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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    When the gun goes off, Illya doesn’t think as he throws himself in front of Napoleon.

    He doesn’t die, but he makes a lot of people angry, Napoleon most of all. He tries to make Illya swear he’ll never do something that stupid again.

    Illya refuses.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,879
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    220
    Kudos:
    2,668
    Bookmarks:
    480
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    24,246

    07 Sep 2023

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Napoleon isn’t quite sure he can put yes, because your superiors don’t get to see you gloating when you’re not playing chess against yourself, and they don’t get to discuss dumb opera plots with you, they don’t get to see you engrossed in cheap paperbacks and treat them like first editions because you care that much about what they say, and they don’t get to see that you have a personality and that it’s everything but unpleasant when one gets to know you, and I don’t understand why would anyone think it’s a good idea to treat you like an asset and not a person in words that might not sound completely ridiculous, never mind that he’s not even sure Illya would take such a rant seriously.

    Or: where Illya has issues asking for what he wants if it falls under the unnecessary-to-his-job radar and Napoleon just might be a bit over in his head, but he's entirely willing to rectify that situation.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,720
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    272
    Kudos:
    3,749
    Bookmarks:
    1,061
    Hits:
    49,431

    07 Sep 2023

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Illya kills an American spy in Zurich.

    Three days later, he’s staring into the face of a dead man standing in his hotel room.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,592
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    336
    Kudos:
    4,771
    Bookmarks:
    1,426
    Hits:
    54,255

    06 Sep 2023

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    “They are useless to their countries,” he says slowly. “Everyone knows their real names, their faces. A spy who cannot spy. Is like – like a car that cannot drive. Useless.”

    “Ah,” Napoleon says quietly, as if he finally understands what Illya is so angry about. But he doesn’t, Illya thinks, he can’t know, not really, and he isn’t sure if it’s sadness or relief he feels at the thought.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,221
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    105
    Kudos:
    1,663
    Bookmarks:
    412
    Hits:
    18,141

    06 Sep 2023

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    "So congratulations, Peril," Napoleon drawled, looking so amused that he could see it was literally setting Illya's teeth on edge. "You have the supreme good fortune of getting to kiss me senseless. Now be a good sport and put your hands on my backside, would you? I'm beginning to feel neglected."

    In which the boys have to go undercover as a couple, with Napoleon having a whale of a time while Illya isn't sure whether to knock Napoleon's teeth out or kiss him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    22,108
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    533
    Kudos:
    8,583
    Bookmarks:
    1,913
    Hits:
    98,445

    05 Sep 2023

  6. Public Bookmark *

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    “Port gives the worst hangovers in the world, did you know that?” Crowley slurred when the bottle was all gone. “Don’t know who got credit for that one. Nice drink, lovely drink, shame it makes you want to die in the morning.”

    “Such a shame,” Aziraphale agreed sadly, watching Crowley stretch out on his sofa. He did like port. He liked Crowley stretched out on his sofa, too.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,618
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    280
    Kudos:
    3,912
    Bookmarks:
    819
    Hits:
    28,513

    21 Aug 2023

  7. Public Bookmark *

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    Aziraphale visits a modern art gallery, goes on a diet, and submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known. Not necessarily in that order.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,072
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    207
    Kudos:
    5,776
    Bookmarks:
    1,128
    Hits:
    41,698

    18 Aug 2023

  8. Public Bookmark *

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    Aziraphale has never met anyone else who can so eloquently convey the embodiment of a nonchalant shrug with a quirk of their mouth alone, but Crowley succeeds in doing just that before getting up and sauntering off into the sitting room. Goodness, the sway of his hips when he walks is so unnecessary. A distraction that frankly shouldn’t be allowed.

    He lasts thirty-seven minutes before rescheduling their ‘evening’ appointment to ‘imminent’ and informing Crowley there’s been a change of plan.

    (or: Crowley stumbles upon Aziraphale’s private book collection, and revelations are had of the non-biblical kind)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,667
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    433
    Kudos:
    6,605
    Bookmarks:
    1,427
    Hits:
    64,769

    18 Aug 2023

  9. Public Bookmark *

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    “It’s angel food cake,” he said. He waited. When Aziraphale did nothing but nod politely: “It’s funny, see, ‘cause-”

    “No, no, I get it.” Aziraphale nodded again. “Very funny.”

    “Oh, shut up, it is-”

    “May I ask what brought this on?”

    Crowley paused. “Can’t a guy just want to try baking?”

    (Or, Crowley makes Aziraphale food after the world doesn't end. It has absolutely nothing to do with how much he wants to make Aziraphale smile.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,878
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    487
    Kudos:
    4,404
    Bookmarks:
    1,083
    Hits:
    33,797

    16 Aug 2023

  10. Public Bookmark *

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    Five times they kissed over four thousand years, and one time they actually meant it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,184
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    912
    Kudos:
    4,941
    Bookmarks:
    929
    Hits:
    38,406

    15 Aug 2023

  11. Public Bookmark *

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    Aziraphale blinks as it slowly dawns on him exactly what he’s looking at. Crowley has a tattoo. Well, another one anyway. Unlike the small serpent curled just beneath his temple, this one takes up far more space.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,059
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    379
    Kudos:
    5,308
    Bookmarks:
    1,003
    Hits:
    28,408

    14 Aug 2023

  12. Public Bookmark *

    Words:
    156,612
    Works:
    15
    Bookmarks:
    2,562

    11 Aug 2023

  13. Public Bookmark *

    Summary

    They're professors. They're married. Their students don't realise. Cue shenanigans.

