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heavenly bodies make the devil a little uncomfortable by valariansmith
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
02 Oct 2025
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Summary
In which Tav sells her soul for the Orphic Hammer, and in which Raphael has no fucking clue how to seduce her. (Haarlep, however, does.)
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Haarlep quirked a brow. “According to her, you compared her to a dog right before buying her soul. Not the most romantic of gestures, I’ll have you know. She thinks you find her unattractive.”
“Ridiculous,” Raphael huffed, “I’ve been flirting with her relentlessly!”
“How, exactly? Enlighten me.”
“I very visibly check her out every single time we meet. And she’s been flirting back, sauntering away from me seductively when it comes time for us to part.”
“So she walks away from you, and you look at her.”
“That, but sexily. Surely that counts for something!”
Haarlep shook his head, dismayed. “Gods above, you’re absolutely hopeless. If you want to have her, we’ll need to work on your charisma - or, more accurately, your lack thereof.”
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all of raphael's rizz goes down the drain when he wants to get laid. haarlep literally fucks raphaels crush and makes him feel every moment of it. i had a lot of fun with this fic if you couldnt tell
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“Hey, Des?” asked Nora, still covered in wastelander blood. Deacon was off talking to Tinker Tom. Nora so rarely got to speak with Desdemona without her partner-in-crime, and she’d had a question nagging at her since she joined up.
“Wanderer. Great work on the field lately. What’s up?”
“I was wondering. Before I joined up, did you have Deacon follow me?”
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in which Nora recognises Deacon's face from somewhere, and in which Deacon's lies catch up with him
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“Nick?” She squinted. “What’re you doing here?” Her voice was dull and lifeless.
“Hancock came to get me. Let me know you’d been hitting the chems. He was worried about you. And so am I.”
“You’re worried about me? You barely know me.”
“I know enough. I know you aren’t the type of person to shack up in Goodneighbour, ruining her body one hit at a time. Whatever happened when you went to see Kellogg snuffed out your spark. You fought so hard for your kid just to give up? That’s not who you are, I can tell.”
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in which Nora gives up after learning her son is in the Institute, and in which Nick isn't content to let her roll over and die
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I despise you (in the best kind of way) by valariansmith
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
10 Jun 2024
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"Ah, ceremorphosis. The illness on the horizon for us all. Day 1: fever and memory loss. Day 2: hallucinations and graying skin. Day 3: hair loss and blood leaking from all orifices.”
Tav made a face. “Fuck, dude, some people are eating dinner.”
“Day 4: excruciating pain as the skeleton and organs reform,” he continued, a shit-eating grin across his face. “Day 5: the host's personality has disappeared. Fingers, toes, and limbs elongate.”
She rolled her eyes. “Day 6: the flesh around the mouth splits to make way for tentacles. Day 7: a mind flayer is born. I read the same book as you, dipshit.”
“Forgive me - with your crude language, I often forget you’re an academic.” He gave her a pointed look. “By now, nearly a week has passed. Our orifices remain blissfully unbloodied, our heads remain clear, and our blood temperature normal.”
“Must I ask you every time to speak English instead of nerd?” She glared.
“Alright, then, I’ll stoop to your level.” He cleared his throat. “It’s really fucking weird that we aren’t sprouting tentacles.”
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In which Tav meets Mystra's infamous ex-lover - someone she's long despised - and in which Gale learns why it's best never to meet your idols.
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Tavera and Gortash had been the ultimate evil power couple - up until Orin had done Tavera in, that is. Now Gortash patiently waits for her to find her way back to him. When she eventually does, though, she’s spouting nonsense about ‘turning over a new leaf’ and ‘saving the world from the Absolute.’ Will he choose tyranny or Tavera? (spoiler - he chooses Tavera)
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Looking at her, even through the eyes of another, felt like he had regained a part of him that he had lost when she’d been tadpoled. He couldn’t wait to take her into his arms, to hold her, to have her.
But when they met in the ceremonial hall, she wasn’t excited at all. She seemed almost indifferent.
