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snipers solve 99% of all problems by silentwalrus
Fandoms: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
22 Feb 2025
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Summary
Ed had thought, after the whole Promised Day, homunculus, entire country harvested for alchemical batteries thing, the batshit quotient of his life would have settled down some. He really ought to have topped out the meter with that one. But no. The bullshit is just getting started.
“Are you fucking kidding me,” Ed demands. “The wizards?”
Podfic & Chinese translation available! See notes
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 266,111
- Chapters:
- 89/?
- Comments:
- 19,537
- Kudos:
- 22,322
- Bookmarks:
- 6,904
- Hits:
- 1,011,622
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
22 Apr 2020
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One Shot Wok by AMournfulHowlInTheNight
Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
06 Jan 2019
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Summary
All For One's problem wasn't one the criminal underground usually experienced. In fact, in two hundred years, All For One couldn't remember ever having even a remotely similar experience. All Might was the least of his worries.
Series
- Part 1 of Wok For All
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,858
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 35
- Comments:
- 382
- Kudos:
- 8,804
- Bookmarks:
- 1,620
- Hits:
- 79,551
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
20 Apr 2020
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Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
17 Apr 2020
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in technicolor by deniigiq
Fandoms: Daredevil (TV), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Deadpool - All Media Types, Captain America (Movies), Hawkeye (Comics), The Defenders (Marvel TV), Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
26 Nov 2020
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Summary
Brett sighed and looked down at the folder in his hand.
“Your name is Peter, right?”
“Lawyer.”
“Peter, we haven’t even started talking. Let’s just take a minute to ease up.”
“Lawyer.”
“Bud, we haven’t charged you with a crime. This is just talking.”
“Law. Yer.”Goddamn.
(Brett's encounters with Team Red/vigilantes and their weird fucking way of helping)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 120,500
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Comments:
- 1,924
- Kudos:
- 14,179
- Bookmarks:
- 3,913
- Hits:
- 333,015
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
16 Apr 2020
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in technicolor by deniigiq
Fandoms: Daredevil (TV), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Deadpool - All Media Types, Captain America (Movies), Hawkeye (Comics), The Defenders (Marvel TV), Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
26 Nov 2020
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Summary
Brett sighed and looked down at the folder in his hand.
“Your name is Peter, right?”
“Lawyer.”
“Peter, we haven’t even started talking. Let’s just take a minute to ease up.”
“Lawyer.”
“Bud, we haven’t charged you with a crime. This is just talking.”
“Law. Yer.”Goddamn.
(Brett's encounters with Team Red/vigilantes and their weird fucking way of helping)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 120,500
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Comments:
- 1,924
- Kudos:
- 14,179
- Bookmarks:
- 3,913
- Hits:
- 333,015
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
16 Apr 2020
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Pickup Lines for the Soul by MustardSoup
Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
23 May 2019
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Summary
Denki is twelve when he is flicking through the TV channels and lands on an old RomCom movie about soulmate marks – specifically the same type that he has.
“I can’t believe I’ve had to walk around with a cheap pickup line written on my ankle my entire life because of you!” The leading lady yells at the leading man as he stares at her in awe.
Denki laughs.
“Oh no.” His mother says, watching him.
“Oh no, indeed.” His sister repeats quietly.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,914
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 82
- Comments:
- 717
- Kudos:
- 40,713
- Bookmarks:
- 6,323
- Hits:
- 190,285
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
16 Apr 2020
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Summary
Everything changed when the feral child attacked. Sokka and Zuko are stuck co-parenting the Duke, and the last half of Book 3 suddenly becomes a lot more chaotic.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 50,868
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 529
- Kudos:
- 3,146
- Bookmarks:
- 814
- Hits:
- 42,641
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
16 Apr 2020
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Summary
Fate turns a little differently, and Zuko ends up being raised far away from the royal palace- and with dragons. But no matter how things change, one thing remains the same- that it's his destiny to teach the Avatar firebending, and to fight against the Fire Lord. That's the easy part. The hard part? Literally everything else.
(or, local feral firebender does his best)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 70,137
- Chapters:
- 9/?
- Comments:
- 1,090
- Kudos:
- 7,705
- Bookmarks:
- 2,437
- Hits:
- 121,781
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
16 Apr 2020
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Summary
"Hi, my name's Danny Fenton and I do stupid dares and other stuff on the internet for the heck of it!"
Danny manages to accidentally create a ViewTube channel and ends up gaining a small following in the process. Now, all of a sudden, the entirety of the Casper High student body knows Danny's ghostly secret, Mr. Lancer is hella confused by the growing mystery surrounding Daniel James Fenton, and Danny slowly realizes that there may be things other than ghosts hiding in the shadows of Amity Park.
(Also known as "The Danny Phantom YouTube AU I didn't mean to write a plot for")
- Words:
- 79,202
- Works:
- 8
- Bookmarks:
- 907
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
16 Apr 2020
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Summary
“So let me get this straight,” Arthur said, folding his fingers together as the man in front him awkwardly shifted. “You are under the impression if you win the favor of my servant that you will then win my favor?” he asked and the nobleman shifted again.
“Well, sire,” he said “That is the common consensus among… the chatter.”
