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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Alright. Okay. He’s doing this. If he thinks about it, there could be worse places to come out than in a room full of people ready to scold him for a perceived use of a slur.
    ---
    Or: Ilya comes out to the Raiders. It takes Cliff Marlow some time, and many questions, but eventually he puts two and two together.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,624
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    372
    Kudos:
    11,392
    Bookmarks:
    1,732
    Hits:
    54,971

    03 Aug 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    James Moriarty had slept with two Holmeses in one week. He was going to hell.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,692
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    964
    Bookmarks:
    108
    Hits:
    4,870

    22 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    lucarozanov

    if shane hollander gets mad at me reading about him getting blasted in the ass then he can check his bank account. i know ilya would be chill with it though

    Luca Haas tries very hard to not let anyone know about his dark (read: embarrassing) past. Unfortunately, the fans are ready to let people know for him.

    Or, Luca used to run a tumblr blog for Hollanov and the internet goes wild.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,603
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    1,748
    Kudos:
    35,364
    Bookmarks:
    7,404
    Hits:
    223,568

    04 Jun 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Shane: You know, believe it or not, eating women out actually wasn't my favorite pastime
    Ilya: Sure.
    Shane: Ilya. I’m GAY
    Ilya: Not too gay to eat lots of pussy

    In which the women Shane has slept with share their experiences on social media, Shane and Ilya both react totally normally, and Hayden would like some clarity on his best friend's sex life

    A sequel to "ten out of ten"

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,353
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2,078
    Kudos:
    26,444
    Bookmarks:
    2,347
    Hits:
    209,901

    02 Jun 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    The hot mic incident was just the beginning.

    Now the internet watches in real-time as Ilya’s Spotify playlist gets leaked (with NOTES), Shane attempts subtlety (narrator: he fails), they bicker about boy bands on late night TV, someone admits to having a ring for six months ON TWITTER, and approximately 20 different social media platforms collectively lose their goddamn minds.

    Featuring: journalists having breakdowns, Reddit threads that require moderator intervention, TikTok compilations with 1.2M views, brand partnerships from Skittles, a plague of engagement speculation, and two hockey players who cannot stop being chaotic disasters on main.

    The fandom was writing fic about them. Turns out reality is messier, queerer, and somehow MORE unhinged.

    [or social media reacts to the week following the Hot Mic Incident™, told entirely through tweets, Reddit posts, Instagram stories, podcast transcripts, and the world’s most romantic Spotify playlist]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,067
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    747
    Kudos:
    19,507
    Bookmarks:
    2,600
    Hits:
    174,989

    02 Jun 2026

  6. Public Bookmark *

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    Want to win a date with an All Star?

    When the NHL hosts a charity gala during the 2016 All Stars weekend, both Shane and Ilya are put on auction as donors bid on a chance to go on a date with them in support of a good cause.

    Too bad they bet on each other.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    32,638
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    903
    Kudos:
    3,834
    Bookmarks:
    1,005
    Hits:
    77,503

    02 Jun 2026

  7. Public Bookmark *

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    Hollander’s mouth flattens into the cutest, bitchiest little line. “Yeah, well, have you seen one on a guy before because…” he stops, waves a hand down at his crotch.

    “I have now,” Ilya answers honestly. He’s heard of it before, of course. Usually crude jokes amongst crude locker rooms, but he also knows for all the claims made from every other guy about how they’ve come across one, it’s rare.

    So of course Shane fucking Hollander gets the honour.

    Ilya can’t be mad though, considering that he’s about to reap the rewards of it.

    Shane Hollander wakes up with a pussy.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,719
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    148
    Kudos:
    3,875
    Bookmarks:
    595
    Hits:
    34,711

    28 Apr 2026

  8. Public Bookmark *

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    Like a Record Baby (Will LaPointe): i keep thinking this is some sort of insane dream
    Like a Record Baby (Will LaPointe): but no. we got SHANE HOLLANDER.
    Like a Record Baby (Will LaPointe): because of HOMOPHOBIA!
    Sherlock Holmes (Carter Holmberg): rare homophobia win
    Shane Hollander: Well let’s not go that far.
    El Capitan (Ilya Rozanov): holmberg please refrain from being pro homophobia in the group chat or shane will report you to management

    --

    Or: Shane's first season on the Ottawa Centaurs, as told through a number of increasingly unhinged texts

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    81,580
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Comments:
    3,100
    Kudos:
    13,260
    Bookmarks:
    2,180
    Hits:
    305,669

    20 Apr 2026

  9. Public Bookmark *

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    Roz couldn’t take three hours off when he was in Boston to see Cliff, but somehow managed to kick off a whole ass friendship with his worst enemy when the guy lived two hours away? Make that make sense! As far as Cliff knew, Hollander didn’t even like any of the things that Roz liked – partying or clubbing or drinking. What did Hollander have that Cliff didn’t? Besides a second Cup? And several MVP awards? And multiple broken records?

