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- Words:
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- Works:
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- Bookmarks:
- 127
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
18 Jun 2025
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Rocked by the loss of love, Pete Wentz buys a house in the middle of nowhere and sets out to get himself haunted. Aided by his ghost hunting forum friend jt_mania and harried by his absolute busybody of a new neighbor, Pete is torn between letting himself be lost or learning how to live again.
“No one ever told me grief felt so like fear.” - C.S. Lewis
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
23 Mar 2023
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“Oh, man. Did you… did you ask the sea for its gift while you were actually on the sea? …Mate.” The creature took a step toward Stede, then another, until Stede was backed up fully against the desk. “You didn’t read anything in the book but the spell, did you?”
“I - I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Stede squeaked, leaving dignity fully behind him. No wonder his apprentice had threatened so many times to leave him.
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In which Stede is not a very good sorcerer, and Ed is the sea demon whose summoning he didn't get quite right.
Series
- Part 1 of Sea Demons & Ghost Ships
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 38,733
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 161
- Kudos:
- 445
- Bookmarks:
- 89
- Hits:
- 7,751
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
23 Feb 2023
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Summary
Stede wonders what the man looks like. He doesn’t sound young like the first profile. Maybe a man in his late thirties? Or forties, perhaps? “Yes, of course, but I—” He shifts on the sofa, feeling embarrassed. “I’m rather new to this, I’m afraid.”
The man hums, and another shiver runs down Stede’s spine. “To phone sex?” he asks. “Paying for it? To talking to a man?”
“All of the above,” Stede sighs. “I mean, I’ve talked to men before, obviously, but…”
“Not for sex.”
Stede figures that the safest way to figure out if he's actually attracted to men is by calling a phone sex line.
Series
- Part 1 of Phone Sex AU
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 58,864
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 1,673
- Kudos:
- 2,050
- Bookmarks:
- 453
- Hits:
- 28,102
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
29 Jan 2023
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Summary
A new coffee shop in Ed's neighborhood has a Dutch auction-style book sale, lowering the price by one dollar each day. Ed gets very attached to one particular book, and one particular coffee shop owner.
OFMD JanuAUry Day 15 - Coffee Shop + Pet Owners
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,629
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 72
- Kudos:
- 485
- Bookmarks:
- 68
- Hits:
- 2,146
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
18 Jan 2023
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Summary
Stede can't believe he's managed to seriously injure himself with the merchandise before his antique shop is even open. Thank goodness there's a very attractive mail carrier to rescue him!
Written for Day 1 of JanuAUry - Small Business.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,173
- Chapters:
- 1/3
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 29
- Kudos:
- 133
- Bookmarks:
- 18
- Hits:
- 718
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
06 Jan 2023
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Summary
Ed Teach is the host of popular food tv show "Blackbeard's Best Bites" or Triple B for short. He travels around the country showcasing local hidden treasures, something that he used to enjoy, but lately has been feeling like more of a grind.
When he discovers The Revenge, a Queer 'Gastro Cafe' owned by Stede Bonnet, he insists they feature it next season, but he gets more than he bargained for when they do.
Series
- Part 1 of OFMD JanuAUry 2022
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,569
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 51
- Kudos:
- 312
- Bookmarks:
- 62
- Hits:
- 1,530
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
06 Jan 2023
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Summary
In a post-apocalyptic hellscape, the Kraken finds himself adrift and bored, until he meets a new threat calling himself the Gentleman.
Written for Day 2 of JanuAUry - Apocalypse.
Series
- Part 1 of OFMD AU prompts
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,698
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 86
- Kudos:
- 251
- Bookmarks:
- 45
- Hits:
- 1,523
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
06 Jan 2023
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Summary
The first time it happens, Ed doesn’t say anything. It’s a normal day. Boring. Maybe he has a hangover, maybe it’s time to stop getting black-out drunk the night before work. But it’s been a while since he’s gotten into trouble for it. He doesn’t have as much to be angry about these days, not anymore. Depressed? Possibly. Feeling like he’s wasted his life? Oh, absolutely, that’s just a fact. He’s 45 years old and working in a dingy, dusty strip mall, living vicariously (at the moment) through a man in a $3000 bespoke suit taking a sledgehammer to a microwave.
PROMPT:
"modern au where Ed is the owner of the rage room and one day Stede comes in after a very stressful day at work, pays 40 minutes for the room, breaks things for 20 minutes and then cries for another 20 minutes" @EDWARDSSTEACH on Twitter- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 58,287
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 481
- Kudos:
- 964
- Bookmarks:
- 220
- Hits:
- 16,489
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
18 Dec 2022
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to be the darkness behind your shining star by CartoonMayor
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
12 Sep 2022
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Summary
Edward, god of the dead, kidnaps Stede, god of spring. Greek mythology ensues.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 42,429
- Chapters:
- 23/23
- Comments:
- 590
- Kudos:
- 763
- Bookmarks:
- 147
- Hits:
- 14,454
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
18 Dec 2022
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Summary
Stede is a lonely and anxious corporate attorney who finds himself stuck in a mid-life rut. Blackbeard is a successful outsider artist with a dangerous reputation who feels trapped by his fame. When they meet on an art gallery roof one fateful evening, they discover just how much opposites attract.