    Multiple short arcs with one-shots (and often pauses) between them. Characters continue from one arc to the next.

    Any ambiguity between being human and being occult/ethereal is entirely deliberate.

     

    Note: The author is not affiliated with Neil Gaiman and denounces his activities (see Vulture article)

    Words:
    133,200
    Works:
    200
    Bookmarks:
    2,439

    11 Aug 2023

  14. Public Bookmark *

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    When Harry finds an injured Snape on his doorstep and must hide him from the Dursleys, he has no idea that this very, very bad day will be the start of something good.

    Harry and Snape are thrown together by annoying relatives, a series of strange dreams, and Voldemort's latest hunt for Harry, but their greatest challenge may well be surviving each other. This will be a long summer unless the two can find a way to work together. A slow-burn enemy-to-mentor story.

    Alternate 6th summer (and part of the school year): post-OotP; ignores HBP and DH. No slash, no romance. NOW COMPLETE!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    373,223
    Chapters:
    61/61
    Collections:
    37
    Comments:
    2,573
    Kudos:
    13,994
    Bookmarks:
    4,895
    Hits:
    598,254

    26 Jul 2023

  15. Public Bookmark *

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    On Harry's 10th birthday, he falls gravely ill. So ill that the Dursleys, after days of leaving the boy in agony, are forced to take him to the hospital. When Muggle medicine fails, Severus Snape is the one to answer the call for aid. He soon realizes that all he has been told of the boy's 'pampered', 'loved' and 'spoiled' life have been utter fabrications.

    When Severus sees the depths to which Albus Dumbledore is willing to sink to play games with their lives, he decides he must protect the boy from the Headmaster, before it is too late.

    * * *

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    229,080
    Chapters:
    52/?
    Collections:
    60
    Comments:
    4,152
    Kudos:
    17,803
    Bookmarks:
    6,056
    Hits:
    679,302

    25 Jul 2023

  16. Public Bookmark *

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    Stiles taps on the icon to open up the chat. He needs to write something. Anything. But what?

    What are you wearing? Eh, no.

    So, when the fuck were you going to tell me you’re back in BH? A bit too aggressive.

    Does this mean that my attraction to you in high school was mutual, but you held back on account of me basically being a child and you are now open to exploring the intense, overwhelming feelings I held for you, which I only realized I had the moment I thought I watched you die? Maybe too honest.

    ---

    Stiles hasn't seen or heard from Derek in ten years. It's a bit of a surprise to find out about Derek's return to Beacon Hills through Tinder.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,070
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    491
    Kudos:
    7,204
    Bookmarks:
    1,425
    Hits:
    53,591

    28 Jun 2023

  17. Public Bookmark *

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    “Merlin,” Arthur says, and his voice has calmed, but there is still steel in the substructure of it. “You asked me to conjure fire; tell me how you've got the burn scar on your chest.”

    It is everything Merlin can do not to laugh, hysteria gathering in the hollows of his teeth; of course, this is the scar that Arthur would ask about first. “No. Ask about another one.”


    An attack gone wrong leaves Merlin and Arthur stuck in each other's bodies. While Merlin thinks the most complicated part is that Arthur ends up with his magic, it does not take long until he is reminded that it can always, always get worse.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,400
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    382
    Kudos:
    6,564
    Bookmarks:
    1,207
    Hits:
    54,998

    16 Jun 2023

  18. Public Bookmark *

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    Arthur conducts the orchestra for a ballet company run by Morgana. Gwen is the head choreographer and they are rehearsing a brand new full-length ballet with original choreography. Merlin is the new principal dancer.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,629
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    65
    Kudos:
    833
    Bookmarks:
    205
    Hits:
    12,130

    15 Jun 2023

  19. Public Bookmark *

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    “Anyway, I was thinking, I’ve got loads of attractive friends, and not a single one I can actually sleep with. Gwaine: not into blokes. Percival: same problem. Gwen: with Lance. Lance: see Gwen. Morgana: I totally would, but you’d kill me.”
    Arthur scowled at him. “What about me?”
    “What about you?”
    “You didn’t even list me!”
    “Of course I didn’t list you, you tit, you’re my best mate; it would be weird.”
    “But it wouldn’t be weird for you to sleep with your best mate’s sister, who is a murderous harpy? She’d probably poison you.”
    “Yeah, but she’s really hot.” Merlin dropped a tidily rolled pair of socks into the luggage.
    “And I’m not?” Arthur demanded.

    In which Merlin will not consider Arthur for a friends with benefits scenario, and Arthur is fine with it. Perfectly fine. And in which they go on holiday together, and Merlin changes his mind. It's not an astronomically stupid idea at all.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,994
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    241
    Kudos:
    2,014
    Bookmarks:
    490
    Hits:
    27,219

    14 Jun 2023

  20. Public Bookmark *

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    Plot twist: it turns out Arthur doesn't have any problem with Merlin kissing guys if it's Arthur he's kissing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,602
    Chapters:
    4/5
    Comments:
    202
    Kudos:
    1,045
    Bookmarks:
    151
    Hits:
    11,574

    14 Jun 2023

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