    Oh god. Had Roz picked Hollander as his new best friend because he was better than Cliff at hockey?

    --

    Cliff is very proud to be Ilya Rozanov's best friend (or at least his best male friend). But then Ilya moves to Ottawa, dodges Cliff's attempts to hang out and, oh yeah, suddenly announces a close friendship with a guy he's hated for most of a decade. This would be much simpler to deal with if Cliff had any idea how to talk to Roz about feelings. Or how to talk about feelings at all.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,785
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    312
    Kudos:
    7,112
    Bookmarks:
    1,283
    Hits:
    38,632

    18 Apr 2026

  10. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “Ilya, you’re playing the Voyageurs next, in Montreal. How are you feeling about that?” An ESPN mic is held to his face.

    Rozanov grins. “Really good. About time. I know we have been winning a lot, but is always the most fun to beat Montreal.”

    “The situation’s kind of changed though, hasn’t it?”

    “Is true.” Rozanov looks almost thoughtful. “It used to be the most fun to beat them because they had the best player on their team. Now…” Rozanov trails off. He chances a look to the side, as if to check if someone’s there or not. “Now is going to be fun because they are very stupid.” Rozanov’s face is very hard. Serious. Angry. Scary.

    Or: Signing with the Montreal Voyageurs should have been the best day in Jordan Bicker’s career. If only it weren’t for Ilya Rozanov…

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,809
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    524
    Kudos:
    7,527
    Bookmarks:
    968
    Hits:
    39,755

    15 Apr 2026

  11. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya was used to hazing. He had been subjected to it, he had participated in it, and, as a captain, he had stood guard over the rookies and protected them from anything truly harmful. But if he had been asked, Ilya would have approved of this prank. He would have authorized it, given Cliff and Vicky his seal of approval, perhaps even helped orchestrate it.

    Any other day, Ilya might have been happy to play along.

    But, in perfect dramatic irony, it had not happened any other day. It had happened today. And, cherry on top, of course the rookie had to walk in when Shane was already freaking out about Ilya saying his name.

    +++

    A prank-gone-wrong leads to the Boston Bears finding out about Shane and Ilya’s relationship in 2016. The day Ilya first invited Shane into his house. Right after they say each other’s names for the first time. Fuck his life, honestly.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    30,173
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    2,117
    Kudos:
    25,746
    Bookmarks:
    6,200
    Hits:
    261,427

    05 Apr 2026

  12. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane lifts one eyelid again to look at Rozanov. His eyes are red-rimmed. Like he’s been crying. “Why…why aren’t you in Boston?”

    Rozanov’s brow furrows. “Why would I be in Boston?”

    “You, you’re captain. Raiders. Boston.”

    The room is silent except for the beeping of monitors.

    In 2023, Shane takes a bad hit on the ice. When he wakes up, the last thing he remembers is a tuna melt.

    There’s a lot to get used to.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    43,230
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    3,527
    Kudos:
    35,165
    Bookmarks:
    9,067
    Hits:
    537,368

    30 Mar 2026

  13. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Hayden watches Shane, almost expecting him to go, "wow, I was hacked while we were at practice, look at these weird messages!". But no such luck. Shane smiles.

    A real smile, a big one, his text from Lily smile. God, Hayden was so sure they were sending each other endless strings of heart emojis and "I miss you more" "no, I miss you more"s, not…that. Never in a million years would he have guessed that.

    Or: 5 times someone's shocked to learn that Shane's a little freaky, +1 time someone isn't

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,913
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1,025
    Kudos:
    29,837
    Bookmarks:
    5,074
    Hits:
    196,620

    26 Mar 2026

  14. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Shane doesn't have anything against fighting in hockey. Truly he doesn't. But there are a million different things to love about playing on the same team as Ilya Rozanov, and watching him stew in the penalty box like a caged animal is near the bottom of that list for Shane.

