1 - 20 of 41 Bookmarks by JMFoxen
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Izzy Hands wished that fucking bullet had just ended it, most days. There are worse fates than dying in battle, after all.
No longer sea-worthy, he leaves the Revenge, and his bleak, unexpectedly long life stretches out like a curse in front of him: cold, hungry, bitter, and alone. Forgotten.
Stede and Ed, however, have softer plans for him.
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
28 Jan 2026
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Izzy looks over at Stede, gingerly attempting to coo at a cat that hates him while she shreds his expensive, fancy slippers to pieces. His heart aches in a new and terrible way that has nothing to do with Ed, for once. ‘If you’re sure.’
The smile Stede gives him is warm, a weighty significance to it that Izzy doesn’t know how to read. ‘I am.’
Or, Izzy finds himself at the centre of the ocean's weirdest found family, and acquires two boyfriends along the way.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 27,078
- Chapters:
- 9/?
- Comments:
- 783
- Kudos:
- 2,322
- Bookmarks:
- 274
- Hits:
- 33,435
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
12 Jan 2026
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At the end of Episode 9, Edward Teach returned to the Revenge...but this time he's delayed a day. It's only one day. What difference could a single day make?
For context, the mutiny took about five minutes.
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
03 Jan 2026
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In 1993, Gilderoy Lockhart points a stolen wand at Harry Potter and Ron Weasley with the intent to Obliviate them. The wand doesn't backfire. Gilderoy's "discovery" of the Chamber of Secrets is a short-term success.
Other consequences are not short-term at all.
Archived Author's Notes:
I was watching the Chamber of Secrets movie several years back when the scene in question began to play...and immediately I wanted to know what would happen if the wand had done what it was supposed to do. The answer got very complicated, very, *very* quickly.Blame Edgar Allan Poe for the title.
Beta work by Norcumi and Mrs_Stanley. Brit Spellcheck will be performed...soon.
*I use the first 7 books and the Tales of Beedle the Bard as canon, but there are moments from the films used because they left me with fun things to play with.
I do not consent to my work being reposted or used in any unofficial apps or other websites. This work is not posted for anyone's profit.
Series
- Part 1 of Swung by Serafim
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 352,375
- Chapters:
- 45/45
- Comments:
- 5,652
- Kudos:
- 12,308
- Bookmarks:
- 5,003
- Hits:
- 508,544
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
28 Dec 2025
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Summary
Finally, at 42, pop star Edward Teach is about to get his fairytale ending. He’s got the perfect guy—handsome, kind, patient, and most importantly: crazy about Ed. When his boyfriend proposes, it should be an easy yes, yes, a million times yes! There’s just one problem. Ed’s kinda sorta already married, and he hasn’t spoken to the guy in seventeen years.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 152,552
- Chapters:
- 30/38
- Comments:
- 1,285
- Kudos:
- 282
- Bookmarks:
- 75
- Hits:
- 11,008
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
27 Dec 2025
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Summary
When one left their wife and declared that they were gay, certain expectations tended to follow. Expectations that said person would get a boyfriend rather than show up to every party alone, for example.
So Stede had fibbed a little. For the last two months, he’d had an extremely handsome and kind boyfriend who was also extremely busy. The lie worked well, until he ran into Mary in the grocery store and accidentally said he was shopping with his boyfriend. Stede grabbed the first guy he saw by his leather-clad arm.
“I’ll buy your groceries for a month if you pretend to be my boyfriend,” Stede whispered in the guy's ear. He hauled the guy around to face Mary and Doug.
“What the fu—“ Grocery Store Guy started to say, but Stede stomped on his foot to shut him up.
(In which Stede needs a fake boyfriend, and Izzy gets dragged into the chaos)
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
23 Dec 2025
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Edward thought he was very wise when he suggested that his centaur lover should take a year to think deeply whether he wants to tie his fate to a human forever. In fact, that was so selfless and enlightened of him that it was almost out of character. Edward was surprised himself.
