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    Summary

    “Everyone’s thinking what I’m thinking, right?” Dyks grunts as he throws himself into the chair across from Zane, jostling the whole table hard enough to have everyone complain loudly and make desperate grabs for their sloshing drinks. He expertly ignores the flat look Zane pins him with, and dodges the balled-up cocktail napkin Nicky lobs at his head with a level of dexterity he really should be bringing onto the ice instead. “Like, this can’t be their normal, no fucking way.”

    Dills, when it becomes obvious that no one else is going to entertain whatever Dyks is going on about, sighs deeply and takes pity on him by asking, “The fuck are you talking about, buddy?”

    “Roz and Hollzy! I thought having Cap’s husband on the roster would actually make a difference?”

    Loath as he is to admit it, Zane has to give it to Dyks; the man’s got a point.

    [5 times the Cens try to figure out what's happening between their Captain and his husband, plus the 1 time they're confronted with the uncomfortable truth of what's actually going on.]

    [Can be read as a standalone story.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,326
    Chapters:
    1/6
    Comments:
    46
    Kudos:
    564
    Bookmarks:
    72
    Hits:
    6,238
  2. Tags
    Summary

    The fact that he’s still sporting matching nails with his daughter slips Shane’s mind right up until he’s walking into the locker room, and Conner does a literal double-take before whistling at him. “Looking gorg, Cap,” he says with a wink and a grin, then holds up his own hand and wiggles his fingers when Shane proceeds to stare at him uncomprehendingly.

    Shane looks down at the hand he’s got curled around the strap of his duffel, and then pinches the bridge of his nose with his free one. “Fuck.”

    [Or; Shane rarely ever starts fights. He always finishes them, though.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,209
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    305
    Kudos:
    2,510
    Bookmarks:
    167
    Hits:
    26,211
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Cliff Marlow ✅ @cliffmarlowofficial
    Top three reasons why @officialilyarozanov and I aren’t fucking, from least to most important:

    #3: I’ve known him since he was barely 18 years old. I’ve seen some shit.
    #2: He’s annoying. And an asshole.
    #1: I’m scared of his husband.

    [Attached is a gif of Shane whirling around to glower at the camera. The look in his eyes promises murder. Why? Unclear but also irrelevant. If looks could indeed kill, everyone who’d ever seen this gif would be deceased.]

    [Can be read as a standalone story.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,128
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    158
    Kudos:
    4,391
    Bookmarks:
    327
    Hits:
    26,671
  4. Tags
    Summary

    MLH Gossip Collective 📢 @mlhgossipcollective
    Recent speculation about a sighting of retired former @ottawacentaursmlh Captain @officialilyarozanov with an unknown child has prompted us to scour the interwebs for some more scorching hot intel. And wouldn’t you know it, we’ve struck gold! Is the uncanny resemblance a coincidence? We don’t think so! Check out these incriminating shots from earlier this year!

    [A series of three photos. 1: Shane and Ilya Hollander-Rozanov and the aforementioned, unknown child in the parking garage of the Cens’ home arena, standing by their car. 2: Shane’s leaning into the open rear door of the car, presumably buckling in their two older daughters. Ilya is holding their youngest daughter as he talks to the unknown child, one arm curled protectively around the child’s slumped shoulders. 3: Ilya has clearly noticed the camera. He’s shielding the child’s face with his hand. The way he glowers at whoever took the pictures is a fairly good indicator as to why this is the last photo that’s been taken.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,157
    Chapters:
    1/2
    Comments:
    149
    Kudos:
    1,729
    Bookmarks:
    113
    Hits:
    13,433
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Ilya doesn’t remember slamming his fist down on the counter. Or even making the decision to do so. The thing he won’t ever be able to forget, however?

    Is the quiet, almost inaudible intake of breath from behind him. The wide-eyed expression of pure, unadulterated fear on Dima’s face when Ilya, ripping the headphones off his head, whirls around to look at him. Dima’s defensive stance, his tense shoulders, his harsh breathing, the wariness with which he’s staring at Ilya as if Ilya’s—as if he’s everything Dima’s ever been afraid of in his life, made real and palpable right in front of him.

    [5 times Ilya has to contend with the heartbreaking fact that his nephew is terrified of him, plus the 1 time he realizes that might not actually be true anymore.]

