Chapter Text
It was getting late, Arthur could tell Merlin was quite drunk, and the rest of his knights, except Percival, had already called it a night. For once, Arthur didn’t worry about keeping up appearances as king. Dressed plainly, he stood out from the commoners through his looks alone, which were well known throughout Camelot and her surrounding kingdoms.
“Feel free to retire at any time.”
“Likewise.”
“There’s no disgrace for a servant to lose to his king.”
“Or a king to his servant.”
The small crowd gathered around them very quickly became interested in the king and his manservant, although not much attention had been paid to them prior. Merlin shrugged, and threw a pile of coins into the dish. Well, Arthur thought to himself, looks like we’re doing this.
“Watch out, here we go.” Arthur said, as he turned to Percival. The only one of his knights that remained, and somehow the only sober person in the whole tavern.
Merlin looked at Arthur, bringing the cup up near his mouth, with mischief and a slight flash of gold in his eye. “Ten.”
Arthur smiled in half disbelief as Merlin rolled a perfect ten. He had suspected since Merlin came into his service that his manservant had been hiding something from him, and for a few months now had suspected it may be sorcery. But despite appearances, Merlin had been careful with covering his tracks, and Arthur had yet to get any proof to his suspicions. It could have just been a trick of the light, Arthur argues in his head, but I think it’s time to know for sure.
“Enjoy this moment, Merlin. While it lasts.” The king said, putting on a display as he shook the dice almost in a dance like fashion. “Twelve.”
A cough can be heard, just as Arthur releases the dice. A mere four staring up at him from the table below. “You put me off.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You just coughed.”
“I was clearing my throat,” Merlin argued, smirking to himself because he had, in fact, just coughed. Deliberately. But it wasn’t his fault he needed money to send to his mother, nor was it his fault that the king was a royal prat.
“You just coughed. Deliberately.”
Merlin turned to the men around him with a groan, before turning back to Arthur, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I knew you’d discover my secret in the end, there is just no fooling you, My Lord.” The tavern broke out in laughter, as a sneaky idea crept into Merlin’s mind. “Right.”
With the care of someone who knew he wasn’t going to lose, and the extra confidence gifted to him by the ale he had drank that evening, Merlin carefully placed all spare one of his coins in the dish. Then thought again, and threw his last coin onto the pile for good measure.
“It’s like that is it?” Arthur said, never breaking eye contact with his servant as he threw all of his coins onto the pile along with Merlin’s. Now that there was so much for him to gain, all Arthur knew he had to do was watch, keeping his eyes on Merlin’s throughout his roll.
Merlin brought the dice to his mouth again as he muttered in a strange tongue under his breath, his eyes flashing gold, clear as day for Arthur to see. “Twelve.”
Arthur knew the outcome before the dice had fallen. He looked at the board in front of him, where Merlin had rolled a twelve, and then back up at his manservant, who had taken to celebrating with the rest of the townsfolk who were in the tavern. “Woohoo! Well, you know what they say sire: Fortune favours the brave!” The tavern cheered and laughed, as the king indeed, lost to his servant.
Half an hour later, when the tavern broke out in new cheers and Arthur saw Merlin about to shout everyone another round, when he pulled his manservant and Sir Percival out into the street. “I think it’s about time we headed back to the citadel, Merlin.”
“But ‘rthur, was just ‘bout to cel’brate more.”
“We can’t have you spend all your winnings in one night, can we Merls?” Percival chimed in, picking up the much smaller man before he collapsed. “I’ll take him back to Gaius’ chambers, My Lord.”
“Thankyou, Percival. Make sure he gets there safe.”
“What about you, Arthur?”
“I’ll be fine, I didn’t have much to drink, what with Merlin winning all my money.” The two men laughed, before Percival bid Arthur farewell and took Merlin home, leaving Arthur to wander back to his chambers, both his mind and heart racing.
He knew he would have to confront Merlin, sooner rather than later, now that he knew for sure what Merlin had been hiding from him all these years. Just how far had Merlin gone in the past? Why did he stay in the one place where being a sorcerer would kill him? Had Merlin actually been telling the truth all those times when he said Arthur wouldn’t last a day without him? Or that he had saved Arthurs life more than anyone could think? And how, despite appearing to be at the tavern almost daily, did Merlin have almost no tolerance to ale?
***
“Rise and shine!”
Arthur opened his eyes, the bright rays of the morning sun shining down on him and bathing his manservant in an angelic light. It almost appeared, for a second, that Merlin was glowing, as if the world was showing Arthur for the first time, that Merlin was so much more than just an ordinary servant. So much more than an ordinary man. Arthur smiled at the thought, barely registering the words falling from Merlin’s mouth until he stopped, and threw an apple at his head.
“Arthur did you hear a word I said?”
“Uh, well, that, that is a great question, Merlin, and, I would love to answer, but—”
“But you know your answer would no.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
Merlin looked fed up at Arthur’s words, and he turned around to face the window before sighing deeply. “What I said, Sire, is that your training this morning has been cancelled by Sir Leon, many of the knights are… unfit… to train this morning, and that the council meeting this afternoon has been moved to tomorrow as per the request you put in yesterday evening.”
“So you’re telling me I have nothing to do today,” Arthur said, sitting up in his bed as he reached for the goblet next to him, with a glint in his eye as Merlin backed towards the door, “and yet you still woke me up this early?”
