1 - 20 of 32 Bookmarked Items in Suicidal Merlin (Merlin)
Navigation
List of Bookmarks
-
Tags
Summary
Merlin lost Arthur five years ago and the pain still cut deep every time he got out of bed.
His panic attacks hadn't got any better in the years that had passed, in fact they had gotten worse. His breath often went too shallow, head spinning as he gripped his palms too hard.
There was no one left to help him either.
Mordred was dead, Morgana was dead, Gwaine, Lancelot, Elyan, Arthur... all dead.
Even Gaius was lying on his death bed in his old age.
Merlin was left with nothing. Gwen was busy trying to run a kingdom, Percival had gone off the rails after Gwaine's death and no one could get too close to him. And Leon, he was stretched thin trying to support everyone.
But Merlin had some things to sort out.
-
To the Brows Laid In Thorn and Weapons Made of Words by ificouldwrite
Fandoms: Merlin (TV)
15 Jul 2023
Tags
Summary
Arthur finds out about Merlin's magic prior to the events of season 5 and post-season 4. He goes into sullen silence to punish Merlin for lying to him, leaving Merlin in the interim of "does he want me dead or does he just need time?"
It leaves Merlin spiraling and Arthur to deal with the heart of Camelot, his heart, to deal with it.
-
Bookmark Notes:
minha merthur favorita pela a angústia. Sempre senti faltas de história que lidem com toda bagagem, toda dor que Merlin sofreu, todas decisões difíceis que ele tomou em prol de ideal, do destino auto imposto onde ele sacrifica a si mesmo sem espera de reconhecimento e qual solitário e destrutivo você ser um ser imortal místico e carregar peso do destino nas suas costas e essa história é exatamente como eu imagino como seria consequências de nunca lidarem com isso como deveriam. Em outra palavra, perfeitamente angustiante
-
Tags
Summary
A drinking game gone wrong. A broken God. An insolent knight.
-
Bookmark Notes:
""Sir Mordred and I are incredibly religious. Aren't we, Mor?" Merlin asked, not even looking at the knight but his tone so casual as if he were just commenting on the weather. The edge, however, was still there, only reduced."
And merlin calling Mordred a bastard!!!
-
Tags
Summary
Merlin is having a rough time coping with the consequences of his destiny and takes the worst possible step to avoid it. Lucky for him, Arthur cares a lot more than he realised.
-
Summary
All of my Merlin fics in one place for comfort and ease of use ^-^
**Quality may vary- Words:
- 6,728
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 275
-
Bookmark Collections:
Bookmark Notes:
i read like 5 of them and added it and only once i bookmarked it was i aware it was an E..... looking at the tags i'm going to make an educated guess that it was the cannibalism. oh well. it's a series so meh just don't read the E rated ones i guess
-
Summary
Merlin is mentally Ill. This is his... journey? Start to finish of... healing? That's the word I want to use. He gets better in the end. Please remember mental illness wasn't really acknowledged in this era. They didn't have a word for depression or a diagnosis like nowadays, but people felt that common ground of low mood, they would have somewhat known it existed.
- Words:
- 109,456
- Works:
- 17
- Bookmarks:
- 44
-
Bookmark Tags:
-
only in the heart of the crystal cave will your true self be revealed. by gee (clotpolechrlie)
Fandoms: Merlin (TV)
14 Aug 2024
Tags
Summary
After centuries of waiting, years of holding out hope for something that feels like it would never come, and cycles of depression and suicide ideation, Merlin finally tries to give into letting go. Mere seconds before this happens, Arthur arrives in all of his knight and shining armor glory. Arthur struggles to wrap his mind around the modern world, as well as weird feelings he doesnt quite understand. The two embark on a new journey , trying to find any remaining magic in the world to try to understand what destiny awaits them in this new world.
-
Bookmark Collections:
-
Bookmark Collections:
-
Tags
Summary
Arthur struggles to understand what goes on beneath the surface of his best friend when it is revealed that something is deeply bothering Merlin, something that makes him hurt so much inside that he thinks he may be better off dead.
-
The Blush On My Cheeks Is a Cover For the Blood Beneath It. by fallen_stxr
Fandoms: Merlin (TV)
10 May 2025
Tags
Summary
The door opened.
The knife clatters to the ground, blood splatting on the wooden boards - a stalemate between the knight of light and the hungry void of evil. Merlin on the inside of the box of secrets - Arthur opening the door. Was Arthur discovering what hid in the dark or was he letting it consume him?
Eyes blurred and ears buzzed.
Merlin knew Arthur was asking for some sort of explanation, some sort of sequence or series events that led to Merlin’s… issue. Merlin knew that. But all he saw was a finger pointing at him. All he smelled was the coppery scent of blood. All he tasted was the contents of his stomach. All he felt was every point of his body pulsating under his flesh with a burning heat of shame. All he heard was ‘What did you do?’.