    [Can be read as a standalone.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,315
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    653
    Kudos:
    3,410
    Bookmarks:
    376
    Hits:
    45,762
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Marika practically runs across the room, and jumps on the bed like a maniac, landing half on Dima and kneeing him in the ribs in the process. Wheezing, Dima readjusts them both into an at least somewhat comfortable position with his head propped up on his bunched up pillow, and Mari sitting on his stomach, beaming down at him as she informs him, “It’s Christmas!”

    Right. December 25th. North American Christmas. It’s not like Dima forgot, because it’s all Mari’s been talking about for a week straight, but also, “It’s the middle of the night.”

    Mari braces her hands against her hips with an impatient huff. “No, it’s morning.”

    Grabbing his phone from the nightstand, Dima unlocks it, squints at the too bright screen, then turns it around to show Mari the numbers, like that’s going to somehow convince her. “No, it’s 3:37.”

    “Yeah,” Mari says, looking at him funny, the way she always does when Dima isn’t quick enough to agree with her, “that’s morning.”

    [Dima's first Christmas living with his Uncle Ilya and his family looks a little different than he imagined. Turns out, different doesn't always mean bad, though.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,488
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    140
    Kudos:
    2,098
    Bookmarks:
    113
    Hits:
    14,666
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Curt’s in absolutely no mood to deal with whatever’s currently happening out in the hall, and has already picked his phone back up to call 911 when he realizes that whoever’s at the door has a key, from the sound of it. They’re not exactly doing a good job of using it, he thinks as he peers out of the bedroom, missing the lock several times and probably scratching up the damn paint while they’re at it.

    Then there’s a thump, as if someone’s slumped against the door, followed by a muffled groan, and—

    “Fuckin’—Christ, Red, jus’ hold on for a goddamn second.”

    Curt rubs a hand over his face.

    Of fucking course.

    [5 people who’ve noticed that Frank and Matt have grown suspiciously close, plus the 1 idiot person who’s completely missed the memo.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,097
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    135
    Kudos:
    1,037
    Bookmarks:
    142
    Hits:
    10,483
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Ilya Hollander-Rozanov ✅ @officialilyarozanov
    look what we made 💗 liliyana 💗

    [A picture of Shane Hollander-Rozanov sitting cross-legged in a hospital bed. A sleeping, newborn Liliyana Hollander-Rozanov is cradled against his bare chest. He’s gently kissing the side of her head, but his eyes are fixed on the person behind the camera, shining with unshed tears of pure joy.]

    ↪ Zane Boodram ✅ @boodramzane
    A whole first line. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

    ↪ Henri LaPointe ✅ @officielhenrilapointe
    Okay but imagine an entire team of tiny Hollanovs?!?! 🤯

    ↪ 🇸🇪 Oskar Holmberg 🇸🇪 ✅ @hockeyoskarholmberg
    @officielhenrilapointe: Okay, but imagine having and raising AT LEAST six kids?!

    ↪ Conner Young ✅ @conneryoung
    @officielhenrilapointe: okay but lets just be glad they can’t actually knock each other up or we’d have like ten mini rozs terrorizing us already lmfao

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,551
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    160
    Kudos:
    3,637
    Bookmarks:
    207
    Hits:
    28,527
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Ottawa Centaurs Hockey ✅ @ottawacentaursmhl
    Rounding off the season with our annual Paint the Ice event. See you in September, Centaurs Family! 🏒🐎❄️🎨

    [Over 20 pictures are attached. 1: The whole team out at center ice. Everyone’s wearing their jerseys and smiling widely. 2: Coach Wiebe and former Captain Ilya Rozanov talking by the boards. Coach Wiebe looks fondly exasperated as Rozanov gestures wildly. Rozanov’s back is to the camera, showing that he’s wearing a hoodie with his husband and current Captain Shane Hollander’s name and #24 on the back. 3: Michael Boyle crouched on the ice next to his twins. They seem to be having a very in-depth discussion about the twins’ drawings. 4: Hollander mid-motion as he skates laps with his and Rozanov’s daughter in his arms…]

    ↪ oliver meyer @meyerolls
    can’t wait for next season!!!

    ↪ censgirlie @censgirlie
    That picture of Hollanov making heart eyes at each other?!? My inner child: healed. My skin: cleared. My soul: filled. My spirit: ascended.