“Crawling back from her bloody disgrace, it’s my favourite assassin! Gods, you’re a sight for sore eyes. Orin told me she’d made a fool of you, but I should’ve known you wouldn’t go down that easily.”
Her eyes widened and she took a step back. “You know me?”
A pang of hurt stung his throat. He swallowed it down. “Then she didn’t lie - the past is lost to you. Let me clear up some mysteries. We share.. So much history.”
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the durgetash brainrot is real fellas
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you're a little pistol (and i'm fucking pistol whipped) by valariansmith
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
09 Jun 2024
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Raphael watches Tav during her adventures and gets progressively more horny for her as time goes on. He fucks Haarlep imagining it's her, but he realizes over time that it's not just her body he wants - it's all of her.
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“Yes, Raphael,” cried out Haarlep, though their voice wasn’t their own; it was Tav’s. “More, please, more. I’ll do whatever you ask of me.”
“Not like that,” grunted Raphael, “she wouldn’t give in. Fight me a little for dominance.”
He found himself flipped onto his back with Haarlep on top. “Like this?” Tav’s voice purred. “You want to be underneath me? Good, because I enjoy being in control. Especially over someone as powerful as you.”
Tav wouldn’t dare compliment him in bed. She was too proud for that. Still, Raphael was content to lay back and imagine her bouncing atop him, crying his name, clawing at his chest, her warmth sucking him in time after time, milking him for everything he had.
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aka raphael asked me how i knew how to play lanceboard and i immediately fell to my knees and wrote almost 5k words in a single sitting
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Before the V's, there was Vox and Alastor. Fast friends after Vox's untimely demise, the two formed a tentative alliance, and a strong friendship. But Vox wanted more. He wanted to be not just Alastor's closest friend, but his lover. Alastor quite adamantly did not feel the same. Valentino and Velvette, already in a relationship, are left to patch up their friend - a friend that they've been interested in for quite some time.
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The TV demon followed after him, furious. “That’s it? Years of friendship down the drain just like that? Are you fucking serious?”
Alastor stopped at the entrance to an alleyway, his smile growing dangerously. “Am I fucking serious? I didn’t ruin this, Vox, you did. You were stupid enough to catch feelings when I made it perfectly clear I was only interested in friendship.”
“You asshole, you didn’t make that clear at all! You fucking led me on!”
Suddenly a tentacle shot out of the ground and wrapped itself around Vox’s neck. Static began to perforate the air, and Vox couldn’t tell who it was coming from. The tentacle lifted Vox off the ground, cutting off his airflow, making him choke.
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i empty my mind (with cuts across my arms) by valariansmith
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
21 May 2024
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“No, I don’t know, because I’m mentally healthy - relatively speaking, at least, compared to you,” Astarion scoffs. “You’re mutilating yourself because you want a release. Not even an orgasmic one, just some odd nirvana you’ve conditioned yourself into feeling during pain. Is this why you turned me down? Because slitting your wrists is the only way you get off?”
Your gaze hardens, and Astarion wishes he could take back what he said. “If you’re just going to berate me, then leave.”
He takes a breath. “I’m sorry, it’s just..” he exhales, “what do you want me to say? What would be helpful for you right now? Tell me what I can do for you, please, because I have no bloody idea.”
Your voice cracks, “I don’t know. Fuck, I wish I did. I know what I’m doing is - is weird, is gross, is crazy, but it’s what I’ve always done. I don’t know anything else.”
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Astarion wakes to the smell of blood and follows the scent into the forest. He finds you and asks you who hurt you. But nobody hurt you but yourself.
TW: Self harm, descriptions of cuts, blood - a lot of blood. This is a dark fic. Astarion is an asshole at first but he gets better.
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“When Mystra and I first met, I was eleven years old. She expressed an erotic interest in me on my thirteenth birthday - the very same day I had graduated from Blackstaff Academy.”
“Oh, shit,” said Astarion softly.
“She said that I had a mind far more mature than most adult wizards, as evidenced by my extensive academic records,” Gale continued. “She said I was wise beyond my years, and thus capable of entering a relationship with her. Though she made me her chosen when I was 18, I had been acting as her lover for years prior.”
