Macremae
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The following is a transcript from the cutting-room-floor-archives of the podcast, “The Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner”, taken from episode 235, “Fun With Current Events”. Some portions have been edited for clarity, or censored to maintain a PG-rating. None of the following aired publicly.
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something like love with nowhere to go by Macremae
Fandoms: Sweeney Todd - Sondheim/Wheeler
11 Jul 2023
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In which Johanna Barker cleans out her father’s room, reads a book, and writes some letters– in roughly that order.
Or: two Jews, three opinions on the man that was Benjamin Barker.
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When Jo is twelve years old, she and the rest of the soccer team crowd into a dingy but cheap ice cream shop after their first game of the season, and her eyes widen at the extra scoop of rocky road (she thinks?) the woman behind the counter gives her with a wink. It will take her another four years to realize the woman is winking at Jo’s dad, coming to the conclusion on the first day of her new summer job that she was definitely only hired to scoop ice cream for the next three months because her boss wants to fuck him.
Being sixteen, Jo has decided, sucks ass.
Snippets from a better, kinder universe in which Jo has the summer job from hell, Nellie wants to fuck Jo’s dad, and Ben Barker is a single father trying his best. He works at GreatClips.
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does it ever drive you crazy (just how fast the night changes) by Macremae
Fandoms: The Play That Goes Wrong Series - Lewis & Sayer & Shields, The Goes Wrong Show (TV 2019)
06 Dec 2022
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After lighting a cigarette and placing the lighter back on her bedside table, Molly took a crisp drag and turned to him. “So, would you like to know how many times you said my brother’s name during sex, or were you personally counting?”
Chris made a face like a man whose mediocre dinner had just been interrupted by a trip to the Hague. “Let’s talk about something else, please.”
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MONOLOGUE- After several more agonizing minutes, a man shuffles his way downstairs. There is truly no other way to appropriately react to his appearance– the bulbous red nose, the eyebags with sidecars, the greasy strings of hair swinging about his face– other than:
SPOTLIGHT- You tilt your head down slightly and stare headlong at the audience. One eyelid twitches.
MONOLOGUE- That is the ugliest necktie you have ever seen.
SPOTLIGHT- “That is the ugliest necktie I have ever seen.”
No one has asked Kim Kitsuragi a question about himself in forty-four years. Then, he starts getting a lot of them.
Recent series
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- 3,447
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newmann one-shots by emma_394, Macremae, OnyxSphinx
Fandom Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer, Jamestown (TV), Pacific Rim (Movies), Torchwood, Welcome to Night Vale
01 Dec 2021
Summary
a series of unconnected Newmann one-shots
- Words:
- 220,603
- Works:
- 177
- Bookmarks:
- 19
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In which post-Uprising, Newt is handed a classroom of rapscallion murder teens with no giant monsters to murder, and is told to put that STEM teaching background to good use. Fuck you, Jake Pentecost. How's he supposed to be "hip with the youngsters" now?
(The elephant toothpaste demonstration will probably help his chances.)
- Words:
- 18,394
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 13
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They say recovery comes in threes. First with the mind, then the body, and finally the spirit. They also say that it cannot be found alone.
This is the story of Newton Geiszler, and the three people that help him find himself again.
- Words:
- 36,475
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 8
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"You should grow this longer," Rozanov once said, running his fingers through Shane's practical cut, the same one he had since he was fifteen. Rozanov's blond curls had fallen in his eyes. Behind them, his blue eyes glittered like he was looking at the sun. "You would be so lovely."
It felt like being lit on fire.
Or; Shane is Rozanov's girl.
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- Part 1 of mortal girl
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,644
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Comments:
- 720
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- 4,049
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- 1,124
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- 41,565
Bookmarked by Macremae
28 Jan 2026
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Judges by a_good_soldier
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
30 Dec 2025
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Ilya tries to breathe. Shane is the one who panics. In fact, Ilya has been so calm over the past hour. So, so calm. Soooooooo so so so amazingly calm that maybe Shane will reward him with a very nice blowjob later. Ilya has been calm because Shane needs a rock to lean on, but Shane is gone and now Ilya is panicking. This is his only chance to rectify the first, shirtless impression he made on Shane’s father.
“Do you still read New Yorker?”
OR: Ilya, on the confluence of Shane with David, Yuna, and Svetlana.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,563
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Comments:
- 500
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- 7,195
- Bookmarks:
- 1,540
- Hits:
- 34,316
Bookmarked by Macremae
02 Jan 2026
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Hermann is on the outs with his Magic: The Gathering group for using too much math. Newt had no idea that Hermann even had a Magic: The Gathering group, and frankly, he’s fascinated by the whole idea. Hermann has hobbies?!
Newt has to get in on this. Sure, he’s never played before, but what could go wrong? He can learn. Hermann can teach him. He’ll be great at it, and, bonus, they can spend some quality time together.
And, hey, there’s a first time for everything.
Bookmarked by Macremae
18 Sep 2025
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Alternate ways to pray the Rosary.
“It is best to be on your knees for worship and repentance, I believe.”
Bookmarked by Macremae
17 Sep 2025
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nobody said it was easy by luminoussbeings
Fandoms: Interview with the Vampire (TV 2022) RPF
28 Jul 2025
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Assad blinks. On the screen, the silver haired man goes rigid; at the same time, he feels Eric stiffen behind him. And then it hits him with a gunshot moment of clarity that it’s them on the screen, their public display of affection getting broadcasted to the entire bloody stadium, and Assad’s body is moving before he can process anything more than that.
“Uh oh,” quips Chris, as Assad’s knees hit the steel of the bleachers, “either they’re having an affair, or they’re just very shy.”Or: Assad and Eric are caught in the Coldplay Jumbotron that reveals your affairs
Bookmarked by Macremae
14 Aug 2025