“The chatter,” Arthur repeated and his mind flashed to all the kindness Merlin had received from other nobles. Dear God.
Or
Merlin has all of Camelot (and neighboring kingdoms) wrapped around his finger and Arthur is beginning to resign himself to the fact his servant somehow has more power than he does.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,881
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 512
- Kudos:
- 30,407
- Bookmarks:
- 5,278
- Hits:
- 177,295
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
15 Apr 2020
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Summary
Some people are born with soulmarks. Zuko has them, but his grandfather burned them off because they "make you weak."
Team Avatar has a few things to say about that.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 36,049
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 101
- Comments:
- 1,932
- Kudos:
- 39,115
- Bookmarks:
- 11,826
- Hits:
- 462,114
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
15 Apr 2020
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lateral transfer by LunaDarkside
Fandoms: 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed, Magic Kaito
23 Mar 2020
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Summary
Shinichi is less than thrilled when he's demoted—sorry, "laterally transferred"—to Senior Inspector Kuroba Kaito's unit in the theft division.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,758
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 64
- Kudos:
- 1,271
- Bookmarks:
- 257
- Hits:
- 9,773
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
31 Mar 2020
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‘Round Midnight by orphan_account
Fandoms: 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed, Magic Kaito
12 Nov 2018
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Summary
An assignment. That’s what they’d called it. Megure and the like had raged criminals and justice and the need for his unrelenting intelligent deductive prowess, but now that he was here—like this—he was having a hard time believing it.
The heels weren’t helping either.
Series
- Part 1 of Undercover Files
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
27 Mar 2020
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Human Connection 101, and Other Classes Bakugou Skipped in School by chiropterology
Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
09 Apr 2020
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Summary
Getting Bakugou to form meaningful connections with other people is a lot like pulling teeth: bloody, lots of protest, better if attended to by a dentist.
"What?"
Don't worry about it.
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
08 Mar 2020
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Summary
Two years passed before Hikaru admitted, reluctantly, that possession by a spirit seemed to have long-lasting side effects which probably wouldn’t go away on their own.
Series
- Part 1 of Paper Cranes
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 212,215
- Chapters:
- 23/?
- Collections:
- 17
- Comments:
- 1,522
- Kudos:
- 3,895
- Bookmarks:
- 1,724
- Hits:
- 99,612
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
02 Mar 2020
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Food of Love by tanktrilby
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV)
16 Feb 2020
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Summary
I brought a dead princess back to life through the power of song is the kind of thing that would have got an eyebrow raise even from the stone-faced Geralt of Rivia, so it's a good thing he and Geralt will probably never see each other again.
(or: the one where Jaskier channels magic through his songs, and it almost never goes as expected.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,954
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 30
- Comments:
- 752
- Kudos:
- 15,883
- Bookmarks:
- 4,281
- Hits:
- 153,425
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
20 Feb 2020
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Summary
He had lived. He'd done fine. There were two of them, instead of one, which was a complication, obviously. But Geralt had handled it. He'd downed whatever potion and taken out the first one in a few seconds with Yrden and some fast sword-work, which—why the fuck does Jaskier know what Yrden is? He's been on the road way too goddamned long. Anyway, the first one was not a problem, the second was maybe a slight problem, and yes, Jaskier should have stayed further away from the whole thing.
Jaskier is cursed, complications arise.Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
20 Feb 2020
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enbu by novalotypo
Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia, 鬼滅の刃 | Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (Anime), 鬼滅の刃 | Kimetsu no Yaiba (Manga)
06 Nov 2019
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Summary
“It’s not a quirk,” Izuku tells the poor sod, who looks like he needs to catch up on four years of sleep and has been combating that fact with caffeine pills and spite alone. “It’s breathing. I’m literally just breathing. Do you want me to stop breathing?” he demands. When Eraserhead glares at him like he’s murdered someone (which he has, technically, but what is someone, really), Izuku sniffs righteously and says, “Stop glaring at me!”
Eraserhead takes a deep breath.
“Breathing, yes, like that,” Izuku says eagerly. “Want to see me do it too?”
“No,” says Eraserhead.
Midoriya Izuku's family tree may or may not include one Kamado Tanjirou.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,007
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 12
- Comments:
- 150
- Kudos:
- 7,758
- Bookmarks:
- 1,596
- Hits:
- 99,636
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
12 Feb 2020
Bookmarker's Notes
I haven't even watched kny but I love this
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maestoso by novalotypo
Fandoms: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
23 Jan 2020
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Summary
Edward Elric is about eleven when he stands up, makes an extended effort to knock as many books off the old bastard’s shelves as he can, and says, “Fuck the military. Al, you interested in music at all?”
Everybody's got their own ideas of retirement.
The Elrics don't even do retirement, what with the world trying to blow itself up every other month, but this shit has got to take the fucking cake.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 33,186
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 25
- Comments:
- 251
- Kudos:
- 4,704
- Bookmarks:
- 2,005
- Hits:
- 65,508
Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
12 Feb 2020
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Scars by MissAppropriation
Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
01 Feb 2020
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Summary
During the Sports Festival finals, Shoto learns some things about his classmates, while Bakugo learns nothing.
Trigger warning for referenced child abuse.Bookmarked by blenderfullasarcasm
01 Feb 2020