1 - 20 of 54 Bookmarks by Cake_please
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When Stede meets a startlingly well-dressed man at an otherwise rather tacky Sexy Santa Night at the bar, he quickly develops one objective: hold this man's attention by any means necessary. Even if it means pretending to be terrible at pool.
Despite Stede's ruse, Ed might just see him more clearly than anyone ever has before. And Stede might be getting some life-changing Christmas wishes granted tonight that he didn't even know he had.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,500
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 58
- Kudos:
- 284
- Bookmarks:
- 57
- Hits:
- 2,424
Bookmarked by Cake_please
26 Dec 2025
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Forty-five year old Ed Teach is a registered nurse at The Lighthouse, a lavish independent living community. When he is assigned to a new resident, 81-year old Stede Bonnet, he discovers an unexpected kind of love.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 198,924
- Chapters:
- 31/31
- Comments:
- 2,439
- Kudos:
- 506
- Bookmarks:
- 136
- Hits:
- 20,598
Bookmarked by Cake_please
21 Jul 2025
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Sometimes, Stede thinks, it’s just easier to be a pup.
Like when he’s so tired of thinking he could cry, or when it feels too hard to ask for affection as a person, or when he just wants some goddamn whimsy.
Like today, mint green collar snug and comfortable against his neck, knees only somewhat sore with the pads protecting them from the carpet, tags jingling as he pushes his nose insistently underneath Ed’s hand where it’s gone limp against his thigh.
Bookmarked by Cake_please
31 Dec 2024
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Summary
Ed gets stuck in a dryer.
I think you know what happens next.
Series
- Part 17 of Smutty Gentlebeard AU one shots
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,637
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 135
- Kudos:
- 707
- Bookmarks:
- 66
- Hits:
- 4,303
Bookmarked by Cake_please
24 Nov 2024
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A meditation on time and space and the ending of a marriage. Ed and Stede meet at a bar while Stede's traveling for work. This story is about the ripples from that night.
Bookmarked by Cake_please
02 Nov 2024
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The boots land heavy on the floor in Stede’s peripheral vision.
They’re in awful shape, really quite embarrassing. Watermarks leave unsightly stains on the uppers and they’re scuffed up all over, and the silver hardware is so tarnished it’s almost as black as the leather. The right boot has a quarter-inch gouge so deep that Stede can’t begin to imagine how it got there, with only a half-hearted attempt made to treat it by rubbing in a little polish.
Such poorly-maintained leather in a place like Blackbeard’s is a rare thing; it’s almost a novelty, how frankly shitty they look.
*
Or: Stede Bonnet, the world’s bitchiest bootblack, is absolutely not going to waste his time on Ed's shitty boots or his shitty attitude, thank you very much. Nope. Definitely not.
Bookmarked by Cake_please
16 Oct 2024
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Something Unusual, Something Strange by viklikesfic (v_angelique)
Fandoms: Sherlock (TV)
22 Mar 2017
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Summary
Fill for the following kink meme prompt:
"Because really, how can you explain a polyamorous relationship consisting of an asexual domme, a gay sub, and a vanilla bisexual?"
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 56,521
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 198
- Kudos:
- 1,269
- Bookmarks:
- 297
- Hits:
- 33,587
Bookmarked by Cake_please
16 Oct 2024
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Summary
"Ed finally saw why the club was called Bottoms as they were led into a larger room. There were rows of people with their lower halves on display, just ready to be fucked, their upper halves and faces hidden by what looked like some sort of private pod attached to a wall. Some were standing bent over, while others were laying down, their legs up in stirrups. The light was dimmed down to a soft glow, and there was music playing loud enough to muffle the sounds of skin slapping against skin, but not so loud that they’d have to yell to hear each other."
--
Ed's had a crush on his boss Stede ever since he started working for him a year ago. When he gets the perfect opportunity to get the crush out of his system, he takes it. He doesn't count on it being such a good experience that he can't stop thinking about it.