Merlin looked sheepish, “yeah, I suppose I did. I mean, if I have to wake up early to polish your armour, I cant see why you should get to—”
“Because, Merlin, I’m the king!”
“And yet you still lost all that money to me.” Arthur laughed lightly with Merlin, and turned to place the goblet back on the table. It was now or never, he decided.
“Merlin, about last night, what happened at the tavern—”
“Don’t worry sire, I won’t tell anyone you lost to me. Except the people who know, and Gwaine of course. And Gaius. And… alright I may have told a few people.”
“No, Merlin, that’s,” Arthur took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. “That’s not what I need to talk to you about.” The king made his way out of bed over to the table, where he beckoned Merlin to have a seat. “Please, have a seat.”
Merlin walked over to the table, and placed the armour he was holding on the table before he sat down next to Arthur. The pair stayed silent for a minute or so, as the king gathered his thoughts. Merlin could see that Arthur was thinking, and knew that now was not the time to rush him. Of everything Arthur could want to say to him, what would it be now?
“Merlin,” Arthur said, softening his voice as he noticed how Merlin had tensed with fear - his breath quickening and his leg bouncing under the table. “I want to start by letting you know that there’s no reason to storm out of here when I say what I have to, because I promise you, you will always be safe and accepted under my rule.”
Arthur noticed that his words did not calm the man in front of him, but took Merlin’s silence as reason to continue. “I’ve known for some time now that there was something you were hiding from me Merlin. I’m surprised, looking back, that it took me this long to figure out. But last night, during our game, I…”
“Yes, Arthur?” Merlin prompted carefully, chest already tightening as his anxiety grew.
“I couldn’t help but notice, your eyes, Merlin.”
“So you really did figure it out,” Merlin said, a small smile on his lips, one which betrayed the hurt and sadness in his eyes. “I suppose I should have taken Gwaine more seriously when he told me.”
“Gwaine knew!?”
“I understand if you need to sack me, sire,” Merlin continued, completely ignoring Arthur. “I promise I never abused my position in any way, but I know I might make you uncomfortable being your manservant, not to mention that when this inevitably gets out the staff will have a field day, and it may impact your reputation, so I completely understand if you decide to—”
“Merlin, why for the love of Camelot would you being my manservant make me uncomfortable, when you’ve already stood by my side all these years?”
“Because you’ve figured it out,” Merlin said, his eyes drifting to the table. “And now that you know I’m gay, and in love with you, I guess a lot will have to change.”
“I- you’re what?”
Merlin lifted his eyes at the sound of Arthur’s confusion, and the reality of the situation came heavily toppling down on him. “That… wasn’t what you figured out?”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“Then what were you talking about my eyes for?”
“I was talking about your magic,” Arthur said, meeting Merlin’s eyes.
“Oh, that is so much worse,” Merlin looked down to the table, bringing his hands to lay flat on the surface, and forcing his leg to stay still. “In that case, I should probably prepare for the gallows, or the pyre, or will you be nice and possibly allow for a simple beheading? Because well, if I’m honest the pyre has always terrified me, especially after what happened with old man Simmons, and being hung doesn’t sound like it would be too much fun either, but beheadings are just quick, as long as you’ve got the good executioner on, the other one never seems to sharpen his axe, must like the way it makes it harder for the criminal to—”
“Merlin, please shut up.”
“My Lord?”
“And drop the titles, they never suited you,” Arthur said with a small laugh. The two of them fell into a comfortable silence, both calming their minds and recomposing themselves, before Arthur continued. “There’s a lot to process, Merlin, but you shouldn’t sorry about the pyre, or any sort of execution. I would never do anything to hurt you, let alone kill you. I can’t imagine life in Camelot without you, Merlin.”
“So, you’re not going to kill me?”
“No.”
“Or banish me?”
“No, Merlin, not at all. I only have a few… alright, a lot I’ll be honest, of questions that I was wondering if you could help me understand?”
“You see, sire,” Merlin turned to the pile of armour next to him, for once in his life glad that he had a busy day of polishing ahead of him. “I would love to have a sure to be very extended conversation with you, however some of us have work to do before tomorrow.”
Merlin went to stand, as Arthur put his hand on Merlin’s arm, instead pulling the manservant back to his seat. Merlin sat back down reluctantly, his eyes on Arthur’s as if they were all that mattered. “Could you not use your magic to clean that later?”
“I didn’t know if you would be comfortable with that, this is all very new.”
“I know,” Arthur said with a small reassuring smile. “I’m not mad, not uncomfortable. I only wish to understand. Could you help me with that?”
“I suppose I could lend a hand,” Merlin leaned back in his chair, a small smile playing on his lips at long last. “What is it you want to know?”
“I suppose I just want to know one thing for now…”
“Yes, sire?”
“Why do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Protect me. Protect Camelot. And don’t pretend that you don’t because I have had my suspicions for way too long. There have been far too many lucky escapes from bandits, far too many of your ‘funny feelings’ turning out to be something of consequence. I’ve survived far too many mortal wounds, the questing beast, poisoned arrows, Morgana’s magical attacks, and I know it has all been down to you. But why do you do it?”
“At first it was destiny, or so an old friend told me.”
“And by old friend, you mean?”
