1 - 20 of 125 Bookmarks by esoteric_squid
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smacking bad guys makes me horny! by lovelyorbent
Fandoms: Deadpool - All Media Types, Deadpool (Movieverse)
23 Jan 2019
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Summary
“Did you just fucking lick me?” Cable asks him, sounding halfway between incredulous and agitated.
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
28 Oct 2025
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Curse of the Green Hag by Moorishflower
Fandoms: Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)
27 Apr 2023
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Summary
“For the crime of attempting to parlay, the hag has cursed me to fall prey to my most bestial urges. Either to secret myself to the woods and there lose my mind, or else to succumb to overwhelming desire for the first creature to touch me. It is why…” Here, a spark of Xenk’s old self-righteousness flares in his eyes. “...I begged you not to touch me. And now here we are.”
“In my defense, you weren’t really coherent,” Ed says weakly.
Three months after the defeat of Sofina, Xenk shows up on Ed's new doorstep needing help with a very specific curse.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,383
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 245
- Kudos:
- 3,953
- Bookmarks:
- 719
- Hits:
- 29,099
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
26 Oct 2025
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Summary
Former Death Eaters are being targeted with a Veritaserum curse – it’s permanent, and makes victims speak aloud their every thought. Luckily, it’s easier to control when writing – and Hermione is trying to introduce Muggle technology to the wizarding world.
An advent fic featuring texting, identity struggles, and a Draco Malfoy who will literally not stop talking.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,603
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Comments:
- 2,452
- Kudos:
- 5,391
- Bookmarks:
- 901
- Hits:
- 55,726
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
06 Oct 2025
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I need a drink of cool, cool rain by Moreta1848
Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
30 Jul 2024
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Summary
Some people assume Vulcans, being desert creatures, wouldn't like to get wet.
What they don't understand is that Vulcans, being desert creatures, appreciate water more than anyone else.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,298
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 442
- Kudos:
- 824
- Bookmarks:
- 226
- Hits:
- 6,716
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
19 Sep 2025
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Summary
When you can't change time, but you can't go forward, what is left? Hermione learns how to be the protagonist of her own story.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 222,827
- Chapters:
- 58/58
- Collections:
- 47
- Comments:
- 2,108
- Kudos:
- 7,769
- Bookmarks:
- 3,179
- Hits:
- 393,299
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
12 Aug 2025
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Summary
“Masturbate, Nick! If you masturbate, the knife resets. We can just leave it here if you want.”
Nick hums, “Well, you know… this knife could come in handy. And if the only downside is that I can’t get myself off... I can do without for a while!” Nick grins down at his soon-to-be-overpowered knife.
The rest of the group chuckle as they make their way towards the portal again. “If you say so!”
Slowly, his grin begins to fade as the reality of the situation sinks in: he’s just committed to not jerking off at ALL anytime in the foreseeable future. He drops his head into his hands, groaning out an “Oh fuck me!”
Or: these weren’t the benefits Nick was expecting when he started working at D.A.D.D.I.E.S.
Series
- Part 1 of Kellogg's K'nightmare
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
31 Jul 2025
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Do it Again by thisgirlsays22 for KioneM
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV)
20 Feb 2020
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Summary
By the twentieth time Geralt has gone through the loop, he decides to just throw himself off the cliff’s edge after Borch.
He wakes up to his twenty-first attempt.
“Fuck.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,771
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 9
- Comments:
- 891
- Kudos:
- 21,857
- Bookmarks:
- 3,898
- Hits:
- 152,291
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
21 Jul 2025
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Summary
Draco Malfoy just can’t catch a break. Between the magical curse upon his bloodline, his hair misbehaving, and that strange pit full of demons in his basement that he had absolutely nothing to do with, it just hasn’t been a banner year for him. Luckily, Harry Potter is here to make things ten times worse.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 62,304
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 123
- Kudos:
- 1,816
- Bookmarks:
- 542
- Hits:
- 40,100
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
07 Jul 2025
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Summary
Harry and Draco are sent undercover as a married couple to investigate a dodgy Muggle love cult. Something evil is lurking in Glastonbury… but to get to it, the reluctant partners must be initiated first. And this is, after all, a love cult…
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,318
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 171
- Kudos:
- 1,307
- Bookmarks:
- 279
- Hits:
- 16,490
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
06 Jul 2025
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Summary
Alchemy is spellwork and science, silver and sulphur, stardust and spit. It’s messy. It’s pungent. It’s gold from lead and life from death; it’s something wriggling at the bottom of a beaker. It’s iron, ammonia, bile, urea. It fumes. It stains. It answers questions.
Zirk investigates Hank like the alchemist he is.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,096
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 12
- Kudos:
- 123
- Bookmarks:
- 10
- Hits:
- 1,261
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
27 Apr 2025
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Summary
To a witcher, touch is almost never a good thing.
Touch means something or someone has gotten too close. Close enough to rend open the places where armour doesn’t protect the vulnerabilities underneath. Close enough to see the pulse where it beats just under the surface, to identify where to strike.
To Geralt, touch is everything beyond that, too. He craves the moments where touch doesn’t mean pain, damage, or potential death, but where it means safety and care. In a witcher’s life, those moments are far and few between.
