41 - 60 of 300 Bookmarks by problemsloth
Navigation
List of Bookmarks
-
Tags
Summary
"Here is what happens. If you lose. I do not have a television on which to show you. Please imagine your head exploding. Kablooey. Attached to your jaw is a thing they call. The inverse snare drum."
--
shitpostBookmarked by problemsloth
26 Aug 2024
-
Tags
Summary
Following a disastrous Alpha Kids reunion party, Dirk confronts Roxy about her past.
(Essentially, an exploration of Fefetasprite living rent-free in Roxy's head, even after Sburb is behind them all.)
(A Roxy <> Fefetasprite fic. Does not require the previous parts to be read.)
Series
- Part 2 of Cat Fish Witch
Bookmarked by problemsloth
24 Aug 2024
-
Tags
Summary
You kind of hate yourself for feeling like this because he’s an annoying douche who doesn’t know how to stop talking, but you probably hate yourself even more for hanging off his every word like every weird vaguely sexual soliloquy he mumbles to nobody in particular extends your lifespan by a year or two.
Bookmarked by problemsloth
08 Aug 2024
-
Tags
Summary
Dave has returned from the grave to drink Dirk’s blood. Using the folkloric weaknesses of the vampire, Dirk has him temporarily under control, but his own dark appetites may prove even more dangerous than a vampire’s thirst for blood!
Bookmarked by problemsloth
31 Jul 2024
-
She May Be A 'Girlboss', but I Ain't Her Malewife by semusepsu for Caracalliope
Fandoms: Homestuck
21 Aug 2021
Tags
Summary
"She wasn’t what you expected. She’s a rich girl. She grew up in a nice house. She's got a good family, plenty of book smarts, a full figure that ought to leave her with plenty of insecurities, and no experience with the kind of man you are. A scumbag like you ought to be able to turn a girl like that out as easy as pie.
That isn’t what happened, though."Bro tries to manipulate a seemingly naive Jane Crocker into sex work and ends up having the tables turned on him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,817
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 17
- Kudos:
- 64
- Bookmarks:
- 17
- Hits:
- 599
Bookmarked by problemsloth
31 Jul 2024
-
This Cancer Called Friendship by Edgelord (lostlikeme)
Fandoms: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
12 May 2018
Tags
Summary
Your name is Dirk Strider, and you've just been diagnosed with cancer. Whoop-dee-frickin-doo. It's not like your hotshot, movie director older brother gives two shits about you anyway. Besides, between furiously jerking off to thoughts of your ex-best friend and running a blog dedicated to your sexual attraction to puppets, you're pretty fucking sure you were already doomed.
Your former friends are too caught up in their own drama: Jane with her pregnancy scare and glaringly obvious self-esteem issues, Roxy who just messaged a tit pic to half the student body (as if being an alcoholic isn't enough), and you aren't even going to talk about Jake, the boy who broke his leg falling out of a tree and befriended a cherub with a similar handicap.
The only friend you have left is a depressed, agoraphobic troll with whom you chat with online, and he's too busy cultivating a hate-boner for his dubstep-loving downstairs neighbor and worrying about his drug peddling moirail's recent arrest to give you any time. It doesn't help that you've got the worst angel-demon troll tagteam nagging you to death during your final days.
Can your life become anymore unintentionally ironic? Probably.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 58,804
- Chapters:
- 13/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 118
- Kudos:
- 498
- Bookmarks:
- 68
- Hits:
- 10,925
Bookmarked by problemsloth
26 Jul 2024
-
Tags
Summary
Steal the money, expose the criminal, and DON’T be forced to watch your crew get it on under the effects of a questionable substance. That’s how this is supposed to go, right?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,761
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 12
- Kudos:
- 36
- Bookmarks:
- 4
- Hits:
- 745
Bookmarked by problemsloth
15 Jun 2024
-
Tags
Summary
Dirk moves closer. John's eyes follow the swipe of his tongue across his lower lip. “Is it making you hard thinking about us sucking your dick?” he asks.
