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How to Get a Juggalo Off of Your Ass (Among Other Things) by epilogues
Fandoms: Homestuck
29 Jan 2021
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Karkat decides that faking a moirallegiance with Dave is the perfect way to get Gamzee to leave him alone. There's no possible way that this can go wrong.
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"If love only happens to make the population grow, explain gay people!"
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TG: lets say i humor you
TG: and lets pretend all this junk theatrically spewing from your inarticulate mouth like the niagara falls of bullshit is actually legit
TG: what the hell do you want from me-
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committed loving couple seeks thrill seeking single for rad fun timez, of the booty shaking body rocking variety.
required: gsoh, non-smoker, open mind. rad four-wheel device skills desirable but not required.
cool shades provided if you don't bring your own.
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1/
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John had been expecting a lot of things after the game. Well, no. That’s a lie. (Honestly, when would he have time to worry about the so-called “Ultimate reward” when he was fighting for his life?) But he had expected something.
His gut had told him that they would be remaking earth or whatever. Either living out in the medium or making a whole new planet entirely. Or that they would open the door and a planet would just… be there.
Everything going black wasn’t in the cards.
Less so was walking up in some goo trap.
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Dave successfully harasses John into wanting to get pregnant, but unlike Dave John knows who she wants the father to be.
Bro is more than happy to oblige.
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- Part 3 of Girl Saga
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“What’s wrong?” you ask. You know that Dirk can get grumpy sometimes, but this seems like a lot even for him. He’s probably working on one of his projects and it’s not going his way—that’s usually what’s going on with him when he gets like this.
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AKA: Dirk gets migraine attacks. John doesn't know how to be a caretaker, and never bothered to learn.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,970
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 14
- Kudos:
- 46
- Bookmarks:
- 7
- Hits:
- 274
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In an alternate session of SGRUB, something goes wrong, and the timeline is doomed. Nepeta Leijon is given the opportunity to give the universe a second chance. All she has to do is complete one simple task: Ship all the trolls. All of them.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 464,550
- Chapters:
- 31/31
- Comments:
- 1,139
- Kudos:
- 3,897
- Bookmarks:
- 729
- Hits:
- 197,440
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
(or, love and lust in the time of the anonymous chatroom.)
Series
- Part 1 of a/s/l
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Bookmark Notes:
I like this a lot n im mad there isnt another part. kudos to my bro for recommending it to me
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like getting teeth pulled but its also in slow motion and done with a pair of tongs by cannosoup
Fandoms: Homestuck
08 Oct 2024
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DAVE: hey babe can you go grab some snacks real quick im fucking starving but like-
Wait.
Shit.
(or, Dave makes a minor fuckup far more complicated than it needs to be. What's new.)
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Impossible Brain With Impossible Wants by altruisticTerror for Dicebo
Fandoms: Homestuck
12 Nov 2025
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EE: normally i wouldn't give my name to strangers, because i'm not an idiot
EE: but you can call me anna claire, extraordinaire in training P]
EE: the face is winkingPost-scratch shenanigans ensue. Who remembers the one who makes people forget them?
It's not like she ever had a choice.
Series
- Part 1 of Impossible Brain-verse
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lol pick up your stuff on time and nobody needs to touch it dude by landofchaosandbloom for chthonicArcher
Fandoms: Homestuck
26 Jan 2024
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a.k.a. the epic highs and lows of doing laundry in an apartment complex with shared machines
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Dave just wants to be left alone. What's the point of anything when what's broken can never be completely fixed?
This is the story of Dave Strider and Karkat Vantas, on the longest journey of their lives.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 78,311
- Chapters:
- 37/37
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 941
- Kudos:
- 5,966
- Bookmarks:
- 1,185
- Hits:
- 107,344
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Bookmark Notes:
left off ch27
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Cries. Sobs maybe. Kills kills kills and then dies. This was simply.// perfection. I mean, holy cow, I already liked DaveKat. But now I think I *like* DaveKat. Like a lot. Like, I think I'm kind of obsessed with them now. This was ridiculously amazing?? Just? Really freaking good???? This fic gave me a deeper understanding and appreciation for the ship that I just. Love to see. For any sort of shipping content. BLEGR. BALRRhg. Just. stupendous, really. heah.
im gonna vomit my guts out my heart is too FULL
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WHAT IN CLEMENTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I HAAAAAATEEE THEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
This is so sad and cute and sad. Just so incredibly sad. Bor. bro. bro. brossoto. I really love DaveKat actually.