Geralt bears it and watches the seasons change until he can take out that part of himself for winter, and let it breathe.He’s used to it, and he’s already endured it for decades when he meets Jaskier
Series
- Part 1 of Witcher love language
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 47,789
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Comments:
- 506
- Kudos:
- 1,600
- Bookmarks:
- 309
- Hits:
- 21,443
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
12 Apr 2025
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Summary
He’s had awkward study buddies in college, work ‘friends’, hell, even his strained not-relationship with Sniper Wolf, but there’s something so easy and cool about living in close quarters with Snake, who’s pretty damn hard to read and honestly a little scary, but interesting as all hell. At least he’s never bored.
(Pre-relationship, set post-MGS1. The early days of Philanthropy, Snake and Otacon figuring each other out.)
Series
- Part 1 of Hello world
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
11 Apr 2025
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Summary
After the defeat and indoctrination of both Narinder and the former bishops of the Old Faith into the cult, Lambert has been trying to get the cat to mingle more with the cult members. But Narinder refuses it, preferring to stay locked away from everyone. That is at least, until the night of the Bonfire Ritual where The Lamb was able to make the former god leave his isolation with the promise of good wine. The events of the night take an unexpected turn, tho. And after everything, The One Who Waits is left to deal with the secret of what transpired during that ritual.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 111,822
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Comments:
- 184
- Kudos:
- 277
- Bookmarks:
- 42
- Hits:
- 10,420
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
10 Apr 2025
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End OTW Racism | Steve Rogers at 100: Celebrating Captain America on Film by eleveninches, hellotailor, M_Leigh, neenya, orphan_account, tigrrmilk
Fandoms: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
11 May 2014
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Summary
“Heil Hydra,” the enemy agent shouts.
“Heil this, motherfucker,” says Captain America, shooting off a rocket.
Steve and Bucky find out Hollywood has been busy since they went away. A historical survey, including but not limited to: one set of exploded genitals, a brief interlude in France, Mel Gibson and other masterworks of casting, eight Academy awards, several dinosaurs, and something Tony Stark has ominously dubbed “the masterpiece.” Art included.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,228
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 1,129
- Kudos:
- 20,581
- Bookmarks:
- 7,012
- Hits:
- 374,272
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
14 Feb 2025
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One (1) Daily Shoulder Pat by Android_And_Ale
Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
17 May 2025
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Summary
Shenanigans ensue when one middle finger to the Academy too many gets Starfleet Cadet James T. Kirk booted off planet for a summer internship aboard the V.S.S. Sh'Raan.
He's hiding a major secret from the oh so earnest and helpful Vulcans, but the longer he's on the ship, the more Jim starts to wonder if they're keeping secrets from him, too.
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Captain Spisee handed Jim a heavy sheet of rich, cream paper embossed with gold dusted Vulcan calligraphy bearing the ship’s name. It was a bit cheap by the standards of Vulcan stationary aesthetics, but shipboard life meant some sacrifices. In the most elegant handwriting he’d ever had the privilege to lay eyes on, it read:
Human Enrichment and Optimal Health Program:
- One (1) Daily Shoulder Pat (more provided upon request)
- Seventy (70) Seconds of Hug Time Per Week (divided between crew members as you deem necessary)
- Three (3) Discrete Instances of Daily Praise
- Three (3) Structured Entertainments per week
- Minimum of One (1) Social Companion per meal (more available upon request)“We would appreciate detailed weekly feedback on the efficacy of our Human integration efforts."
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Summary
When Will finds himself exhausted by an uninspired series of murders and the killer he's forced to empathize with, Hannibal presents an idea neither of them can resist: if Will can become anyone, why not be someone he enjoys? Each day for seven days of appointments, Will tries on a new personality.
They both get more than they bargained for.
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
29 Jan 2025
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Gold, silver and the red of fresh blood. by TheGabeTree
Fandoms: Drawfee RPF, Drawtectives (Web Series)
27 May 2023
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Summary
Rowan, Luce and Conan are assassins, the others are detectives.
Can I make it any more obvious?I have not slept in weeks.
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
13 Dec 2024
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What Dreams May Come by firethesound_HP_archive for slytherco
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
17 Dec 2020
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Summary
If Harry had to get called into work on his day off, at least he was able to get Malfoy called in too.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 36,127
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 310
- Kudos:
- 6,119
- Bookmarks:
- 1,579
- Hits:
- 87,016
Bookmarked by esoteric_squid
31 Oct 2024
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Summary
“I was wondering if you might come home with me.” Merlin stops mid-rant and stares at him, and then down at his panini again, and back at Arthur. This is a panini of lies and pain. He can tell already.
“For Christmas? I’ve got an uncle and a mother and a sister waiting for me at home, in case you hadn’t remembered, I’m not going home with you just because you’re a workaholic.”
“No, it’s. My mum might be under the impression that we’re a little bit married.”
In which Merlin gets conned into spending Christmas with Arthur's family and pretending to be his husband, because somehow this is his life.
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Dark Matter by mysterycyclone
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), DCU (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
19 Jun 2024
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Summary
The last thing Peter sees is Tony's horrified, heartbroken expression leaning over him. The guilt in his eyes is almost worse than the burning pain that's taking Peter apart piece by piece. The world starts to go dark.
There's a flash of gold and green. For one moment, he finds himself standing amongst the Guardians and others. And then darkness again. It feels like blinking; an extended period of nothingness that ends as abruptly as it begins. One moment there’s nothing, the next there’s light.
“Easy,” a woman says. Her words are gentle, and carry a slight accent that he can’t place. "I'm called Wonder Woman. What's your name?"
Series
- Part 1 of Dark Matter Multiverse