“Not her lover, her victim. ‘Lover’ implies a relationship. She abused you for years, and got away with it,” he spat, enraged on Gale’s behalf. “You deserved - deserve - justice. More justice than you got, in any case. She tortured you for decades. You walked away damaged, and she carried on living, hurting people, as she always had.”
“Decades?” Gale’s brow furrowed.
“Years, decades, whatever,” he hurried past his slip. “You’re what, thirty-something? Forty? Shit like that stays with you for life.”
“May I assume you know from experience?”
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Two sufferers of abuse come together for comfort because they understand.
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attracted to the uncanny by valariansmith
Fandoms: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age (Video Games)
13 Mar 2024
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"I don't think he was nearly as evil as the Dalish elders would have us believe. After all, nothing else in the world is black and white, why would the Elvhen Pantheon be?"
"That is certainly an interesting view." Solas said carefully. "Not one that many share."
"Do you?"
"That is a loaded question, lethallin."
"Well, since we're asking loaded questions.." Ellana squeezed her eyes shut. "Are you Fen'Harel? Are you the Dreadwolf?"
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In which Ellana Lavellan develops a crush on bad-boy Fen'harel as a child - someone whom her latest infatuation has a little bit too much in common with.
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“A real shame.” Husk smiled coyly. “A hottie like you deserves full autonomy over his body.”
“Holy shit, that’s the sexiest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
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In which Angel Dust has been under Valentino's control for too damn long, and in which Husk is a firm believer in consent.
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Once everyone else had begun their work for the day, he rolled up his sleeve. His eyes widened.
What the fuck.
In the middle of the grey, scar-covered mass, there was a splotch of pale purple slowly bleeding into the mark, forming tiny, unrecognisable flowers that almost looked pre-war.
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After leaving the vault, it took Nora almost a full week to notice that her soulmark had changed. In her defense, it had also been almost a full week since she had last changed her clothes. The vaultsuit wasn't exactly revealing.
When she finally got her hands on some leathers that weren't bloodstained, the first thing she noticed was the pale-purple flowers sprouting between the scars on her forearm.
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All anyone's ever wanted from Astarion is sex. And he's fine with that - really, he is. But Tav, despite showing interest in him, says she doesn't want to be intimate. This sends Astarion reeling - And Tav's there to reassure him that he's lovable as more than just a sex object.
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Tav placed a hand on his arm, making Astarion jolt. He looked at her, panic in his eyes. “Astarion.” She said softly. “I can feel your anxiety. Don’t worry so much, okay? I still want you, but for more than just sex. You don’t need to stress out about this, alright?”
He swallowed thickly and nodded his head, not quite trusting his voice. Gods, she was too good to him. She didn’t treat him like the monster he was, instead, she treated him like an equal, like a partner. Why? Why didn’t she see that he was a horrible being not worth all this fuss?
“Do you want to breathe with me, Astarion?” She said steadily. “I want you to breathe in with me, alright?” He tried to match her breath, staring into her eyes, her caring eyes. “Breathe out with me now, okay?”
Series
- Part 6 of Inktober 2023
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let me lead you from your solitude by valariansmith
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
17 Oct 2023
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Wriothesley returns from outside the city to find rain pouring down onto Fontaine. He decides to pay Neuvillette - his favourite weather-controlling dragon - a visit to try and remedy the downpour.
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Neuvillette, amused, allowed himself to be hoisted up from his seat. “And what exactly do you think you’re doing?”
“Taking you on a walk,” Wriothesley replied simply.
“It’s pouring rain,” Neuvillette pointed out, casting a stray glance towards the window. “It looks like there might be a thunderstorm on the way, as well.”
“That’s the fun part,” Wriothesley said, a devilish grin on his face. “No one will be there but us. And besides, I have a feeling the weather will clear up really soon.”
Series
- Part 5 of Inktober 2023
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how come people suffer? (how come people part?) by valariansmith
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
09 Oct 2023
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Summary
In which Astarion joins a vampire coven due to his intense phobia of death, in which he loses 200 years of his life, and in which, when he gets his free will back, Tav helps him learn how to exist again.