“A friend that’s not new.” Arthur looked at Merlin strangely, his cryptic answer creating more questions, but he pushed them aside. They could wait for a more peaceful time, if ever one came. “Eventually,” Merlin continued, “I realised he was right. Just as the druids were. Even if I didn’t want to believe it at first, we are two sides of the same coin. The Once and Future King and The Last Dragon Lord destined to unite Albion and bring magic back to the lands. Of course you were an insufferable ass, at first, but I reminded myself that our destinies held us together, and so I stayed by your side, doing everything I could to protect you.
“It took me a while to figure out that perhaps I wasn’t protecting you just because destiny foretold it, but because I cared for you. You may not have been my first friend when I arrived in Camelot, but you have grown to be one of the people I trust most in the whole of Albion. I realised you were my not just a friend, but my best friend, and that I would do anything for you. Of course the Gwaine came along, and again I realised that maybe I didn’t have the whole story. I didn’t care about you just as a friend, nor a best friend. I was, well,” Merlin paused, taking note of the king’s features as he gathered the courage to continue. “I was, is, am, in love with you, Arthur. That’s why I do it. Because I love you.”
***
Three days later, Arthur still hadn’t returned Merlin’s words. They hung on the edge of his tongue, heavy as lead with the weight they carried. All he wanted to do was take Merlin’s face in his hands once more, look into his eyes, and tell him the truth: I love you too. But Arthur knew it wouldn’t be fair. With the Battle of Camlann looming over the city of Camelot, Morgana’s forces amassing on Camelot’s borders, the entirety of the five kingdoms preparing for a war, and after the realization that this time, he probably wouldn’t be making it home, Arthur couldn’t bring himself to let Merlin hurt any more than he already would.
Instead he had thrown himself into training, into preparations for the war with more vigor than ever before. Usually Merlin could be found besides him, watching him and the knights train, rushing over to tend to any injuries before they got out of hand, enhancing their armour with magic protection, but today he was no where to be found. It wasn’t like Merlin to miss out on these sessions, and as the hours went on, the knights could sense the worry that surrounded their leader, and which crept ever so increasingly onto his features.
Soon, all of the knights knew about Merlin’s magic, and many of them had shared a laugh at Arthur’s expense when they realised how he had been played at the tavern, and they had all by now found out that Arthur cared for, and had forgiven Merlin, as no executions had been announced, and no pyres were to be built. Arthur had even allowed Merlin to use magic to complete his chores. It was the least he could do after everything the manservant had done for him over the years.
But when the king’s feelings were brought into question, the knight’s opinions were no longer in his favour. Despite explaining about the upcoming battle, none of them shared his concerns.
“With all due respect princess, you’re a coward. You’re just delaying the inevitable.”
“How is that in any way respectful, Gwaine?”
“Well Arthur, ‘With all due respect’ could mean all the respect in Albion, or it could mean none at all,” Lancelot explained.
“A great phrase for when obnoxious lords arrive as guests for a banquet, Sire,” Leon continued.
“Or when you really don’t want to be nice to a noble but you have to,” Elyan added.
“Are you all seriously with Gwaine on this?”
Gwaine smirked before turning to the large man next to him. “Well, Percy, what do you say?”
“I say you should tell him, My Lord. Even if something were to happen to you during the battle – which I highly doubt as you have literally the most powerful warlock to walk the earth beside you – it would be much better if nothing were to go unsaid.”
“Gwaine and Percival right. Besides, we all know if something were to happen, a special manservant would be given the royal seal, unless we are to be mistaken? Anyone with half a working braincell would be able to connect the dots between those two, what with your actions towards him lately. It’s better you tell him, and do it today. We leave late tomorrow morning, Arthur, you can’t leave it that late.” Lancelot finished, turning his sword over in his hands as the king processed all of what had just been said.
None of the knights had noticed the clouds gathering above them while they spoke, but as the first drops of rain began to fall, a mad scramble to get inside the citadel ensued. The rain did not usually bother them, but none were pleased about going into vicious battle with half wet chainmail, and weapons that could possibly rust.
For the first time in a long time, none waited to be dismissed, but rather all went their own ways.
For tomorrow they left for Camlann, and there were all people who needed to hear their goodbyes. Just in case they did not get so lucky this time.
Arthur searched for Merlin all over the citadel, having at long last decided to just admit to how he felt, and officially ask Merlin to be his consort, even if only for the few days before they reached the fatal valley. But no matter where Arthur went, he could not find his manservant anywhere.
The day turned into night, and Arthur ventured back to his own chambers, defeated. The fire had been lit, his nightclothes were laid out on the bed, and his dinner waited for him on the table. Only when he began attempting to take off his chainmail, did his servant step out of the shadows, and make himself known. Arthur let out a breath he had been holding all day, leaving his chainmail on, armour half forgotten, and pulled Merlin into a crushing hug.
“You had me worried, Merlin,” Arthur pulled away, stepping back and sitting down at the table. “It’s not like you to disappear, not anymore at least, so what happened?”
Arthur gestured for Merlin to sit, but Merlin remained where he stood, eyes fixed on the floor in front of him. “There’s uh, actually something I wanted to tell you.” Merlin’s voice shook with what Arthur could only describe as fear.
“You know you can tell me anything, right Merlin?”
