12 Works by FunnyThings

Listing Works

  1. Tags
    Summary

    Liam Moser is the son of two serial killers. His father is the Ice Truck Killer. His mother handles the dead professionally — in more ways than one. His brother Stanley is twelve, cries at Frozen, and stabs people with genuine emotional investment. His sister Lily is six and dissecting her stuffed animals with genuine artistic vision.

    And Liam scored Yellow on Caldwell's danger assessment.

    Caldwell is a boarding school for teenagers who've done something worth documenting. Green is concerning. Yellow is dangerous. Red means everyone gives you a wide berth in the hallway. Yellow — right in the middle — is the single greatest insult the Moser family has ever received. Especially since Liam only ended up at Caldwell for breaking rule number one:

    Don't get caught.

    One impulsive decision. One wrong person. One very public mess that couldn't be cleaned up quietly. The details are embarrassing. The bruise to his ego is worse.

    Now he's in the backseat of his father's Rolls-Royce, heading back to Seattle for the weekend, and trying very hard not to think about Chase Everett.

    He's not succeeding.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,801
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    16
  2. Tags
    Summary

    What happens when the Ministry's most progressive idea meets its most dangerous prisonor?

    Jasiah Mordaunt thought he'd seen it all at St. Mungo's-until his unorthodox methods got him reassigned to the wizarding world's worst job: rehabilitating prisoners in Azkaban. His first patient? Barty Crouch Junior, the man who impersonated Mad-Eye Moody, bewitched the Goblet of Fire, and delivered Harry Potter to Voldemort on a silver platter.

    The Ministry calls it rehabilitation. The Aurors call it naive.
    Barty calls it a game.

    This isn't therapy. This is psychological warfare.

    From their first session, Barty makes one thing clear: he knows every trick in the therapeutic playbook. He graduated top of his class. He fooled Albus Dumbledore for ten months. And he won't fall for standard Mind Healer tactics.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,131
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    29
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Sirius Black and Severus Snape are late for a Death Eater Meeting

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,899
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    131
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    1,348
  4. Tags
    Summary

    2003. At twenty-three, Harry Potter returns to Hogwarts for his fifth year furious with Dumbledore, cut off all summer, kept in the dark about the Order, and forced back to the Dursleys despite the blood wards being basically useless. He isn’t allowed to live with Sirius. He isn’t allowed answers. The new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, Silvanus Vayne, should be the least of his problems—until Harry’s scar begins to tingle around him, faint and unfamiliar, the way it only ever does when Voldemort is near or feeling something intense. That shouldn’t be possible. Harry tells himself it means nothing. He’s wrong. Right?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,351
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    50
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    1,067
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Everything in life comes with a price. Question is: are you willing to pay it?

    Harry Potter had always thought that there was no price too high to defeat Voldemort. That was until he found out that the price was his own life.

    "Are you sure, Professor? Is that what he said?"
    Snape looked down at him. Pity in his eyes. It looked strange. Unfamiliar.
    "Yes Potter. Dumbledore wants you dead

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,564
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    206
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    1,708
  6. Tags
    Summary

    It's been 3 years since the Battle of Hogwarts. Muggles know about the wizarding world and Voldemort has almost won the war. Only America can withstand the forces of the Dark Lord. Harry Potter now lives in hiding in London. Plagued by Voldemort's memories, he tries to resist the madness that is slowly spreading through him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,318
    Chapters:
    5/27
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    555
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Ron left; Hermione is still there. Asleep. While Harry sits at the fire outside of the tent trying to silence the darkness inside of him. But suddenly he hears noises from the other side of the protective barrier.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,255
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    42
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    455
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Harry Potter is late for a Death Eater meeting.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,034
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    219
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    1,898
  9. Tags
    Summary

    (Translated from German to English, sorry for the wonky summary)
    As he does every year, Brian visits his brother Dexter's happy family in Iron Lake City. This time, however, Harrison, his nephew, is also there. But Angela seems much more tense than in previous years. Is it because of the sudden appearance of her boyfriend's son, whom he has never mentioned before? Or is it because of Dexter himself?
    *Abandoned.*

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,883
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    19
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    239
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Brian beschließt, seinem Lieblingsbruder in Iron Lake City einen Besuch abzustatten, nachdem Dexter ihm von seinem Verdacht bezüglich Harrison erzählt hat.

    Language:
    Deutsch
    Words:
    6,203
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    6
    Hits:
    67
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Brian decides to pay his favorite brother a visit in Iron Lake City after Dexter tells him about his suspicions about Harrison.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,251
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    59
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    603
  12. Tags
    Summary

    You're a mortician. He's a killer.

    You've always known who he is-Brian Moser, the Ice Truck Killer. And yet, you love him.

    Your life as a mortician already dances with death, but being with Brian pulls you into something deeper: passion laced with danger, trust tested by blood, and a bond forged in the darkest places. When a journalist starts digging and Dexter returns with his own agenda, the fragile world you've built together begins to crack.

    Loyalty, fear, and desire collide as you and Brian fight to protect what you share-even if it means getting your hands dirty.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,355
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    1,122

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