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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    It went something like this:


    On January 10th, at approximately 3:29 a.m., a single-vehicle collision occurred on the overpass of Charlesgate over Commonwealth Ave. Witnesses at the scene and surveillance footage indicate a an orange Porsche 718 Cayman traveling northbound on Charlesgate, in the rightmost lane on the Phillip G. Bowker Overpass. Footage shows the vehicle veering suddenly off the overpass at high speeds, colliding with a nearby tree. The driver, male, approximately mid-to-late twenties, was injured and unresponsive when authorities arrived. Airbag w/out seatbelt deployed successfully. Driver was quickly transported to Massachusetts General Hospital for treatment, there identified as Ilya Grigoryevich Rozanov. No other vehicles or pedestrians were involved in the collision.

    Ilya Rozanov, before and after.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    67,226
    Chapters:
    26/?
    Comments:
    686
    Kudos:
    1,492
    Bookmarks:
    450
    Hits:
    52,739

    15 Jul 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    "Okay." Ilya takes a deep breath, letting it out. He lays down, resting his head on a pillow, and lays the phone on his diaphragm after he puts it on speaker. He hums, thinking. "Do you like chai actually? Or your, uh— friend, he decides for you?"

    There's a long, long silence after that. Ilya swallows, hoping he hadn't asked the wrong thing. He went on a limb, in a way, because that's what Ilya always does. He assumes things, and butts in where he probably shouldn't and gives boys who look like they're emotionally one foot in the grave notes with his number on it. For some reason.

    "No, he doesn’t." Shane says, eventually, and all Ilya's muscles un-tense. "I do really like chai. Caramel chai, mostly, if wherever I go has it."

    "This can be arranged." Ilya says, his hands behind his head. "I am very good barista."

    Shane snorts, then. Ilya makes it his goal to get him to laugh, and he'd say he's making pretty good progress so far.

     

    Or, Shane is in a severely abusive relationship with his boyfriend, Ash. When they visit a nearby café one day, their server, Ilya, realizes something isn’t quite right between them.

    Ilya can’t help but try and do something about it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    52,730
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    84
    Kudos:
    423
    Bookmarks:
    127
    Hits:
    7,625

    09 Jul 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    It feels like a dam has broken inside of him.

    All he wants is pizza. A donut. A milkshake.

    If he can’t have Ilya - if Ilya doesn’t want him - maybe he can have pizza instead.

    It’s a stupid thought. A dangerous thought. But it won’t leave.

    Or, Shane doesn’t get injured in the game and Ilya breaks it off between them. Shane’s eating disorder spirals out of control as a result.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,582
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    78
    Kudos:
    488
    Bookmarks:
    169
    Hits:
    6,485

    28 Jun 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    The pain has become too much for Ilya Rozanov to carry. For years, he’s lived with grief that never really healed, loneliness that followed him from Russia to Boston to Ottawa, and the constant exhaustion of pretending he’s okay when he hasn’t been in a very long time. Hockey gave him purpose. Shane Hollander gave him love. But neither could silence the ache left behind by losing his mother or the growing belief that maybe it was time to see her again.

    So one morning, after one too many days suffering in silence, Ilya decides he’s done fighting. He leaves behind a letter for Shane, swallows a bottle of pills, and waits for the pain to end. Unfortunately for him, he is loved far too deeply for the universe to let him go that easily.

    When the Hollanders find him in time, Ilya is forced into something he never planned for: surviving. And surviving means psychiatric holds, therapy sessions, difficult conversations, and learning how to let people care for him without believing he’s a burden. Most terrifying of all, it means letting Shane see every ugly, broken piece of him he tried so desperately to hide.

    Or: Ilya Rozanov attempts suicide, but the Hollanders love him too much to let him go quietly.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,731
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    57
    Kudos:
    315
    Bookmarks:
    104
    Hits:
    7,220

    27 Jun 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    A teenage Ilya arrives at development camp already planning to kill himself. Shane keeps accidentally interrupting his suicide attempts because he’s obsessed with rules, routine, and following proper protocol.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    35,528
    Chapters:
    10/12
    Comments:
    316
    Kudos:
    775
    Bookmarks:
    222
    Hits:
    13,792

    27 Jun 2026

  6. Public Bookmark 81

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    Summary

    Ilya knows what it feels like to drown—for his body to sink deeper and deeper into darkness, to feel pressure in his chest from the water filling his lungs—and right now his whole body shivers in the sharp, familiar chill of heavy liquid enveloping him from the waist down. He knows how this will go. He knows how quickly he’ll be thrashing in the tide gasping for air if he isn’t careful, how easy it will be to slip back down if he never tells anybody.

