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Of Leap Years and Lighthouses by Temporal_discounting
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
23 Aug 2025
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Summary
In Ed's experience, there's nothing quite so effective at snuffing out a crush than the disappointment of a mediocre roll in the hay.
So, Ed has a plan: One quick fuck to get this crush on Stede out of his system.
It's a good plan. Solid, simple, and definitely, one hundred per cent foolproof.
Right?
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
06 Oct 2025
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Ed finds Stede's journal, describing all the things he wants to learn about sex between men but doesn't dare ask about. Ed, of course, feels he's the exact right person to offer practical demonstrations on the subject.
~~~~~
A season 1 canon-divergence AU set after The Art of Fuckery
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
23 Sep 2025
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Ed Teach and Izzy Hands have been working together, buying and flipping houses, for longer than Ed wants to think about. Ed moves in, does all the work, then moves on to the next project.
The trouble is, he's so fucking bored.When he and his dog Ivan move into their latest project, there's something about it that feels different.
In the woods behind the house, is a tree that continued growing up towards the sun even after it had been knocked down. Ed can't help feeling envious of the tree's determination to keep on going when everyone expected it to give up.
That tree leads Ed and Ivan to meet a mysterious and captivating golden-haired man, and the trajectory of all of their lives is changed forever.
This is a story about coming back from your lowest point. Making something beautiful from the ruins of what came before. Working out what you really want from life and going out to get it.
Series
- Part 1 of The Pawfect Gentleman: Canine Boutique
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 77,869
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 319
- Kudos:
- 154
- Bookmarks:
- 29
- Hits:
- 3,321
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
21 Sep 2025
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Summary
In 2025, best friends Ed and Stede are a week away from opening the flagship store for their joint fashion brand, Gentlebeard. Stede finds an ornate mirror in a new antiques shop, and purchases it for the store, despite warnings from a strange blond Scotsman.
In 1718, Ed and Stede are getting ready to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. The crew brings them an anniversary gift, an ornate mirror that they found on a raid, despite Frenchie's insistence that the mirror is cursed.
The mirror may not be cursed, but 2025 Ed and Stede, and 1718 Ed and Stede quickly learn that it is magic when they swap places.
There's just one tiny problem: there aren't any instructions for how to get home again.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 25,904
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 65
- Kudos:
- 93
- Bookmarks:
- 16
- Hits:
- 1,293
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
16 Sep 2025
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Summary
Long before The Gentleman Pirate and Blackbeard met in a swirl of fire and smoke, two strangers stumbled upon each other in late 17th century Boston. Their charged encounter was supposed to be brief, but became something much more.
Series
- Part 6 of Pez's pre-canon gentlebeard stories
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
07 Sep 2025
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Summary
Was there a plan here? Did Stede think he never wanted to fuck again? Because Ed definitely wanted to fuck again. Like, a lot.
And now they were here, at the inn, alone. The Revenge had sailed off into a buttery marmalade sunset with the whole crew, so it was just the two of them (and assorted small animals in varying stages of decomposition) in their perfect, partially collapsed new home.
Ed was trying very hard not to think of it as a wedding night.
Especially since it wasn’t one.
Like, at all. They were not married. Not even close! And Stede knew pirate marriages existed—between all mix of genders. They’d just been to one. So if he wanted to be gay pirate married to Ed, he’d have said something.
**
It's Ed and Stede's first night at the inn together, and as usual Ed is feeling super normal about it.
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
11 Jul 2025
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Stede Bonnet has been a beta for 46 years until one year everything changes. He's gotten a divorce, a new apartment, a new job, and suddenly he's presented as an omega with no idea how to deal with all the new changes. As his first heat looms he does his best to get by. After all, he's not a pup, he should be able to handle being in heat, right? It can't be THAT bad.
Edward Teach has been listening to his neighbor read bedtime stories through the thin walls of their apartment. They're soothing, comforting even, and he's come to love them. He'd already had a bit of crush on the beta, but when he opens his door one morning to a flush faced Stede Bonnet asking for pillows and the scent of omega, that crush soon hits critical mass.