It was a good idea though, and one that would allow the rewards to multiply for Edward to reap.
The Truce Moon has arrived, so he’s on his way to the meeting point, with his young heart filled with impatience, love and apprehension, knowing that if he sees Stede standing on the little hill that it means that he has definitely – and completely freely – decided to give his heart to Edward forever.
Ed will just make a short detour, to obtain a wedding gift worthy of the joyous occasion.
And to unwittingly start a war.
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
19 Dec 2025
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Summary
Stede stares at Ed, whose expression is eager. “Why do you want to know all this?”
Ed shrugs and grins. “Stede, c’mon.” He raises his eyebrows. “Of course I wanna know how often you dreamed about penetrating Izzy with your sword.”
When Stede tells Ed and Izzy he's had dreams about killing Izzy, Ed doesn't react like Stede thought it would.
For some reason, Ed thinks the dream means Stede wants to have sex with Izzy.
Stede is less convinced, but agrees to give it some thought.Bookmarked by JMFoxen
14 Dec 2025
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Ed is a dragon who has been terrorizing a suburban neighborhood for decades; Stede is the local outreach for wildlife rescue.
We will earn that E rating.
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
08 Sep 2025
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Summary
Stede, once house cat, leaves his home to become the leader of a clan of stray cats. As leader, he offers rogues Edward and Izzy a place in his clan, if only Izzy would accept.
This is a Warrior Cats-inspired AU, not a Warrior Cats AU (there is a difference).
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
25 Aug 2025
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The Last Of Me by Phantom531
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV), The Last of Us (Video Games), The Last of Us (TV)
13 Jan 2026
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Summary
Izzy has been searching for his ex-husband since the outbreak. Alone. But he saves a stranger from a Clicker and realizes how alone he's been.
For Izzy Hands Bingo 2025 prompts Masturbation and Camping
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 34,331
- Chapters:
- 12/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 29
- Kudos:
- 53
- Bookmarks:
- 7
- Hits:
- 838
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
09 Aug 2025
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Izzy's Guide to Dragons by MissTimewise (Aubrie1234)
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV), How to Train Your Dragon (Animated Movies)
28 Jul 2025
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Summary
Izzy Hands had never planned to interact with dragons, except maybe to fight them off for one reason or another. He had never planned to meet a man who thought a dragon was his best friend. He had also never planned to raise one himself.
And yet, here he was, all thanks to fuckin' Stede Bonnet.
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
29 Jul 2025
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The Narwhal is the Unicorn of the Sea by LaceratedLullabies
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
31 Jul 2025
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Summary
Written for the OFMD Reverse Big Bang 2025
Izzy Hands dies after being shot, but death is not the end for those blessed by Calypso. Those buried at sea may return as something more than human, and as Izzy adjusts to his new life, his crewmates' long-held secrets come to light.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,695
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 14
- Kudos:
- 33
- Bookmarks:
- 5
- Hits:
- 314
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
24 Jul 2025
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Summary
Stede waited for the voices to disappear back into the jungle before he let himself peer out from behind the rock he had hastily thrown himself off when he’d realised they were there.
“Oh my god,” he said to himself. “Humans!”
The others would need to know about this. Humans were bad news. Very bad news. He dove into the waterfall pool and swam as fast as his tail could push him through the water.Edward Teach is a university professor, finally funded for his dream expedition. Along with Izzy, Fang and Ivan, he’s deep in the jungle seeking out exciting archaeological discoveries when he makes a much more surprising, and intriguing, discovery.