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He looks you over, the mess that you are, in your baggy pajama pants and ratty old marching band t-shirt. You’ve never even been in marching band. He says, “Aren’t you gonna get dressed?”
“For—what?”
He looks at you like he’s only just realized you’re a complete idiot. You can actually see his eyes, you realize, behind his shades—one scarlet red, one scarred and white. You’ve seen them before, plenty of times, but it sends a little shock through you all the same. It’s different like this. Everything is—different, like this.
Slowly, he says, “What do you mean, ‘for what’? For prom, dude. I’m your date.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,525
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 30
- Kudos:
- 165
- Bookmarks:
- 21
- Hits:
- 1,496
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GT: I am a spring chicken.
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SON.
IF YOU ARE READING THIS,
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A gamebreaking glitch tore the game session to shreds, right before they reached the end. Dirk Strider was already dead at the time. Temporarily. Which left him to revive in the aftermath. As the Prince of Heart, he doesn't have much experience putting souls back together, only breaking them, but at this point he seems to be the only one who even knows shit is broken.
He's the last person who'd trust himself with this. Not when he's out of time, out of place, and over his head being responsible for a little brother, a life, and a body his conveniently dead asshole of a splinterself already, thoroughly fucked up.
AKA: A game crash creates an unholy mashup of who the hell knows how many sburb sessions, and Dirk-as-Bro attempts to figure out wtf happened and how to fix shit for the brother who fears him, and the friends who don’t remember him. Because that’s what he does. But no Dirk has ever excelled when truly alone. Good thing he isn’t, he just needs to learn how to accept the help.
Series
- Part 2 of Memory Not Found: Shatterstuck
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 371,512
- Chapters:
- 84/?
- Comments:
- 2,190
- Kudos:
- 1,907
- Bookmarks:
- 398
- Hits:
- 67,529
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Bookmark Notes:
HAVE TO LEAVE A COMMENT EVEN IF IT TAKES ME A MONTH. YOU ADHD ASS. THIS FIC IS SO GOOD. IT SINGLEHANDEDLY MADE YOU A DIRK LOVER. LITERALLY FIRST DIRK CENTRIC FIC YOUVE READ. AND ITS PERFECT. THE CHARACTERIZATION IS SOOOOOO FUCKING GOOD AUGH.... THINGS AS A CONFUSING MESS BUT ITS PERFECTLY PART OF THE META NARRATIVE AHHHH FUCK. man i love fucked up identity shit fr. theres a laundry list of things i could say about this fic. jem you have to comment. crack your knuckles and lock the fuck in when you get the chance. also you hella need to reread this this fic is absolutely one the requires a reread to view things in hindsight. anyways. exactly the kind of fic if been aching for MONTH. *EXPLODES INTO VISCERA FROM THE EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD* (THIS IS A GOOD THING)
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Bookmark Notes:
holy fuck this is long but holy fuck this is interesting
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Post-canon, non-H2 world. Dave can’t chill the fuck out (PTSD, maybe) and Dirk is struggling to maintain relationships.
They have some really, really, kinky sex as a result. Go absolutely wild.
OK.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,930
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 35
- Kudos:
- 139
- Bookmarks:
- 26
- Hits:
- 2,607
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to be perfectly honest i suck at this job im pretty sure i only got it cause roxy put in a good word for me haha by chthonicArcher
Fandoms: Homestuck
10 Apr 2023
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Summary
Your eyes narrowed, you carefully inspect the leaf he’s drawn. It’s...a leaf, certainly, but the shape still looks...well...suspiciously dick-like.
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Instead of traveling forward in time five thousand years, our heroes settle down and attempt to build a civilization, slowly coming into their own as gods. In their small but growing domain, many stories weave together into a single, immense timeline.
Also a ton of bullshit occurs. But this is not particularly new.
(Stories are all set at different points in the timeline, organized chronologically - the years will be listed as Post-Landing, as in "x number of years after they put Earth C in the new universe." Reading in order is not strictly necessary, but may be helpful at times.)
We now have a Discord server!!! Come hang w us!!!
- Words:
- 374,401
- Works:
- 28
- Bookmarks:
- 57
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Bookmark Notes:
Reading