    OR

    Ilya has a bad depressive episode, and Shane helps him through it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,667
    Chapters:
    4/7
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    204
    Bookmarks:
    81
    Hits:
    6,783

    25 Jun 2026

  7. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Following a near-fatal suicide attempt, Ilya Rozanov is admitted to Calder Ward. He speaks almost exclusively Russian, refuses interpreters, and answers most questions with shrugs or silence. Staff struggle to establish even the most basic details of his life. Why he attempted suicide, who he left a note for, and what he has lost remain mysteries.

    Across the ward, Shane Hollander is fighting a different battle. Intelligent, anxious, and trapped by an eating disorder, he attempts to maintain rigid control over food, exercise, and his body even as his health deteriorates. Despite increasing concern from staff, he struggles to recognise the severity of his illness.
    As clinicians search for answers, the story reveals that recovery is rarely driven by dramatic breakthroughs. Instead, it emerges through trust, routine, patience, and human connection.

    Told entirely through clinical documentation, ward notes, emails, assessments, and multidisciplinary discussions.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,220
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    128
    Kudos:
    429
    Bookmarks:
    152
    Hits:
    8,202

    24 Jun 2026

  8. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    It starts, as most things do, for completely wholesome and safe for work reasons. Shane just wants to help his boyfriend destress a little, and maybe find a few ways for Shane himself to relax a bit more.

    However, as most things involving Ilya Rozanov tend to do, those wholesome and safe for work reasons quickly spiral into something hotter and darker that makes Shane shamefully hard, and that's all before he's even asked Ilya to hypnotize him into some mindless plaything. Fuck.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    41,388
    Chapters:
    11/?
    Comments:
    800
    Kudos:
    1,584
    Bookmarks:
    406
    Hits:
    55,493

    21 Jun 2026

  9. Public Bookmark 20

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    Summary

    This is really fucking intense.

    Ilya Rozanov is out, married, and so vocally in love with his husband. Russia disagrees. He is kidnapped and taken back to Russia for some good old-fashioned 'convincing'. He doesn't break. They very nearly break /him/.

    This story begins at the rescue, and will have flashbacks to Ilya's torture throughout.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,086
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    58
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    707

    21 Jun 2026

  10. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Ilya wasn’t trying to kill himself that night. Suicide is something that belongs to his mother- he’s just lazy, and he wishes Shane would stop making excuses for him.

    Shane has everything under control. His body is a tool, the one that’s given him both his career and his relationship, and he wishes Ilya would stop prying into the way he maintains it.

    or: Ilya learns a whole lot more about his mother, Shane remembers a whole lot more about his childhood, and they both get diagnosed.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    48,933
    Chapters:
    7/19
    Comments:
    651
    Kudos:
    2,513
    Bookmarks:
    727
    Hits:
    50,442

    18 Jun 2026

  11. Public Bookmark 24

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    Summary

    Ilya Hollander-Rozanov has been receiving mental health treatment for years. He and Shane have a system, have a plan, have a life together. Depression has other plans.

    --

    or time spent sitting with Ilya's depression and wondering what a bad episode could look like in a life where he has it more under control. stole the title from Call Your Mom by Noah Kahan

    (will be updating tags as i go)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,020
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    72
    Bookmarks:
    24
    Hits:
    1,746

    18 Jun 2026

  12. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    When Ilya begins spiraling through depression and mania, the carefully controlled story of Shane and Ilya's "friendship" starts to fall apart. As Ilya's mental health worsens, Shane and the community around them struggles to keep him safe. What follows is a public breakdown, a disappearance, world shattering news, and the crumbling of a public image. Can they navigate not only the depression and escalating mania, but most importantly everything that comes after?

    or: A story on how mental illness during depression, mania, treatment, and recovery effects Ilya's life and everyone around him.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    83,010
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Comments:
    190
    Kudos:
    440
    Bookmarks:
    206
    Hits:
    15,708

    16 Jun 2026

  13. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Yuna
    5:26pm

    Ilya, are you not feeling well? The announcers just said you aren’t playing tonight. Do you want us to drop by with some dinner or need any medicine?

    Yuna
    6:01pm

    Ilya, could you just let us know you are okay?

    David
    6:35pm

    We are going to drop by your house, Ilya, we will be there in fifteen minutes

    Yuna
    6:57pm

    Shane, call us as soon as the game is over.

