18 Works by CaffeinatedMunchkin
Listing Works
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You visit a certain, shady detective after hours and help him blow off steam.
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A smile curves. Coy and adoring. You comb through his thick curls, enamored with how roguish they frame him. "Do you trust me?"
Mischief gives way to a boyish curiosity. His four syllable response hushed. "Implicitly."
The tips of your fingers continue to trace along the contours of his handsome severity. Your tone lowered mesmeric. "Are you at all familiar with the practice of gentling stallions?"
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In which Victor submits to you. -
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You butter up Victor with praise and then jerk him off. That's it that's the fic.
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He needs your insolence like a hit. An itch only you can reach. He needs your tears, your ecstasy. He needs to let the beast give you the hurt, so he can turn around and be the one to kiss it better again.
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Stop Me If You've Heard This One by CaffeinatedMunchkin for xxnashiraxx
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games), Twilight (Movies), Underworld (Movies), Vampires (1998), Van Helsing (2004), Salem's Lot (TV 1979), Fright Night (1985), Fright Night (2011), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), The Lost Boys (Movies), Daybreakers (2009), Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992), Dracula (1931), Nosferatu (1979), Near Dark (1987)
19 Feb 2025
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A bard and a vampire wander into the local hags backyard-STOP ME IF YOU’VE HEARD THIS ONE
Wilted Rose Productions proudly presents its newest release: STOP ME IF YOU’VE HEARD THIS ONE. Ofelia Montez (With Stars to Fill My Dreams) and Astarion Ancunín (Christian Woman, Hungry Like the Wolf) reunite to star in this tongue-in-cheek exploit that pens a love-letter to vampirism, and all that it’s bitten; which Fangoria hails: “unpredictable, ambitious, and aware; a frightfully amusing re-telling for all to sink their teeth into - no fangs required.” and that Bloody Disgusting calls: "A wild ride. These horror high jinks are the sort that could only exist for a duo the likes of Ofelia and Astarion, and it is only because of them that this story is pulled off.”
Sex, blood, and Rock ‘n’ Roll. Bring home the absurd story you think you know, told like never before. STOP ME IF YOU’VE HEARD THIS ONE, now on video cassette - rent it tonight!Runtime of 37K words. The media advertised has been rated R for strong sexual content, graphic depictions of violence, and crude humor. Restrictions apply. Under 18 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian.
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Acts of a Penitent by CaffeinatedMunchkin
Fandoms: The Omen (Movies), The First Omen (2024)
14 Feb 2025
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St. Mary of Mercy Preparatory School for Girls is a paradise. His Eden. A garden of kindred souls he tends by day. Vibrant and new, petals unfurled fragrant, these flowers stretch towards him like he's their sun; for his is the hand that waters and weeds, and he is the warmth that nurtures. A flock of little lambs whose deference borders fawning. He doesn't encourage, nor does he mind. His role in their lives is to keep them on the straight and narrow, and most importantly, keep them with God.
The slow seduction of Father Brennan if he was the priest at an all girls catholic school instead of excommunicated from the church for trying to uncover a massive conspiracy and stop the antichrist <3
**It's marked under-age. Reader is of unspecified high-school age. No younger than 17, if picturing 18 makes you more comfortable by all means plug it in. I kept it vague and not expressly stated for that reason. Cheers.
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This man would be a whirlwind force of cocaine-fueled sarcasm-steeped ego-maniacal catnip that you would not be able to resist, and he would sniff it out like a hound with a bone and milk you for all your worth. The unbearable weight of massive talent that he is and as far as he can spit the only expertise in the building, he has no business pissing away precious time on some ragtag troupe of wannabes who couldn’t get it together with a map, both hands and written direction.
He knows it, you know it. So why not make the best of a bad situation?
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Nourishment, Beyond the Physical by CaffeinatedMunchkin
Fandoms: Dragon Age: The Veilguard (Video Game), Dragon Age (Video Games)
14 Dec 2024
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He didn't indulge in sweets often, not in a long while. And never like this.
It was like just his mother's, and it wasn't.
So different from how he remembered, yet it warmed him from the inside out, just as it did when he was a boy.
It tasted like Ariadne. Her bite. How she burned down his throat and boiled in his stomach. An addictive delight, tinged with the inescapable aftertaste of regret that plagued a treat. Something that tasted too good to resist, though he knew better.
Her heavy-hand, and decadence.
Her affection for him, overwhelming as it was unapologetic.
He didn't need his mother's torte. He needed hers. And now that he got a taste, he was ravenous.