“Yes, Sire, I do, it’s just…” Merlin trailed off, and as he looked up from the ground to meet Arthur’s eyes, the king could see the tears which had pooled in them. Arthur stood, and made to comfort Merlin, only for the younger man to take a step back. “I’m afraid I won’t be coming with you to Camlann tomorrow.”
“What do you mean you won’t be coming to Camlann?”
“I mean what I said, My Lord.” Merlin choked out, as he looked longingly towards the doors at the end of the room. “If I may be excused—”
“No, Merlin, you may not,” Arthur took a moment to regain his breathe before he continued. Calming both his voice and his mind. “All those jokes, about you being a coward, I never really meant any of them. I always thought you were the bravest man I’d ever met. And when I learned about your magic, well it cemented what I already knew. You are the bravest man I have ever met, Merlin, and I know you wouldn’t leave my side during battle without good reason, but I can also see in your eyes that whatever the reason is has caused you pain. Please, Merlin, please tell me what has caused you to change your mind about being by my side. I may be able to help.”
“You can’t help me. No one can.”
“Has it not crossed your mind that that may be because you won’t tell anyone what’s wrong?”
“You don’t understand, Arthur.”
“Then help me to. Tell me what’s wrong. What’s happened.”
Merlin’s eyes were overflowing freely now. “It may be easier to just show you.”
Arthur took a few steps back, ready to give Merlin any space he needed. The raven haired man brought his fist in front of his face, palm side towards him, eyes breaking contact with the king’s when he spoke. “Forbaerne.”
Where there used to be golden light, there was only a deep expanse of blue. Arthur recognized the spell, there should have been a small flame dancing in Merlin’s palm. But instead they were met with a pale, and empty, hand.
“It’s gone,” Merlin said, sinking to the floor. “It’s all gone.”
The last thing Merlin remembered before he drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep were strong arms around him, lifting him up, and then the softest thing he had ever felt underneath him. Glimpses of a red canopy above him soon taken over by the darkness of sleep.
As soon as Merlin’s head hit the pillows, Arthur practically sprinted out of his chambers, and ran towards Gaius’ rooms. He rounded the last corridor, and barged into the room, the closed door ignored, as he ran inside. “Gaius! Gaius where are you?”
“He’s not here,” came a voice from the cot reserved for patients.
“Gwaine,” Arthur said, taking in the knight. “What are you doing here?”
“Waiting for Merlin. What are you doing here?”
“Looking for Gaius. I fear he may the only one who can help Merlin.” Arthur ran a hand through his hair, and Gwaine noticed the slight shake in his hands.
“What’s happened to Merlin?”
“His magic, it’s gone.”
“It’s what?”
“Gone.”
“And by gone, you mean…”
“Not there anymore.”
“We leave for Camlann tomorrow, Arthur.”
“I know.”
“This is a disaster.”
“I know, Gwaine. Now do you have any idea where Gaius may have gone?”
“Just the one, Sire.”
***
It had been many years since Gaius has taken it upon himself to gather herbs from the woods. In fact he had hardly done so since Merlin had arrived in Camelot, getting his assistant to do it in his stead. He knew that Merlin needed his rest, that he would need supplies for his trip to the crystal caves the next morning, and so Gaius had told his ward to go inform Arthur Gaius needed him to collect supplies, and that he would not be going to battle with the king.
At first, Gaius’ words had been met with a lot of resistance. Merlin had been insistent upon journeying with the king regardless of whether he had magic or not. But Merlin found himself more tired than usual, somehow clumsier than he had ever been, and slurring his words, Gaius quickly pieced together that Merlin would not be fit to travel. It seemed that Merlin did not just have magic, but rather it was an essential part of him, like oxygen or food. It sustained him. And without that magic, Gaius feared Merlin would not last long at all.
Gaius never heard the men behind him until a sword was sheathed, the metal clinking on the chainmail the pair were wearing. The physician turned around, to be met with a pair of frantic blue eyes. “Gaius, it’s Merlin.”
“What about him, My Lord?”
“Something has happened, and I fear you may be the only one who can help him.”
Arthur and Gwaine watched silently, slightly confused, as the older man bent down again to pick a small bunch of yellow flowers which had been growing on the side of a dark leaved tree. He stood up slowly, before returning it to his satchel and turning back to the king. “Let us return to my chambers, we may talk freely there.”
The short walk back to the citadel was one filled with anxiety and dread for both Gwaine and Arthur. Both of them knew that magic was a large part of Merlin, even if they didn’t know quite the extent of it. Seeing Merlin as unhappy as he had been had stirred something in Arthur, something that clawed at him from the inside and made him want to kill whoever had been the cause of Merlin’s misfortune. He had a vague feeling that Morgana was behind this, but he couldn’t think of how Morgana could have possibly found out about Merlin’s magic in such a short space of time.
If it was her, then he would gladly be the one to end her once and for all at the battle, but there was nothing, he told himself, that he could do beforehand. No matter how badly he wanted to. Arthur felt the most helpless he had in years, and he suspected Merlin felt the same way.
When the trio finally reached the physician’s chambers, Gaius ushered the two knights inside before shutting the door behind him and peeking into Merlin’s empty room.
“Where’s Merlin?”
“He’s in my chambers, sleeping.”
