1 - 20 of 49 Works in Absolutely Need A Lobotomy

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    When Charlie Weasley turned nineteen and the truth of his bloodline revealed itself, he left everything behind, exiling himself to the wilds of Romania to protect the ones he loves.

    Years later, after Molly Weasley’s special brand of guilt-tripping finally wears him down, Charlie returns to the Burrow. He only intended to support his youngest brother on the day of his wedding, but then, there she is.

    Standing at the end of the aisle, wrapped in a flowing gown that glitters like the finest diamond. A treasure, just for him. His mate.

    Instinct overpowers reason, and before the change can be stopped, the dragon breaks free to claim what belongs to him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,097
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    46
    Kudos:
    483
    Bookmarks:
    85
    Hits:
    9,405
  2. Tags
    Summary

    “Good evening, Malfoy. You’re looking well…which is convenient, really, because I need to have sex with you.”

    After five years of self-imposed isolation, Draco Malfoy never expected to find Hermione Granger on his doorstep. Similarly, he never expected her Afterlife-research to involve him...OR to kill him. But when the unlikely pair wake up as ghosts, Hermione is convinced that Draco's ancestor—the infamous Betelgeuse Black—is the only one who can help them.
    ...But not until he terrorises the new occupants of Malfoy Manor, of course.

    The "Beetlejuice" submission for the A.N.A.Lween Fest.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,278
    Chapters:
    4/5
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    56
    Bookmarks:
    21
    Hits:
    2,092
  3. Summary

    This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!

  4. Tags
    Summary

    The Devil entices.

    The Devil wants you to live deliciously.

    The Devil knows nothing & learns plenty about how indulgences work in 2025 when he comes to add a new name to his book.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,270
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    77
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Theo is a raccoon who likes to make friends.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,068
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    55
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    644
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Pansy Parkinson takes evil to a whole new level when Voldemort accidentally creates ANOTHER Horcrux. Luna and Theo stay out of her way when her revenge aligns with saving the Wizarding World.

    SPECIAL FEATURES:
    Sassy Pansy
    Major Character Death
    Canon Coward Draco
    Surprise Guest: The Sword of Gryffindor
    and Luna & Theo being super cute!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,171
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    17
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    305
  7. Mystery Work

    Part of ANAL_Ween, Drafts and Fic Ideas
    Summary

    This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!

  8. Tags
    Summary

    Communication is the key to every good relationship.

    Theo didn’t tell Hermione that he was dressing up as Davy Jones for the Weasley Twins’ Annual Halloween Bash. Hermione didn’t tell Theo that she has a tentacle kink and now neither of them are going to the party.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,295
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    837
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Harry surprises his girlfriend for her birthday.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,202
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    572
  10. Tags
    Summary

    My Dearest Grandson (Dylan if you’re reading this, no you’re not),

    Theodore, it pains me dearly to ask you of this, but I am in dire need of potion ingredients, and these knees just aren’t what they used to be. I’ve spent too many years kneeling in phallic worship, and I’m afraid it’s all rather caught up to me. Would you please be a dear and gather the ingredients for me?

    Hair of a werewolf
    Fangs of a Vampire
    Sweat of a Ghost

    They shouldn’t be too inconvenient to find in town; your cousin Marnie was able to find them at a much younger age and with no tutelage in the wixen arts. Oh! And let that pretty girlfriend of yours know she is more than welcome to join us for dinner – I’m positively dying to meet her.

    Love,
    Grandma Aggie

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,974
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    17
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    233
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Come hither, little himbo, for a frolic in the woods. There are dangerous and delicious delights to be had.

    OR

    Hermione lures an eager and far too trusting Draco into the Forbidden Forest for a sex ritual and sacrifice. Yes, sacrifice. Do not take this seriously, Draco sure isn’t.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,000
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    73
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    1,565
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Ron Weasley worked really hard to build a resort for his friends to escape the grind of Wizarding life. He's invited them all for the first test run. It promises to be a relaxing weekend, not at all full of chainsaws and hockey masks.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,669
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    6
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    55
  13. Tags
    Summary

    After ̶I̶n̶f̶e̶r̶i̶ Zombies ravage half of London, Aurors Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are assigned the cleanup and containment of any potential fallout. They elbow out (read: 𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 indiscriminately) the Muggle army, chaos ensues, Theo considers adopting a new pet and all the while Muggle survivor Shaun is hauled into a ministry interrogation room to explain how the hell everything went tits up.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,667
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    52
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    623
  14. Tags
    Summary

    The creature had been just a myth, something ever headmaster passed down from generation to generation, never seen until tonight. The night of Hallow's Eve has brought in not only floating decorations but also a mysterious floating pumpkin where Albus's beloved Express should have been waiting for him. Now he is faced with a creature of the night, one he thought wasn't real, chasing him through the grounds of Hogwarts as he leads it into the Forbidden Forest. But what happens in the forest, stays in the forest, or so Albus thought.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,302
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    9
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    215
  15. Tags
    Summary

    "Granger," a dark reimagining inspired by Stephen King’s Carrie (1974), centers on Hermione Granger-a gifted but isolated witch navigating a world that never truly accepted her. Raised in the shadow of war and prejudice, she endures scorn from her peers and mistrust from her elders. When betrayal ignites something long suppressed within her, Hermione discovers a power far beyond books and reason. What begins as survival becomes reckoning.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,539
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    34
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    630
  16. Tags
    Summary

    There is a beauty, an elegance in violence, in the arc of a sharpened blade, the precision of a lethal strike. No wands. No magic. The Killing curse is too cold, too impersonal. With the blade she is close enough to feel the life force drain from the body, close enough to hear the slicing of skin, to taste the blood as it splatters…

    Click - open. Click- shut. Click- open…

    She watches as the man wets himself, scrambling across the floor of the cell, cowering in the corner like the pathetic sniveling, scumbag that he is and for the first time in years, her smile is genuine. She casually flips the blade in her hand.

    “Hello Tiberius. Did you miss me?”
    _________

    This story is an AU. A "What If" for my multi-chapter fic The Secret Keeper.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,368
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    824
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Astoria might be a little nieve when it comes to things that muggles do but her curiosity has been getting the best of her.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,724
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    69
  18. Tags
    Summary

    For as long as he could remember, green had been his favorite color.

    From the fields of wild flowers where he grew up, to the specific shade of his best friend’s eyes, to the house tie wrapped tightly around his neck. Green was his favorite color.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,196
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    57
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    2,268
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Percy was many things, a brother and a son, a friend. A politician, an overachiever, a swot of epic proportions, and a people pleaser. And apparently, he was a fool.

    Otherwise, how else would he have ended up in this predicament?

     

    ---

    OR,

    Bunny sent me a TikTok, and it SPIRALED from there lmao.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,024
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    560
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Theo had everything a rich boy could dream of having: sunbathing in Italy, mud baths on South Korea, but he wanted, yearned for, his cousin.

    Theo tutted his tongue. “I will never be done with you Hermione. No matter how many death glares you give me or how much you distance yourself from me.” He leaned closer to her, his lips a breaths width away from her ear. “You belong to me, or did you forget?”

    His plans to get rid of the Nutcrackers had been successful thus far, now all he had to do is take care of the Mouse King. And that involved a rope, chair, and a pair of Hermione’s knickers.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,843
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Kudos:
    13
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    924

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