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Lemon Drizzle (or: Stop Talking About Fish) by Freakierthanthou
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
16 Oct 2023
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Summary
The second time he kisses Stede Bonnet, Ed is holding a fish. And really, that's fine. It's totally normal to be holding a fish while you kiss someone. And to compare your relationship to a fish. And to keep on holding the fish while you're talking about how your relationship is like a fish because really, nothing can convince someone to not want to kiss you a third time than standing in front of them in a burlap sack with a cat bell around your neck holding a fish.
[Despite the title, not actually a lemon in the old-school fandom way. This is 3000 words of Ed Teach talking about fish, because we're taking it slow.]
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
10 Feb 2024
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but if i'm all dressed up (they might as well be looking at us) by mediocrepirate
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
09 Feb 2024
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Summary
“God, the mouth on you,” Stede says between kisses, the little rolls of his hips driving Ed even closer on his way to heaven itself. “Want to be a good boy for me and put it to use?”
Or: Ed is a famous rockstar attending an award show with Stede as their first public outing as a couple. He wants nothing more than to be good for his boyfriend.
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
10 Feb 2024
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Summary
Of course the travel agency had chosen to send Ed on this work trip with his recently hired, newly divorced, absolutely devastatingly handsome colleague that he totally did not have a crush on.
But he couldn’t exactly hit on his coworker when they were stuck for weeks together in another country, despite the fact that it was actively driving him insane to be in such close proximity to him all the time.
***
When Ed and Stede get lost in Iceland, they happen upon an eerie place, and have to deal with the consequences of being poisoned by a strange substance (cuddle pollen, it's cuddle pollen).
OFMD AUpril Day 8: Supernatural – Medicine – Fae/Folklore
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,200
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 107
- Kudos:
- 410
- Bookmarks:
- 62
- Hits:
- 2,641
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
06 Feb 2024
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Summary
When Ed and Stede's friend groups merge, they meet at a birthday party, and Stede's life is turned upside-down. As they collide again and again, he not only has to figure out what Ed means to him, but what he means to himself.
***
Or: The five times Stede wasn't ready, and the one time he was.Series
- Part 1 of Five Birthdays and a Funeral
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
04 Feb 2024
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Summary
“S-Stede…” Other Ed stutters out, staring at Ed… at himself. Staring at each other. “What is… oh what the fuck.” His expression turns incredulous. “What kinda magic shit is this?”
“M-magic?” Stede says, trembling, looking between the two of them. “Edward, do you know what’s happening here?”
“No,” both Ed’s answer, and Stede’s mouth shuts with a click.
Or: Ed washes ashore right outside an Inn. Inside, he finds a future he never knew he could wish for.
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
30 Jan 2024
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Summary
Edward Teach is a pop star about to embark on his latest tour when he develops vocal nodes. Stede Bonnet is the voice specialist who treats him. Sparks fly.
“Right. And could you please describe your singing voice to me? Or sing something you feel showcases your voice, if you feel comfortable. For my usual clientele, I’d suggest their go-to audition song, but I don’t get the sense that you do much auditioning.”
There’s a long pause during which Stede takes note of the guy’s eyes. Not a literal case note, that would be inappropriate. His eyes are large and brown and expressive, quicksand eyes. Eyes a person could get lost in. Right now, they’re slightly narrowed at Stede. He seems to decide something.
“Listen,” the client says. “I appreciate you not wanting to make it weird, but I promise I’m used to it.”
“Used to it?” Stede asks, and there go the eyes again. Stede has the oddest sense of being taken apart, exposed, like the recurring dream he has of walking through the halls of his secondary school without a single stitch of clothing on, down to the same vague, unsettling sense that it should be more awkward than it is.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 78,592
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Comments:
- 1,331
- Kudos:
- 1,538
- Bookmarks:
- 436
- Hits:
- 27,743
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
30 Jan 2024
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Summary
Before they started making out on Ed’s sofa like teenagers, Ed had shyly informed Stede that he didn’t really, like, sleep with anyone, mate. I like it sometimes, feels good, but not as much as other things. And like… I really like you, but I don’t think even you’ll be an exception to that, so if that’s gonna be a problem, you gotta tell me now.
If there was even a flicker of disappointment in Stede’s eyes when Ed gathered the courage to look at his face, it cleared just as quickly as it came, and Stede only paused for a short moment before answering with a soft, earnest smile, “No, Ed. That’s not a problem at all.”
Ed is asexual. Stede is incredibly understanding. Together, they realise why he gets it so well.
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Summary
Advice columnist Stede Bonnet has a crush on the guy who delivers his food every week.
Meanwhile, chef and restaurant owner Ed Teach keeps making personal food deliveries every week to the guy he has a crush on.
When Ed writes into Stede's column, maybe they'll finally figure out that they're both down bad.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,365
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 91
- Kudos:
- 350
- Bookmarks:
- 32
- Hits:
- 1,738
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
28 Jan 2024
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Ed Teach's Guide to Planning Your Boyfriend's Birthday by WellSussed (drcfxtina) for chaotic_neutral_knitter
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
14 Jan 2024
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Summary
They’ve talked about Stede’s past enough that Ed knows that his parents and his ex-wife never made any kind of fuss over his birthday. Ed is going to change all that—he’s going to make a big fuss! Not a huge fuss, though. It’s early in their relationship, and he doesn’t want to scare Stede off. He’s pretty sure it’s too soon to propose or ask to move in together, even though he knows he’s all in on this beautiful, bitchy lunatic of a man.
Fortunately, Ed now knows just the gift to get for Stede. Something that will show that Ed cares for and listens to him. It’s perfect.
~~~~~
Ed plans the perfect birthday for Stede. He makes a list and everything! But things do not go as planned....
