1 - 20 of 38 Works by FiltersShadow
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The wind is a little strong for a March afternoon, Riku is going to scold him for messing up his face and hair—just a little, though, because Riku is too nice to him. “How old are you, Jaehee-ssi,” Donghyuck asks, offering him a cigarette.
Daeyoung bows and accepts it, fishing for the lighter in his pocket. “I will be twenty-four this year.” Donghyuck nods as Daeyoung lights up his cigarette for him. “Say, do we have time for a little story, young man?”
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“Ten hyung, wait!”
There is something so magical about life, something so out of the thinking boundaries of a human- so incomprehensible that one starts believing in mysticism. Even as I stop and turn around, I don’t feel the world stop- not even for a miniscule of a second. It should have, it must have. The excitement, the smile, the endearing eyes. My blood should have punched my gut to grow a garden in my heart. I should have wanted to fall on my bare knees on the ground and grovel with affection.
But I stand there, numb eyes and steady lips. A stinging pain at the back of my head, and I hear a little shatter from behind my ribcage. “Yes, Jae?"
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For a long time, Donghyuck neither admitted to it nor denied. He is inert, after all. But his friends saw right through him. Perhaps they saw him falling even before he realised he was going to, and maybe they even tried to catch him from falling face first into the pit of fast-sand. But who has ever been able to stop the doom of a destined loser?
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Spending years with Johnny taught Ten that men are no less when it comes to insanity. It’s just society naturalises it, builds the world to facilitate the textbook idea of a man that’s kept happy by crushing everything else. If traditionally women’s insanity rises from frustration and depersonalisation, men’s thrives in the power-trip of it all.
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They're standing at the doorway, the door still open. Anyone could walk in, but nobody ever does uninformed. He doesn't have to worry about the neighbours, the ones living a floor above evacuated a week ago. Ten doesn't want to mind being seen kissing Johnny though.
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He tries to be humble. Of course he does. Despite the fact that he is known to do embarrassing things on the regular, he has some dignity. He wouldn’t go so far as to embarrass himself in front of anyone for being a fucking narcissistic asshole who fakes orgasms out of pity.
Ten struggles with his sex life and the only thing that seems to help is looking at himself.
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Jaehyun being in love with and loving Sicheng isn’t much of a secret between them and among their friends; even when nobody actively mentions it and even when Sicheng stubbornly refuses to acknowledge it, Jaehyun’s love for him is present, burning like the sun’s fire. But also, Jaehyun knows Sicheng is a mess.
Series
- Part 3 of a crumpled paper, a vibrant red ink
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You click so many pictures of me. What's the point? You never post any anyway,” Sicheng pouts, but he is not very serious about it. Jaehyun takes another picture before he meets Sicheng's eyes directly, the camera back to being hung around his neck.
"If people see how you look in my pictures, I'll be in huge trouble,” he replies, barely above a whisper, a multitude of flowers of love blossoming in his heart. Sicheng scoffs yet again and Jaehyun doesn't know if he is pretending oblivion.
Series
- Part 6 of Neo Canon (Compliant) Tales: One Shots
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“Trust me, okay? Remember your boundaries and know that you can trust me to know them, too.”
It has been established. Boundaries and trust.
Ten has kept up to it. He has known Sicheng inside out, weirdly always did. Even when Sicheng believes they're well within his boundaries, Ten has stopped, because he apparently could see it not working out for Sicheng. Even now as Sicheng's hands and legs are tied to the bedposts in Ten's bedroom, stark naked, Sicheng should trust him; Sicheng trusts him. Ten knows him, he always knows what will make Sicheng go crazy, what will make him cry out of pleasure.
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Yuta can watch him all his life and he knows Sicheng will allow him. Even if he goes all shy and embarrassed and hits Yuta’s bicep in annoyance, Sicheng will allow Yuta the privilege of watching him all day. It ever so happens when they are in different countries and they get a fraction to them, they facetime and Yuta spends half of it just staring. Sicheng never complains that he is wasting their already limited time. He just covers his face and laughs in the pretty way he does and peaks from between his fingers to look back at him.
Series
- Part 5 of Neo Canon (Compliant) Tales: One Shots
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“I saw your fashion week pictures, you’re so pretty,” Jaehyun says, suddenly so soft and romantic. It is like the beast has evaporated and Sicheng doesn’t know how to feel about it.
It has been months since his appearance in the Paris Fashion Week, he has been back to Seoul thrice before since then, and neither of the times he got to meet Jaehyun (because he was there for really brief periods). So maybe it does feel very new to Jaehyun, it always is new to him until Sicheng hears of it directly from him. Sicheng places his hands on the railing and bows his head. “Thank you. Taeyong hyung was really handsome too.”
Another deep chuckle from Jaehyun. “Hmm, he did look very cute. But,” he pauses to hook his head on Sicheng’s shoulder and kiss his cheek, “I didn’t look at him and go ‘God, I wanna kiss him senseless so bad’ honestly, so yeah.”