Gwaine turned to him, eyes wide with shock. “Sleeping, eh? So that’s what you two decided to call it?” He had a teasing glint in his eye, and Arthur felt heat creep up his neck as his face changed to match the red of the knight’s cloaks.
“For the love of Albion, Gwaine, get your mind out of the gutter,” he turned back to Gaius. “He collapsed, after he told me he didn’t have his magic. He looked so tired, so upset, but there has to be something we can do. Even if he gets his wish and doesn’t come to Camlann with us, there has to be a way we can help.”
“It was not his wish to leave your side, Arthur, in fact it was quite the opposite,” at the look of confusion on the knights’ faces, Gaius continued to speak. “I was the one who convinced him to tell you he would not be joining you. When Merlin woke this morning, we knew his magic had disappeared, or more accurately, been taken away by a powerful creature of the old religion, however we assumed that his lack of powers would not affect his normal duties. Of course, as the day went on, I realised that his magic being gone was taking a large toll on Merlin, both mentally and physically. You see, Arthur, Merlin does not just have magic. He is not just a simple sorcerer. The druids know him as Emrys, they feel honour just to speak his name. He is said to be the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the Earth.”
“Then there must be a way to get his magic back!” Gaius turned away from Arthur’s words, and faced one of the walls, filled from floor to ceiling with books and jars and unnamed potions which could kill or cure with a single drop.
“You know of a way, don’t you Gaius?” Gwaine prompted, and continued as he realised the man’s reluctance to share his thoughts. “We only wish to help, we’ll do anything we can. Anything.”
“Gwaine’s right, Gaius. Please.”
Gaius turned back to them with one eyebrow raised. “There is a sacred place to the druids, located deep in the valley of the kings. It is said that there lies the very heart of the old religion, the centre of magic itself. It is not certain, but it is possible, that if Merlin manages to enter this place, known as the crystal caves, he may regain his magic, and it may return to him even stronger than before.”
Arthur listened carefully to Gaius’ words, before his eyes hardened and filled to the brim, once more, with pure determination. “This place is in the valley of the fallen kings, you say?”
“Yes, sire. Just over half a days’ ride from the citadel.”
“We leave at dawn.” At that, Gwaine decided to re-join the conversation.
“Arthur that’s ridiculous! Do you not forget you are meant to be leading your army tomorrow to finally win this war against Morgana? I’ll go with him.”
“Gwaine, I’m not letting you put yourself at risk, I’m going.”
“Who will lead the army then, Arthur?”
“Leon.”
“Well then I’m going with you.”
“Gwaine, no, I—”
“I’m not taking no for an answer, Princess.”
Arthur could see the fire in Gwaine’s eyes, the determination to do right by Merlin that surely matched his own. He knew that Merlin and Gwaine were very close friends, and that trying to separate them now would only lead to resistance from both parties. “Fine, you can come. We’ll likely need all the help we can get.” Besides, if his hunch was right and Morgana had been the one to attack Merlin, he would need all the help he could get. “Gwaine, could you please go inform Leon that he will be leading the army to Camlann on the morrow, and that we will catch up to them as soon as we are able.”
“You’re telling me that leaving the army mere days before a major battle really doesn’t bother you?”
“I suspect that Morgana may be waiting for us, Gwaine. At this stage there may be no need for a battle at all. Morgana will suspect Merlin to be travelling alone, and so she will likely be waiting to ambush him in the caves themselves. We just need to figure out a way to surprise her, and end this war for good.” Arthur looked over to where Gaius was standing while he spoke, and was not surprised to see the man nodding steadily at his words. The physician had fallen silent some time ago, however he looked up at the two one last time before they stepped out of the door. Worry filled his eyes, as he busied himself with the final preparations before he rode out with the army, now to be under Sir Leon’s command.
As soon as they were outside the physician's quarters, Gwaine turned to Arthur. "You know he's going to be alright, right Arthur? He's the second strongest man I know. He has survived far worse, with far less help."
"Only the second strongest? I suppose you're the first?"
"Actually princess, it's you. Magic man back at that bridge all those years ago, well, he was right. And we may not have magic right now, but we do have courage and strength. We will get Merlin through this. He will be alright."
"I hope so, Gwaine. I don't know what I would do without him."
***
When Merlin woke the following morning, it took him a few moments to remember where he was. The deep red sheets above him, the heavy blanket he was under, the softest pillows he had ever slept on. The first rays of sunlight streaming in through the open curtains. In the background of the room, two voices were having a quiet conversation.
"We need to wake him, and soon, princess."
"Are the horses ready?"
"Yes."
"The supplies?"
"Yes again."
"And Leon has been informed about the changes?"
"Yes, Arthur. It's time to end this." Gwaine paused, and he could see the worry that had made a home on the king's face.
"You fetch the horses, I'll fetch Merlin. Tell Leon and the others we ride in the next half hour."
Merlin closed his eyes once more as he heard the door close, and then footsteps that walked over to stop right beside him. He tried to steady his breathing, and give the appearance of sleep. Hoping that Arthur would leave him behind, and not make him go through the spiel yet again of why he wouldn't be joining Camelot's army at the battle of Camlann. All hope of feigning sleep was lost, however, when Arthur reached down and shook Merlin's shoulder gently. "Merlin, you need to get up and ready."
"Not going, 'rthur." Merlin sighed, burying his face into Arthur's pillows. "I told you yesterday."