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On his 10th birthday he asked his mother how to live forever. He had read about it in the library - a concept called immortality - and he wanted to know how to achieve it.
She told him that immortality never came without a price, whether it be your freedom, your sanity, or your humanity, no one lived forever without losing part of themselves in the process.
But what if the price was worth it, Astarion asked?
His mother knelt down to his level and looked into his eyes, the crowsfeet around her eyelids deeper than ever before. “The price is never worth it,” she said solemnly. And Astarion knew that nothing he could say could persuade her otherwise. She brought out the cake and told Astarion to make a wish.
He wished to live forever.
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In which V hasn't told her girlfriend about the engram in her head, and in which said engram is fed up with V stressing out about her relationship and decides to take things into his own hands.
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“Oh yeah - your skin was looking a bit bare, so I took it upon myself to fix that.”
“You got me a fucking tattoo?” V snarled. “I thought you said you’d behave!”
“I said I wouldn’t do anything too crazy. Didn’t rush Arasaka Tower again, did I?” Johnny snarked. “This is just a Saturday afternoon to me.”
“Not rushing Arasaka Tower is the bare fucking minimum. You do realize that, right?” V groaned as she sat up straight, pain pulsing through her head. “What else did you take it upon yourself to fix, other than my lack of tattoos?”
“Your lack of guts and relationship sense, for one.”
Series
- Part 4 of Inktober 2023
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Wherever you are is breaking my heart by valariansmith
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
06 Oct 2023
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In which Remus isn't content to sit by and watch as his not-so-secret boyfriend's name is slandered by everyone he knows, and in which becoming an animagus (and breaking into Azkaban) is surprisingly easy for a werewolf.
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Remus sat in front of the slightly rusted metal bars, his hackles raised. Was he really going to do this? Break into the most heavily guarded prison in the Wizarding World?
He thought of Sirius - perpetually messy-haired Sirius with that charming grin and tired eyes - and how he risked expulsion to be with Remus in his time of need.
Yes. Yes he was going to break into Azkaban. Sirius would do the same - and far more - for him.
Series
- Part 3 of Inktober 2023
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In which getting stood up by some asshole cop V matched with on a dating site leads to her meeting the chick that stole 1st place from her in a tournament.
“So. I have a pretty hacker girl in my apartment. I’m pretty damn sure I’m not dreaming, so either I’m in a coma or I’m really fucking lucky,” Judy flirted.
“I know some ways to verify that you’re not in a coma,” V suggested. “Fair warning - most of them involve physical touch.”
“Aw,” Judy pouted, “but if this is just a dream, I don’t wanna wake up.”
Series
- Part 2 of Inktober 2023
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the closer you get to my heart the more I watch it break by plutonic_rat, valariansmith
Fandoms: DCU, Batman - All Media Types
02 Oct 2023
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To her 14 year old self, he was perfect - a crime lord bad boy that had taken her under his wing? It was right out of one of the YA romance novels she had a habit of stealing from the bookstore! She didn’t know how old he was - he never seemed to age, after all. But he had to have been at least 35. That was fine, though - it was just a crush. Too bad he would never feel the same about her.
But he did feel the same about her.
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In which 14 year old Harley Quinn has a crush on the Joker, in which the Joker is a sick bastard who takes advantage of her, and in which Poison Ivy pulls her from the hell she's trapped in.
Series
- Part 1 of Inktober 2023
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A Thousand Lifetimes by plutonic_rat, valariansmith
Fandoms: I Was a Teenage Exocolonist (Video Game)
16 Aug 2023
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Symbiosis had lived a thousand lives and he remembered every single one of them. Every Quiet, Pollen, Dust, Wet and Glow, he remembered in vivid detail every moment.
One would think that, after so many lifetimes, things would start to blur. And they did. Until he met her.
Solenceae. When Sym first encountered her, she was but a child. An innocent member of an invasive species that the Gardeners were set on destroying. He could tell, though, that she possessed sentience. Conscience. Morality. She wasn't some kind of pest that he could exterminate, she was a living being.
And thus began his fascination with the human race.
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In which an invasive species and a blip in the wormhole causes Symbiosis to question everything he's ever known