    ↪ The Tammy Whammy @rozanova
    uh, anyone else peep barrett’s boyfriend in the back of pic #17 holding A FUCKING BABY

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,076
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    100
    Kudos:
    3,826
    Bookmarks:
    208
    Hits:
    30,479
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Cen(s)turion Warrior Princess 🦄🏒 @hohohollanov
    uhm. why is no one talking about this? hello????

    [A series of three pictures. 1: A grainy shot taken from across a street. It shows a heavily pregnant woman and a man with sunglasses and a reverse snapback exiting a fertility clinic. The man’s arm is around the woman’s waist. 2: The same woman and man, the photo taken from much closer. They’re both smiling as they’re looking at something the woman’s holding. 3: The woman and the man are hugging, both clearly happy. The man is kissing the woman’s forehead. It is now obvious that the woman is holding sonogram pictures.]

    ↪The Tammy Whammy @rozanova
    ilya whyyyyy 😭

    ↪ Matt Davies @mattdavies
    Finally. It’s about time he realized he’s better off with a woman. #goodriddance

    ↪ censgirlie @censgirlie
    Okay, but. Are we even sure that’s Ilya Rozanov?

    ↪ Frankie Hockey @hockeyfrankie
    whatever happened to respecting people’s privacy

    ↪ katie @katiemills
    @hockeyfrankie: whatever happened to respecting your wedding vows????

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,929
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    166
    Kudos:
    6,331
    Bookmarks:
    344
    Hits:
    42,367
  11. Tags
    Summary

    “I want to speak with my brother.”

    Shane doesn’t give a single shit about what Alexei Rozanov wants, frankly. He crosses his arms over his chest. “Pretty sure your brother doesn’t want to talk to you.”

    Alexei grits his teeth, blowing a frustrated breath out of his nose. “Is, uh, family. Family thing.”

    “Ilya’s my family,” Shane says coolly, raising both brows challengingly, “not yours. Not anymore.”

    Or: Ilya's brother shows back up after more than a decade of silence. A happy family reunion looks very different.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,118
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    196
    Kudos:
    5,555
    Bookmarks:
    579
    Hits:
    52,288
  12. Tags
    Summary

    “So, who’s here? And,” Chris adds when Adrian sucks in a breath, and allows himself to roll his eyes, “don’t say no one.”

    Adrian sulks up at him, but he also steps back, and holds the door open in invitation. “You’re not allowed to be mad about this, though. Because it seems like something you’d get mad about, and I don’t want you to be mad.”

    Well, if that isn’t ominous as fuck. “Why d’you think I’d be—oh, fuck no!”

    From the other side of the living room, arms crossed over his chest, Adrian—another Adrian glowers at Chris. “Fuck you.”

    [Or; Adrian brings himself from the Nazi dimension back to their Evergreen. Somehow, against all fucking odds, it actually ends up working out for Chris. In more ways than one. Well, two ways, because there's two Adrians now.]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,278
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    136
    Kudos:
    715
    Bookmarks:
    112
    Hits:
    8,518
  13. Tags
    Summary

    “Dad and Frank bonded over their collective trauma,” Leo supplies, without ever looking up from her phone, and Sarah gets the distinctive feeling that she might be live-texting the unfolding chaos to her boyfriend, “and accidentally stumbled right into this super codependent bromance—”

    “Only sometimes,” Zach agrees, sharing a conspiratorial smile Sarah isn’t sure she likes or appreciates with his sister, “the b in that bromance becomes suspiciously blurred.”

    “Tell me about it,” Matt chuckles, taking a sip of his beer. “No one warned me that my boyfriend came with a boyfriend.”

    [Or; David and Frank are weird about each other, and everyone knows it.]

    [Technically a sequel and part of a series, but can be read as a standalone story.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,255
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    289
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    1,592
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Peter sees the Punisher hold a baby, and it does not compute, nope. Record scratch, jaw on the floor. Error 404, thought process interrupted, higher brain function not found.

    Because what?

    [5 times Peter’s sure Frank has got to be planning something nefarious, plus the 1 time he realizes that even the Punisher is just a regular guy. With guns. A lot of guns, actually, so not exactly a normal guy, but—]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,650
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    43
    Kudos:
    511
    Bookmarks:
    78
    Hits:
    5,091
  15. Tags
    Summary

    It’s a stupid fucking thing to do. Frank knows it is. He knows it’s a mistake, and he knows Matt knows it, but it doesn’t stop either of them.

    Never has before. And won't now, either.