Series
- Part 4 of Our Flag Means Omegaverse
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 68,685
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 124
- Kudos:
- 331
- Bookmarks:
- 59
- Hits:
- 5,606
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
08 Jul 2025
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Summary
Naturally, John was startled when suddenly the ultimate solution occurred to him: Marriage. This was, of course, a bit of a fundamental problem rather than an actual solution. One didn't simply use the words “Sherlock” and “marriage” within the same sentence. Not even in a hypothetical context.
(Five times John kind of wanted to propose to Sherlock, and one time he didn’t have to.)- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 17,426
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Comments:
- 337
- Kudos:
- 5,653
- Bookmarks:
- 1,152
- Hits:
- 65,149
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
10 Jun 2025
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Summary
Ed is working the kissing booth at a charity carnival, and it's a pretty sweet gig. The rules are simple: everyone gets the same dry, closed-mouthed peck no matter how much they donate, and Ed doesn't have to kiss anyone he doesn't want to. The booth is just a bit of fun, not really expected to be a huge moneymaker and Ed volunteered for it because it seemed like the easiest option and the shifts on it are short.
He's just getting to the end of his hour when a gorgeous blonde DILF shows up, and Ed wants to throw the whole 'chaste peck' rule out the window.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 24,471
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Comments:
- 363
- Kudos:
- 1,105
- Bookmarks:
- 142
- Hits:
- 10,126
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
09 Jun 2025
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Summary
“How – uh – how big. Is big.”
“Too big for you,” Stede dismissed easily, with a little chuckle.
And Ed couldn’t help get his hackles up at that, because he’d always thought of himself as a bit of a dick connoisseur, actually, and he didn’t like the implication that he wasn’t. “How do you know that?” he demanded.
“Well, because I’ve seen what human penises look like!” Stede exclaimed. “Trust me, you couldn’t handle it.”
“Stede,” Ed scoffed, folding his arms. “I’m a marine biologist. I can handle anything.”A fic in which Ed discovers that his merman boyfriend has a hidden merman penis, and insists on conducting some thorough biological research. If you catch my drift.
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
09 Jun 2025
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Summary
Stede signs himself up for his first long-haul voyage in response to a job listing that boasts "a soft onboarding with a taste of adventure."
Instead, he finds a greenhouse in disrepair, a dead body, and a much more charismatic ship than advertised.
((No OFMD characters were harmed during the making of this fic. tbh this fic is way more pining and romance than it is scifi.))
“I know,” Ed says, quick and, if Stede's not mistaken, a touch defensive. “'Course I know. I'm the smartest thing on this ship. I am this ship. Just curious 'bout your... expert opinion, I guess.”
“Well, Ed, I'm hardly an expert.”
“Aren't you?” Ed says, the slightest bristle to his tone.
“I'm good with plants,” Stede concedes with a little sigh. “We understand one another.”
That, and plants have always appreciated Stede better than any human ever has.
Series
- Part 1 of Star Crazy Universe
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 55,405
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 390
- Kudos:
- 303
- Bookmarks:
- 81
- Hits:
- 5,234
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
30 Apr 2025
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Summary
Ed Teach is at the Chicago World’s Fair debuting an exciting new invention. When he strikes up a friendship with ice cream vendor Stede Bonnet, he offers to give him a private demonstration.
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
25 Apr 2025
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Summary
A nice and accurate prophecy of the season following the parting ways of an angel and his demon—if such an Ineffable Plan were written by a benevolent God….
In this tale, the Second Coming looms large. As the effort to thwart Heaven’s wiles is complicated by unexpected friends, an ex-Inspector Constable, a guileful Metatron, and a Heavenly floor full of the Blessed Dead—Aziraphale and Crowley find that navigating their relationship is not mutually exclusive from saving the world from Armageddon.
There is an outcome where the Nightingales sing in Berkeley Square. The angels just need each other—and maybe a little help—to find it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 177,037
- Chapters:
- 36/36
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 252
- Kudos:
- 426
- Bookmarks:
- 131
- Hits:
- 18,343
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
19 Apr 2025
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Hard Disciplines: A Practical Study of Human Sexuality and Subcultures by CitrusSyndicate, KalansPhantom, Pastor_of_Muppets
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
17 Oct 2025
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Summary
Professor Stede Bonnet has spent his life studying anthropology with an emphasis in human sexuality, which he finds almost laughable when he spent years married to a woman before coming to terms with his own sexuality. After a divorce and the death of his father, he finds himself finally experiencing the freedom to find out what he truly enjoys. And if he's doing it with money funding his 'study' thanks to his boss, Nigel Badminton, all the better. He's spent too many years left behind, and he's done.