Stede is the Keeper of the Mother Spring, The Night Guardian, and it’s his job to keep humans away from his people. When a handsome stranger with long hair, a beard, and pictures painted into his skin turns up, will he be able to fulfil his duties?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 40,580
- Chapters:
- 22/22
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 404
- Kudos:
- 89
- Bookmarks:
- 19
- Hits:
- 2,176
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
23 Jul 2025
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Summary
Paleoanthropologist, Lucius Spriggs, has been on an archeological dig in Vancouver Island for the past three years, with nothing to show for it. Now, at the end of the dig, he's ready to finally be done and move onto the next project. But when his co-lead for the project, Jim, tells him about a major find, his entire attitude about the dig changes. And human history itself is forever changed.
Meanwhile, in 45,000 BCE, a lone sailor washed up half dead on the shore of a random island, further north than he ever meant to go, and met the love of his life.
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
07 Jul 2025
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Summary
A tale as old as time. Sort of.
There's a curse, and a beast who can only be returned to human form if someone learns to love all of him. There's a man who needs to learn to love, or at least that it's okay to do so. There's also a book loving beauty longing for adventure who could possibly help them both.
There's also the requisite prince though he's anything but charming. Actually, he's a bit nasally and a little derranged and has designs on our book lover who, frankly, would rather be traded for his father's life than ever marry that arsehole. A prince who would love nothing more than to be the one to take down the Kraken and his loyal first mate, especially as he fears the man he wants to marry has fallen for them both.A Beauty and the Beast, Our Flag Means Death story.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 43,098
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 112
- Kudos:
- 62
- Bookmarks:
- 19
- Hits:
- 1,354
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
23 May 2025
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Summary
Fusion with the film Splash. Ed is a burnt out New York City artist who just wants to find love. When he nearly drowns, he's saved by Stede, a man unlike anyone he's ever met. They have a whirlwind romance and Ed falls hard, even though something about Stede doesn't quite add up.
Series
- Part 8 of I can't stop making them into mermaids
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
23 Feb 2025
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Summary
During a raid on a smuggler ship, Ed finds a merman named Stede locked in the hold. Inspired by art by feriowind.
Inside is a tub that looks like it was cobbled together from wooden boards. And inside the tub is a merman.
He sits on the bottom of the tub, his back slumped against its wooden side. His tail is curled beneath the water’s surface, nearly tucked into a perfect circle in the cramped space. He looks pale and haggard, and there’s a shackle around his neck attached to a heavy chain in the wall.
He’s the most magnificent and most pathetic thing Ed’s ever seen.
Series
- Part 1 of Water/line
- Part 1 of I can't stop making them into mermaids
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 60,000
- Chapters:
- 20/20
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 908
- Kudos:
- 1,335
- Bookmarks:
- 300
- Hits:
- 22,429
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
03 Feb 2025
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Summary
Commander Hands had a way of getting under his skin, making him obsess for hours after every clash over all the things he should have said and done in the moment to make the horrid man regret ever so much as laying eyes on Lieutenant Commander Spriggs.
A sprizzy Star Trek AU! Featuring part-Betazoid ship's counsellor Lucius Spriggs and his arch-nemesis, ship second-in-command Izzy Hands, a man with a quick temper, a boatload of shameful, unexplored desires, and a secret past waiting to be uncovered.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,025
- Chapters:
- 5/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 54
- Kudos:
- 49
- Bookmarks:
- 10
- Hits:
- 598
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
26 Jan 2025
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Summary
Due to a long ago curse, at certain times of the year, Edward is transformed into an eldritch monster from the depths. Izzy, loyal to the end, has always taken care of him during these times and knows nothing can lift Edward's dampened mood except blood or sex. Now with Stede Bonnet in the picture, that remains much the same, except more sex than blood along with Stede's own special brand of sunlight that pierces through the gloom. Izzy has long since gotten used to this arrangement, which is fine because he loves Edward and will do anything for him even if he doesn't care for Stede. Not even a little.
Series
- Part 1 of Light Through the Water
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,263
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 12
- Kudos:
- 56
- Bookmarks:
- 8
- Hits:
- 1,171
Bookmarked by JMFoxen
06 Jan 2025