John bites his own lip. “Well, y-yeah, but-”
Dave makes a noise like a car backfiring. Then clears his throat.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,226
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 12
- Kudos:
- 72
- Bookmarks:
- 11
- Hits:
- 489
Bookmarked by problemsloth
15 Jun 2024
-
Tags
Summary
Heartwarming! Local octopus meets her deadbeat dad and only kills him once.
Bookmarked by problemsloth
11 Jun 2024
-
[podfic] hey dave do you ever think about laying my neck down in one of those deli counter meat slicers and going to town on it like a salami by jacks_long_coat
Fandoms: Homestuck
15 May 2024
Tags
Summary
[39m 38s]
"So. Decapitation as a sexual activity."
[Written by the meat machine.]- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 8
- Kudos:
- 15
- Bookmarks:
- 4
- Hits:
- 476
Bookmarked by problemsloth
09 Jun 2024
-
Tags
Summary
Dave comes home late with a new-found bully problem, just as Bro finds an ad online posted by a 14-year-old boy looking for someone with a "big build" who doesn't mind "getting rough."
Turns out the ad wasn't posted by a kid bound to be a sex icon, but a brat getting bullied who has no idea what "M4M" actually implies.
Bro agrees to risk going to jail to take care of the kid's bullies, thinking Dave was the one who made the posting. Instead he finds out it's another kid all together, and he's left feeling more than a little cheated when the kid can't even turn up some payment for Bro's trouble.
Bookmarked by problemsloth
26 May 2024
-
Tags
Summary
When Alpha Dave comes home high, it shouldn't be Beta Bro's problem. He can't even manage his own shit, how's he supposed to look after anyone else?
Why does "being better" mean "being vulnerable", anyway?
(Mature for drug usage and discussions of abuse.)
Series
- Part 1 of Resurrected and Redeemed: an Epilogue
Bookmarked by problemsloth
08 May 2024
-
Bookmarked by problemsloth
07 May 2024
-
Tags
Summary
Rose and Dirk kill each other. For their health.
Series
- Part 7 of blood moon (derse week 2023)
Bookmarked by problemsloth
15 Apr 2024
-
Tags
Summary
The Etruscans read entrails under an ancient sky. Dirk reads his brother’s blood through a computer screen.
Series
- Part 6 of blood moon (derse week 2023)
Bookmarked by problemsloth
15 Apr 2024
-
Dirk x Rosebot [Robophilia] by HARDCOREPROCESS
Fandoms: Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon - Fandom
13 Sep 2020
Tags
Summary
USER REQUEST: does rosebot have pusspuss
Series
- Part 13 of HCP Tumblr Ficlets
Bookmarked by problemsloth
14 Apr 2024
-
with icy stare and punk rock hair (and beatnik flair) by oncewewerezombies
Fandoms: Homestuck
13 Apr 2024
Tags
Summary
Masochism/Sadism // Fisting // Begging
Series
Bookmarked by problemsloth
14 Apr 2024
-
Tags
Summary
Rosebot offers to play therapist to Dirk, and uses the opportunity to practice her hypnotherapy. While she’s digging around in a tranced-out Dirk’s head, he starts to touch himself.
(If you’ve seen that scene in Donnie Darko...basically that.)
Bookmarked by problemsloth
25 Feb 2024
-
Tags
Summary
Dave forgets to use the bathroom before a strife.
If anyone else asks him about the aforementioned strife, he'd tell them that he lost to the unbeatable years of experience and Bro's loaded masculine physique.
But when he's alone, Dave jerks his meat to the memory.
Bookmarked by problemsloth
15 Feb 2024
-
Tags
Summary
or: Five times Dirk Strider had to share (and one time he didn't).
Dirk's always known he hangs on to people too hard. He's working on doing better. Doesn't mean he has to like it.
Series
- Part 4 of lightning bug au
Bookmarked by problemsloth
11 Feb 2024