A blip of time passed, Stumbling drunkenly, perhaps, with the only intoxication being the rush of evil injected straight into his spine. Smashing the room, maybe, the only intention being a cry for help. But from who? Because who had he really let in, to his heart - his room - of darkness.
“I’ll kill you” Arthur stated
How did we get here? How did we get to Arthur giving up? How did we get to Merlin receiving his true punishment - his prize?
Series
- Part 15 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
-
Tags
Summary
When Mordred arrives in Camelot, all seems lost.
To Merlin, giving up on life seems to be the easiest - the only - solution.
His friends disagree.
-
Bookmark Tags:
-
Tags
Summary
How much is too much? Merlin has been trying to stay true to his beliefs, but his choices to fulfill his destiny turned out to be failures. Maybe ending it all is the only right decision? There is no one to stop him, after all.
Or is there?
Inspired by Aurora's song 'Runaway'.
-
Tags
Summary
TW: Suicide
A chain-link fence bit into his elbows, almost painfully. Someone had erected it. Probably a long time ago, if the rust coloring it orange were an indication. Most likely not structurally sound enough to hold his weight. But still here he was, trusting it with it. Far too close to the edge, too. And certainly not tall enough, easy enough to hop over. Before safety regulations were imposed, then.Still, someone had put it up, someone had tried to stop the action he was about to take.
He wondered if they still would have put in the effort if they knew who they were stopping. What monster they were attempting to keep back.
i.e Gwaine flirts Merlin off the edge
Series
- Part 6 of Dialogue I wrote in my notes app
-
Tags
Summary
It's just all getting too much for Merlin. Destiny is too hard to keep on top of. He's tired and wants it to end. Arthur has a different opinion.
-
Bookmark Notes:
Merlin wants to die. Arthur wants him to live.
-
Tags
Summary
Merlin desperately needs someone to talk to, too bad no one picked up the phone.
-
Bookmark Collections:
-
Bookmark Collections:
-
Summary
Merlin fails one, two, three times before conceding that even the great and powerful Emrys does not know all. The Triple Goddess accepts his newly humbled nature with a gift—a chance to return with an ability that will ensure his success. Merlin believed that he needed his memories and his power to protect Arthur. The Triple Goddess knew he needed neither of these things. What he needed was confidence in himself and his abilities, the great prize the Goddess bestowed upon him.
- Words:
- 7,236
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 12
-
Tags
Summary
“Promise me you won't look back.” Arthur said, speaking through the fog.
Merlin swallowed. “You can't ask me that.”
“Merlin, promise me.”
Merlin didn't answer, unable to utter those simple words.
Series
- Part 92 of Merlin Bingo 2024
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 670
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 6
- Kudos:
- 71
- Bookmarks:
- 8
- Hits:
- 692
-
Merlin Bingo 2024 by HadrianPeverellBlack, Laevateinn
Fandom: Merlin (TV), Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, Supernatural (TV 2005), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Originals (TV), The Vampire Diaries & Related Fandoms, The Vampire Diaries (TV)
11 Oct 2025
- Words:
- 177,004
- Works:
- 99
- Bookmarks:
- 27
-
Bookmark Notes:
I don't know how to bookmark this
-
Bookmark Collections:
-
Summary
These are bits and bobs I’ve written in my notes app that I develop an entire fic around cause sometimes the dialogue just comes first!
- Words:
- 23,865
- Works:
- 13
- Bookmarks:
- 4
-
Bookmark Collections:
-
Tags
Summary
Merlin hates having someone voice his thoughts. It pushes him to break promises, pushes him to the brink of his strength, pushes him to his wit's end. It pushes him... out of a window.
Him and Arthur have a wholesome breakfast.
-
The rock accelerated out of Merlin’s hand, shattering the window as it flew into the world. He placed his bare foot and hands on the sharp-edged ledge.Cold wind blew on his face, ignoring everything else. Just as his body was just about to fall, a wrist grabbed his ankle.
“Let go!” Merlin screamed out. His voice was warbly and raw.
“Are you insane?! No!” Gwaine shouted.
“Of course I am! Let me go!”
-
Arthur hugged him tighter and Merlin raised his own hand to detach Arthur from his body.Arthur looked so torn. Heartfelt. Merlin looked broken. Empty.
-
“Leave me alone!” he attempts to persuade. “Oh? How would I punish you for eating my cake then?!” Arthur says, cackling as he grabs Merlin by the legs, pulling him down to land on the bed. “Mine!” Merlin says, going to eat the last bite from his fingers.
Arthur rushes forward and takes the last 8th of the cake with his lips. “What a delight. The last bite of my cake."
Series
- Part 14 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
-
Bookmark Collections:
-
Tags
Summary
Merlin erased his memory from his life. Forgetting everything about Camelot, forgetting that he is the great sorcerer. He was done and now he was free to live his life.
So it was only fate’s design that as soon as Merlin casted the spell that Arthur returned, trying to find Merlin. The only issue is: Merlin can’t remember him.
(Tags will change and be added as the story progresses)