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so you know how vampire bats regurgitate blood into each other's mouths to form bonds? and you know how guillermo didn't want to be a vampire because he couldn't get himself to eat?
And he pulled away, just slightly, enough so that if he were breathing, the hot air would brush against Guillermo's nose and cheeks. Their lips were slick with blood and spit and still, there was more blood spilling over out of Nandor's throat, and then it all made sense. He was guiding it into Guillermo's mouth with his hand, a little waterfall trickle of it to be gulped greedily up. He wasn't kissing, he was feeding, and moreover seemed to be completely unaware that such a thing would be considered taboo.
Or at least, Guilllermo would have thought that, his dead heart beating frantically at the sensation, if it weren't for the fact that Nandor's half-lidded eyes seemed almost alight with distant, satisfied pleasure.
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
18 Sep 2023
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Guillermo and Nandor get drunk married and Nandor goes all in.
Nandor brings his big fist down on the desktop, causing a pencil holder to leap and scatter its contents across the surface. “I’ve had enough of this,” Nandor explodes finally, with a glare that encompasses both Guillermo and Laszlo. “One of you will tell me what’s going on. Now.”
Laszlo grins wickedly, not cowed in the least by Nandor’s fury. Guillermo wishes he could say the same. Slowly, Guillermo gets to his feet, ready to run for his life. “What’s going on is that you and Guillermo got married last night, old chap. And I should know because I performed the ceremony.”
Nandor’s mouth falls open in horror and his dark eyes flicker between Guillermo and Laszlo and the ring, each in turn and back again. And suddenly, everything that Guillermo’s been holding back comes spilling out in a torrent.
“Nandor, the hotel clerk said that we were on our honeymoon but I didn’t believe him, it was crazy so I thought — Nandor, wait.” And in the next instant, Nandor is a bat, squeaking and flying in a couple of panicked loops around the room before he darts through the open window.
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
20 Jul 2023
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For a Chance to Dance With You by vampireshmampire (thekumquat)
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
30 Mar 2023
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After being turned by the Baron at Nandor's wedding, Guillermo is vampire royalty. It can be lonely at the top, so the Baron throws a masquerade ball, inviting all vampires (of suitable status, of course) to try and win the hand of Guillermo de la Cruz.
Guillermo wants to be loved for himself, not fought over by vampires angling to use a relationship for power and prestige. Surely there's someone here who understands that?
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
30 Mar 2023
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Nandor is still sitting on the chaise. Sprawled, his eyes heavy-lidded, a looseness to his body that always comes after Guillermo washes his hair. As Guillermo watches, he slouches lower in the seat, parts his knees. Black eyes huge in his face as he twitches the front of his robe open. Something meaningful in the tilt of his head as he asks, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
“Oh,” Guillermo murmurs. His fingers twitch in the buttons of his cardigan. “I guess so, Master.”
Series
- Part 1 of etcetera ad nauseam
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
27 Jan 2023
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"Finally, Adolfo tasted the fruits of his labor, that burst of salt on his tongue and the distinct hardness of Matthew's—"
Guillermo snapped the book shut and threw it in his bedside drawer, slamming it closed. He lived alone but still felt exactly like when he was a kid, hiding his beat-up copy of Interview with the Vampire.
It didn't matter, anyway. He knew exactly what happened next in Nandor's book, had read it maybe four times now (just in case he'd missed something those first three times).
Nandor writes a priest-vampire erotica book. Father Guillermo finally snaps after reading a priest-vampire erotica book. This is a love story.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 103,390
- Chapters:
- 20/?
- Comments:
- 554
- Kudos:
- 462
- Bookmarks:
- 105
- Hits:
- 13,790
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
09 Jan 2023
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Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow Too by cookinguptales for htbthomas, fenellaevangela
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
06 Dec 2022
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After Guillermo comes home with another vampire's bite on his neck, a poorly planned wish gets Nandor's dumb ass stuck in a time loop.
And Nandor's never handled eternity well.
Series
- Part 1 of Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow Too
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 50,117
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 516
- Kudos:
- 1,246
- Bookmarks:
- 304
- Hits:
- 14,005
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
22 Dec 2022
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Merry Fucking Christmas by vampireshmampire (thekumquat)
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
10 Dec 2022
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When the Hallmark Christmas movie protagonist breaks up with their big city boyfriend in favor of this small town guy they just met, what happens to the boyfriend who just found out his partner never really loved him?
Well, two of them are about to meet at the departure gate of their flight back to New York. After a shared duty-free bottle of alcohol, they may just discover they're better off than they thought they were.
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
12 Dec 2022
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Laszlo Cravensworth, an up and coming film director, hires recent film school graduate Guillermo de la Cruz to shoot his next project, a documentary about a series of small town murders and the local vampire legend surrounding them. Joining them are Laszlo’s long time collaborators: his wife, Nadja Antipaxos, a stellar editor with a penchant for perfection, and his best friend, Nandor Jahan, a keen-eyed cinematographer with his own reasons for taking a back seat on this project. Rounding out their team is studio man Colin Robinson, in charge of keeping their budget balanced and ascertaining risk.