    Ilya can't keep out of the box, so he's not allowed to put it in anymore.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,158
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    238
    Kudos:
    3,569
    Bookmarks:
    968
    Hits:
    48,335

    17 Mar 2026

  15. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    On July 4, 2018, Ilya announces to the world that he has already played his last home game on Boston Raider ice. He's an Ottawa Centaur now, for better or for worse.

    Most all of Boston Twitter agrees it's for worse.

    Shane Hollander, watching alone on his couch at the cottage that Ilya just left a few days ago, knows it's for the better. And he thinks he knows that Ilya thinks it's for the better too, that Ilya's excited for the move, excited to be closer to Shane. It's just hard to remember that when Ilya looks so distracted and sad in the wake of the news breaking.

    But one day, Shane's going to promise this man that he'll be there for him through better or worse, so he may as well start practicing now.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,281
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    276
    Kudos:
    7,527
    Bookmarks:
    1,206
    Hits:
    81,053

    15 Mar 2026

  16. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    The problem is, no one knows how to market Ilya Rozanov's (in his own words) sexy Euro masculinity to an audience of white straight men.

    He needs the best. And if it happens to be his secret lover’s mother who despises his very existence, so be it.


    +16319607169

    See? That is what I need. Do not care that you are not professional. You are best
    This is Ilya Rozanov

    Yuna

    This is a fucking joke, right?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,908
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    26
    Comments:
    2,791
    Kudos:
    24,385
    Bookmarks:
    5,078
    Hits:
    126,424

    15 Mar 2026

  17. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Barstool Sports Canada reports that Montreal Metros captain Shane Hollander has started learning Russian from new teammate and Russian rookie Sergei Dovonchezky.

    Ilya has some thoughts. None of them are particularly kind.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    29,008
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    3,610
    Kudos:
    57,891
    Bookmarks:
    17,382
    Hits:
    981,503

    14 Mar 2026

  18. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Maybe, just maybe, Ilya can admit the Spyder is a bit suspicious. The Raiders license plate is not helping things but the Lambo has the vanity plate ROZY so what was he supposed to do? Take his Ferrari to pick up his boyfriend? No. Let his boyfriend take a cab to his house from the airport? Absolutely not.

    Luckily Shane is helping the situation by dressing like a broke frat boy in a hoodie that he’s had since he was seventeen years old (Ilya would know), a backwards Blue Jays hat, sweatpants, with nothing but a duffle and an insulated tote bag

    In which; The Hollanders take Ilya on a last minute road trip. Yuna is concerned about Ilya’s career, Shane wants to be the best boyfriend possible, Ilya wants to pay for a damn meal, and David is just happy to be in the kitchen.

    A Prequel to “One For The Road” but both can stand alone

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,072
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    488
    Kudos:
    2,509
    Bookmarks:
    521
    Hits:
    29,138

    13 Mar 2026

  19. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Anonymous asked:
    imagine this is your first olympic game and your opponents are the Red Menace and the Wasian Terror

    ridetheinvisiblepuck replied:
    i don’t have to imagine i can hear the rattling of the chains tying clara to the net 

    hockeysucchiaggio reblogged ⇄ ridetheinvisiblepuck
    #this is like watching a national geographic doc #where two lions are performing some fucked up mating dance #while slaughtering a herd of zebras

    or,
    Canada faces Italy in the first preliminary match of the men's hockey tournament at the Olympics, and Ilya is not pleased that Shane has noticed the Italian goalie. What follows: a bad loss, the great condom shortage of the Winter Olympics, and an excommunication.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,326
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    829
    Kudos:
    10,733
    Bookmarks:
    1,620
    Hits:
    98,135

    07 Mar 2026

  20. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    If you ask anyone who knows even the slightest bit about hockey, they would say that Shane Hollander is one of the nicest players out there. A generational talent with talks of a dynasty.

    If you ask Ilya Rozanov, he’d announce loudly that Shane Hollander is the best thing that happened to him. Don’t get it wrong; he’d still call him boring and polite and “very Canadian” and only the second best hockey player in the league. But there’d be a sparkle in his eye and a soft smile on his lips, and it wouldn’t be hard to see the pure adoration the man had for Shane Hollander. He’d mock him with “golden boy Shane Hollander,” but there’d be a thread of something hidden in his voice. Almost as if he doesn’t truly believe it.

    Or, Shane Hollander left Montreal. He's not sure if all of him did, though.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,494
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    360
    Kudos:
    7,166
    Bookmarks:
    1,081
    Hits:
    59,931

    23 Feb 2026

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