Arthur sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling the pillows out from under Merlin and waiting until the younger man was looking at him. "We're not going to Camlann, Merlin. Leon is, sure. The army is, maybe. But you me and Gwaine have got something far more important to do first."
"More important than ending the war against Morgana?"
"Well, two birds one stone. If my suspicions are correct, and our mission is successful, we may never need a battle at Camlann at all."
"Well what are we doing then?"
"Getting your magic back," Arthur said with a smirk. "Gwaine and I thought you could use a hand."
Merlin looked at the king, shocked into silence. Surely this was just some trick, some plan to get him out of the city walls, when he would then have no choice but to follow Arthur and the knights into the heart of the battle. Defenceless and helpless for one of the first times in his life. Unable to protect the man who he was destined to stand beside for all of time. But when he looked at Arthur, truly looked, Merlin found nothing but sincerity plastered across the blond's features. He sat up, and took Arthur's hands in his. "Arthur, I appreciate the offer, I really do, but I'm not worth this trouble. You can't throw a battle away for me. You can't risk losing a war for me. Even when I had my magic, I was just a nobody. Just your manservant. I'm not some noble, not someone of any value. Certainly not worth losing a kingdom over. If I do go, I should do it alone."
"You really think you mean that little to me?"
"I don't need to think it," Merlin whispered, barely heard under his breath. He went to move his hands away from Arthur's only for the king to grasp onto them like there would be no tomorrow if he let Merlin get away. Arthur took a deep breath, and looked deep into the confusion in Merlin's eyes before he continued.
"Merlin, I meant it yesterday when I said you were the bravest man I have ever met. With or without your magic, I know that you are easily twice as brave as half the men in my guard. But it's not just your bravery that makes you stand out to me. Back when I first met you, Merlin, I knew there was something about you. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Sure, the magic was a part of that. But it was so much more. The way your smile lights up any room. The way you care about everyone around you, no matter if you have known them all your life, or just a few days. The way you stand up for what you believe is right, without a care in the world for authority. The way you come up with some of the most creative insults for me I have ever heard. You always know when I have had a bad day, always know how to make me feel that little bit better. You always find a way to make me laugh, and feel safe, no matter where we are. Believe it or not, all those funny feelings you have, all those subtle warnings, I take them all to heart. I always have. Even if I'm too stubborn to show it. There has never been a time when you were 'just my manservant'. There has never been a time when you were nobody. You may not be of noble blood, but you are of noble heart, and noble mind. And if I had to choose between you and Camelot, I would choose you in a heartbeat. I love you, Merlin, with all my heart. You mean everything to me. I wouldn't have it any other way."
Merlin's eyes were glassy, and he found it hard to find any words to speak. "You truly mean that?" He whispered, as Arthur cupped his face with one hand.
"Yes, Merlin, I do. For me, you are the person who makes Camelot feel like home. You're the one, Merlin, the only one, that I could ever imagine loving this much."
Arthur leaned forward, ready to close the gap between him and Merlin once and for all, just as the door burst open to reveal a furious Gwaine. "We were meant to leave five minutes ago, Princess. Stop making out with Merlin and get your asses downstairs."
"I wasn't--"
"We weren't--" Merlin and Arthur both said at the same time as they grew redder by the second.
"Don't give me any of that bullshit. I know that look when I see it. There's no time for you to get changed, Merlin. You'll have to freshen up when we stop for the night. If we want to leave at the same time as Leon, and make sure this is going to work, we have to leave right now." Merlin barely had time to pull on his boots before Gwaine grabbed him and Arthur by their sleeves and dragged the pair of them into the courtyard. "Follow my lead, I'll get us to the valley."
***
The ride through the valley of the Fallen kings was uneventful, and by the middle of the day, when the sun was at its highest, they had almost reached the entrance to the crystal caves. "So, boys, do we all know the plan?"
"You really were serious with us following your lead, weren't you Gwaine?" Arthur said, as he and Gwaine dismounted their horses, hiding their steeds - Llamrei and Gringolet - as best they could, so that Morgana and her saxons would have no chance of finding them. Arthur walked over to stand beside Merlin once he had taken care of his horse. "Now, Merlin, you do know what you have to do?"
Merlin nodded once, before reciting the plan for what seemed like the fiftieth time that day. "I ride to the very edge of the caves, and leave Hengroen tethered outside the entrance. I'll have a sword on me at all times, and I've also got the daggers you gave me, in case anything goes messy and I end up in close combat. I need to make my way to the crystal cavern itself, which is where Morgana will expect me to travel to. It's a trap, but not for me. You two need to wait until you are sure you won't be followed, and then you will cut off Morgana from the exit, and defeat her, or try to, whilst I do what I need to do to get my magic back."
"You got it in one, Merls. Good job."
"There's one other thing, though. For both of you."
"Merlin, there's no time for jokes," Arthur warned, but Merlin continued.
"If something goes wrong, Arthur you need to ride out to Camlann at once. Mordred will surely come for you, and when he does, you have to promise me that you will not hesitate, no matter what. You need to swear to me that you will fight like your life depends on it, because it likely would. Gwaine, you should go with him. If anything happens, anything goes wrong, you can't blame yourselves. You just ride, ride all the way to Camlann, and fight to win this war once and for all."
