roachpatrol
Fandoms
- Homestuck (51)
- Doctor Who & Related Fandoms (26)
- Doctor Who (2005) (20)
- Motorcity (Cartoon) (14)
- Doctor Who (1963) (10)
Recent works
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Summary
What if there was another Dochas Sidhe around who could break October out of the koi pond much, much earlier? In this timeline, Toby found herself freed from the pond in a year and a day by a strange, secretive young man with an unmistakable family resemblance.
Everything unfolded from there.
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Summary
Dutch opens Mike’s comm line on the way back, says, “Look, no one thinks you’re useless, okay? I don’t know where you got that from, but it’s totally not true. I mean, we’re all worried about you right now, but we just— we want you to get better— look, nobody would be in top form having nightmares all the time, okay? That’s nothin’ about you.” God, why can’t he find the right words? He means everything he’s saying, but even to him it doesn’t sound persuasive.
“Sure,” Mike says, low and defeated. “Nothing about me that I can’t keep it together for the simplest things anymore,” and he closes the line.
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Summary
“Hey, dude, language,” Mike says.
“Fuck you!” Chuck snaps. “Alex, you wanna go catch the next showing of this thing I was gonna take my asshole best friend to because for some crazy reason I used to like hanging out with him?”
“Yes,” Alex says.
“Oh,” Chuck says. “Okay, cool. The next performance is in two hours, though.”
“I’ll take you to dinner?” Alex says. “My night’s free.”
Mike is making a really weird face right now: not the usual defensive annoyance with Chuck trying to take him away from work, but a startled, unsettled look, like he just missed something important and can’t figure out how. -
Contents Under Pressure by LaughingStones, roachpatrol
Fandoms: Motorcity (Cartoon), After the Storm - Hannah Birchwood & Key Dyson & Raymond Roach
29 Feb 2020
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Summary
Rich has been living in this body for three months now, and he hates it. The people around him like it plenty, which isn't so great when they're gross old men. When Julie Kane and her two newest directors show up, though, Rich encounters allies in unexpected quarters and the possibility of escape from the nightmare he's been living. Of course, that’s before the aphrodisiac spell backfires...
Series
- Part 6 of Rich Merrill, Deluxe edition
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Summary
“Oh my god,” Julie says again, and paces in a little circle. Then she paces in a bigger circle, trips over a wrench, falls over, and lies on the floor in total defeat. It’s been an hour since she and Chuck got their brains or minds or souls or whatever put in each other’s bodies by a crazy old machine in some buried ruins and things haven’t improved from the initial, disastrous explosion.
“Maybe we should have lunch,” Mike suggests. “And like, think about this.”
“I am really tired of thinking about this already,” Chuck says grimly.
Recent series
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Summary
Let's admit Alternia gets the celebrities we deserve.
—Troll Nicole Blackman- Words:
- 61,080
- Works:
- 6
- Bookmarks:
- 151
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Love, love, love (is all you need) by roachpatrol
Fandom: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
01 Sep 2010
- Words:
- 7,056
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 1
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Summary
Alternia: where warm blood defines a troll's nobility, cold blood their commonalty, and Her Imperial Luminescence Aradia Megido struggles to keep her people together. Whether or not she can do it before Ascension Day is another thing entirely.
- Words:
- 128,677
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 661
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˃Connect by biichama (biichan), biichan, inverts, renachan, roachpatrol
Fandom: Homestuck
13 Apr 2016
Summary
Twelve kids. Four trolls. Twelve guardians, four ancestors, one doloros, four lusii, seventeen lands, one megaplanet, one session,
onetwothreeone teams.One more chance to win.
- Words:
- 86,192
- Works:
- 5
- Bookmarks:
- 215
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Summary
Motorcity SciFi AU based on Birchbow's Raza AU (though obviously some time after those events). Thanks to Birch for letting us play with her AU! Her fic is so real in the dark.
- Words:
- 27,723
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 5
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
Because some trolls consider the initial stages of nookworm infestation to be pleasurable, there is considerable trade in nookworms as self-pailing aids. Commercially sold nookworms are typically modified to render them incapable of parasitizing trolls. However, unmodified or improperly modified nookworms retain the ability to infest a troll's gene bladder and hijack their reproductive system. Because of this, recreational nookworm usage is the leading cause of nookworm infestations among trolls.