    Somewhere private.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,120
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Comments:
    117
    Kudos:
    970
    Bookmarks:
    238
    Hits:
    29,481

    15 Jun 2026

  14. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Following the move to Ottawa, Ilya is struggling to keep his head above water. The Centaurs seem incapable of winning, his house is still half-unpacked at best, and Shane is two hours away in Montreal. After months of struggling alone, Ilya unexpectedly shows up at the Hollanders’ house one night, terrified of his own thoughts.

    In the months that follow, Ilya hits low after low, struggling with his newly-diagnosed depression. David and Yuna do their best to be there for him while distance is still keeping Shane and Ilya apart.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    59,375
    Chapters:
    48/48
    Comments:
    794
    Kudos:
    1,637
    Bookmarks:
    388
    Hits:
    65,714

    05 Jun 2026

  15. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Shane Hollander’s hopes for the NHL were ripped from him by an ACL tear and replaced with doctor prescribed opioids at age 18. Four years later, hockey is a distant memory and his days consist of strange men and chasing a feeling drugs can never seem to provide anymore.

    Ilya Rozanov’s family returned home to Russia when his father’s mental state deteriorated and the government wasted no time snatching back his work visa. Ilya stayed behind in that godforsaken city to do the only thing he had ever been able to support his family doing: sell dope.

    Ilya sees a lot of sad people. Shane sees a lot of horny men. Neither of them are prepared for what they see in each other, and what it means for the boxes they’ve allowed themselves to be put into.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    115,615
    Chapters:
    26/26
    Comments:
    2,745
    Kudos:
    2,290
    Bookmarks:
    945
    Hits:
    71,906

    01 Jun 2026

  16. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    "In sickness and in health," were the wedding vows that Ilya and Shane exchanged almost a year ago, surrounded by the people who loved them. Sooner than they imagined, that promise was put to the test when an accident changed the trajectory of the players' lives.

    Shane is forced to retire early. The player sees his world crumble as he loses what he loved most in life, and Ilya is by his side, ready to lift him up, ready to make Shane understand that not all is lost.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    130,733
    Chapters:
    30/30
    Comments:
    214
    Kudos:
    775
    Bookmarks:
    390
    Hits:
    54,145

    27 May 2026

  17. Public Bookmark 37

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    Summary

    Andrew and his bass player’s cousin, Josephine, were together for 8 mainly blissful years before it ended.

    No one could have predicted that the couple, painter and musician would ever end. Josephine, an enigmatic if perhaps erratic artist and Andrew, forever brooding musician but the ultimate romantic, had always been considered soulmates, so when it ended- their lives already irrevocably entangled, no one knew how either of them would cope.

    The question is if it’ll start again and if it does, will it work the second time around?

    (Legit just an intense long burn romance with a nice dose of smut and drama and angssssttttt!! For all the hungry Hozier fans who can’t find any fics bc there is not a lot out here.)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    305,584
    Chapters:
    75/75
    Comments:
    686
    Kudos:
    675
    Bookmarks:
    37
    Hits:
    28,045

    25 May 2026

  18. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Ilya's depression medication wasn't working. Again.

    Ilya thought were only three options for him. If he was being completely objective, three options. He could continue on as is. He could die. Or he could confess his feelings and detonate a bomb onto his entire life.

    Every day Ilya kept picking the first option. Sometimes he chose it multiple times a day. Multiple times a night. He would continue on. He would. He didn’t have any other choices. Unless he died like his mother.

    Ilya was caught.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    49,050
    Chapters:
    22/22
    Comments:
    138
    Kudos:
    636
    Bookmarks:
    130
    Hits:
    21,672

    19 May 2026

  19. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Shane fucking Hollander. Hockey’s Golden Boy. Long-time crush of Ilya Rozanov. Long, looooong time. A decade of being a fucking simp for this man. God, he was in trouble.

    It should be pretty much illegal to go from their only contact being at face-off across the ice, to suddenly hosting Shane in his exclusive club—during a fucking event, no less. Ilya’s event.

    He would never admit it, but he’s been stealthily trying to get Hollander to show up at his club for years now. Hell, Shane was the whole reason he invested in the club in the first place. Bought a fucking house here. Maybe that was an insane thing to do, but he didn’t care. Ilya was insane. Insane for Shane.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    354,916
    Chapters:
    27/27
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    3,663
    Kudos:
    7,498
    Bookmarks:
    3,695
    Hits:
    581,981

    08 May 2026

  20. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Shane Hollander is ready to climb the publishing ladder and land the job that could completely change his life—even if it means working for the despotic and insufferable Ilya Rozanov.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    70,859
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    401
    Kudos:
    4,038
    Bookmarks:
    1,477
    Hits:
    105,825

    04 May 2026

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