"Merlin, please, I'm not going to leave you at all."
"I'm sorry, Arthur. You have to. And no arguing, it's time."
Merlin urged Hengroen onwards with a click of his tongue, heading deeper into the valley of the fallen kings until Arthur and Gwaine could no longer be seen behind him. The caves seemed the same as they had all those years ago. When the visions of Morgana had started him down this dark path of destiny and lies. He had been plagued with nightmares from that day ever since he had stepped foot inside. The power of the crystals never really let him go, not after all these years. As Merlin stood on the outside of the cave system, Hengroen tethered to one of the trees at the entrance, he drew the sword Arthur had gifted him, and held it tightly in his right hand, before picking up a torch near the entrance and holding it in his left. Not even bothering to look over his shoulder as he stepped into the darkness, and out of the light.
The dim light the torch provided did not last for long, as a strong gust of wind blew it out and plunged him into the pitch black of the underground. "Over here Emrys." Merlin turned around, straining to see anything at all. "How well you've kept your secret." Merlin kept his face neutral, not allowing himself to give any clues to his life in Camelot. She could never know that Arthur knew his secret. Not until Arthur's sword was at her throat, with Gwaine by his side. "How well you've protected my foe."
"Face me," Merlin growled, fed up with whatever game Morgana was planning to play. "Face me, Morgana." He almost smirked, as the realisation came to him. She was scared, no, terrified, of him. Even without his powers. Merlin walked onward, until he found himself in a small dim space, a cavern closed off from the rest of the tunnels. An eery blue glow flowing into the room, from where surely the crystal cave lay, just beyond its walls. "You still afraid of me?"
"I fear no one, Least of all you," Morgana said. Merlin swung around, sword outstretched, as it cut through her arm, folding at her waist with a scream as she clutched her arm. She stood back up, slowly, laughing, as Merlin held out the sword once more. He knew now it was only a matter of minutes until Arthur and Gwaine arrived. He knew he only had to stall her for a few more moments, and then this would all be over. "You have defied me for the last time Emrys." Morgana backed out of the room, hands raising in front of her to begin a spell. He could feel the power in the air between them. Knew something bad was coming.
"Stanas ahreosa-" Morgana's spell died in a scream, as Merlin saw the sword plunge through her. The blade of Excalibur having run her right through. Arthur pulled out his weapon, and she stumbled forward towards Merlin. He backed up on instinct, accidentally dropping his sword, and missed the murderous glint in Morgana's eye, as she leapt forward, and grabbed the hilt of it, and rammed it through Merlin's side without a second thought. As she pulled the sword out, Morgana dropped to her knees, then to the floor. Arthur and Gwaine's smiles wiped clean off their faces when they saw Merlin stood against the wall on the other side of the room, hand on his side, crimson blood turning his tunic a horrible purple.
"Oh Gods, Merlin," Arthur rushed to Merlin's side, catching the younger man in his arms and gently bringing him to the floor, pulling him tight into his arms. "I should never have left you, Merlin. Hold on, you're not going to die. Not today. Not now. Not like this."
"Arthur," Merlin rasped out, "it's too late. There's nothing you can do."
"No, Merlin, not like this." Merlin looked up at Arthur, groaning in pain as Arthur tried to move him.
"Arthur, Arthur, please," Merlin put his hand over Arthur's, leaning into his arms. "Just, just hold me. Please."
"Your magic, can't it save you? If there's any chance, we have to give it a shot, Merls," Gwaine said, walking over from the entrance of the room with pain across his features as he crouched down beside Merlin, gently brushing the hair out of Merlin's eyes.
"I didn't, didn't have time, to get it back."
"Well then what do we need to do? How do we get it back for you? Gwaine and I can go search. Surely the answers will be here somewh-"
"Arthur, there's nothing you can do. Please, just don't leave me." Merlin's words were slowing down with each passing phrase. His voice becoming raspier and breathier as the blackness crept into his vision and threatened to take over. Arthur nodded to Gwaine, and the knight left the room, in search for a way to save his best friend. For Merlin, everything was so heavy. Everything was so much. All he wanted was to close his eyes, and drift off into a peaceful sleep. As he noticed his head drifting more and more towards his chest, Merlin spoke for the last time. "I love you, Arthur."
***
Half an hour after Gwaine had left, Arthur found himself in the same position as before. The tears had stopped a while ago, leaving him with a dull emptiness, as if a hole had been created inside him that absolutely nothing could begin to fix. His eyes were red and swollen, and his armour was stained with the red of Merlin's blood. Gwaine stood for a moment in the archway, a strange man by his side whom he had found sulking around the caves. But it had been too late, he now saw. Merlin was gone, and seemed to have been gone for a fair while. Any chance of saving him had long since disappeared. Gwaine went to tell the man besides him to give the pair some privacy, but before Gwaine could say anything, the stranger walked into the room and put his hand on Arthur's shoulder. "My boy, I'll need you to step aside for a moment."
Arthur looked up at the strangely familiar voice, until the features slowly resurfaced in his memory. "Balinor, but, this is impossible... you're, I mean, you-"
"Died? Yes, Arthur Pendragon, I did," Balinor chuckled softly. "And I would do it again, should it mean saving my son's life for a second time."
"Your son?" Arthur followed Balinor's gaze, until his eyes rested on the form of Merlin, which he still held tightly in his arms. "Merlin, he was your son?"