Bookmarked by Cake_please
06 Oct 2024
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The island of snacks is a refuge for Stede. Island of Misfit Orgy-goers, he thinks to himself. He snatches a bottle of water, does as the sign says, and hydrates. He can hear music playing throughout the whole house, a sexy and sultry playlist that he quite enjoys. Over the sound of the music are the occasional moan or sound of slapped flesh and a whimper. Stede blinks, staring at the wall and taking in the sounds of the evening. Could he distinguish Mary’s voice from the rest? He wonders. He doesn’t think he can. He doesn’t know if he’s ever heard her in the throes of passion, come to think of it, and that thought slightly depresses him.
“First time?” a deep voice says across the island.
OR:
Stede and Mary attend their first queer poly play party, and Stede learns a lot about himself with the help of a delightful stranger.
Bookmarked by Cake_please
22 Sep 2024
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What Keeps Us Stargazing by profdanglais for Prince_kun
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
01 Jan 2023
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Summary
Seven years ago Ed Teach and Stede Bonnet shared one mind-blowing kiss — right before everything they had between them went spectacularly to shit. Now Ed's an Olympics-bound fencer and Stede's recently upended his entire life, so of course that's when they run into each other again. Literally. While grocery shopping.
Neither one has ever stopped loving the other but so much of what they once shared is broken. To mend it they will have to move past bitter hurts and deep regrets; a difficult challenge but one they're more than equal to — with the aid of just a bit of well-intentioned meddling from their friends.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,268
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 28
- Kudos:
- 207
- Bookmarks:
- 26
- Hits:
- 1,155
Bookmarked by Cake_please
15 Sep 2024
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Summary
Stede’s excited to lay in bed after the live is over and scroll through the rest of his content, to find his Instagram and maybe some pictures of him, his YouTube and maybe some longer videos.
He decides to hit the follow button, to continue enjoying the uplifting messages, the tasty recipes, the even tastier host, and nearly drops his phone when a shriek comes through his speaker.
“Oh! Oh, it happened! Fifty thousand followers! Congratulations to… The Gentleman Pirate! You won!”
Bookmarked by Cake_please
11 Sep 2024
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Seaglass by Roberta Seaport (Deepdarkwaters) for TheFierceBeast
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
12 Jan 2023
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Summary
Stede Bonnet owns a fancy yarn shop in a cosy little seaside town. Life is mostly peaceful, a bit stressful, often lonely—then the empty shop next door is taken over by a leatherworker with kind eyes and a surprising fondness for cashmere, and everything changes.
(Fluff and sock garters and seashore walks and midlife revelations and a loophole in The Sweater Curse.)
Series
- Part 1 of Seaglass
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,148
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 867
- Kudos:
- 1,603
- Bookmarks:
- 372
- Hits:
- 23,985
Bookmarked by Cake_please
10 Sep 2024
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blue as cut sapphires and shining like gold by suchgreatheights
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
20 Sep 2022
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Summary
Stede, a history professor specializing in the golden age of piracy, is fascinated when art professor Edward Teach joins his humble university’s faculty. Even more fascinating are the rumors that Ed is actually the famous, anonymous artist, Blackbeard. Stede falls a little bit in love. Then a lot.
Across the academic year, Stede tips headfirst into dizzying romance, mind-blowing sex, and happiness he couldn't have dreamed up if he'd tried. He learns lessons he never knew he needed, forcing him to reevaluate everything from his career goals to his relationships with his children. Ed is at the center of it all, teaching Stede at every turn exactly how wonderful life can be—and the startling speed with which fear and hesitation could snatch away his newfound love.
Eventually, the only thing that matters for them both is learning enough about love to stop it from slipping through their fingers.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 312,095
- Chapters:
- 34/34
- Collections:
- 6
- Comments:
- 2,085
- Kudos:
- 3,436
- Bookmarks:
- 1,181
- Hits:
- 180,034
Bookmarked by Cake_please
19 Aug 2024
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Seirbheis by Kalimyre
Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)
17 Jun 2021
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Summary
Human AU - Crowley is a sex worker, hired by the wealthy and eccentric Ezra Fell for a long weekend. He goes in expecting it to be just another job. But Ezra is not like other clients, and Crowley is soon in over his head.