    They both moan, too loud and too fucking desperate, when their mouths finally crash together.

    [5 times Matt and Frank don’t get it quite right, plus the 1 time they realize even a mistake can lead to something good.]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,732
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    51
    Kudos:
    391
    Bookmarks:
    65
    Hits:
    3,812
  16. Tags
    Summary

    “What are—” is as far as Bob gets before Wade pushes past him, whistling long and low as he glances around the yard. “Sssh!”

    “Bobster,” Wade gasps, free hand now pressed against his chest, “are you ashamed of me?”

    Bob crosses his own arms. “Yes.”

    Wade nods. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

    “What the f—” Bob winces, eyeing the baby in Wade's arms, “fudge are you doing here, man?”

    [5 times Wade chooses an, uh, unconventional babysitter, plus the 1 time someone finally puts the pieces together and figures out why.]

    [Yes, please do read this as a standalone. Actually, this is an invitation to everyone stumbling over here from another ship to stay and enjoy some cute baby content.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,606
    Chapters:
    1/2
    Comments:
    37
    Kudos:
    255
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    1,859
  17. Tags
    Summary

    “That’s a convoluted fucking way of telling me that you don’t know shit, lady.”

    Wade snorts, then shrugs when Not-Logan glances back at him. “Personally, I think your bitchiness is one of your most endearing qualities, babes.”

    [Five times meeting someone from an alternate timeline is kind of fun, plus the one time Wade’s shitty self-esteem rears its ugly head. And he gets a teeny, tiny little bit insecure, but it’s not his fault, okay, in every other universe his jealousy would be totally justified!]

    [Read this as a standalone, read all of them, I don't even care. Not at all, nope.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,539
    Chapters:
    3/6
    Comments:
    65
    Kudos:
    353
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    3,086
  18. Tags
    Summary

    In Wade’s arms, the bundle starts crying in earnest.

    “No,” Wade chokes out, shaking his head, “no, I—no, no, no, no—”

    He puts the bundle down on the floor, stands on trembling legs, and flees.

    No one stops him.

    Logan, heart heavy and throat tight, goes to pick up the baby.

    [5 of his daughter’s firsts Wade misses out on, plus the 1 time he gets his shit together, steps up to the plate, and finally does the right fucking thing.]

    [Read this as a standalone if you just want a cute, angsty baby fic. Then go read the rest of the series to get more of our two favorite freaks in love.]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,397
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    307
    Kudos:
    543
    Bookmarks:
    51
    Hits:
    7,475
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Logan reaches around Wade to grab his wrists in one hand, effectively pinning him in place.

    His mouth is a gentle contrast against Wade’s cheek, brushing a series of lazy, soft kisses along his jaw. Wade turns his head, lips catching Logan’s for just a second, before Logan moves to bite at his ear instead, chest rumbling against Wade’s with a deep, teasing chuckle.

    “Oh, come on,” Wade whines, through the laughter threatening to bubble up his throat, “stop being an asshole—”

    “Uhm, Wade?” Jubilee asks from where she's standing in the open door, mouth pursed.

    Oopsie.

    [5 times the kids think they’re witnessing Logan’s abusive behavior towards Wade, plus the 1 time they (and Magneto, for some reason) hold an adorably well-meaning but totally unnecessary intervention about it.]

    [This is the one story in this series that you can absolutely read as a standalone. But I know you won't. Right?!]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,650
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    74
    Kudos:
    1,065
    Bookmarks:
    88
    Hits:
    6,512
  20. Tags
    Summary

    “Wade,” Logan mumbles as he scoots closer, and strokes a gentle hand down Wade’s spine, “wake up, bub.”

    Wade shifts, too, onto his side, and Logan tugs him closer, his back to Logan’s chest, Logan’s hand on Wade’s waist. “C’mon, you’re all right, you’re having a bad dream—”

    Logan blinks, startled, at the knife in his upper thigh.

    “What the fu—”

    [5 times Logan doesn’t know how to handle Wade’s trauma, plus the 1 time Wade shows him that his instincts have been right all along.]

    [This is the one story that probably makes the least sense if you haven’t read the other ones. Yet I was still nice enough to make it readable as a standalone. Which means you should absolutely go and read all the other ones in the series. Pretty please?]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,028
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    113
    Kudos:
    1,139
    Bookmarks:
    97
    Hits:
    10,937

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