As the investigation kicks into high gear, the crew finds themselves entangled in a dark mystery spanning the whole course of the town’s history, uncovering secrets about foul truths that lurk within the heart of Coventry, truths that may have been better left buried. And it’s not just the town that has skeletons; the crew members have their own secrets that could threaten their careers, their relationships, maybe even their very lives.
One thing’s for certain: no one escapes Coventry unchanged. Whether for good or ill all depends on how far you’re willing to go to reveal the truth, and what - or who - you believe in.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 171,070
- Chapters:
- 45/45
- Comments:
- 573
- Kudos:
- 395
- Bookmarks:
- 97
- Hits:
- 13,404
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
05 Oct 2022
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Five Times Guillermo Held Nandor After Sex (And One Time He Didn't) by cookinguptales
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
14 Dec 2022
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Semen collection isn't the same thing as having sex, and having sex isn't the same thing as a relationship. But they're getting there.
(A sequel to Five Times Guillermo Helped Nandor Collect Semen (And One Time He Didn't).)
Series
- Part 2 of ten times (and then some)
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
24 Sep 2022
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I will paint you in silver, I will wrap you in gold (Oh, my beautiful one) by butchybats
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
14 Sep 2022
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Stede buys himself an earring, and when faced with the realization that he's unable to wear it he asks Ed to pierce his ear.
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
14 Sep 2022
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Husband and What? by vampireshmampire (thekumquat)
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
07 Sep 2022
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When Nandor first proposed, he'd asked Guillermo to be his wife.After some discussion, Guillermo managed to make Nandor understand that in this day and age, they'd both be the husband.
...is what Guillermo thought, right up until Nandor demanded to know why Guillermo was introducing him as his husband, and not his wife.
Series
- Part 1 of Husband and What?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,471
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 36
- Kudos:
- 913
- Bookmarks:
- 111
- Hits:
- 4,330
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
07 Sep 2022
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It takes her a few moments to notice that, for the first time in her life, she’s not alone in her head.
There is someone else…something else. A trespasser in her consciousness.
Before she can fully process this, the thing appears behind her and snakes cold, wiry fingers around her face.
***
When Marwa becomes the victim of Nandor’s egotistical wishes, she must use his deepest desires to free her mind from his will - or risk being erased completely.
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
03 Sep 2022
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Guillermo didn't mean to hit the Anne Rice cosplayer in the face with a shovel, but he'd been on edge since there'd been an increase in vandalism at the community garden.
Or: an AU where Guillermo inherits a land lot, only to discover that a century before, his ancestor imprisoned the vampire Nandor the Relentless there.
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
18 Aug 2022
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things have gotten worse since the last time we spoke by pillbugged
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
30 Jul 2022
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He wants the anticipation of Guillermo’s lips coming so close to his again, the same way he wants the disappointment of Guillermo leaving him on his own for the rest of his eternal life.
He thinks it’s better than feeling whatever this is forever.
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
03 Aug 2022
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The answering machine had never been used much before Guillermo's disappearance. But now, someone's calling, over and over again, trying to figure out why the unhappiness keeps building inside him.
Aka, the one-shot where Nandor blows up Guillermo's mom's phone with messages. It's pine time, boys
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
13 Jul 2022
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reached inside and cut it free by ghostoftonantzin
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
29 Jun 2022
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The mirror gave Guillermo a bad feeling. It sounded too ridiculous to articulate even in the recesses of his own mind, but Guillermo felt like the reflective lens itself was watching him, despite being an inert sheet of glass over metal.
A possibly cursed mirror? Sure, why not. It's not like Guillermo's life can get any worse, right?
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
12 Jul 2022
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Nandor knows you shouldn’t drink alone. Guillermo obliges.
(Commensal politics throughout Guillermo’s tenure as a familiar, including four-dollar Cab Sav, eleven years of half-truths, and what exactly happens when a vampire bites you.)
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
11 Jul 2022
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Back in the ‘60s, Nandor met a young human poet who said Nandor was like that one leafless tree in spring that blossomed much later than other trees lining the sides of the street, because in winter, it had clutched onto its dead leaves far longer than them and had refused to let go.
Nandor is so sick and tired of clutching relentlessly onto his dead leaves when everyone else around him is eagerly shedding theirs to be born again.
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
24 Jun 2022
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trouble in the city by orphan_account for retributionsong
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
11 Jun 2022
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“Come on,” Nandor says, “Let’s go.”
Guillermo finally turns around to face him, sniveling. “What?”
Nandor bares his teeth, looking irritated. “I said, let’s go. Come on. I will fly you home after.”
Guillermo looks at him properly, then - tall, broad, pale skin catching the artificial light of the washroom. He’s cruel and unkind and emotionally illiterate, Guillermo knows. He has conquered kingdoms and ruled countries - yet here he stands, with a drunk human in a bar toilet, asking him to come along for the ride.
“Okay,” Guillermo whispers, voice cracking, because he’s never been good at self preservation.
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Eight months after he leaves, Guillermo finds Nandor in a bar. They don't talk, and then they do.
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
23 Jun 2022
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If you believed they put a man on the moon by yougoadedme
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
21 Jun 2022
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On July 20, 1969, Nandor and Benjy watched the moon landing together. Nandor thinks about it as he and Guillermo picnic together under the stars.
A short tale about courage, belief, and the shelter we all need.
Bookmarked by DbCoopersKeychain
21 Jun 2022