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Sollux acquires a reproductive parasite.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,446
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 24
- Kudos:
- 117
- Bookmarks:
- 18
- Hits:
- 1,863
Bookmarked by roachpatrol
29 Oct 2025
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You’re a Sunflower (I Think Your Love Would Be Too Much) by Writer_Lethogica
Fandoms: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
17 Dec 2021
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Summary
Inspired by this Tumblr post, a what-if about Aaron Davis and Peter B. Parker being fake married.
EXCERPT:
“Uh,” said Miles, and Peter knew he was usually pretty okay (like, a B- at the very least) at keeping up a cover story, so the kid was bound to have some level of ability to lie too, right, “This is my Uncle Peter.”
Miles said.
To his own parents.
Was Peter inwardly screaming?
Sure.
Out of all the cover stories with all the people, how?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,827
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 192
- Kudos:
- 2,079
- Bookmarks:
- 432
- Hits:
- 17,703
Bookmarked by roachpatrol
20 Sep 2025
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Dance in the Dusk by sareyen
Fandoms: 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
12 Aug 2025
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Summary
“You don’t even count as human, and you still want to become an immortal? You’ve missed the optimal time to begin cultivating – what can you become? Even if you muddle along with him, that charlatan Wu Yanzi, he isn’t even guaranteed to want you.”
Shen Jiu growled, wrenching out of Qiu Jianluo’s grip to hurl an ink stone at him. He missed.
Shen Jiu saw the change in Qiu Jianluo’s face instantly, the man’s hand rising up and blocking out the glow of candlelight. His towering shadow was Qiong Qi given flesh.
Shen Jiu’s body froze instinctively as he readied himself for a blow.
But it never came, because when Shen Jiu managed to look up, all he could see was a man’s broad back swathed in black robes, his grip tight around Qiu Jianluo’s wrist.
“Qiu-gongzi, what could ever make you think that a charlatan like me wouldn’t want this boy as his disciple?”
Or: Shen Yuan transmigrates into Wu Yanzi’s body and gets followed around by a feral teenager called Shen Jiu… who is kind of obsessed with him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 133,103
- Chapters:
- 18/?
- Comments:
- 2,948
- Kudos:
- 4,400
- Bookmarks:
- 1,423
- Hits:
- 98,819
Bookmarked by roachpatrol
13 Sep 2025
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Slow and Steady by birdzilla for just_snakess
Fandoms: The Goblin Emperor Series - Katherine Addison
30 Aug 2025
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Summary
The rumors say that a tortoise daemon means the emperor is slow-witted, and Csethiro is not sure that they're wrong. Maia, meanwhile, cannot contest the fierceness of either his wife-to-be or her eagle.
Series
- Part 1 of Extreme Timed Challenge Gift Exchange
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,206
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 26
- Kudos:
- 105
- Bookmarks:
- 17
- Hits:
- 453
Bookmarked by roachpatrol
08 Sep 2025
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The Way of All Traitors by yellow_caballero
Fandoms: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
27 Oct 2025
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Summary
ORDER 66! Millions of men have been waiting their entire lives to fulfill their duty - with varying degrees of success. Marshal Commander Bly embarrasses the Imperial Army by betraying his life purpose and 'rescuing' his girlfriend Aayla Secura and her padawan Quinlan Vos. Captain Rex embarrasses all of Mandalore by failing to assassinate Ahsoka Tano, Darth Vader's infamous Jedi Master. Qui-Gon Jinn embarrasses everybody one last time by sacrificing his life to help Mace Windu escape. Meanwhile, true patriots like Marshal Commanders Neyo and Bacara murder the Jedi gleefully.
Marshal Commander Cody hands over his padawan commander Obi-Wan Kenobi to the Empire without complaint. Obi-Wan Kenobi's death at the hands of his former master Darth Vader will happen in darkness, and the galaxy will come to regret it.
No Chip AU anthology story featuring age swaps, explorations of fascism, and utterly terrible parenting.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 243,655
- Chapters:
- 22/49
- Comments:
- 663
- Kudos:
- 337
- Bookmarks:
- 103
- Hits:
- 11,395
Bookmarked by roachpatrol
08 Sep 2025