FunnyThings
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Liam Moser is the son of two serial killers. His father is the Ice Truck Killer. His mother handles the dead professionally — in more ways than one. His brother Stanley is twelve, cries at Frozen, and stabs people with genuine emotional investment. His sister Lily is six and dissecting her stuffed animals with genuine artistic vision.
And Liam scored Yellow on Caldwell's danger assessment.
Caldwell is a boarding school for teenagers who've done something worth documenting. Green is concerning. Yellow is dangerous. Red means everyone gives you a wide berth in the hallway. Yellow — right in the middle — is the single greatest insult the Moser family has ever received. Especially since Liam only ended up at Caldwell for breaking rule number one:
Don't get caught.
One impulsive decision. One wrong person. One very public mess that couldn't be cleaned up quietly. The details are embarrassing. The bruise to his ego is worse.
Now he's in the backseat of his father's Rolls-Royce, heading back to Seattle for the weekend, and trying very hard not to think about Chase Everett.
He's not succeeding.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,801
- Chapters:
- 1/?
- Kudos:
- 1
- Hits:
- 16
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What happens when the Ministry's most progressive idea meets its most dangerous prisonor?
Jasiah Mordaunt thought he'd seen it all at St. Mungo's-until his unorthodox methods got him reassigned to the wizarding world's worst job: rehabilitating prisoners in Azkaban. His first patient? Barty Crouch Junior, the man who impersonated Mad-Eye Moody, bewitched the Goblet of Fire, and delivered Harry Potter to Voldemort on a silver platter.
The Ministry calls it rehabilitation. The Aurors call it naive.
Barty calls it a game.This isn't therapy. This is psychological warfare.
From their first session, Barty makes one thing clear: he knows every trick in the therapeutic playbook. He graduated top of his class. He fooled Albus Dumbledore for ten months. And he won't fall for standard Mind Healer tactics.
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Sirius Black and Severus Snape are late for a Death Eater Meeting
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2003. At twenty-three, Harry Potter returns to Hogwarts for his fifth year furious with Dumbledore, cut off all summer, kept in the dark about the Order, and forced back to the Dursleys despite the blood wards being basically useless. He isn’t allowed to live with Sirius. He isn’t allowed answers. The new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, Silvanus Vayne, should be the least of his problems—until Harry’s scar begins to tingle around him, faint and unfamiliar, the way it only ever does when Voldemort is near or feeling something intense. That shouldn’t be possible. Harry tells himself it means nothing. He’s wrong. Right?
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Everything in life comes with a price. Question is: are you willing to pay it?
Harry Potter had always thought that there was no price too high to defeat Voldemort. That was until he found out that the price was his own life.
"Are you sure, Professor? Is that what he said?"
Snape looked down at him. Pity in his eyes. It looked strange. Unfamiliar.
"Yes Potter. Dumbledore wants you dead
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After dying, Harry came back as something more than human and less than a person, numb to the world and haunted by a cosmic clarity. But in the presence of Tom Riddle, his senses return. Tom's touch is the only thing that makes Harry feel real, grounding him with a possessive intensity. To keep from shattering, Harry will willingly become the obsession of the monster he was meant to destroy, finding his humanity only in their darkest moments together.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,795
- Chapters:
- 2/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 10
- Kudos:
- 121
- Bookmarks:
- 36
- Hits:
- 1,381
Bookmarked by FunnyThings
24 Feb 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
All I need is Barty/Sirius and Voldi/Harry and Dark Harry too feel alive
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Summary
You could say that Harry's life was simple. Since he had become master of death, Harry had gone through many hardships, but at last he had a moment of peace.
With a lot of effort, Harry had managed to buy a new world in which he was pretending to be a 15 year old Harry Potter, so his current life was calm and normal.
If only that bloody Dumbledore hadn’t decided to randomly summon other Harry Potters to defeat Voldemort out of a book he pulled out of his ass.
Harry didn't know whether to kill Dumbledore or pull his hair out first. His days of peace were over, but more importantly, Harry had to protect the world he had worked so hard to earn from the maniacal intruders.
If only he could remember where he'd left the bear traps.
Series
- Part 4 of Harrys' congregation
- Part 4 of crack
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Summary
When Harry Potter has the opportunity to erase Voldemort before the Dark Lord can resurrect, he finds out that walking a fine line between his own morality and the good of this world is more complicated than Harry could have ever imagined. While unable to let go of his past, he discovers a whole different side of magic too, and a different side to the man who shows him this. Slow Burn, eventual HPLV.
Russian translations by Alkona: https://ficbook.net/readfic/018dc210-ab8b-78ca-b5be-5349cdf04c37
and LingShu: https://ficbook.net/readfic/13599437
Spanish translation by Leddwinchester https://www.wattpad.com/story/219112860-en-sacrificio-voluntario and by loucem: https://www.wattpad.com/story/255367261-en-sacrificio-voluntario
German translation by Bl4ck Ph0enix https://www.fanfiktion.de/s/627fdd290000eb181abe9db3/1/In-Willing-Sacrifice
Portuguese translation by Kat_Slytherin https://www.wattpad.com/story/279147597-in-willing-sacrifice-%E2%80%A2-tomarry.
Chinese translation by Joyce_July_5 https://viola0725yu.lofter.com/post/4d25f2c9_2b896ccee?incantation=rz1Q2fzExgJV
French translation: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69498331/chapters/180243021 -
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Summary
After Cedric's death Harry finds himself getting lost within the theory of magic, while he tries to figure things out he accidentally leaves himself vulnerable to a devastating handsome Tom riddle.
“Shh, it’s alright,” Tom said. “You’re doing beautifully and I'm so proud of you. But that's enough now. It was cruel of them to make you fight me- you could never have won. It's not your fault.”
(Using a tumblr prompt of an unknown author)
Series
- Part 2 of Tom/Harry fics
Bookmarked by FunnyThings
19 Dec 2025
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Summary
When the Dark Lord agreed to perform the ritual with a distant relative, he never imagined he would have to deal with the consequences fifteen years later.
OR
Voldemort doesn’t actually need a son, but he decides Harry is too intriguing to simply kill.
Series
- Part 1 of Curious things
Bookmarked by FunnyThings
18 Dec 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
Rolling laughing on the floor. Writing style and black humour perfection