What did I know, what did I know
of love’s austere and lonely offices?
-Robert Hayden, from Those Winter Sundays- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 41,815
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 206
- Kudos:
- 520
- Bookmarks:
- 100
- Hits:
- 8,432
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
18 Dec 2022
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like a flower in bloom, how the ink flows over your skin by ChangeTheCircumstances
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
12 Apr 2022
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Summary
Stede finds that being a convicted felon makes job searching near impossible when the owner of a flower shop takes pity on him and gives him a job. It starts as just Stede fulfilling the requirements of his parole. He certainly didn't agree to the offer with the thought the business and the people around it would change his life.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 37,574
- Chapters:
- 16/16
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 1,049
- Kudos:
- 5,496
- Bookmarks:
- 1,094
- Hits:
- 75,391
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
18 Dec 2022
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Summary
Edward Teach is one of the most famous chefs in the world, working under the handle Chef Blackbeard. Not one to be tied down, he does random pop-ups in all types of kitchens, and for the absurdly wealthy, he caters special events.
Stede Bonnet wants to throw the best engagement party ever for his ex-wife and best friend, Mary. His assistant recommends the extravagant work of Chef Blackbeard.
Series
- Part 1 of we can share a meal your way
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 37,074
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 144
- Kudos:
- 864
- Bookmarks:
- 179
- Hits:
- 12,786
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
16 Dec 2022
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Summary
Ed begins to tell fun facts to the strange fancy man who visits the aquarium each day.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,970
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 173
- Kudos:
- 3,077
- Bookmarks:
- 525
- Hits:
- 14,234
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
11 Dec 2022
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Summary
“It’s just,” he continued, “I’ve noticed that humans—some humans, anyway—they use that word, angel, as a…well, as a sort of…endearment.”
“Do they?” said Crowley, who had invented using the word as an endearment in the 13th century AD.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,520
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 477
- Kudos:
- 9,727
- Bookmarks:
- 1,981
- Hits:
- 67,278
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
11 Dec 2022
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Summary
Ed isn't sleeping well.
Or: an excuse to have many long naps in the (formerly) great cabin.
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
11 Dec 2022
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Queen Anne's Renovations and Remodeling by bythedamned
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
25 Jun 2022
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Summary
Ed didn't know why Stede’s house had a room sealed off. Two decades gone, filled with the creation and destruction of things they'd never shared with each other, and Ed no longer had reading privileges to the Book of Stede.
So he's left to wonder - what's in the room? Why is the door plastered over? And why does Ed remember kissing Stede on a make-believe ship they’d invented as kids?
Ed’s imagination always did get away from him like that.
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
07 Dec 2022
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Summary
Stede comes back.
Ed does too. It just takes a little longer.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,156
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Comments:
- 927
- Kudos:
- 10,735
- Bookmarks:
- 2,767
- Hits:
- 95,920
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
01 Dec 2022
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Summary
Ed is an engineer aboard the Revenge, an interplanetary research vessel on a multi-year mission to study Jupiter's moon Europa. An accident requires that Ed awaken from cryostasis over six months early, and finds his only companion to be Stede, the ship's onboard AI. They develop an unconventional friendship, but is it possible to have more?
This is classic mutual pining with a sci-fi twist, inspired by all of my favorite stories about the nature of personhood.
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“You–” Ed was struggling to parse what Stede was saying. “You’re playing your version of this song for me, right now? Like, in real time?”“Yes, Edward, that’s correct,” said Stede softly.
Ed’s brain momentarily seized up. He supposed it made sense that Stede was capable of learning a set of rules to do something like arrange and play a piece of music. There was something unnerving about this song, though. It felt, well–it felt organic . Reactive. Almost collaborative in a way. Ed was lost in the push and pull of it, until the last notes softly petered out.
“So, what did you think?” asked Stede. It sounded nervous again. Why the hell would someone program an anxiety response into a bot?
Series
- Part 1 of Starry Eyes and Counting Down to Zero
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 62,072
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Collections:
- 10
- Comments:
- 2,701
- Kudos:
- 2,626
- Bookmarks:
- 1,044
- Hits:
- 49,608
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
20 Nov 2022
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With Great Power Comes a Great Need to Punch This Asshole by orphan_account
Fandoms: Fall Out Boy
02 Dec 2021
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Summary
By day, they're Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz, a music teacher at the nearby High School and a pizza delivery guy respectively
By night, they're Soul Punk and Sandman, Chicago's top hero and most detested, respectively
They both, coincidently, are friends with one Joe Trohman
Series
- Part 1 of Stargazing and Superheroes
Bookmarked by Hopelikehell
24 Sep 2022