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(Getting Some) Spooky Action at a Distance by Illuminescence for Vernacula
Fandoms: Taskmaster (UK TV) RPF
28 Apr 2026
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Greg doesn't usually get forwarded Taskmaster fan gifts from Avalon, so why has Alex made sure to send him this particular item?
Whatever. He'll get good and drunk on a night out with Rhod, forget how desperately lonely he is in the bottom of a flight of shots, and throw it out in the morning.Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
14 Jul 2026
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A gift for koomaqu, who gave the fantastic prompt "TM!Greg/TM!Alex - Greg makes Alex get a new suit. He stays with Alex in the room, lounging on the sofa and observing intently as the tailor takes Alex measurements."
“These trousers are shit,” he rumbles, low and intimate, like he’s breathing obscenities into Alex’s ear. “Polyester?”
Alex nods helplessly. He’s not sure what his face is doing, but he’s sure it’s something humiliating. “Polyester.”
“Eugh. I bet you’re sweating your nasty little bollocks off in that.”
“Yes, Greg.”
“Disgusting. Can’t even dress yourself properly, can you?”
Alex shakes his head. It’s true. He’s wearing an awful, scruffy, torn, dirty suit and he’s an awful, scruffy, torn, dirty man.
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
08 Jul 2026
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(For the Taskhusbands Bingo prompt: Fingers in his mouth)
On one of their very occasional outings together, Greg asks Alex if he really can fit a pound coin between his front teeth. Alex is eager to show off his one party trick, but Greg has a few other ideas for the evening.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,119
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 35
- Kudos:
- 166
- Bookmarks:
- 15
- Hits:
- 1,383
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
07 Jul 2026
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1920s AU. Alex Horne is the head butler, ensuring all the staff of Taskmaster House live up to exacting standards. Although he may harbour feelings for the man of the house, he can put his emotions away and focus on his duties. Nobody needs to know.
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
14 Jun 2026
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Alex has been presented with a fun night of risky business on the high seas.
That's not not what happens.
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
31 May 2026
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You can't kidnap the willing. That's just called vacation.
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
30 May 2026
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It's not something Greg would have ever imagined himself doing, certainly. Commanding your mate to wet his own trousers in your bathtub. But they're here, now, and it's fine. Better than fine, even.
(written for a friend)Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
24 May 2026
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It Sounds Very Exciting to be Friends with Him by stillproperverse
Fandoms: Taskmaster (UK TV) RPF
20 Mar 2025
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"I meant what I said, you know."
"What's that?"
"That I would like to be your friend. Properly."
Well, friends do things together, don't they? They drink beers and play games and share secrets.
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
13 May 2026
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Alex's overactive bladder strikes (on a plane).
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
13 May 2026
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Not as hard as you'd imagine, managing your wayward romantic feelings for your married straight coworker. There was nothing actually at stake here, no illusions from him that anything might come of it. There was safety in that hopelessness. It meant he could just gather all those pesky emotions together in a little bundle, throw it over his shoulder and keep on hobbling along in life.
And if sometimes he feels in danger of having a breakdown in the middle of the produce aisle at his local supermarket because he spotted a stupid fucking pineapple whilst doing his weekly shopping and it reminded him of an equally stupid tattoo adorning the forearm of an even more stupid man and it all makes him so overtaken with longing he could fall to his knees with it, then—well. That's nobody's business but his own.
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
26 Apr 2026
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"You look like shit" Greg says, though he says it with a grin. Alex does have black circles under his eyes, and his hair looks more out of place than normal. Obviously a big day was had.
Alex lets out a sharp honk. "Thanks," he slides into the booth and Greg follows suit, sitting opposite him of course, "it was a very, very long day."
Series
- Part 1 of In sickness and in health... 3+1
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
05 Apr 2026
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Greg and Alex are on their New York trip, and unexpectedly Greg pays for them to share a luxurious hotel suite. The shared living space is spacious, has an incredible view, and a baby grand piano pride of place in the middle of the room. Greg decides it's high time Alex finally take a singing lesson, and he once heard that singing is all about breath control...
Greg plays the note again. “Sing for me, Alex.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,479
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 20
- Kudos:
- 69
- Bookmarks:
- 9
- Hits:
- 685
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
19 Mar 2026
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Much to Greg's surprise, Alex invited him on a camping trip - just the two of them. Several things have gone wrong already - not least of which is Greg forgetting to pack his trunks, but several more things will go wrong before they go very, very right.