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,778
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 34
- Kudos:
- 202
- Bookmarks:
- 22
- Hits:
- 1,009
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
28 Jan 2024
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Summary
“I moved to a new flat because I’ve just walked out on my wife of twenty five years. And our two children. Without telling them. Well, I left a letter, but it was brief.”
I started to think he’d hung up. Then he said “go on”.
*
A preposterous AU with a preposterous meet cute. Featuring Ed's terribly named sex shop, Stede being a proud ally of the LGBT community and surprisingly tame sex given the premise. Unbetaed.
Series
- Part 1 of Baddy Zaddy
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 57,698
- Chapters:
- 15/15
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 593
- Kudos:
- 1,334
- Bookmarks:
- 293
- Hits:
- 19,867
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
27 Jan 2024
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Summary
Stede Bonnet has always dreamed of being a frogwatcher.
(in a world where frogwatching is the favorite hobby of outdoor nerds...)
For JanuAUry day 7, Vloggers!
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,398
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 193
- Kudos:
- 359
- Bookmarks:
- 52
- Hits:
- 2,974
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
24 Jan 2024
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The Treasure Trove by ClaireGregory for ghostalservice
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
20 Jan 2024
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Summary
Archaeologist Ed Teach has a soft spot for reality TV, and he's been accepted to appear on a favourite: The Treasure Trove, a team race to solve riddles, find clues, and make it to a buried treasure first. He's brought colleague and friend Doug as his teammate... but their teams are switched at the last moment, pairing them with strangers.
Mail carrier Stede Bonnet prefers to spend his spare time studying cool bugs, but he's agreed to be a contestant on wife Mary's favourite show in a last ditch effort to save their failing marriage. When he's paired with the stunningly gorgeous, kind, lovely Ed, he's forced to confront an awful lot of realities at once.
Maybe the real treasure is the insane twenty-four hours they'll spend together, racing for the finish line...
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,472
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 122
- Kudos:
- 376
- Bookmarks:
- 67
- Hits:
- 3,194
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
22 Jan 2024
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I (46M) am in love with my very straight housemate (45M) by WaitingToBeBroken
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
15 Jul 2022
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Summary
Reddit user u/NoIamBlackbeard would like to know if he is going insane or if his housemate is actually flirting with him. When the internet does nothing but shout 'AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES' at him, he decides to take matters into his own hands.
It does not go to plan.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,919
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 173
- Kudos:
- 2,332
- Bookmarks:
- 354
- Hits:
- 13,246
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
22 Jan 2024
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Summary
Dear Luci,
Greetings! I am a long time reader, first time writer, and I’m hoping you can advise me on a slightly… complex problem. Let me start at the beginning.
OR
Lucius Spriggs has been running his online relationship advice column for a long time, but this particular situation gets a little weird.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,529
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 90
- Kudos:
- 351
- Bookmarks:
- 50
- Hits:
- 1,896
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
22 Jan 2024
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Summary
Stede is not used to being touched. Ed insists touching is good for the body, and decides to help Stede, you know, for the health benefits.
Series
- Part 1 of Bodies Doing Good
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,395
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 1,084
- Kudos:
- 3,804
- Bookmarks:
- 1,160
- Hits:
- 57,110
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
20 Jan 2024
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Chicken Soup for the Middle-Aged Soul by ghostalservice, nomadsland
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
16 Jan 2024
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Summary
Mysterious things are afoot (a-big-foot?) at the American Crossword Puzzle Tournament in Stamford, CT.
Ed’s a TEC/DICK/SLEUTH/GUMSHOE who’s been out of the game for a few years. He’s happy to be indulging his hobby with a bunch of other nerds.
But when he meets a blond with LEGS/GAMS/PINS that could kill…
Why’s Nigel Badminton slumped over his scoring table with a pencil through his eye?
Why is Chauncey Badminton running screaming from the building straight into traffic?
And why do the lights keep flickering?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,166
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 163
- Kudos:
- 269
- Bookmarks:
- 50
- Hits:
- 2,789
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
20 Jan 2024
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Summary
“I want you to make love to me, Ed,” Stede whispers.
Everything freezes. Ed’s fingers, which have been absently toying with the soft hair at the base of Stede’s neck this entire time, still. Ed himself even seems to stop breathing.
“You’re sure you’re ready?”
“Yes,” Stede says, nodding and whimpering. "Please."Ed and Stede's first time.
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
19 Jan 2024
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Summary
Photographer Ed Teach is bored out of his skull, until he books a shoot with leg model and former Olympian Stede Bonnet. The man is both hot and fascinating.
Written for OFMD JanuAUry 1/18 for the prompts Olympic and photographer.
If you saw me post this a day early by mistake, no you didn't.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,966
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 158
- Kudos:
- 464
- Bookmarks:
- 53
- Hits:
- 4,128
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
18 Jan 2024
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Summary
“You guys do a lot of quizzing together?” Ed asks.
“We compete in a pub quiz league. North West champions, last year.” Lucius boasts. “What about you guys?”
“Done bits, here and there. Izzy got to the final of University Challenge, back in, what, 1988? I won a bit of cash on The Chase a few years ago, and Fang is a Mastermind champion.”
Ah, shit. They are going to get demolished.
*
Or: Stede and Ed are captains of rival teams on the TV quiz show Only Connect, and then cuteness ensues.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,496
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 67
- Kudos:
- 182
- Bookmarks:
- 19
- Hits:
- 918
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
17 Jan 2024
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Summary
Louis has been given a diary to write in. He's not very good at keeping it up to date with his secrets, so he writes a bedtime story that Ed tells him in it instead.
Based on art by @oh_tangerines
Series
- Part 2 of Dinosaur Nuggets As A Metaphor For Love
Bookmarked by dimsimkitty
13 Jan 2024