In which our beloved ineffable husbands have clear, honest communication, a whirlwind romance, and tremendous amounts of soft, tender, kinky sex.
Series
- Part 1 of Good Omens Service Verse
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 27,656
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 252
- Kudos:
- 1,096
- Bookmarks:
- 237
- Hits:
- 13,600
Bookmarked by Cake_please
01 Aug 2024
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Summary
Podfic of Rinse and Repeat by YellowMustard
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Stede draws his attention back to the head massage, alternating pressure from the kind of bruising that’s enough to knead a migraine away, to gentle, delicate strokes through his hair. He grows almost meditative with it, forcing his eyes away from Ed’s face and simply enjoying the feeling of body heat and cool, damp-silk hair against his palms. Truthfully, he could do this for hours, rather than the usual three-to-five minutes that’s usually afforded to customers when they…
When…
It’s been longer than three-to-five minutes.
A quick glance at the clock reveals it’s been far, far longer than three-to-five minutes.
Stede doesn’t mind, obviously. And Ed doesn’t seem to be about to question it. But the snide little Lucius-like voice in the back of his mind points out that almost twenty fucking minutes is maybe a bit of an overkill.
Stede yanks his hands away from Ed’s hair like it’s covered in bleach.
“Okey-doke!” Stede manages, voice shrill and a little strangled.
From across the salon, the real Lucius snorts.
(OR: Stede's a hair stylist. Ed shows up for an appointment. And shows up. And shows up. And shows up...)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 76
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 36
- Kudos:
- 48
- Bookmarks:
- 7
- Hits:
- 1,220
Bookmarked by Cake_please
29 Jul 2024
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Summary
“I’m your captain!” Stede says, hands on her hips and wearing that terrible roughhewn outfit, beige shirt and pants, and Ed can’t take her eyes off of her. She’s gorgeous, her hair pinned up and tucked back over her ears. She’s greying at the temples. Ed wants her so badly she might start begging. “Er — is that…? Was that okay?”
Ed’s chest is heaving. She takes deep breaths in and out of her nose and wills herself not to say something stupid. “Ye–eah,” she warbles. “That was perfect. Do you wanna try it again? Maybe just give it another whirl?”
Series
- Part 1 of take you as you are
Bookmarked by Cake_please
19 Jul 2024
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Summary
Stede is not used to being touched. Ed insists touching is good for the body, and decides to help Stede, you know, for the health benefits.
Series
- Part 1 of Bodies Doing Good
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,395
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 1,084
- Kudos:
- 3,806
- Bookmarks:
- 1,163
- Hits:
- 57,237
Bookmarked by Cake_please
15 Jul 2024
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Summary
Kinkmeme fill. D/s AU where everyone is either a dom or a sub. Mycroft is a sub but has managed to hide it, considering his position. Then he meets Lestrade who is so obviously a dom that he's almost undone. Lestrade persuades him that being a sub isn't a weakness.
Series
- Part 1 of D/s AU
Bookmarked by Cake_please
08 Jul 2024
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Summary
Ed takes a deep breath and then spits the words out as fast as he can, not looking Stede in the eye. “You seemed like you might be kinda interested in puppy play stuff, but I didn't know how to get you to talk about it so I bought you all this shit in case you wanted to try it but it's fine if you don't, I can return it. Well, I probably can't, because, sex stuff, but like, fuck, I don't know, I'll chuck it away. Fuckin’ burn it or something. Whatever. Pretend this never happened.”
*
Or: Stede shows some interest in puppy play, and Ed is very enthusiastic about helping him explore it.
Bookmarked by Cake_please
07 Jul 2024
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Summary
Ed is starving. Not the type of starvation that can be staved off with food. Believe him, he’s tried.
Bookmarked by Cake_please
30 Jun 2024