Or: remember that bit in series 4 when Greg and Alex talked about Alex feeling what was in Greg's sleeping bag?
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
10 Mar 2026
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Fragile Life in Llyn Tegid, Alex Horne PhD. by Illuminescence
Fandoms: Taskmaster (UK TV) RPF
29 Jun 2024
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[Edited 24th Oct with beautiful illustration at the end!] Marine Biologist Alex has been studying Llyn Tegid - the largest lake in Wales - and its fragile, delicate ecosystem. Desperate to protect its last remaining, unique, endangered species, he takes on illegal fishing operations single-handedly amidst a terrible storm - and comes to a terrible end. Then the marine biology finds him.
A merman Greg fic, Alex-PoV, set in Wales at some indeterminate time in the past, but probably around the 1970s.Alex heaves, spasming to the ends of his fingers as he explodes with air. Sweet air. Precious air. Filling his lungs that sear with it and sing with it and soar with it. Air, from a soft sealed kiss on his blue-cold lips. Air, that he sucks and gasps and shudders around. Alex’s eyes snap open – the colourless nothing shattering as life courses through his veins once more.
He must be dreaming.Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
20 Feb 2026
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The Ornithologist by WhenLifeGivesYouLemons
Fandoms: Taskmaster (UK TV) RPF, The Cleaner (UK TV 2021)
23 Sep 2023
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Wicky cleans up a crime scene at a bird sanctuary.
"Ah, hello there," Wicky said, with a cheery, but respectful, smile. "Alex Horne, is it?"
The man tilted his head slightly, not unlike a bird, really. "Dr. Alex Horne, yes."
"Sorry. Doctor Horne." Wicky looked down at his clipboard, scribbling a quick 'Dr' in indecipherable writing beside the man's name. If there was one thing he'd learned over the years, it was that people could be very particular about their names and fancy titles, even in the face of death.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,898
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 39
- Kudos:
- 116
- Bookmarks:
- 15
- Hits:
- 1,066
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
14 Feb 2026
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Alex develops an obsession with a new addition to the Taskmaster garden.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,053
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 22
- Kudos:
- 185
- Bookmarks:
- 13
- Hits:
- 2,818
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
14 Feb 2026
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Forced to take time off work in a little island cottage, Greg meets the most unusual creature that he'll soon care way too much about.
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
10 Feb 2026
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The Cottage and the Lighthouse by Illuminescence for WhenLifeGivesYouLemons
Fandoms: Taskmaster (UK TV) RPF
10 Aug 2023
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Famous author Greg Davies has his publisher breathing down his neck for a sequel, but writers block is making his life hell, so when Roisin offers her grandmother's old cottage on the tiny barren island of Maighstir-Tasg for a getaway, he accepts! It'll be just him, the curiously standoffish lighthouse keeper, and no distractions stopping him from writing. Definitely no distractions.
“You won’t be entirely isolated, Greg, pet. I told you there’s a lighthouse keeper on the island too. I only saw him in passing, but he seemed nice – maybe you could make a friend?” Roisin is doing that smile that means that she means significantly more than a friend. Then she raises her eyebrows, just in case he wasn’t picking up on her subtlety.
Edited by the incomparable WhenLifeGivesYouLemons, and will feature an original song and its lyrics in the final chapter.
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
06 Feb 2026
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In series 14, episode 8, Alex challenged Greg to a game of 'mind noughts and crosses' - and it didn't quite go the way Alex expected. Hanging out together in the pub after filming, Greg challenges Alex to a very special rematch - and Alex can never resist a challenge...
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
03 Feb 2026
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After a difficult year, Alex is facing a Christmas alone with his never-ending pile of work to do, when Greg phones him up with to ask for a really awkward, time-consuming, and entirely unnecessary favour - a ride to some friend-of-a-friend's bit of forest to cut down a Christmas tree for Greg's own very lonely Christmas.
Of course Alex says yes. He'd do anything for Greg.
Written for the Taskmaster Holiday Exchange 2024. Sex pollen, angst. the threat of the 'die' side of 'fuck or die', and a tiny bit of magic. Includes illustration at the bottom of chapter 2. Also, "Do you love anyone enough to give them your last Rolo?"
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 33,272
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 103
- Kudos:
- 111
- Bookmarks:
- 10
- Hits:
- 1,825
Bookmarked by ColourMeConfused
01 Feb 2026