for Shadowfang44
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (Radio)
10 Apr 2025
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CW/TW: Drug use, dubious consent under influence but no physical acts beyond mutually accepted/wanted arm touches (and nibbles).
Aziraphale is assisting with a restoration project of a bestiary — a medieval literary collection of animals and beasts, both real and fantasy. It contains art illustrations in a classical medieval-style with colorful descriptions.
He and Crowley sit around one night, get high as kites, flirt with each other anxiously, and have a few laughs while looking at it. That's the plot.
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The Fifth Degree Is The Dominant by beardo, Kiratastic_art for WiblyWobly_TimeyWimey
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
28 Feb 2025
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Summary
There was a low chuckle, a little papery in the overtones. “Mmn, ‘s noth— nothing special. Told you I bottom too, right? ‘M just putting this thing to its – hnntended use.”
He found himself breathing a little faster along with Anthony. “It sounds as though your thing is performing well thus far.”
“You have no idea.” He broke off to give another gasp. It was indecently tantalising, when he couldn’t see or feel the man.
Doctor Angel Fell’s flight home is cancelled, leaving him stranded at Heathrow overnight. Luckily, someone at home is more than happy to keep him company on the phone. Queer reminiscing ensues, as do mathematical rambles, gentle ribbing, and a longish detour into something naughty. (PHONE SEX we’re talking about phone sex)
A Scorn and the Saint-Maker bonus chapter, which also works as a one-shot human AU
with words by beardo & art by Kiratastic! -
Number theorist against the wall [ART] by beardo
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
13 Dec 2024
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Local Author Goes Overboard With Chapter Art, Makes Porn Comic
Call it a director's cut of the (really very innocent) art in chapter 23 of Scorn and the Saint-Maker. (It's barely a spoiler. Scorn is tagged "Romance" and "Smut" so you know this sort of thing is going to happen going in (heh).)
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Oh nooo the poor kilted demon walked over an updraft, however shall they preserve their dignity~
A birthday crack drawing for westie
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[PODFIC] Sonnet 29, Remembered by beardo
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
29 Nov 2024
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Aziraphale and Crowley enjoy a lovely morning at their cottage. Aziraphale reads poetry and Crowley corrects one of Shakespeare's finer sonnets.
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“Mebbe sing us that lullaby?” by beardo
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
13 Sep 2024
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Summary
“…Angel?”
“Yes, Crowley?”
“Mebbe sing us that lullaby?”
[...] Azekiel closes his eyes, and sings the words that his mother’s voice had woven into the air above his bed on countless evenings of his childhood.
It's Azekiel's mother's lullaby from Sky Clear Blue. That's it, that's all it is 🙂
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Solo Chess For Two by beardo
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
08 Jul 2024
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Summary
“I believe,” Aziraphale said, reaching out to rub the edge of the human’s shirt collar between his fingers, “that I have just worked out what we are going to do all night.”
“Have you?” the human replied, voice lilting with cheek. “Here I thought we were going to spar. Verbally.”
“Oh, I’m sure we have other weapons we can spar with.”
The human laughed. “Weapons. Oh, I’m beginning to see why he likes me.”
Aziraphale is not in the habit of sleeping, and when he does, he doesn't dream. He certainly doesn't expect to go to sleep and find himself face to face with a human version of himself. And he certainly doesn't expect to... get ideas.
My belated contribution to the GOAD doppelbang week(s)
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The Co-pilot by beardo
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens - All Media Types
09 May 2024
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Summary
“Pretty little angel bringin’ his mate up for a shag. I wonder how long he’s been thirsting for ‘im. Tell me, d’you want this somewhere, hm?” He rocked into the crease at the top of Az’s thigh and Az’s head spun with the length of the bulge—as many times as he’d pictured Tony’s naked body, he’d never spared much thought to the size of him, but it seemed those thoughts were about to go ahead and think themselves now whether he asked them to or not.
An un-English heatwave, a few open shirt buttons and the demonic entity possessing an innocent Londoner conspire to make long-time friends Az and Tony finally get over themselves and bone.
Tony’s held back for years because of the demon in his head that sometimes takes the wheel when he looks away. But with enough encouragement from an Az too work-weary and off-balance to keep his hands to himself, he might as well just hand the controls over. And maybe a surplus demonic presence in the bedroom isn’t the complication you’d expect?
Series
- Part 1 of The Co-pilot AU
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Part III: Not Single Spies by beardo
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
24 Apr 2024
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Summary
A man with pale hair turns up in Saint Peter's Square, naked and without memory, and Crowley's old sense of Aziraphale's location snaps like a twig.
Heaven is down another Supreme Archangel—but the new Christ is already on Earth (in France, to be precise) and the Second Coming is well underway. And Crowley works for Hell now, but really, he works for the good of humanity; pulling on every friend he has to stop the end of the world.
Everything comes to a head with a delivery van, a flaming sword, a road trip, a prophecy, a wheat field and a miracle of rather significant proportions.
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NB The E-rating only applies to a small number of sections, and they're all clearly marked and skippable. The rest of the fic is T.Series