"Technically, he still is."
"He's gone though. I tried, tried everything I thought of. But we couldn't move him. He just wanted to be held. I sent Gwaine, thought maybe he could help find a way, but he died in my arms. I couldn't save him."
"But you did."
"I don't understand."
"Which sword was used to injure him?" Balinor asked, and Arthur weakly pointed at the sword that lay at their feet. Balinor picked it up, and held it in both his hands. "This isn't enough to kill him. Not really."
At this, Gwaine stepped forward deeper into the room. "If it's not enough to kill him then why is he dead?"
"He is merely dormant. If you would both please wait outside, I shall see what I can do."
Gwaine and Arthur begrudgingly stepped outside, but only after they had given Balinor sufficient threatening, that he were to let them know as soon as anything happened. The king and the knight waited in tense silence. They brought Llamrei and Gringolet around to join Hengroen, allowing the three of them to be fed and watered, to take their minds off Merlin. Gwaine didn't attempt to comfort Arthur, lost too much in his own grief. When he had arrived in Camelot, Merlin was the first person who was there for him. The first person he could rely on. And for the first time in a long time, he had known what it was like to have a best friend.
Arthur turned to pacing, when he finished with his and Merlin's horses. The next thing he knew, however, his sword was in his hand and every tree in striking distance was having a hard time at the hands of the King of Camelot. Arthur's mind eventually cleared enough to realise there was still a very real battle, that could be underway. And spoke to Gwaine for the first time in a while.
"Gwaine, I need you to take Gringolet and ride to Camlann as fast as you can. Let them know Morgana is dead. I'll wait here for Merlin."
"And if they ask where you are?"
"Tell them I'm with Merlin. There's no point in trying to hide that I care about him."
"You do more than care about him, princess, you love him. Whatever Balinor is doing in there, we have to pray he is right. That Merlin will be okay."
"He has to be," Arthur said, as Gwaine mounted his horse and rode away. "He has to be okay," he whispered to himself, trying to make his own brain believe his words.
Arthur lost track of how long he waited outside those caves. The sun had long set, but he dared not even make himself a fire, in case any saxons were in the area. He sat up against the trunk of a tree, Llamrei and Hengroen near where he sat. He must have dozed off, against his own will, as the moon was high in the sky when he woke to a small fire in front of him, and a pale face staring back at him across the clearing.
"I was wondering how long it would take."
Arthur was up and across the clearing within seconds of hearing the younger man's voice, pulling him to his feet and immediately pressing his lips to Merlin's.
"Don't you ever do that again, do you hear me, Merlin?" Arthur said when the pair pulled apart.
"Die? Wouldn't dream of it, sire."
"I'm serious, Merlin. I don't think my heart could handle it."
"So am I, Arthur. I'm not going to leave you again." Merlin leaned in to meet Arthur's lips once more. "I love you, Arthur. And I always will."
"I love you too, Merlin. And I'm never going to leave your side."
***
In the months that followed Morgana's death, Camelot had slowly returned to a kingdom of peace. Merlin had been promoted, to both Court sorcerer, and Royal consort, and although a few of Uther's old council members disagreed, Gwaine's quiet 'talks' with them had quickly brought them around to like the idea. Gwen and Lance were happy, as were Gwaine and Percival, and the knights, joined by their king and his sorcerer, had their fortnightly game of dice down at The Rising Sun. It soon became the place to be, with any commoner, or noble alike, allowed to play with the king on this one night. Arthur and Merlin had never missed one, not in all the time since Camlann, but as the five month anniversary of peace neared, Merlin and Arthur found themselves on top of the battlements whilst the rest of the knights had gone out for a game.
The night was clear, showing the couple the billions of stars that flickered and danced across the night sky. The breeze was cool, as could be expected with the turn of Autumn had been upon them for some while now. Arthur looked over to Merlin, then down to their interlocked fingers, before pulling his hand away from Merlin's and turning to face him. Merlin looked up at the loss of contact, and was stunned to see Arthur looking at him so intently.
"Do you know what today is, Merlin?"
"Arthur?"
"It's five months since you told me you loved me, and almost made me the happiest man alive."
"Only almost?" Merlin teased, giving Arthur an overly dramatic pout.
"The years I've known you, Merlin, easily have to be the best years of my life. Before you came interrupting my daily routine and calling me a prat, I don't know if I can remember ever being as happy, or feeling as complete, as I did once I knew you. You coming into my life, truly has to be the best thing that happened to me. Everything you do, is so full of love, and joy, and I love you with all my heart. My entire being, in fact. Every morning when I wake, you are the first thought through my mind, and you're the last one as I go to sleep at night. In fact, I can't imagine a life without you, Merlin. And that night at the caves, when I thought I lost you, it was the worst night of my life. But I meant all those things I said to you out in that clearing. I meant every single word."
"Arthur, what's this about?"
"I once said, Merlin, that I would never leave your side. And I meant it with all my heart. You're the smartest, bravest, kindest man I have ever had the pleasure to meet." Arthur stood up, pulling Merlin up with him, before returning to the ground, and getting on one knee. "Merlin, will you do me the honour of becoming my husband?"
Tears sprung into Merlins eyes, as he held out his left hand to Arthur. "Yes, you prat. With all my heart."