Edward Teach, also known as the notorious hacker Blackbeard, has settled down to teach at a local university in an attempt to switch up the monotony of his life. Instead, he finds himself just as bored until he comes across an insane Professor that apparently invites men in full leather fetish gear to his office and discusses the price of bulk lube with his TA. He's fucking fascinated and, for the first time in a long time, excited about every new day to see what the maniac will do next.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 200,168
- Chapters:
- 17/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 1,169
- Kudos:
- 333
- Bookmarks:
- 67
- Hits:
- 13,275
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
17 Apr 2025
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Summary
Stede Bonnet is passionate about two things: art, and Agatha Christie.
He is the custodian of his father's remote art gallery where he spends his days rehearsing his gallery tours (just in case they get a visitor) and dreaming of being a real-life amateur sleuth and solving a crime (like Miss Marple). Maybe one day he'll solve a murder or foil a heist by the infamous art thief Blackbeard!
He is happy enough with his lot until one day, a walking work of art named Edward Teach turns up to view the collection.
What could possibly go wrong?
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
29 Mar 2025
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Summary
Will finds Hannibal in a strange state.
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
28 Feb 2025
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Summary
To say that Will Graham is still an unmated, childless omega at the age of thirty-eight is his own choice is true. It is not to say that it is his preference. Will wants a mate and a family just as much – perhaps even more – than the next omega. He’s simply never met that one person who fit the bill before. And then he walks into Jack Crawford’s office and meets Hannibal Lecter and well that, as they say in the business, is that.
Now all he needs to do is convince Hannibal of that. But well, this is Hannibal Lecter he is dealing with. It must be done a certain…flair. But that isn’t a problem for Will. Not at all.
After all, snakes may kill mongoose, but one must never forget this as well: mongoose hunt snakes too.
It’s Will Graham’s turn to wage his war.
Or, here is a fic about omega!Will Graham manipulating alpha!Hannibal Lecter into getting exactly what he wants.
Series
- Part 1 of A Fine Piece of Real Estate
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 57,669
- Chapters:
- 15/15
- Collections:
- 24
- Comments:
- 1,668
- Kudos:
- 21,087
- Bookmarks:
- 6,342
- Hits:
- 628,415
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
22 Feb 2025
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come a little closer (and let me do those things to you) by ghostalservice for Kuuttamo
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
12 Sep 2024
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Summary
Ed asks Stede a question. It makes him stop and think.
(and then they fuck about it)
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,700
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 51
- Kudos:
- 336
- Bookmarks:
- 60
- Hits:
- 2,245
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
17 Feb 2025
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Summary
They speak at length, every single day, in and out. All they do is talk, and not just about their pain and forgiveness. About the work left on the house, about their pasts, about their old life and their hopes for their new life. Stede believes Ed knows him best, inside and out, surely, and he would hope Ed would say the same about him. They revel in conversation, in paid compliments, in laughter, in flirtatious words and necking.
It simply doesn’t translate to the sex. Sex is quiet and serious and routine. And Stede’s not sure he has any right to be slightly put out about that. And since Stede’s not sure how he should be feeling, he’s not really sure how to put it into words. Ed always makes him so comfortable, makes him feel beautiful and adored, makes him believe in himself. This one little thing shouldn’t be that difficult to discuss.
--
Or: Stede is blissfully happy with Ed and their new home. He's just got some simple concerns! About their sex life! No big deal!
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
04 Feb 2025
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Summary
“S-Stede…” Other Ed stutters out, staring at Ed… at himself. Staring at each other. “What is… oh what the fuck.” His expression turns incredulous. “What kinda magic shit is this?”
“M-magic?” Stede says, trembling, looking between the two of them. “Edward, do you know what’s happening here?”
“No,” both Ed’s answer, and Stede’s mouth shuts with a click.
Or: Ed washes ashore right outside an Inn. Inside, he finds a future he never knew he could wish for.
Bookmarked by Phantomtale
01 Feb 2025