It awakened something so deep-seeded within him he didn't recognize it at first. He didn't know how to appease it. Dredged from his depths, it ordered his acknowledgment with the same loud insistence that begged her consolation.
All he could do was reach for her.
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The one where Emmrich never processed his grief from Rook's stint in the Fade prison, and it comes back to confront him when he least expects. -
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When Commodore Norrington is tasked by Governor Swann to travel to England and escort a young woman back to Port Royal, he finds himself unprepared for how she makes him feel. More unprepared is he still to face those feelings when confronted by them directly. Sometime after the events of TCOTBP.
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An Iron Hand in a Velvet Glove by CaffeinatedMunchkin
Fandoms: Dragon Age: The Veilguard (Video Game), Dragon Age (Video Games)
27 Nov 2024
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"Their corpse proved quite stubborn."
He presented her an opportunity, and she grasped at it in desperation.
"I'm surprised, you're so very good at taming stubborn."
Her playful attempt at schmoozing won a stiff snort, and nothing more.
"Oh..." Breathed with a coy lilt, she feigned innocence that could have been believable, if she were anyone else. "Are you still cross with me?"
Stealing another gulp, he sneered against it's bite. The strength of which smoked his voice to a heady resonant.
"Back during your apprenticeship, when you disobeyed one of your superiors, or spoke back at them out of turn; in what manner did they see fit to punish you?"
A preemptive attack from which she was slow to recover.
"I... got a good tongue lashing." Her words were tight from a throat that fought against their release. "A common occurrence, I might add."
"Just as I suspected." After a breath, he then angled a brow down into his drink. "The correction of your behavior falls into my lap after all." -
La Petite Mort by CaffeinatedMunchkin
Fandoms: Dragon Age: The Veilguard (Video Game), Dragon Age (Video Games)
15 Nov 2024
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The hour was late, and the thought of disturbing her nagged with apprehension. Surely she didn't require his company, nor his consolation, when she had such a treasured, sororal bond with Neve. Yet he found himself taking the long walk down the corridor to her quarters nonetheless.
'Perhaps reminiscing of home will offer a welcome distraction, if only for a short while.' He assured himself. 'A comfort that I am uniquely disposed to provide.'
All thoughts of Nevarran eccentricities and their hopeful nostalgia halted as he arrived at her door. It greeted him with an alarming sound.
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In which Professor Emmrich Volkarin finds his fellow Mourn Watcher in a compromising situation. -
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Enjoying his new life as an accomplished, highly-sought after tailor, Astarion loses himself in his work as Liar's Night dawns, and with it, sees him his busiest yet. In effort to garner the forgiveness that she neither expects, nor demands, he presents Sabine with a gift - as well as the opportunity for proper closeness. The first they've had in well over a week. Astarion/Tav (Sabine.) Post game.
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Astarion catches Sabine and Gale sharing a moment he wrongly perceives as intimate. Compelled to reinstate his importance in their dynamic, he propositions her with a rendezvous of his own. Though it's anything but tender, genuine affection for her begins to sprout, like a weed. Act 1.
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A pretty fluffy and extremely self-indulgent oneshot inspired by the post-orthon fight dialogue. My take on the party’s thoughts in regards to their showdown with Yurgir, and what it means to Astarion. Tavstarion dabbled in for good measure. Very mild descriptions of injuries. Act 2.
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Astarion has yet to give himself to Sabine, not in the way she's given herself to him. Not in the way she craves. Deciding to take a page directly from his book, she uses it as a means to remind him that this dance of theirs requires two. Or: Astarion shows up to feed, and our girl's feelin a little petty, a little vindictive. Astarion/Tav(Sabine). Act 1.
Somewhere between To Bear Witness and The Cost Of Devotion.
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Astarion spends more time protecting Sabine from herself, than from others. When the pair crosses paths with a priest of Loviatar, they find he's as eager to scourge the little sorceress, as she is to prove herself. An experience that may be just what they need to diffuse their mounting tension, it leaves them both in ways they least expect. Astarion/Tav(Sabine). Act 1.
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Astarion had never experienced possessiveness before. He never had anything to be possessive of. When Gale becomes a potential threat to his simple plan, he corrects the situation the only way he knows how. Astarion/Tav(Sabine). Act 1.
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The Waco Kid has the fastest hands in the world, and the longest fuse. When the newest saloon girl catches his eye, she remains unattainable. However sincere his affections. As a result, he’s introduced to a side of himself he’s never had to contend with before. For no matter how long his fuse may be, once it’s lit, it’s not so easily extinguished.