Sicheng has this innate need to have Jaehyun have his way with him, Sicheng just doesn't want to be responsible for anything.
Series
- Part 2 of a crumpled paper, a vibrant red ink
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“Are we going to give it to him for free,” Jaehyun questions, an eyebrow raised and Johnny nods. “We can’t. They are expensive and every employee took their free dessert today.” Johnny sighs, almost exasperated. “Fine, I’ll pay for it. Just pack it for him, he seems like he could use a little surprise.”
Jaehyun eyes him, squinting. It is like he is judging Johnny mildly, but to Johnny’s relief, he keeps quiet and does what he is asked. It is not as if any of them have any energy to argue at this point of the night. Besides, Jaehyun has nothing to lose and Johnny isn’t someone who hasn’t done something like this before. “I hope your assumption that he likes chocolate cupcakes with shit tons of rainbow sprinkles is right,” Jaehyun teases as he hands Johnny the box.
Johnny incidentally meets a guy who looks like he has a story... and he happens to be super adorable
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There is an English line he sings in Only Human. That’s what he feels now; a factual accuracy of his emotions in ways that is both daunting and impressive. He never expected he was capable of feeling such intense grief at something like this. He feels like a captive at the gate of the cage; afraid of the imprisonment and afraid of the world. Freedom doesn’t sound like an attainable destiny anymore. He only chuckles- probably the most pathetic one to ever walk the air, and bites his lower lip with excessive pressure to keep collected. He knows he’ll break, he just wants to be useful before the eventuality.
Sicheng, Yuta and the seven years of compressed and suppressed Love.
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Some say that life is linear, some believe in its cyclic nature. There are theories of non-linearity as well and of repetitions and reincarnations. But life for Doyoung and Jaehyun is two dispersed dots striving and struggling to collide- like their hearts.
As Doyoung waits for Jaehyun to come to him, Jaehyun wishes for Doyoung to just pull.
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Now he is a way better driver and his car works on automatic gears. He takes Mark's hand in his and interlaces their fingers. It feels so comforting and Mark hums in his sleep. Yuta works on automatic gears as he smiles very big at that. He's so beautiful, he thinks.
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Jaehyun giggles and wraps one whole arm around Sicheng's waist to bring the other to the back of his neck and nuzzles his face at the juncture of Sicheng's collarbone. It is breathtaking, Sicheng pretends not to be weak. "You're so cunning, Dong Sicheng."
There is a strangeness to whenever someone who isn't a Chinese member says his real name, it rolls off unfamiliarly. Heavily accented with their native language and completely disregarding of its original tones. His own name feels so alien then, it's crazy.
But when Jaehyun says it, heavily accented and demeaning in that way, the strangeness is of a different kind. It is almost erotic, because of the tone perhaps, or because of the effect Sicheng has there. He doesn't know if he reels more in the power or in the powerlessness. It's both sabotaging in its own way though, so Sicheng hasn't really found to solve it.
Series
- Part 1 of a crumpled paper, a vibrant red ink
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If you ask Johnny what he thinks melancholy is, he'll sit you down and explain it in great detail- giving instances from his own life, from tales of olden age and modern times and will ask you of your similar experiences to make you understand. Johnny loves to speak because he is marvelous at it.
But, Ten, on the other hand. If you ask him the same question right now, this instance, he'll just shrug his shoulders and point at something nearby (or himself, or his hand mingled with Johnny's) and say, quietly, "This."
Hand in hand, Ten and Johnny wait for a train that will separate them.
Series
- Part 4 of Neo Canon (Compliant) Tales: One Shots
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“Why do you hate hope so much, Jae?”
“I don’t hate hope. I am just incapable of feeling it, and of providing it.”
“I don’t believe that,” Taeyong tries to infer. And Taeyong isn’t like Sicheng by any means, but sometimes they do remind him of the other. That is what Taeyong is doing now.
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Yuta doesn't hate people, doesn't swear to keep away from them. But what he realises is that individualism is intricate- even within a community that follows the same traditions and lives similar lifestyles. And more often than not, he feels his individualism is way off the boundaries- less similarities, more alienation. It also doesn’t indicate that Yuta doesn’t have friends. There is a pretty decently sized list, but it’s on Yuta that there are high walls still. “You know what, Hyun,” he breathes out, pulling his chin to sit on Jaehyun’s head. The water is still dripping off him, but he hopes Jaehyun doesn’t mind. Now is a rare instant Yuta’s walls open a slit temporarily. “I wish I didn’t have so many people loving me, then I wouldn’t feel so terribly guilty for feeling lonely.”
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a bridge shall build if there's an ocean in-between by FiltersShadow
Fandoms: NCT (Band)
27 Oct 2022
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It's not as long ago as it feels sometimes when Yuta and Sicheng used to celebrate their birthdays together. Just one day in between, something that the others labelled as the bridge that connected the two, they somehow fell into the rhythm of loving it. Yuta finds himself so similar yet so opposite to Sicheng that sometimes he wonders if there actually exists anything called destiny. It's like fitting each other's voids sometimes.